
Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/950234.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Major_Character_Death, Rape/Non-Con,
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Harry_Potter_-_J._K._Rowling
  Relationship:
      Severus_Snape/Harry_Potter
  Additional Tags:
      AU, Angst, Drama, Romance, Forced_Prostitution, Chan, Violence, Torture,
      Child_Abuse, Neglect, Emotional_Manipulation, De-aging, Out_of_Character,
      snarry, Courtship, teacher/student_relationship, Underage_in_some_areas
  Collections:
      HPFandom
  Stats:
      Published: 2013-09-01 Chapters: 46/46 Words: 93797
****** Dark Angel ******
by Eriador117
Summary
     Dumbledore's methods to ensure Harry's safety after the defeat of
     Voldemort do more harm than good.
Notes
     Beta's by Rakina, thanks so much :)
     JK Rowling owns the Potterverse, I just play in it from time to time.
***** Part 1 *****
Dark Angel
Part 1
It's only in the dark he comes to me, my dark angel.
It's only in the dark, he can touch me, he can make me his.
I yearn for him, for his touches, his caresses, his darkness.
It's only in the darkness of my dreams that he touches me.
From poem Dark Angel
Harry swore as his finger slipped through his hand again. The soap was
hopeless, no matter what he tried he just couldn't get this bloody ring off;
Dumbledore's spells were too strong. Harry choked on a couple of sobs as he
remembered that day in the headmaster's office; the day that Sirius had died
and Harry had lost it completely. He'd smashed up all those irritating
instruments as he begged and begged Dumbledore not to send him back to Privet
Drive.
That was when Dumbledore had put the charmed ring on him, saying that it was
entirely for his own good, that it would enable Order members to keep track of
him while he was at home. Home! Privet Drive had never been Harry's home, it
had been his prison, and he made a vow to himself that he was not going back
there even for one second. Not another second in that horrible house with the
vile people who inhabited it. He'd begged and pleaded some more, but Dumbledore
refused to budge on the issue: Harry was to go back to Privet Drive, back to
the place where his mother's blood dwelled.
Now that Voldemort had finally been defeated – a joint Avada Kedavra cast by
Harry and Snape had worked where it hadn't before – Harry thought his life
would be his own, that he would finally be free. Free of Privet Drive and free
of the Dursleys and what they made him do. He couldn't bear it; he couldn't
bear to return to that.
The carriages would be arriving at any minute to take them to the station,
Harry yanked on the ring one last time but it was as if Dumbledore had cast a
permanent sticking charm on it: the ring refused to move. This could not be
happening. Dumbledore could not really mean for him to go back to the Dursleys,
not after everything. Harry suspected that Dumbledore already knew of some of
the abuse that had taken place there, hadn't his first Hogwarts letter been
addressed to his cupboard? Dumbledore knew some of it – he must – yet still he
insisted that due to the danger to Harry from those Death Eaters still at large
after the battle at the Ministry, Harry still needed his mother's blood
protection.
Harry wanted to kick, to scream, to punch something. Monitoring spells or not,
there was no way Harry was going back to that house. He'd catch the train with
his friends, but once at Kings Cross, he'd make his way to Diagon Alley and
Gringotts. Perhaps he’d get a room in the Leaky Cauldron for a few days while
he decided what to do, for he knew he couldn't live at the inn permanently.
Fred and George might put him up for a time, but he hoped he wouldn't have to
ask. He should be capable of looking after himself. Soon Privet Drive and what
had happened there would be a distant memory.
Harry was planning on running away.
***
"You're awfully quiet today, Harry," mused Hermione. "Is anything wrong?" The
three of them were in a compartment on their own and Harry wished they were
still on their prefect rounds so that he could have had a little time to
himself. Ever since that awful day at the Ministry when he'd watched Sirius
fall, no one had seemed keen to let him be. Harry thought they were worried
that he might try and do something to harm himself. Sometimes he did think
about it. He couldn't deny those thoughts: there would be no more pain; no more
Dursleys and he would get to see his parents and Sirius again. It was tempting,
but he wasn't sure he'd ever be able to do it.
For a second, a brief glorious second, Harry thought that he might be able to
tell her, to tell both of them what was so wrong, but the words just wouldn't
come. How could he tell them? How could he tell them that? They would be
disgusted with him, just like the way he was disgusted with himself. They were
both so normal. No, he couldn't tell them. This was a private horror and not
something he could share with anyone.
"Nothing's wrong, Hermione," said Harry with a sigh. "I'm fine." The lies came
so easily to him now, he'd been using them for so long they were like old
friends. Sometimes if he said it often enough, he could almost believe it was
true. Deep down he knew it wasn't, though. He wasn't fine. He'd never been
fine, but he'd been using the persona of the happy Harry for so long that
nearly everyone else believed it. Believed that he was just as fine, just as
normal as the rest of them.
"We're almost there, Harry, you'd better get changed out of your robes. You
know we're not supposed to wear them outside school."
"I have to go to Diagon Alley first, Hermione. I didn't want to wear Muggle
clothes there."
"Oh. Right," said Hermione and Harry hoped she would leave it at that. Except
for his school robes and uniform, all of Harry's other clothes were his
cousin's hand-me-downs. Everything dwarfed him and the clothes were so ragged
and tatty that Harry felt ashamed every time he put them on. It would have been
impossible for a hotel to take him seriously if he was wearing those. Despite
being a runaway, he didn't want to look like one. His uniform was the smartest
set of clothes he owned and it would have to do until he got some money out and
bought some more.
"You're still coming to the Burrow later, aren't you, Harry?"
"I don't know, Ron. Dumbledore might not allow it; he thinks it's still too
dangerous."
"Dangerous? But Harry, you defeated You-Know-Who at the Ministry! It can't
still be dangerous!"
"There are still Death Eaters at large, Ron," said Hermione. "Lucius Malfoy and
Bellatrix Lestrange for starters. They're still after Harry."
Harry felt like a stone had lodged in his chest when he heard Hermione speak so
casually of Sirius' murderer. Yes, he and Snape had defeated Voldemort, but too
late to save Sirius. Too late to save the one person Harry thought might have
been able to save him from the Dursleys. It still hurt too much to think of
Sirius, so Harry tried his best not to. But if Bellatrix Lestrange did indeed
come after him; he had a feeling that this time his Crucios would work
brilliantly.
"We're here," said Hermione as the train shuddered to a stop.
***
The queue behind him was getting restless but the goblin seated behind the
wooden desk was adamant. "You cannot make a personal withdrawal until you are
of age, Mr. Potter. Where is the adult wizard accompanying you today?"
"There isn't one. I came on my own," sighed Harry. It had never even occurred
to him that he wouldn't be able to take his own money out of the vault. There
had always been an adult with him before, so he should have realised they
weren't in the habit of allowing minors to take out funds.
"Can't you make an exception? I'll be seventeen in a few weeks."
"Mr. Potter, you will be sixteen in a few weeks’ time. Every underage wizard's
age is a matter of public record and even if you were nearly seventeen, there
would still be no exception. You cannot take out any money until you are
seventeen and not a second before. Next!" the goblin called, dismissing him,
and Harry was pushed aside by a tall, angular witch who seemed to be all
elbows.
Harry made his way outside and stood on the marble steps of the bank just
staring into space. What was he going to do? Running away meant he needed
money. He had a few galleons left from last term, so there might be enough for
a night in the Leaky Cauldron and maybe tomorrow Fred or George would go to the
bank with him. It wasn't a brilliant plan but it was the only thing he could
think of at the moment.
Dusk was falling rapidly as Harry wandered over to the courtyard of the Leaky
Cauldron. The door opened, a rectangle of orange light spilled out onto the
cobbles. Two drunken revellers banged into the dustbins and Harry's heart sped
up in his chest. He pressed himself up against the wall, hoping they wouldn't
see him. Drunken men were not something Harry felt like dealing with right now.
They giggled and wandered off in the opposite direction, away from Harry. He
took one step over the threshold of the Wizarding inn and was suddenly yanked
away, as if he'd suddenly been given a Portkey. The world whizzed past him in a
blur of colours and all he could hear was a loud rushing in his ears. Harry
fumbled for his wand, he was getting dizzy but he did manage to get it out of
his robe pocket.
Harry thought that Lucius Malfoy or Bellatrix Lestrange might have been at the
other end of this awful journey. When the world stopped spinning, Harry's wand
dropped from his hand in shock. He was in the living room of number four,
Privet Drive and his aunt and uncle did not look at all surprised to see him
appear out of thin air like that.
"So," said Vernon. "So. You’re here at last, boy. About time."
The last thing Harry heard before he lost consciousness was the swish of his
uncle's leather belt.
***** Chapter 2 *****
Part 2
"Seven sickles for a Skiving Snackbox?" exclaimed Ron, holding up the item in
question. It was the official opening of Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes today and Ron
had begged to be allowed to help. "Who would pay that?"
"Supply and demand, little brother," said Fred.
"Yeah," agreed George. "Your little friends demand..."
"... And we supply."
The bell above the shop tinkled like a wind charm and they had their first
customer. Fred smiled as he greeted the young witch, who sadly was just
browsing today. He heard George warning Ron not to touch anything, as some of
their lines were still in the very, very experimental stage yet. Fred didn't
think Ron needed warning; he had been the victim of too many of their pranks
when he was younger.
As the shop started filling with customers, Fred sought out his twin and gave
him a small grin. Sometimes he had to pinch himself to make sure they weren't
dreaming. They had a shop, a real honest-to-goodness shop. So what if it didn't
have the largest premises on Diagon Alley (the rent was cheaper) and was
situated at the Knockturn Alley end rather than the more affluent area near
Gringotts? It was theirs and it was all thanks to Harry. They would never have
got started if Harry hadn't given them that prize money.
Sometimes Fred felt awfully guilty for taking it, but Harry had been so
insistent and it was something Harry had desperately wanted to do. Harry hadn't
wanted to take the prize money that reminded him of Cedric's death. Fred had
come to terms with it and had set up a vault at Gringotts in Harry's name,
where he intended putting a share of the profits for Harry when he came of age.
Harry was a shareholder. Fred laughed to himself. They had a shareholder.
By lunchtime they had a steady stream of customers and most of them bought
something, even if it was only a sachet of itching powder or a box of stink
pellets. "Ron, have you heard from Harry lately?" asked Fred as he wrapped the
current customer's purchases.
"No, those Muggles hardly ever let Hedwig out of her cage," said Ron. "He
probably can't send us any letters."
Fred was transported back a few years, to his father's flying Ford Anglia and a
boy in a room with barred windows. Surely they didn't keep Harry locked in
still? Fred couldn't understand how anyone could lock up a child like that.
Despite all the mischief he and George got up to, the worst that had ever
happened to them was having to de-gnome the garden, but at least it was outside
in the fresh air. Fred didn't understand these Muggles of Harry's at all; even
for Muggles they seemed a bit strange.
Ron stayed for tea – a hastily prepared chicken salad – as it was too hot to
try and cook anything. Shortly after seven their mother turned up to Apparate
Ron back to the Burrow. Of course, once she arrived, she had to have the grand
tour of the shop and the small flat above it.
"Two bedrooms? But you always loved sharing a room!" she'd protested. Fred
didn't quite know how to explain to his mother that there were just some things
you couldn't share with your brother; no matter how much you loved your twin.
It was bliss having his own room for a change and maybe now he'd even be able
to bring someone back if he wanted to. They'd been so caught up in organising
things for the shop that neither of them had found much time for romance. Maybe
that would change soon.
"George," said Fred as they put the plates away after their mother and Ron had
gone. "I think we should pay a visit to Harry. He's always managed to get a
letter to Ron before. Has anyone from the Order been to check on him?"
"At the last meeting Dumbledore said it wasn't necessary, that Harry was safe
as long as he stays at the house. Blood wards or something."
"Still, it can't hurt, can it?"
"Nope," said George as he brandished his wand and put the last of the dishes
away with a dramatic flourish.
"Show off," laughed Fred, but inside he was uneasy about Harry, the boy who was
their brother in all but name.
***
They Apparated to an alleyway situated between Privet Drive and Magnolia
Crescent. What was it with Muggles and plants anyway? Privet Drive? Acacia
Avenue? Beech Road? It was as if they called these havens of brick and concrete
after plants because there weren't many in the vicinity and they missed them.
Mindful of how badly Harry's relatives had reacted about anything non-Muggle
before, they were dressed casually in jeans and t-shirts tonight. Despite the
sun having faded over an hour ago the evening was still quite warm and they
didn’t need jackets.
They started walking along Privet Drive and Fred couldn't help shuddering; all
these square boxes gave him the creeps. Everything was so orderly, so similar.
How could you tell which house was yours when your neighbour's looked exactly
the same? Sprinklers sputtered on a few lawns, soaking grass that was such a
vivid green it didn't look entirely real, almost as if it was glowing in the
dark. How could people live squashed up together like this? Wouldn't it be
claustrophobic? Although The Burrow was sometimes overflowing with family and
guests, you didn't have to walk too far to get to the orchard or the fields to
be alone. Here there was nowhere to go, just more streets with more square
boxes.
"What number was it again?" asked Fred. They'd never actually seen the front of
the house before.
"Four," said George as he stopped by a lamp-post. Number four wasn't exactly
like all its neighbours tonight. Where most of the houses were ablaze with
light, number four Privet Drive was in complete darkness.
"No lights," said George, stating the obvious.
"And no car either," said Fred. "Maybe it's in the garage?"
"Maybe they've gone on holiday?"
"With Harry? Or have they left him on his own?" For Fred could not imagine the
Dursleys as the sort of people who would take Harry on holiday with them; he
didn't think they ever gave the boy treats. Harry was the only person Fred knew
who adored his Weasley jumpers: they were the first new clothes he'd ever been
given and he'd kept every one; Fred had seen them in Harry's trunk.
They marched up to the front door and rapped loudly on the wood – no answer.
They tried the doorbell and the lion-headed doorknocker next, but there was
still no movement from inside the house. It seemed as if there was no-one here
after all, but Fred wasn't at all convinced that the house was empty. He
removed his wand from the pocket of his jeans and cast an Alohamora spell on
the front door.
"What are you doing?" hissed George. "What if someone sees you?"
"I'm not leaving until we make sure Harry is all right." Fred pushed open the
door and stepped into the darkened hallway, his twin following. Both of them
used Lumos to illuminate their wands while they searched for a light switch;
there was one on the left-hand wall. They were used to Muggle devices thanks to
their father's fanaticism, but nothing happened when Fred pressed the switch.
The only light still came from their wands.
The house smelt stale, as if it hadn't been aired for a while. There was a
cupboard under the stairs with locks and chains on the door, but the door
itself hung open. Inside they could see Harry's trunk and Hedwig's cage, but
there was no sign of Harry or his owl. They searched the downstairs – the
living room, dining room, and kitchen – but they were all empty.
They knew where Harry's bedroom was having rescued him from it before and they
made their way upstairs as silently as they had searched the ground floor.
There were four doors leading off the small landing; one was ajar and they
caught a glimpse of white ceramic in the bathroom. Two of the other doors
opened at a touch, all were empty, with beds made up and no sign of habitation.
Fred heard George suck in a gasp when they came to the last door.
The door seemed to consist of more metal chains than wood. All of the chains
were locked and there were three deadbolts as well; one at the top, one at the
bottom and one in the middle. At the bottom there was a small square flap cut
out of the door. "Merlin, Fred, is that a cat-flap?" exclaimed George. "What
were they doing? Feeding him through a hole in the door?"
There was no doubt in either of their minds that this was Harry's room, or at
least the room where the Dursleys had put him. Fred didn't think Harry
considered any part of this house home. They both cast Alohamora at the same
time and all the chains slinked free of their padlocks and the deadbolts slid
loose. Like the rest of the house the room was in darkness and they couldn't
see much even with their wands lit by Lumos. Fred waved his wand around like a
torch, the small beam of light not helping much; all he could see were shadows.
"Harry?" George called as he too waved his wand around the room. Compared to
the rest of the house, this room was barren: they could make out the shape of a
small bed and a chest of drawers that leaned heavily to one side. Something
moved in the corner; Fred saw it in the corner of his eyes as he moved the wand
away. He hurriedly turned the beam back. "George, over here!" he called and
both of them aimed their wands into the corner.
Harry was sitting flush with the wall, knees tucked up against his chest,
rocking backwards and forwards, his hands covering his eyes and mumbling one
word over and over again. "No. No. No."
There were two buckets sitting a little bit away from Harry – buckets for
waste, Fred realised from the smell. Hadn't they even let him out to go to the
bathroom? He and George concentrated their magic together and strengthened the
Lumos beam from their wands at that one corner. Dear Merlin, what the hell had
happened?
Harry was dressed in nothing but a t-shirt that skimmed his waist and
underpants about four sizes too big for him. His arms and legs were covered in
a pattern of bruises in every hue from purple to yellow. There were marks on
him too, cuts and abrasions, were those whip marks? Fred knelt down beside the
rocking boy and tried to take Harry's hands away from his face. Harry screamed
and twisted in his grasp, managing to scratch Fred's face as he struggled. But
not before Fred had seen the cracked and parched lips. "George, get some
water," ordered Fred, wondering how long it had been since Harry had been given
anything to drink.
Fred wished now he'd paid more attention in Charms, especially to healing
spells. One of Harry's legs seemed to be at an awkward angle and Fred suspected
it may have been broken. While George looked for water, Fred searched the
dresser for some clothes for Harry to wear, as they couldn't very well take him
away in just the t-shirt and underwear. There were clothes in the dresser, but
every item except for what Harry was wearing now was slashed to shreds, as if
someone had taken a pair of scissors or a knife to them.
Fred repaired a pair of jeans with his wand and then resized them so that they
would actually fit; then he realised that if Harry did have a broken leg, it
would be impossible to dress him without causing him any pain. He spelled the
clothes onto Harry, his heart hitching in his chest when Harry screamed as
realised he was now dressed. "No! No! Don't take me! Don't take me!"
George returned with the water, but they couldn't get Harry calm enough to
drink it, most of it spilled on the wooden floorboards. "We'll take him to
Madam Pomfrey at Hogwarts," said Fred. She'd know what to do. Harry kicked and
screamed in their grasp as they tried to hold him for an Assisted Apparition.
Harry didn't seem to know who they were or that they were trying to help him
and it was a struggle to hold on.
They Apparated, making sure they were holding Harry between them. Fred stumbled
to a stop, George too, but there was no sign of Harry. "What happened? Where is
he?"
"Maybe there are anti-Apparition wards on Privet Drive?" said Fred.
"So why could we Apparate, then?"
"Maybe they're just set for Harry, him being underage. We'll just have to take
him out of the house then and Apparate from somewhere else, George."
They both Apparated back to Harry's bedroom, where he was once again tucked
into the corner, hands over his face. Fred wasn't entirely sure how they
managed it, but they did eventually get Harry down the stairs, despite him
clinging onto the banister at intervals and doing his best to ensure that he
and George would never father children as he randomly kicked out. At least that
meant his leg probably wasn't broken. The screams were terrible – it sounded as
though Harry thought he was going to be murdered.
With Harry held between them, Fred and George marched him to the front door and
walked outside. Fred felt it first: Harry was yanked from between them and
landed flat on his back inside the house. They must have tried to get him out
at least twenty times, but something kept bringing him back to the house. It
was some sort of spell or charm, it had to be. Fred only knew one expert on
Dark curses, for he couldn't believe that anything designed to keep Harry in
that awful place was anything but Dark.
"George," he said as they helped Harry up from the floor yet again. "We need
Snape."
***** Chapter 3 *****
Part 3
Time had no meaning when Severus was brewing a potion; he brewed by instinct
alone, not the clock. He didn't care whether the instructions from old journals
or books specified an optimal brewing time; he ignored it. Time was an
irrelevance. No, what Severus Snape relied on was the scent of the potion, the
hue of the liquid, the consistency, and most of the time he got it right. He
was naturally gifted when it came to Potions and he smiled to himself as he
remembered Professor Slughorn's despair when he'd seen what Severus had done to
his Potions textbook in sixth year. Severus had added some improvements in the
margins, making up his own recipes and methods, which worked far better than
anything written in the textbook.
That book had been old even when Severus was at school and still it was on the
curriculum for the Advanced students; at the start of each term, Severus just
got every student to turn out their bag and hand in their books for inspection.
No one had caught on yet, but Severus had magically altered every book to hold
his own Potions instructions so at least he knew the theory was sound, even if
some of the Advanced classes were still a bit wonky on the practicals.
Yes, Severus was good at Potions, but tonight he'd already made three barely
passable batches of an experimental potion he was working on: not Dreamless
Sleep, but a variation of a Calming Draught and a potion to give the subject
good dreams. Dreamless Sleep helped with those who were suffering from
nightmares, but the body and mind needed dreams to function properly and taking
Dreamless Sleep indefinitely was not the answer. Severus refused to let his
mind linger on why he was trying to prepare such a potion, but a vision of
clear green eyes swam into his head anyway.
He ladled out the latest batch and bottled it in green vials, noting how much
the shade differed from Potter's eyes. The boy had been having constant
nightmares ever since that final battle at the Ministry, as Poppy had informed
him when she'd requested his whole stock of Dreamless Sleep potion. It couldn't
be good for the boy to keep taking it. Poppy had even sent him home with some
for the summer. Just as Severus placed the stopper in the last vial, his Floo
flared into life in the next room.
It had been warded against anyone except Poppy or the members of the Order of
the Phoenix. Severus washed his hands and resolved to return later to clean his
instruments and preparation area: dirty tables or implements could contaminate
future potions.
He was very surprised to see Fred Weasley's head in the fire.
"Sir! Professor! Please come, it's Harry!"
***
Arabella Figg tried to ply them both with cake when Severus Floo’d to the
squib's Muggle house, but he had patience for neither tea nor cake, so they
both declined politely and made their way to number four Privet Drive.
"What happened, Weasley?" asked Severus as they made their way up the path.
"Has there been an attack?" Severus was thinking of Death Eaters, but surely
they couldn't have got past the wards of that house? What about the blood
wards?
"Yes," said Fred. "We don't know exactly what happened, but Harry was in a
terrible state. His relatives weren't there, but we found Harry in a locked
room. He was hysterical and covered in bruises. He didn't know who we were, he
just kept screaming."
"A locked room? The Dursleys gone? Do you think the Death Eaters kidnapped
them? Did the Death Eaters lock Harry in?"
Fred paused by the front door. "Sir? You don't know, do you?"
"We are no longer professor and student, Weasley; you may address me as
Severus."
"Only if you call me, Fred, then."
"Very well, Fred. What don't I know?"
"It wasn't Death Eaters, Severus. It was Harry's relatives who did this to him
– at least I think so."
"You mean he was being abused? The Boy Who Killed Voldemort was being abused by
his relatives? We've got to get him away from here!"
"That's the problem, Severus. We can't."
***
"It's some sort of spell, that's obvious," said Severus as the three of them
sat in the Muggle kitchen around a square table. Severus had been able to heal
Harry's bruises and place him in a healing sleep. He and Fred had tried to get
Harry to the bathroom to give him a bath, but Harry had balked as soon as they
tried to remove his t-shirt. It was as Fred had said: Harry had no idea who
they were or that they were trying to help him rather than harm him. In the end
Severus had cast a cleaning charm on the boy and conjured pyjamas onto his
body. Had Potter always been this thin? How had he never noticed it before?
Severus found that the fuses had been taken out of the fuse box by the front
door, they were easy enough to recover by an Accio spell and soon they had the
electricity back on again. Why had the Dursleys left and turned off the
electricity, leaving Potter with no light?
When they'd opened the fridge earlier, they discovered all the food had
spoiled. Not that there had been much there to begin with. They'd searched the
cupboards too, hoping to find something that they could feed to Harry. If he'd
been locked up for any length of time he would need food and soon, but there
was nothing there. Not a tin of beans or even some soup. It was as if the
Dursleys had taken every item of food from the cupboards with them.
"Is it a Dark spell stopping us from taking Harry?" asked Fred as he trailed
his finger along the grain of the table.
"I could not sense anything Dark from it, no," said Severus. "If anything, it
seems more like a protection spell."
"Protection?" spluttered George. "It didn't do much to protect him here, did
it? God, those bastards, if I ever get my hands on them..."
"Fred, George, you both seem entirely convinced that it was Harry's relatives
who did this to him and not Death Eaters. Can you explain your reasoning to
me?"
Fred laughed bitterly. "For a spy, you can be pretty unobservant at times,
Severus. Mind you, I suppose Harry was hiding it: he was ashamed. He never
talked a lot about it, but we guessed. Did you see that cupboard in the hall?"
"Yes, what of it?"
"Until Harry first went to Hogwarts, that's where he lived."
At first Severus wasn't quite sure what he was hearing. A cupboard? Those
Muggles had kept the hope of the Wizarding world in a cupboard? Severus had
seen glimpses of this cupboard during those disastrous Occlumency lessons, but
he thought it was some sort of Muggle discipline for misbehaviour. He had no
idea the Potter boy had actually lived there. It just didn't seem possible.
Severus had always thought that Harry Potter was spoiled by his relatives,
adored and cherished as the only child of Petunia Dursley's dead sister. How
could he have been so wrong all these years? How could he not have seen?
"In second year, he was in that locked bedroom and they'd put bars on his
window so he couldn't get out. They were starving him, he was skin and bone,
remember, Fred?"
"I remember," said Fred darkly. "Didn't you notice him at meals in the Great
Hall, Severus? He always ate so fast in case the food was snatched away from
him again. He hoarded it too… one day Ron found a ton of food under Harry's
bed, all with preserving charms on it. Harry freaked out when Ron saw it; he
didn't want to admit that he was hoarding food in case he was starved again.
The only time he ate properly was at Hogwarts or The Burrow."
Severus was livid. "Do you mean to tell me you knew what was happening to that
boy and never reported it? You never told anyone of this abuse?"
"Of course we did!" protested the twins together. "We told Mum, who told
Dumbledore."
"Dumbledore knew? He knew?"
"He did, but he said that the blood protection was more important than a few
missed meals here and there and a couple of wallops."
"A few missed meals? A couple of wallops? The boy is almost a skeleton! How
could he have allowed that to continue? How could anyone?"
"Hey, we agree with you, all right?" said Fred. "Harry should never have been
left here; we've got to get him out, Severus, before they come back."
The clock above the cooker chimed midnight. "I suggest we all get some rest and
formulate a plan to help Potter in the morning. I presume Muggle shops don't
stay open so late?"
"There might be an all-night supermarket nearby," suggested George. "What do
you need?"
"Food for a start – Harry needs to get his strength back, he's severely
malnourished."
"Okay, Severus, make us a list and we can go and look for a shop. You'd better
stay here with Harry; I don't think he should be left alone."
"Very well, Fred." Severus waved his wand to conjure himself some parchment and
a pen; he hadn't the patience for quills and ink tonight. He made sure to
suggest things that were fairly light; if Harry hadn't been eating for a while
his stomach probably wasn't up to anything too stodgy anyway. It wasn't just
his body Severus was worried about; the boy's mind seemed very fragile at the
moment. He could have used Legilimency to see what was going through the boy's
head, but that might make his mind snap completely.
"Do you need Muggle money?" asked Severus as he rummaged through his robe
pocket. Every Order member always kept some Muggle money about their person for
emergencies in case they could not get to Gringotts or anywhere else in the
Wizarding world.
"No worries, Severus," said Fred with a grin. "Remember, we were in the Order
too."
"I sometimes find it difficult to accept the two of you as anything other than
the imps who used my classroom as a base of operations for their experiments.
That stain is still on the ceiling, you know."
"What do you tell the class when they ask about it?"
"That it is all that is left of a very foolhardy student who didn't pay
attention to their potion."
Fred and George grinned before Apparating away.
Once they were gone, Severus went back upstairs to check on Harry. He hadn't
told the twins what else he had suspected; still considering them a bit on the
young side despite the fact that they were indeed adults now. Harry's distress
as they'd tried to take that dirty t-shirt off him and his cries of ‘No!’ were
adding up to something that Severus didn't really want to contemplate, but it
would have to be faced if they were ever to help the boy recover.
Harry was still deeply asleep; hopefully the spell would keep him sleeping
until morning. The room was awful; Severus and the Weasley twins had
transfigured the bed and blankets into something much softer and cleaner for
him. There was nothing on any of the walls: no paintings, no posters of
Quidditch stars or rock groups. Even Severus when he was a teenager had posters
on his bedroom wall. It was as if Harry had not been allowed to make himself at
home.
Severus waved his wand and conjured a few prints from his dungeon; he couldn't
supply any posters of Quidditch teams, but he did have a couple of pictures of
dragons and a mermaid. It brightened the room a bit and he stared hard at them
before he made his way over to the bed and removed his wand. His hand shook as
he considered casting the spell; it was a terrible violation, he knew it was,
but Severus needed to find out exactly what had happened.
He didn't think Harry would allow it when he was awake, and considering the
boy's state of mind, he didn't think that Harry would even be coherent enough
to be able to give consent. Severus took a deep breath and said the spell that
would take him inside the sleeping boy's mind; Harry would not be able to
defend against it while he slept.
"Legilimens," he whispered, wishing there'd been some other way to do this.
***** Chapter 4 *****
Part 4
Severus had never attempted Legilimency on anyone who was asleep before. At
first all he could see were Potter's dreams; weird scenes that didn't make much
sense to an observer: Potter flying on a teapot as he tried to catch a snitch
with wings as large as a dragon and sharp teeth that bit his hand; Potter
piloting some sort of space-ship, and when the door opened the alien figures
which tumbled out were slices of cheese with forks for arms and knives for
legs. Severus shook his mind-self; he needed memories, not dreams.
It took a while, but finally he saw the thread leading to Potter's memories.
Glowing blue it led him deeper and deeper into the boy's mind until he finally
he found some of what he was looking for. This scene was no dream, no imagined
incident. With the constant blue glow around it, Severus knew it was a memory,
but he'd gone too far back in time. This memory was not recent: Potter was a
child again, locked in a dark cupboard. It was important though – it almost
felt like Potter's mind had led him here, in order to show him what this memory
contained. Severus watched as the memory unfolded and found himself wishing
there was some way he could have been able to intervene.
***
Harry was crying again, but trying to be silent about it. His uncle had already
taken the belt to him that morning and if he heard Harry crying, he would be
beaten again. He muffled his sobs in the one pillow he possessed and prayed and
prayed for someone to come and take him away. Maybe his parents weren't really
dead and would come for him one day. They would love him and never beat him,
never lock him in the dark.
Harry hated the dark. He always imagined he saw monsters in the dark, monsters
with glowing red eyes. But when he told his relatives about it, they just beat
him and shoved him back in the cupboard again… back in the darkness. Harry
shuddered on the thin mattress, the fear making him cry even more. He was five,
he was a big boy now, and big boys shouldn't cry.
He heard the cupboard door being yanked open; Harry turned, squinting his eyes
up against the bright light that spilled in around his uncle's large form.
"Out," said Vernon and Harry scrambled to the far wall. He knew what ‘out’
meant. ‘Out’ meant the belt or the broom handle. ‘Out’ meant pain and Harry
didn't want any more pain. Ever.
The cupboard wasn't very big though and despite Vernon's bulk, his arms could
still reach in easily enough and he yanked Harry hard by the legs and tugged
him outside into the hallway. "Up," said Vernon pointing to the staircase.
Harry had never been upstairs before and he looked at all those steps with some
trepidation.
"Aunt Petunia said I'm not allowed upstairs," said Harry in a small voice,
worried that Vernon was tricking him into going upstairs and then going to
punish him for it afterwards.
"Your aunt and cousin aren't here. Up, I said, boy," groused Vernon, grabbing
hold of the collar of Dudley's old shirt and dragging Harry towards the stairs.
Once they were both on the landing, Vernon stopped outside one of the closed
doors and knelt down so that he was on Harry's level; the exertion left him
panting for breath.
"There's someone here to see you, Harry. A visitor. You have to be a good boy
and do exactly as he says, or I'll take the belt to you. You have to do
everything he says and you can't say no to anything, do you understand?"
Harry nodded; he'd learned long ago that the word no in this house never
stopped anything bad from happening to him. His uncle had never set down rules
like this before, though; it was random whenever Harry got beaten and he
wondered who on earth his visitor could be. No one had ever visited him before;
Aunt Marge came to visit, but she wasn't really visiting Harry. It would be
nice to have a visitor just for him.
"Very well," Vernon pushed open the door and Harry saw his aunt and uncle's
bedroom for the first time. It was a lot larger than his cupboard and there was
a real bed in it. There was a man sitting on the bed with round-framed glasses
and messy hair. A patch of it stuck up at the back exactly like Harry's and
Harry stared and stared at the man. That face… it seemed so familiar.
"Hello, Harry," said the man. "I'm your father."
Harry launched himself into the man's arms and wrapped his arms around his
father's neck. "Daddy! I knew you'd come for me! I knew it!"
His father shifted so that Harry was settled on his lap and pressed Harry's
head against his shoulder. "Excuse me a moment, Harry," he said and took out a
strange looking bottle, drinking some of whatever was inside. He shook his
head. "There, that's better. Dursley, are you still here?"
"There is the small matter of payment," mumbled Vernon. "You said you'd pay
handsomely for the boy."
"And so I shall, Dursley. After I have been fully satisfied. Leave us." Harry's
father clicked his fingers and Vernon hurried out, even though he seemed to be
struggling against the order. "Stand up, Harry, and let me have a look at you."
Harry slid down from his father's lap and stood feeling very self-conscious in
Dudley's old clothes. "What have they dressed you in? You look worse than a
house-elf. This won't do, it won't do at all." Harry's father took out a pointy
stick and waved it at Harry, and in the next instant he was dressed in a pair
of navy-blue shorts that just about covered his thighs, a white shirt with navy
trim and pair of knee-length white socks. Harry had never had a pair of socks
before in his life and he wiggled his toes at the new sensation.
"Much better," said his father. "Here, Harry, get back onto my lap. You're
going to be a good boy for Daddy, aren't you?"
Harry settled himself back on his father's lap, wriggling a little. His clothes
felt so much tighter than he was used to and they were itchy and uncomfortable.
The man below him gasped and gripped Harry's waist. If anything, the grip hurt
but Harry didn't want to say so in case his Daddy got angry at him like Vernon
always did. He had to be good for his Daddy, didn't he?
Harry watched as his father's hand stroked his bare knees; there was a scab
there from the last time he'd fallen and the man seemed fascinated by it,
trailing his fingers along the whole length of it. Harry felt a little odd
about it, but he didn't know what to say, how to explain how he was feeling. It
was the sort of touch he had never received before, tenderness had never been
given to him before and he craved it – craved the feeling of being loved. His
father loved him… he must… why else would he be here?
It was only when the hands wandered up towards his thighs that Harry started
getting nervous. Aunt Petunia was always warning him that he was dirty there
and he must never, never touch himself there except for washing. But his
father's hands kept creeping towards him, up to that bad, dirty part of him and
his breath hitched on a sob. He wanted to say no, he desperately wanted to say
no, but his uncle's warning was ringing in his mind. He was so dirty, how could
his father want to touch him there? But he wasn't allowed to say no or he would
get the belt again.
"Ssh, Harry. I won't hurt you," said his father as his hand squeezed him there.
Harry yelped, that had hurt! "You're so good for your Daddy, my little angel.
Lie on the bed for me, Harry, that's it, that's it."
Harry lay down on his aunt and uncle's bed and tried to hold back his tears. He
wanted to be good; he so wanted to be a good boy. He was so bad – the Dursleys
were always telling him how bad he was, how unnatural – and he didn't want to
be a bad boy. He wanted to be a good boy for his Daddy. If he was good, maybe
his Daddy would take him away from here and he would never get the belt or the
broom handle again.
"I'll be a good boy, Daddy. I promise." Harry was too young then to know what
had happened to him, he just knew that it hurt and he hoped it would be over
soon. He was good though, he didn't cry out or say no once, wanting his father
to know how good a boy he was being. It was as his father turned to leave that
Harry sobbed in earnest; his father was leaving him here and Harry didn't know
if he was ever coming back.
"Maybe," the man said and placed a soft kiss on his forehead.
It hadn't mattered in the end how good Harry had been, Vernon had beaten him
with his belt again anyway; Harry's blood had stained the sheets.
***
Severus was whisked away, he saw glimpses of other memories and other men as
Vernon prostituted his nephew to all those who would pay for a child. He lost
count after twenty. Vernon didn't touch Harry sexually himself until he was
fourteen, the summer after Voldemort's return. Vernon hadn't been as gentle as
those men – if you could ever call raping a child gentle. Vernon was into
violence: he couldn't get it up unless he'd beaten Harry to a pulp beforehand.
In those memories Severus had seen what Harry in his fear and shame hadn't;
there had always been a video camera running every time the men were with
Harry. The Muggle bastard had recorded everything.
Severus was wrenched away from the memories and he was back in Potter's bedroom
at Privet Drive, trembling and feeling sick. That first memory, that first man
had been a wizard, taking Polyjuice Potion to appear as James and molest Harry
Potter. Severus thought he might faint. Potter had first been raped when he was
just five years old. Raped by a wizard pretending to be his father. It was
sick. The wizard knew exactly how to manipulate the child, offering him the
comfort his relatives had denied him, pretending to offer a father's love, when
in reality all he was offering was terror and pain. No child should ever have
been put through that. Not one.
Did Vernon Dursley know who the wizard was? How had this happened? He somehow
couldn't imagine Vernon Dursley standing on the corner of Knockturn Alley with
Harry in tow. How did the wizard get into the house if Potter was protected by
the blood wards?
Then he remembered what Dursley had said; the aunt wasn't at home. What idiot
had set the wards to only be in effect when Petunia Dursley was in residence?
The woman would not have been in the house constantly and as he quickly scanned
the memories he'd seen, Severus realised that it had happened whenever Petunia
had been away from home. He realised that Death Eaters could quite easily have
entered the house at those times. Potter's so-called blood protection was a
farce, and it always had been.
Severus was appalled at himself that he hadn't picked up on the signals sooner;
he'd seen his fair share of child abuse cases in Slytherin House but he’d never
thought to look for it in Harry Potter. He could hardly believe that Harry, the
epitome of bravery and fair play, had been abused like this. It was horrific,
that's what it was, and he and the Weasleys would need to get working on the
spells that were keeping Harry here, and soon.
Severus was not leaving this godforsaken Muggle house until Harry Potter could
leave it too.
***** Chapter 5 *****
Part 5
Harry was having a good dream; it had been such a long time since he'd had a
good dream that he didn't want to wake up. In the dream he was lying on a bed
with fresh, crisp, white sheets; blankets that were neither too hot nor too
cool and a pillow so soft and fluffy he imagined it must be like sleeping on a
cloud.
Sometimes in the dream the Weasley twins and Professor Snape were there too.
When Snape first appeared Harry thought that his dream was turning into a
nightmare, but it never did. The dream Potions Master was nothing like the
strict teacher at school. He talked gently to Harry as if he didn't want to
frighten him and sometimes he made Harry swallow potions that he tipped into
Harry's dream mouth.
Sometimes they brought the dream Harry trays of food and lots to drink – orange
juice and milk – and Harry allowed them to feed him. His dream self felt very
weak and it was such an effort even to keep his head up to swallow any of the
food. He was very hungry in the dream though and he ate as much as they would
give him. It was a dream; it was okay for him to eat in a dream. He wouldn't
get hurt for eating in a dream.
In the dream there were no Dursleys: no Vernon with his fat hands snatching the
food from Harry's plate and throwing it to the floor, or spitting on it and
then ordering Harry to throw it in the bin because it was filthy now. Sometimes
after dinner if Harry was made to do the washing up, he would sneak some food
out of the bin and eat it, desperate for any sort of food by then. He never
raided the cupboards or the fridge, Vernon knew exactly how much of everything
there was and Harry would be punished.
In this dream there was no double bed, no men with leering faces as they used
Harry again and again. No Vernon with his belt and his boots, crushing Harry as
he took his pleasure in Harry's pain. Harry cringed as memories came flooding
back, even in a good dream he couldn't avoid them.
It had hurt so much when he realised that first man – the one who pretended to
be his father – was a wizard using Polyjuice Potion to look like James Potter.
Harry thought his father had come to save him, but he would never be saved. He
would never get away and he would die in Privet Drive. Harry didn't think it
would be long now, considering how violent Vernon seemed to be getting as the
years went by. "Dad! Dad!" Harry sobbed into the soft pillow, wishing it had
been real, that his father had been alive and had taken him away.
"Severus, he's coming out of it," said one of the twins. Fred, from the voice,
Harry thought. Harry wanted to wake up now; he didn't want his good dream
turning into a nightmare. Thoughts of what those men had done always made it
turn into a nightmare and he didn't want any more bad dreams. Harry squeezed
his eyes shut and concentrated hard on waking up. It didn't work.
When he opened his eyes again, he was still in the midst of the dream. It was
only in dreams he had clean sheets and soft pillows. There were moving pictures
of dragons and mermaids on the walls around his room, so he knew he must still
be dreaming; the Dursleys would never have Wizarding pictures in the house.
There was only one thing Vernon Dursley ever wanted from the Wizarding world
and that was the money from those wizards he brought here - they paid well to
use Harry's body.
"I'm asleep. I have to wake up now. I'm dreaming."
"You are not dreaming, Mr. Potter," said the voice of Professor Snape from the
doorway. Harry lifted his head from the pillow – it was such an effort. His
whole body felt as weak as that of a newborn kitten. As the man came closer to
the bed, Harry panicked. He knew of only one reason why a man would come to him
while he was on a bed.
"NO! NO!" screamed Harry as he tried to struggle free of the bedclothes. He
felt trapped by layers of wool and cotton, yet he knew he had to get away.
"Please, no," he begged as the covers would not relinquish their hold on him.
"Don't touch me. Don't touch me!"
"I'm not going to touch you, Harry. I merely wish to cast a scanning spell on
you to ascertain your temperature. You have had a fever for the past four days,
that's probably why you feel a bit out of it. Fred, would you pour Harry a
glass of water please?"
Harry glanced round and saw that Fred was still in the room; he poured out a
glass of water from the jug sitting on the bedside cabinet. Where had that come
from? Harry had never had a bedside cabinet before, just the dresser with a
wonky leg so that it was lopsided. It wasn't lopsided anymore. "Here you go,
Harry," said Fred, handing him the glass.
Harry gulped the water down, his hand trembling as he did so. He felt so
thirsty!
"Easy, Harry, you'll give yourself cramps," advised Fred.
Harry sipped the water a little slower, but not by much…he felt parched. Once
he'd drained the glass, Fred poured him another and Harry drank the water down
gratefully.
"Where am I?" asked Harry in some confusion.
"You are still at Privet Drive, Harry," said Snape and Harry was glad the man
was calling him Harry. He hated being called ‘Potter’ in an angry voice; Vernon
usually called him either 'Potter' or more often just 'boy'.
"What are you all doing here? Did Professor Dumbledore send you to check up on
me? I'm fine," insisted Harry stubbornly, even though in truth he felt far from
it.
"Harry, you are not fine," said Snape as he Accio’d a stool from somewhere and
sat down by the side of Harry's bed. Fred did the same on the other side and
Harry felt hemmed in by both of them. "The Weasley twins were concerned about
you, Harry, no one has heard from you since term broke up and you normally
contact Ronald at least once. Where is your owl, Harry? We could not find her."
Harry felt tears welling up; he'd thought it was a nightmare, that he'd dreamed
what had happened to Hedwig. "He - he killed her," Harry said softly. "My
uncle. He killed her."
Fred and Snape exchanged a glance. "Harry, can you tell us what happened?"
asked Fred. "Where are the Dursleys?"
"They - they went on holiday," said Harry, his throat tight. "They bought a
villa in Spain last year."
"They went on holiday and left you in a locked room?" demanded Snape angrily
and Harry flinched away from him. Snape lowered his voice. "Harry, I'm sorry, I
did not mean to startle you. I am angry at them, not you. None of this is your
fault."
"Sometimes… sometimes I feel like it is," admitted Harry. "That he only hurts
me because I deserve it."
"Harry! That man is a monster!" yelled Fred and Harry almost jumped twelve feet
in the air. “You did not deserve what he did to you, none of it. You are not to
blame."
"Harry, what happened? Why did you come back here?" asked Snape gently.
"I - I didn't want to," said Harry. "I was planning on running away but
Gringotts wouldn't let me take any money out unless an adult was with me. I was
going to go and stay at the Leaky Cauldron for a night and then visit Fred and
George the next morning to see if one of them would go to the bank with me."
"Oh, Harry, of course we would," said Fred, reaching out to pat Harry's hand,
but Harry couldn't let him. He hid his hands out of sight beneath the
bedclothes and tried to will the old fear away. "So how did you end up back
here?"
"Fred - can I talk to Professor Snape alone for a minute?" asked Harry, he
didn't know how he could explain it to one of the Weasleys. There were all so
happy, so normal, and he didn't want to sully any of them with his filth.
"Sure, I'll just be downstairs with George if you need me for anything." Harry
waited until Fred had left before he took a deep breath and stared into his
teacher's dark eyes.
"You used Legilimency on me, didn't you?" asked Harry. "I could feel someone
else in my mind and it couldn't have been Voldemort. Why did you do that? Why
did you violate my mind like that? Was this to get back at me because I looked
into the pensieve? I never told anyone what was in there, not a soul!"
"I know, Harry. And no, this was not about revenge. When Fred and George found
you, you were half-starved and suffering from dehydration, you were incoherent
and having hallucinations. We needed to know what had happened to you to be
able to help you. You weren't lucid enough to tell us so I went inside your
mind to find out. At first I thought you'd been attacked by Death Eaters and
they'd kidnapped your relatives."
"No," said Harry, his voice hollow. "It wasn't Death Eaters. Did you see - did
you see everything?" Harry asked at last. He felt so ashamed that someone else
knew what Vernon had done and had allowed those other men to do. "Do you know
I'm a whore?" Harry broke down in sobs as years of grief and shame erupted out
of him.
"Ssh, Harry, ssh. You're not a whore. You're a very brave young man who has
been abused terribly, but it's over now, Harry. It's over. They will never
touch you again, I can promise you that."
Harry so wanted to believe him. Despite their antagonism, Harry couldn't
remember a time that this man had lied to him. The truth may not have been
pretty but Harry would rather have the bare truth from Severus Snape than any
more of Dumbledore's varnished lies.
"But they'll come back! I can't get out! I can't get out!" wailed Harry. "It's
this stupid ring – it's a Portkey or something. It yanked me out of the Leaky
Cauldron and drew me back here. It won't come off, Professor. I've tried
everything."
"May I see?" asked Snape, holding out his hand. Harry swallowed nervously and
removed his right hand from the covers and showed his professor the ring
encircling his right index finger. The band was plain silver with no markings
and no jewels set within it.
"Vernon was expecting me," said Harry. "When I first got here, he knew about
the magic in the ring. There was a wizard here with him - the one - the one who
made himself look like my Dad. He wanted what they all wanted and he paid
Vernon well." It was how they had afforded their Spanish villa, out of Harry's
earnings.
"Harry, I'm so sorry."
"I don't want to stay here," said Harry, wiping his nose on his pyjama sleeve.
"I don't want to do this anymore."
"You won't, Harry. Now that we know where the magic is coming from, we can try
and work out how to counter it. Where did you get the ring from anyway?"
"Professor Dumbledore," said Harry with a sigh. "Professor Snape… can you tell
Fred and George what happened? I can't tell them, but I don't want them to be
angry with me because I don't want to touch them. I don't want to be touched."
"Harry, if you wish it, I can certainly tell them. No one will touch you
without your permission, Harry. Never again."
***** Chapter 6 *****
Part 6
"I'll kill him! I'll kill that Muggle bastard!" shrieked George later that
night. Severus had waited until George had come back from the shop so he could
tell both of them what had happened to Harry. Fred and George took it in turns:
one of them went to the shop one day while the other stayed with Harry and
Severus. Severus had never left Privet Drive since he'd arrived; he was just
glad he'd thought to bring some potions with him.
"He was five? He was five?" exclaimed Fred. "It's criminal! We can't let him
get away with it, or any of them for that matter. Do you know who they were,
Severus? Did you see who they were? The ones who raped him?"
"Some of them, yes," said Severus. "None were Death Eaters."
"We need to find those tapes, evidence," said George as he stood up and paced
the living room. "Do you think Dursley kept them in the house?"
"Maybe," agreed Severus, but he really had no idea. There was a loud crash from
upstairs. All three of them rushed up to see what the commotion was. Harry
wasn't in his room; he was in the Dursley's bedroom across the hall, where he'd
swept every perfume bottle, every item of make-up off the dressing table and
was crushing them beneath his bare feet. Ribbons of red already covered his
feet.
"Harry! Stop!" called Severus. "You've hurt yourself."
Harry glanced round at the three of them, but his eyes had a glazed look to
them. He ignored Severus and the twins and began ransacking drawers, tossing
out all the clothes and throwing them on the floor. The wardrobes were next.
Harry just kept going until he'd emptied every wardrobe, every chest of drawers
in the room and then he sank down onto the pile of clothes and collapsed in a
sobbing heap. His feet were still bleeding, but Harry didn't seem to be aware
that he was injured.
"Harry?" Severus asked softly. "Do you know where you are?"
Harry looked up, his eyes swimming in tears and nodded miserably. "I hate them!
I hate them!" Harry screamed as he pummelled the clothes as if he hoped their
owners were still inside them. Severus allowed it, allowed Harry to vent his
feelings on the garments. "Fred, can you can get me a bowl of water and a
cloth? And George, I have some salve in the kitchen."
The twins nodded and left on their errands. Severus moved closer to Harry in
the room, careful to keep his movement steady so as not to startle him. Harry
had been jumpy ever since he'd come out of the fever-induced delirium and
considering all that had happened to him, Severus could hardly blame him.
"My feet hurt," said Harry in a surprised voice, as if he wasn't quite sure how
he'd done it. Severus wanted nothing more than to scoop the boy up in his arms
and carry him far away from Privet Drive and the memories of all the awful
things that had happened there. Mindful of Harry's concerns about being
touched; he didn't act on the impulse.
"Harry? Can you walk back to your room or do you want me to carry you?"
"I can walk," said Harry, standing up as if to prove his point. He did indeed
walk all the way back to his room, but he winced with every step. Fred and
George were already in Harry's room when both of them got there; Fred holding a
bowl of water in one hand, a soft cloth in the other and George holding the
glass vial of Severus' salve.
Harry sank down on the side of his bed, legs dangling over the sides. The twins
hovered over him and Severus could hear Harry's breathing becoming strained.
Severus waved them out; it wouldn't take three of them to tend to Harry and
Severus had noticed before how panicky Harry seemed to get if all of them were
there together. Severus understood completely - sometimes there had been more
than one man with Harry in those memories. How had Harry been able to keep this
to himself for so long? Didn't Harry know that someone would have helped him if
they knew?
Severus knelt down, setting the bowl and vial on the floor beside him. "Harry,
I just want to wash the blood from your feet, is that all right?"
Harry stared at him, as if not quite realising what the discussion was about,
but then he nodded his head and lifted his right leg up. Severus rinsed out the
cloth in the warm water and proceeded to wash Harry's foot gently, going slowly
so that he could see if there was still any glass embedded in the skin. There
wasn't and Severus cleaned the foot as quickly as he could and then moved on to
the other one. His touches were precise, he didn't let his hands or the cloth
linger, wanting Harry to know that it was just his feet being cleaned, nothing
else. Feet cleaned, he put the antiseptic salve on the small cuts and cast a
small healing spell over Harry's feet.
"There, all done," said Severus, standing up and stretching the kinks out of
his back.
"I'm sorry," mumbled Harry; he was staring hard at his knees.
Severus had never seen the boy this subdued before and it was disconcerting.
His memories of Harry Potter at school were filled with images of a green-eyed,
defiant nuisance who ignored rules and thwarted authority at every turn and had
almost managed to get himself killed more times than Severus could count.
Severus realised now that it might very well have been deliberate - had Harry
thought the only way out was to die?
"What for, Harry?"
"For being so angry before. I shouldn't be angry. I should be good. I should be
good. I should be a good boy."
Harry was rocking backwards and forwards again, his hands twisted on his lap as
he fought the demons inside his mind. It wasn't the fever this time – Harry's
temperature was back to normal – but still he sometimes went away somewhere
inside his mind and considering what Severus had seen in there, it wasn't a
healthy place for Harry to be right now.
"Harry? Harry!"
The boy looked up; the blank look had been replaced by one that was full of
fear. "I'm sorry; I don't mean to blank out like that."
"It's okay, Harry. You have every right to be angry, more than angry. What
those people did to you was appalling: it was wrong, Harry, but you are not to
blame. The people who did that – who did that to a child – they are the ones at
fault, do you understand?"
Harry nodded, but Severus knew that Harry didn't really believe him. Harry
still thought it was his fault, that he'd somehow been the cause of this abuse;
that he'd been bad and he had been punished. It would take more than a few
choice words from his professor before Harry came to learn that it had never
been his fault.
"Harry, you should make a complaint to the Magical Law Enforcement office,"
said Severus. "There are laws against child abuse and they would be taken to
court and –”
"NO!" screamed Harry. "No, I can't do that, sir. I can't. I can't!"
"Harry, you wouldn't have to testify in the same courtroom. The victim is never
called to testify in the same room as his abusers, you wouldn't even have to
see them."
Harry looked at him. "I wouldn't have to see them? Ever…ever?"
"No, Harry. You would never have to face them again. Ever. Don't you want to
see them punished for what they did to you?"
"But it was my fault, Professor. If I complain they'll send me to Azkaban,
won't they?"
"Harry, who told you that? Who told you you'd get sent to prison?"
"All of them," said Harry, he sounded so defeated. "They told me it was against
the law for people my age to have sex and that if I told anyone, I'd get sent
to Azkaban. You won't tell on me, please, Professor?"
Dear Merlin, what they'd put that boy through! Raping him and telling him it
was his fault, that he'd get sent to prison if he told what had happened!
"Harry, raping children is against the law, yes, but it's the men who did it to
you who would be in trouble, not you. Those men would get sent to prison. Not
you, Harry."
"But ... but how can I make a complaint, Professor? It would be my word against
theirs, wouldn't it? And there's only one of me. You saw what the Daily Prophet
has been writing about me. That I'm an attention-seeking liar. No one would
believe me. No one. You even said it yourself."
Oh, he had. Severus knew he had and he wished he had a time-turner so he could
go back and change every angry word he'd ever spoken to this troubled boy. He'd
thought for years that Harry Potter was as arrogant and conceited as his father
had been. With the gift of hindsight he realised that all Potter's bravado and
bluster had been a front, a way to keep himself from breaking down completely.
He had been using a different persona so that no one would guess he was afraid
and ashamed.
"I'm sorry about that, Harry."
The boy on the bed laughed bitterly. "The world must be ending, you just
apologised to me. Why are you here? Why are you helping me?"
"The Weasley twins asked me to."
"They asked you? Why not Dumbledore or someone else? Why you?"
"Because they thought the spells keeping you here were Dark."
"And are they?"
"Not as far as we can tell, no. It's some sort of protection spell tied to the
blood wards of this house. You needed help and they thought I could provide
it."
"And can you, Professor? Can you help me?"
"I'll try."
"Or are you just here like all the rest of them? Pretending to care for me… to
look after me, and then you'll want payment like all the rest of them.
Nothing's free, Professor. You want to fuck the Boy Who Lived, is that it?"
Harry yelled at him, his face reddening with the intensity of his emotions. He
began to unbutton his pyjama top.
"Harry, no! That is not why we're here. We want to help you. Not every man is
like those men, surely you realise that?"
"No, I don't actually, since nearly every man I've been in contact with has
wanted only one thing! You can't help me! No one can help me so stop pretending
you even care!"
"Harry, we can help if you'll let us. Make a complaint to the MLE, bring these
people to justice."
"I can't! No one will believe me! What evidence do I have?"
"You’ll have my testimony and the twins', how we found you in a locked room. If
we could find the tapes, that would be even more evidence against them."
"Tapes? What tapes?" demanded Harry, his face paling.
"Harry, your uncle had a video camera while you were with those other men. He
taped everything."
"He taped me? He taped me?" screeched Harry, leaning over the side of the bed
and bringing up what little food he'd had that day. Severus banished the vomit
and handed Harry a glass of water. "But - but the tapes, the men were on the
tapes too? The MLE will be able to see what they did? They'll see I'm not
lying?"
"Yes, Harry. The men will be identified and brought to trial. They'll never be
able to hurt you or anyone else ever again." For Severus couldn't imagine that
it was just Harry who'd been victimised by these monsters. They would be saving
more children than Harry.
"And I won't have to see them? You're sure? I don't think I could handle that,
Professor."
"You won't have to, Harry. Your testimony would be recorded in a pensieve; you
won't even have to go near the courtroom at all. So, Harry, will you do it?
Will you make that complaint?"
"I - I don't know, Professor. Can I think about it for a while?"
"Of course you can. It'll probably help if we can find the tapes before we go
to the MLE anyway. Fred and George have made dinner. Do you feel like getting
up, Harry, or shall I bring you a tray?"
"I feel like getting up, sir, but all my clothes are ruined. My uncle didn't
want me to be able to run away… not that I could anyway with this stupid
thing!"
"The twins brought you some of Ronald's clothes, magically resized to fit you."
Severus waved his wand at the chest of drawers and brought out a pair of cream
corduroy trousers and a brown Weasley jumper with the letter 'R' on it. "I'll
leave you to get dressed."
As Severus reached the door, he heard Harry whispering. "Thank you, sir. Thank
you."
***** Chapter 7 *****
Part 7
Harry took his time dressing, trailing his hands over the soft wool of Ron's
Weasley jumper. When Vernon had ripped up all of Dudley's old clothes, Harry
couldn't have cared less; he'd always hated those clothes. No, it was Vernon
unravelling the wool of all of Harry's Weasley jumpers that had hurt the most.
Those clothes had been his, the first garments that had been designed
especially for him. Mrs. Weasley had knitted those jumpers for him and now he
felt tears welling up in his eyes as he remembered how nice the Weasleys had
always been to him.
Harry had been terrified the first time he'd stayed at The Burrow. He'd been so
afraid that Mr. Weasley might sneak into Ron's room and hurt Ron like Vernon
had hurt Harry. He stayed awake the whole night worrying but no one came into
Ron's bedroom. It was the first time Harry had started to think that perhaps
what was happening to him wasn't normal. The Weasleys were an affectionate
family, but Harry had flinched every time anyone touched him, no matter how
innocently. He wasn't used to it: the only touches he usually had were from
those horrible men and Harry still felt upset that he'd been ruined for any
sort of normal affection. Sometimes he felt like he might like a hug, but he
was scared of that too. Scared that comfort might turn into something more,
like it always had before.
Harry wiped his eyes and got dressed. It felt a little strange to be wearing
clothes that had been Ron's, but it was good in a way because Harry felt as
though his friend was here with him as he made his way downstairs. The kitchen
was empty when he went in, but there were dirty dishes in the sink and the
worktops were a mess, covered in spilled vegetables and sauce. Burnt-on food
stood stark against the white hob and Harry felt his breath leave his body in a
whoosh.
The mess, oh God, the mess! His uncle would take the broom handle to him if he
saw all this mess! Harry opened the cupboard beneath the sink and removed all
the cleaning fluids and cloths: he had to get it clean. He had to get it all
clean before his uncle saw.
"Harry?" came Snape's voice from the doorway. Harry was so shocked he dropped
the bottle of Flash. He'd almost forgotten that it was Snape and the twins who
were here, not his relatives. "Dinner's in the dining room, Harry."
"I can't," said Harry, struggling not to cry. "I can't -" he waved his hand
around at the messy kitchen. Snape waved his wand and everything was pristine
again.
"Come and eat, Harry," urged Snape just as Harry's stomach growled.
Harry hesitated by the door of the dining room, he'd never been allowed in
there before except to clean up after everyone. He'd never sat at the polished
table and eaten a meal there. Fred and George were already seated. Platters of
food were on the table: there was shepherd's pie; serving dishes of peas,
carrots and sweetcorn; bowls of roast potatoes and two gravy boats.
"Come on, Harry," said George as he started dishing out shepherd's pie onto the
plates. "There's plenty here."
Harry sat down on one of the empty chairs, the twins opposite him. Snape sat
next to him. George served Harry first and Harry just stared at his plate for a
few moments before he attempted to eat anything. This was a dream - it must be.
He couldn't really have all this food at Privet Drive. Food that he liked, that
he was allowed to eat. Harry shrugged to himself. If it was only a dream, it
didn't really matter if he ate the food, did it?
Harry lifted up his cutlery and began wolfing down the meal, barely tasting it,
just wanting to eat it as quickly as possible before the dream turned into a
nightmare and he found he was dreaming of eating insects or something.
"Whoa Harry! Slow down," said Fred. "There's no rush. You'll make yourself sick
eating like that. Take your time, Harry. No one is going to steal your food
tonight."
Harry slowed down, but he still ate quicker than everyone else and he didn't
join in the conversation round the dinner table either. His concentration was
solely on the food and getting it eaten before it was taken away; Harry was
still not convinced that it wouldn't be snatched away from him. It was a
ridiculous fear, Harry knew, but he still couldn't shake the feeling that this
was either a very realistic dream or a very elaborate trap. Were the Weasley
twins and Snape really here? Or were they Death Eaters disguised to look like
his friends? After the meal would they suddenly suggest that Harry might need a
lie down and come into his room and start touching him?
Harry's fork clattered to the half-empty plate; he couldn't manage another
bite.
"Harry? What's wrong?" asked Snape, the twins looking over at them in some
concern.
"I'm just full. I can't eat any more."
"Okay, Harry," said Fred. "You don't have to eat any more if you don't want
to."
"How do I know you're really you?" Harry blurted out before he could stop
himself. "That you're not Polyjuiced?"
It was a constant fear of Harry's, ever since he’d discovered that other wizard
had been using Polyjuice to look like his Dad. How did he know if anyone was
really who they seemed to be? He'd even suspected Mad-Eye Moody in fourth year,
but at the time he’d thought it was just his own paranoia. He'd been devastated
when he discovered it really had been Barty Crouch pretending to be Alastor
Moody.
"Ask us something only we would know, Harry," suggested Snape.
"All right," Harry turned to the twins. "Who gave you the money to start your
joke-shop?"
They both grinned impishly at him. "Far too easy, Harry. You did, of course,
out of your Triwizard winnings."
Snape looked surprised at that but didn't comment. Harry was trying to think of
something to ask Snape that only he and Snape would know, or at least something
that Snape would admit to in company. Harry didn't think he should mention what
he'd seen in Snape's pensieve about what his father and friends had done to him
at school.
"What did you write in the margins of my last Potions essay?" Harry enquired at
last and was surprised to see the man flush red, but he did answer.
"That you had the attention span of a gnat and the dexterity of a troll and if
you passed your Potions OWL it would be a miracle."
Fred and George laughed. "You wrote all that? Severus, you know not everyone
can be as skilled as you."
"Obviously," drawled Snape and Harry burst out laughing. It was Snape and the
twins all right. It had been such a long time since he'd laughed like that and
he was determined to do a lot more of it in future.
"I'm glad that you all came," said Harry quietly. "Thank you."
"Harry, it was our pleasure," said Fred.
***
Over the next few days, Harry got a little better. He got up in the mornings
and took a shower in the bathroom, the first ones he'd ever had in this house.
Previously he’d used the hose out the back when it was dark so that the
neighbours wouldn't see him. Not that they would have been surprised, Harry's
relatives had told them that he was at a school for criminally insane boys.
Snape was usually always there during the day, sometimes he had to go back to
Hogwarts for some more potions for Harry, but then one of the twins would stay
with him. Harry was never left alone in the house and he didn't think he would
be glad of being so completely looked after, but he was. It felt like they all
cared about him and Harry was getting to see another side of the Potions
master, a caring side that he'd never noticed before.
It had always been there but Harry had been blinded by the fact that the man
was a Slytherin and he’d been convinced that the ugly exterior had been hiding
an even uglier heart and soul. How many times did Harry think Snape had been
trying to kill him when in reality he'd been trying to save Harry all along?
Snape had gone to the Ministry and blown his cover as a spy when he stood side
by side with Harry and both of them had cast the Avada Kedavra that had
dispatched Voldemort. Snape had saved him again.
Snape and the twins had tried casting a couple of different spells to
counteract the magic in the ring, but after many more failed attempts at
leaving, Harry was getting a bit fearful of even trying to step outside the
door. Nothing was working, he was still tied to Privet Drive and he wanted out.
He really wanted out.
In the evenings, the four of them searched the house for any sign of the tapes.
Harry didn't know whether he wanted to find them or not. It would make it all
seem so much more real. Half the time he could convince himself it had all been
a nightmare but the tapes would make him face up to it. He wasn't sure he was
up to the task.
Harry sneezed as he disturbed the dust in the back of his uncle's wardrobe.
Like everywhere else he’d searched, there was nothing there. It was hopeless,
where on Earth could they be? He glanced at Snape, who was holding his wand as
if he'd never seen it before. Snape had been searching beneath the double bed;
Harry had tried his best to ignore that bed completely.
"It couldn't be that easy, could it?" Snape seemed to be musing to himself as
he raised his wand. "Accio tapes of Harry!"
There was a rumbling and a groaning from the ceiling above their heads and in a
few seconds the ceiling gave way completely and boxes fell through the gap,
videotapes and books spilling out of each one. Harry stared at them, then at
Snape who looked utterly gobsmacked. The twins rushed to the door.
"Hey, are you guys all right?" asked George, glancing at the mess in the room.
"Yes," said Harry. Fred stared at the tapes and books strewn around.
"Are those ...?"
"Yes, it would seem so," said Severus as he lifted one of the tapes from the
floor and read the label aloud. "Potter/Mr. Simon. 10th July 1989."
Harry shuddered. He remembered Mr. Simon, the man was a Muggle not a wizard,
but he was creative in his tastes for all that – Harry still had some of the
scars. He stared around the room at all those tapes, there were so many! Harry
had never kept count, he hadn't wanted to. It was all there in the tapes; his
pain, his humiliation at those men's hands. Harry felt sick as he stared at
them.
How could Fred, George and Snape even stand to be in the same room as him? He
was filthy: so vile, so disgusting.
Harry wanted to smash every one of the tapes to bits, he wanted to rip all the
books to shreds, but he wanted those people to be punished too. He didn't know
what to do; he wasn't sure what would be the right thing.
"Harry? What do you want us to do?" asked Snape, the videotape still in his
hands.
Harry waved his arms around to encompass the room. "Take them to the MLE. I
want them all to pay for what they’ve done. All of them."
***** Chapter 8 *****
Part 8
Severus hadn't been back to the Ministry of Magic since the day he and Harry
had finally defeated the Dark Lord, but he needed to see Madam Bones and the
woman didn't often venture outside her office these days. Death Eaters had
attacked her family home, killing her husband and children and leaving her for
dead. She was now in a wheelchair and no amount of magic or potions could cure
her nor bring her family back.
Severus stood in the vandalised phone box and dialled the number for the
Ministry, then waited to be connected. It always amused him that the visitor's
entrance was via a Muggle phone box.
"Please state your name and business," came the tinny female voice.
"Professor Severus Snape to see Madam Bones of the Magical Law Enforcement
office."
"Do you have an appointment?"
"Yes." Severus had owled the woman a few days previously using one of the
Weasleys' owls and she knew he was coming, but not what it was about. A
visitors' badge flew out of the chute where coins normally went in and Severus
picked it up. Severus Snape, visiting MLE blinked up at him in gold lettering
and a few moments later, the telephone box shuddered and began to sink
underground.
Wand checked, his person searched, (Severus wondered if he was the only person
to have been bodily searched and whether it was because of his past), and he
was finally on his way to see Madam Bones. There were two Aurors stationed
outside the woman's office and both of them sneered at Severus as he
approached. "Death Eaters aren't welcome here," said the taller of the two.
"I should hope not," said Severus, shouldering his way past them and knocking
on the stout wooden door.
"Enter!" Madam Bones called. Severus gave both the Aurors a smirk as he pushed
the door open and went in. The room was decorated like a small study.
Bookshelves lined the wall: there were tomes on Magical Law and Wizarding
Customs along with histories of punishment and execution. Madam Bones was
seated behind a cherry wood desk. The desk itself was empty, but there was a
parchment hovering in the air above it, and a Quick-Quotes quill was scribbling
away as Madam Bones dictated.
Severus couldn't help but be reminded of Rita Skeeter and all the trouble that
particular woman's quill had caused.
"End," said Madam Bones, and the parchment rolled itself up and disappeared, as
did the quill. "Sorry, Severus, I know you are not a great fan of those quills,
but they do help me."
Severus nodded; Madam Bones had suffered nerve damage from having so many
Crucios cast upon her and it was difficult for her even to hold a quill never
mind write with it. "Sit, sit," said Madam Bones waving a shaky hand at the
chair in front of her desk. "Tea? Coffee?"
"No thank you, Amelia," replied Severus as he sat down. "This is not a social
visit."
"I gathered as much when you sent that letter. Since when do you need to ask me
for an appointment?"
Severus shrugged. As part of the Order of the Phoenix and one of the few who
knew of Severus' true loyalties, Amelia Bones had become a friend of a sort. He
didn't find it easy to make friends, but there were a few people whose
judgement Severus trusted completely. Poppy Pomfrey, Minerva McGonagall, and
Amelia Bones were three of them. He was somewhat surprised to realise that he
got on better with women, even though he did not desire them.
"A formal complaint then, Severus?" she asked, her face grave. "The crime?"
"Abuse, neglect and prostitution of a minor." Severus reached into his pocket
and removed the shrunken videotapes and the books containing all the names and
the amount of money each man had paid to Vernon Dursley in order to rape Harry
Potter. "The episodes have been filmed; the proof is on these tapes."
"Muggle tapes, Severus? How can we view them?"
Severus removed two more shrunken items from his robes and set them on the
table. "Arthur Weasley has lent me a Muggle video player and television;
they're adapted to work within places that are magically warded. He dabbles in
Muggle technology."
Madam Bones smiled. "Yes, we know all about Arthur's fascination with all
things Muggle. Well, Severus, I suppose you'd better enlarge these tapes and
let me see them."
"Are you sure you want to view them, Amelia? It does not make for easy
viewing."
"I dare say, but I need to see them so that I can determine if there is a case
to answer. I have seen a lot in my time as Head of the MLE. I am not easily
shocked."
"Very well," Severus removed his wand and cast the spells to enlarge everything
on the desk. Amelia didn't know how to work the Muggle devices, so Severus set
everything up, popped a videotape in the slot and turned it on. He could hardly
bear to watch, but he did. He wanted to bear witness to Harry's pain. The man
on the tape moved slightly and Harry's messy hair came into view along with the
legendary scar. Severus tried to ignore Harry's anguished sobs, but each one
was like a dagger striking his chest.
"Is that... it that Harry Potter?" asked Amelia. "Merlin, Severus, he can't be
more than five or six there!"
"Seven," said Severus. "He has always been severely malnourished and is small
for his age. His relatives starved him, beat him and hired him out to the
highest bidder. Later, when Harry got older, his uncle raped him too."
The man in the video shuddered with his climax and the tape blacked out. Amelia
glanced at all of the tapes. "They are all like this? All of Harry being raped
by grown men?"
"Yes," said Severus, opening a couple of the books. "These books are records of
who the men were, how much they paid and who the videos were sent to. Vernon
had quite a lucrative illegal business in selling his nephew, both videos and
pictures of the boy in the nude."
Madam Bones looked livid. "Why didn't Harry tell anyone? Surely he knew that
what was happening to him wasn't normal? Someone could have helped him!"
"He was a frightened child. This has been going on since he was five years old.
Harry was first raped by a wizard using Polyjuice Potion to look like James
Potter. I don't know how we can ever find out who that first wizard was, unless
Vernon Dursley knows and talks. The only adults Harry ever came into contact
with as he was growing up were the ones who hurt him. He found it difficult to
trust anyone. He still does. The boy is this close from having a complete
nervous breakdown," Severus squeezed his thumb and forefinger close together.
"Those damn Muggles went away on holiday and left Harry in a locked room
without a crumb of food in the house. He was delirious when we found him."
"When you found him? You don't mean - you don't mean he's still at that house,
Severus?"
"He is. There are spells keeping him there, tied to a ring that Dumbledore gave
him."
"Dumbledore? Dumbledore? Are you sure, Severus?"
"I'm sure," said Severus, rummaging through the books until he found what he
was looking for. He shoved the pages across the desk. "Dumbledore knew. He knew
everything that was going on in that house. He was one of the men Dursley sent
the videos to. He may not have raped Harry, but he was the one who insisted
that Harry go back there year after year, even though he knew of the abuse that
Harry was subjected to, both physical and sexual. He was one of the men who got
a kick out of watching videos of the child being molested. Albus Dumbledore was
the one who arranged for the wizards to go to the house; Vernon Dursley
wouldn't know where to contact wizards."
"My God! Dumbledore arranged it? Well, Severus, there's no doubt about it;
there is definitely a case here. Merlin! Azkaban is too good for some of these
monsters."
"Yes," agreed Severus, "which is why I want to invoke the Ancient Law of
Ulciscor."
"But that Law hasn't been invoked for centuries!"
"But it is still on the books, isn't it?"
"Well, yes, but that's hardly the point. We've come a long way since then,
haven't we? People would not stand for it these days."
"Tell me Amelia, if you knew for sure which Death Eaters were behind the masks
that tortured and killed your family, wouldn't you want to invoke the Law
yourself? Mete out your own justice?"
She was shaking, but Severus could not take the words back. "You’re right. I
wouldn't trust the Wizengamot to see justice done. Very well… who are the
complainants?" she conjured another sheet of parchment and a quill. This one
she held firmly in her fist as if the talk of justice being meted out to the
Death Eaters who'd destroyed her family was spurring her on. "And under what
method are they invoking the Law?"
"Severus Snape, George Weasley and Fred Weasley. A kinship invocation."
"Kinship, Severus?"
"Harry was always considered part of the Weasley family, even though it was not
official."
"And your part in this kinship invocation?"
"The Potters and the Princes are inter-related a few generations back. Nothing
that would prevent relationships or marriage between them today, but Harry
Potter is my distant kin."
"Very well. And the - and the - what shall I call the other parties?"
"What they'll soon be, Amelia. Deceased."
"And their names?" the quill was poised above the parchment.
"Vernon Dursley and Albus Dumbledore."
There was a pause before Amelia finally wrote on the parchment and signed it.
"I'll probably be kicked out of office for this, you know," she said as she
handed Severus the parchment. "What about the others? All those other men?"
"All the names are there. I'm sure the Aurors can round up the wizards involved
and Obliviate the Muggles so they have no memory of Harry Potter. Harry would
prefer a closed trial if possible; he is not going to testify if he can help
it."
"He wouldn't need to. Not in this case, not with all the video evidence. I have
no intention of making this an open court. I and two trusted members from the
Wizengamot will try each man individually. No one else will ever see these
tapes."
"You'll destroy them after the trials?"
"No, Severus. I think young Harry has the right to do that, don't you?"
Amelia's hand started shaking as she conjured another parchment. "One more
thing – these spells, they're tied to the blood wards? Protection with
guardianship?"
"Yes," said Severus. "We can't counteract them."
"No, but I can," said Amelia and scribbled furiously before handing Severus the
paper.
"What is it?"
Dissolution of Guardianship for Mr. Harry Potter. Considering Harry's
circumstances and the fact that he does have his own money and is able to
support himself, I've made him an emancipated minor. Harry no longer has any
guardians – he should be able to leave the house whenever he likes."
"Thank you, Amelia," said Severus as he stared at both parchments in his hands.
The dissolution of guardianship and the other one that Amelia had reluctantly
signed.
Ulciscor.
State-sanctioned torture and execution.
A/N
Ulciscor: - to take vengeance on, to avenge.
***** Chapter 9 *****
Part 9
When Severus arrived back at the house, he was pleasantly surprised to discover
that Harry was lying asleep on the sofa, curled up next to Fred, his head lying
in Fred's lap. "Fred?" he whispered, not wanting to wake Harry just yet.
Despite the potions, Harry was still suffering from nightmares and his nights
were constantly disturbed as a result. Harry needed all the sleep he could get.
"He just snuggled up to Fred," said George, who was sitting on an armchair by
the side of the fireplace. "He didn't seem scared at all today. He just cuddled
up and fell asleep." Fred was sitting stiffly on the sofa, his arms taut by his
side as if he was afraid of touching Harry.
"Harry trusts you," said Severus. "That would probably explain it." Harry was
lying facing outwards, his knees bent up so much that they were almost off the
sofa. "Has he eaten anything today?" Harry was still far too thin and all three
of them were determined to change that.
"Some soup and ice-cream at lunch time," said Fred in a low voice. "He wanted
to wait for you so we could all have dinner together."
"It's my turn to cook," added George. "I got some lamb chops."
"Would you clean the kitchen straightaway?" asked Severus. "Harry was most
distressed the other night when he saw the mess, he thought he would be
punished for it."
"Sorry," said Fred. "That was me, I'll clean up in future, Severus. I promise.
How did it go at the Ministry?"
"Very well," said Severus and handed a parchment to each of them.
"Ulciscor? You got them to agree to Ulciscor?" asked George.
"I got Amelia to agree to it, you know what happened to her family."
The twins nodded gravely. "I still didn't think they would agree to it," mused
Fred as George handed over the signed warrant for Ulciscor so that his twin
could read it too. "And this Dissolution, you mean Harry can leave here now?"
"That is the theory at least, with no ties of guardianship to anyone living in
this house Harry should be able to leave it whenever he wishes."
"Where's he going to go?" asked George, giving a worried glance to the sleeping
Harry.
"Wherever he wants to," said Severus. Harry deserved to live wherever he
wanted; after all the boy had been through it was only right that he should
choose his own future from now on. The destiny that had been thrust on his
shoulders by a garbled prophecy was finished; Harry had nobody to please but
himself anymore. Severus again found himself impressed by how brave Harry
Potter had really been to face Voldemort when many grown wizards had cowered in
fear of the Dark Lord. The Wizarding world had a lot to thank the boy for.
As Severus was mulling things over, Harry opened his eyes and blinked, looking
around him. Fred handed Harry his glasses.
"Hello, Severus. Sorry… hello, Professor," amended Harry with a small flush to
his cheeks.
"He's been calling you Severus when you aren't here," laughed George.
"Has he indeed?" enquired Severus, raising an eyebrow. "Well, Harry, if you
wish it, you are welcome to call me Severus when we aren't at school."
"Thank you, sir. Er… Severus," said Harry, blushing again as he pushed himself
upright. He rubbed his right arm, the one he'd been lying on, as if to get the
blood flowing back into it again.
"I thought you might like to see this before dinner," said Severus as he
reached across and plucked the parchment out of George's hand and offered it to
Harry.
"What is it?" asked Harry, taking the scroll and reading it rapidly.
"Dissolution of Guardianship? What does that mean?"
"It means, Harry that in the eyes of Wizard Law, you are now an adult. Free to
come and go as you wish; free to withdraw funds from your vaults; free to
accept any inheritance owed to you; free to own and buy property. Also, as you
are now considered an adult, you have some adult responsibilities. Taxes for
one: they will now be removed yearly from your vault. You no longer have
guardians, you are responsible for your own care and upkeep and you will need
to make all the necessary arrangements for your school fees and books. Before,
all of that was done automatically for you by the Hogwarts trustees, as they do
for all minors, but you are no longer considered a minor."
Harry gaped at him, the parchment trembling in his hands. "Does this mean I can
leave? I can leave this house for good?"
"It would seem to indicate that, but since we don't know exactly what spells
were placed on the ring, we don't honestly know, Harry," replied Severus.
"Can we try? Now?"
"Don't you want dinner first?" asked George.
"No. Let's try. Please let's try," said Harry, almost on the verge of tears.
And who were they to deny Harry his dearest wish?
***
Harry stood by the open front door. Snape was beside him, the twins behind
them. There wasn't enough room for the four of them to stand side by side, but
Harry had wanted all of them here for this. He felt so nervous; every time he'd
tried to go outside before, the ring had yanked him back in and it wasn't a
particularly pleasant sensation. His tummy was fluttering as if it held giant
butterfly wings; he could almost feel them pressing against his skin trying to
get out. Just one step, that's all he needed to do. Just one step. But his foot
refused to move, as if it had been stilled by a permanent sticking charm.
He could do this. He wanted to do this. Harry took a deep breath and put one
foot out until it had crossed the threshold. Nothing happened, so he let his
other foot join it. He was now on the front path and there was no jerking
sensation behind his navel. Nothing. He walked a couple more steps; he was now
further down the front path and he still wasn't being dragged back.
All the tension seemed to leave his body in a rush and he felt light-headed.
Harry swayed – he thought he might faint, but he could feel Snape's body close
to his own.
"Are you all right?" asked Snape.
"I feel dizzy," said Harry as the world around him tilted and he heard cries of
Harry! even as everything dimmed and greyed.
When he came to, he was back inside Privet Drive lying on the sofa. At first he
thought it had been a dream, that he hadn't really gone outside. Until Fred
spoke: "Do you think we can try that again without the fainting, Harry?" smiled
Fred. "You worried us there for a minute."
"It was real? I was outside? I can leave?" Harry struggled to right himself.
"Let's go, I don't want to stay here another minute."
"What about dinner, Harry? All your things?" asked George.
"I just want to get out of here, please." Harry hated how whiny he sounded, but
he didn't want to stay here a second longer than necessary. Maybe one of them
could come back for Harry's meagre possessions: his school trunk and uniforms,
Hedwig's cage. Tears welled up as he thought of his beloved owl. Vernon had
killed her for no other reason than he knew it would upset Harry.
"Okay, we can go back to our flat," said Fred. "I can bunk in with George and
Harry can have my room, Severus you can have the sofa."
"I really ought to get back to Hogwarts..." Snape began.
"Please, sir – Severus – please stay," said Harry. "I'd like all of us to be
together."
"Very well. Harry, have you ever been Apparated before?"
"No, Severus."
"Then you'll need to hold onto one of us until we get there. Will that be
okay?"
Harry was so pleased that Snape - Severus - was being very considerate about
touching him. He was still a little bit wary of being touched, but he'd cuddled
up to Fred earlier that day and Fred hadn't done anything untoward and Harry
just had a sense that Severus wouldn't either. Harry knew that these three men
at least could be trusted not to harm him. Ever. He nodded and took Snape's
hand in his.
"Ready?" Snape asked of no one in particular. When they all nodded, Harry heard
a loud pop and then he was being dragged through a tunnel that seemed far too
small for his body.
He could feel his ribs and his innards being crushed and he opened his mouth to
scream, but no sound was coming out. Blurred colours flashed before his eyes
and he didn't know whether he was still upright or turned upside down. When the
world stopped spinning, he was in a small living room with a sofa and one
armchair. It wasn't Privet Drive and Harry feel to the floor in relief, sobbing
with happiness. He was out! He was out of that awful house forever.
"Welcome to our humble abode, Harry," said Fred as he helped Harry up from the
floor. The room was clean, but it was a little messy with cartons of joke
products seeming to take up most of the floor space, magazines and photos
strewn haphazardly about and clothing draped over every seat. Fred and George
both blushed and hurriedly cast a few household cleaning spells.
"Sorry about that, we didn't know we were going to be having visitors," mumbled
George as the seats finally cleared and they could sit down.
"That's okay," said Harry. He knew he'd freaked out about the mess in the
Dursleys' house, but it wasn't mess that upset Harry. It was mess at the
Dursleys', because he would always be punished for that, no matter who had made
it.
"Have we anything in the fridge, Fred?" asked George.
Everyone seemed very keen on feeding Harry up and he had to admit it made a
nice change. Fred dived though a curtained-off alcove which Harry assumed to be
the kitchen.
"I could make up a salad, or we can order in some pizza." Fred peeked his head
round the curtain, "Have you ever had pizza before, Harry?"
"No," replied Harry. "But I'd love some."
Fred came out of the kitchen and gave Harry a small hug, but he kept it brief
in case it upset him.
Harry didn't mind hugs now, as long as he knew they weren't a prelude to
something more. He smiled up at Fred.
"Then pizza you shall have, Harry."
Harry felt a strange bubbling feeling in his chest, as if lemonade bubbles had
somehow got trapped in there. It took him a while to realise that what he was
feeling was happiness.
Harry was happy, and he was determined to keep it that way.
***** Chapter 10 *****
Part 10
The traffic on the M4 was bloody ridiculous! Vernon ranted and swore as they
tried to navigate their way off the motorway and back towards Guildford and
then on to Little Whinging. Bloody typical! Petunia had to go and book the
flight back from Spain on a Saturday. Every man and his dog were out in his car
and Vernon was getting hotter and sweatier by the minute. Even Dudley's Gameboy
wasn't enough to keep his son from whining. Vernon couldn't wait to get back
home.
Decent food, decent tea, no bloody foreigners, half of them couldn't even speak
a word of bloody English. What was the world coming too when they still
insisted on speaking foreign? Vernon's shouts and attempts at sign-language
hadn't helped them communicate. It had been a disaster all round. Vernon had
only bought the bloody villa because of Petunia nagging him all of last year.
There was no television at the villa and Vernon hadn't taken any of his
magazines with him in case they had been searched at Customs and of course the
brat hadn't been with them, so Vernon had spent three weeks in a state of
constant frustration that wasn't helped one iota by the heat. He couldn't wait
to get back and see his nephew. See him on his knees, sucking his cock. Oh,
yes, there was an image. Vernon would choke him with it; see the brat's face
get redder and redder as he struggled for breath... Vernon was hard at the
thought and he couldn't wait to put it into practice.
With visions of what he'd do to Harry Potter when they got back uppermost in
his mind, Vernon's concentration wasn't on driving and a couple of times they'd
almost crashed into the car in front.
"Vernon! What's the matter with you?" demanded Petunia as she tried to wrench
the wheel from her husband's grasp.
"Nothing! I'm fine; it's these other bloody idiots!"
When they did finally manage to get back to Privet Drive, there was a man
standing on the front steps. No, not a man - one of them. Who else would dress
all in black in the July heat? Dumbledore hadn't said he'd arranged any
appointments for today and Vernon felt a sharp pang of regret that he wouldn't
get to fuck the brat straightaway. But they wanted the money the boy's clients
brought in and they had to be kept sweet.
"Vernon? Who is that man?" asked Petunia, starting to get out of the car.
Vernon placed a hand on her arm. "Just some business from work, dear. Here," he
took out a bunch of notes and thrust them at his wife. "You take Dudley and go
to the cinema or something. We'll be talking business all night."
"Vernon, we just got back! We want to go home!"
"No, Mummy, let's go to the cinema," said Dudley. "It'll be fun. I want to go.
I want to!"
"Fine!" snapped Petunia as she got out and then climbed in on the driver's side
once Vernon had vacated the car.
Vernon watched until they were gone round the corner before he turned back to
his visitor. No wonder the man had to pay, he was downright ugly. Greasy, lank
hair that was almost as black as his eyes and the most crooked nose Vernon had
ever seen. Vernon sneered. He was a cut above these men: he'd never needed to
pay for it. He took what he wanted and he had waited until Harry was no longer
a child. The fact that the law considered anyone under 16 a child had never
bothered him. Who was the brat going to tell? He was too ashamed to tell anyone
and Vernon had spent years instilling that shame in the boy. It wouldn't do for
the brat to suddenly blab to someone.
"Vernon Dursley?" queried the man in black.
"Yes," he said firmly. "It's a hundred up front, then another hundred
afterwards."
"Oh," said the man with a small smirk. "We're not here for that. We're here for
you."
The man grabbed Vernon's arm and the world disappeared.
***
Spinner's End wasn't really suitable for what Severus and the twins had in mind
and Severus didn't want this vile man anywhere near anything that belonged to
him, even if he was a bit ambivalent about his family home. The same applied to
the Weasleys' property; Severus wouldn't want to sully one of Harry's havens
like that.
They needed space and privacy, away from Muggles and Wizarding folk alike. It
would be magically warded and silenced as a matter of course, but they still
needed somewhere quiet where they wouldn't be interrupted in their work.
Grimmauld Place was considered but discarded, it was still the tentative
headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix and they didn't want to risk someone
walking in and finding out what they were up to, Ulciscor or not.
Fred and George had told him of an old barn miles away from anywhere but close
to Ottery St. Catchpole so that is where they Apparated Vernon Dursley to.
The fat man had fainted as soon as they'd started Apparating and once they
landed in the barn, Severus had tied the still unconscious Dursley to a
conjured chair. Fred conjured a long table; George conjured the instruments to
sit upon it. They were all silver, all sharp and he laid them out with the
precision of a surgeon laying out scalpels. Severus knew that as wizards, they
didn't really need knives and blades to perform torture, but this man was a
Muggle. He'd raped Harry, he'd sold Harry in the basest Muggle way possible and
Severus wanted him to feel Muggle pain. A lot of it. He might throw in the odd
Crucio as well, he was just wondering what they should start with first.
Harry was safely tucked away at The Burrow, with Arthur and Molly, who were
warned to keep him there and not reveal what Severus and the twins were up to.
There was no point in Harry getting into trouble over it. Arthur and Molly knew
about the Ulciscor and Molly had wanted to come, to punish the man for all he'd
done to Harry, but Arthur and Severus had convinced her that the best place for
her now was with Harry to look after him while they couldn't.
Severus conjured a bucket of water and threw it in Vernon's face. The man
coughed and spluttered as he woke up, his eyes bulging in terror when he
realised he was bound. He looked like a rather ugly toad.
"What do you want?" he demanded. "Petunia'll pay a ransom, we've got money!"
"You think we're after your money?" hissed Severus as he lifted a sharp knife
from the table and held it underneath Vernon's chin. "We don't want money,
Dursley. We want vengeance!" Severus pressed the blade and a drop of blood
welled up. Dursley whimpered and struggled and the smell of urine hung heavily
in the air as he wet himself.
"You're pathetic!" snarled Severus as he stood up and cast a cleaning charm
over his robes; he didn't extend Dursley the same courtesy. "We haven't even
started and you're already pissing yourself in fear!"
"I didn't do anything!" bawled Vernon through his tears.
"No?" said Fred. "You call what you did to Harry nothing?"
His tears suddenly stopped. "Potter? This is about Potter? That bloody freak!
Wait till I get my hands on him! That fucking bastard freak! He wasn't supposed
to tell anybody! I'll show him what happens when he doesn't obey me!"
"Dursley, you are labouring under a misapprehension," said Severus calmly,
sounding for all the world as if Vernon was a guest they’d invited for tea.
"You will never see Harry Potter again."
"What have you done to him?"
"Again, you are mistaken. We have done nothing to Harry; the same can't be said
for you. Now, what shall I do to you first?" Severus made a show of lifting
each item from the table, knives, hooks, tongs, saws and pokers as if he
couldn't decide which one to use.
"You won't get away with this! I'll tell Dumbledore! He'll protect me! He
promised he'd protect me if this ever got out!"
"Accio invisibility cloak," said Fred and as the silvery material floated into
his hand, Vernon could see Dumbledore tied to another chair. His face was
covered in bruises and blood was trickling from his mouth; his eyes were open
but he wasn't blinking.
"Is he - is he dead?" asked Vernon.
"No. Not yet," said Severus.
"I think we should start with castration," said George, caressing an oddly
shaped blade. "If he hasn't got the equipment, he can't rape anyone, can he?"
"NO! NO! Keep away from me! Keep away!" roared Vernon.
Severus ignored him and cast a spell to divest the man of his clothes. Vernon's
screams rose in pitch but Severus could not feel one ounce of pity for him.
"Mercy! Please mercy!"
"Where was your mercy when you did that to a child? When you starved him;
locked him in; beat him; raped him? You think a piece of scum like yourself
deserves our mercy, Dursley?"
"Please! I'll do anything! You can take him, take the boy! You can have him for
free! Anytime you want!"
"You utter bastard!" screamed Fred as he lunged for the man and began punching
his face. "Do you think we're as sick as you? That we want to rape a child?"
"He's not a child! He's a fucking whore! He's a slut! He loves it, he loves
being fucked and you can have him!"
"George, hand me the blade," said Severus in a quiet voice. George handed the
item over without a word and Severus bent down to Vernon's genitals.
The man's screams didn't stop for a long time.
***
When Severus released the binding spell keeping Dumbledore mute, the man showed
no fear. Not even when he saw Vernon Dursley's mutilated and dead body lying on
the floor of the barn. Dumbledore must know he was going to die, but as Severus
had expected, that held no fear for the elderly wizard.
"Why, Albus? Why?" he asked again, but Dumbledore had no answer for him besides
the ever present, "Why not?"
It wasn't an answer and Severus despaired that he would ever be able to
understand why Dumbledore had done it, why he had sent those wizards to Vernon
in the first place. Now things that had never made much sense when Severus had
been at school seemed revealed in utter clarity. While Severus was a student,
there had been quite a few suicides in Slytherin House and of those, all had
previously been chosen by Dumbledore for some special task, whether it be as a
prefect or Head Boy or Girl, they'd all been alone with Dumbledore at some
stage.
"How many? How many students did you molest?" demanded Severus. Severus hadn't
been one of them, but he remembered now the night he'd fled Voldemort and
sought sanctuary. He'd thought nothing of it at the time, but as Dumbledore had
hugged him and welcomed him back; his touches seemed to linger longer than they
should have and be concentrated in inappropriate places. Maybe Dumbledore
hadn't gone any further because Severus had seemed too old by then. Eighteen –
not a child by any stretch of the imagination, and he had always been tall for
his age.
"I've lost count," said Dumbledore in a resigned tone. Severus could not
believe how calm Dumbledore was being about it all, as if he didn't care about
all those children whose lives he'd ruined, as if it didn't matter. Severus
wanted to kill him now before he lost his nerve, before he remembered the man
as his mentor and friend. Dumbledore had never been a friend to Harry, he'd
been a fiend. Severus wondered if the headmaster had in fact molested Harry
too. How many times had Harry been alone in that man's study?
"Who was he? Who was that first wizard you sent to Vernon Dursley?" demanded
George.
"I didn't send a wizard to Dursley that day."
"Come off it, Albus, You're not going to try and tell us that the wizard on
that tape really was James?"
"No, James Potter is dead. But I'm telling the truth. It wasn't a wizard that
day. It was a witch."
***** Chapter 11 *****
Part 11
Harry had never masturbated, he had never wanted to. All his memories of
anything sexual were tainted by what had happened to him and he never
considered his prick with anything except a distant regard. Sexual matters
disgusted him. He sometimes had wet dreams, but they made him feel guilty and
sick, calling for a quick cleaning charm if he was at school. More often than
not they happened over the summer, which had earned him another beating and
rape from Vernon and accusations that he enjoyed it. Harry's only consolation
was that he had never been made to come during any of his rapes; the men had
been intent only on their own pleasure. How much worse would he have felt if
he'd actually had an orgasm? It was bad enough as it was.
Ron, it seemed, had no such qualms or hang-ups about his body and the pleasure
it could give him. Ron wanked every night and Harry was more than a little
uncomfortable on hearing his friend shift about on the mattress, the wood of
the bed creaking louder and louder the closer to climax he came. Of course, Ron
was trying to be quiet, but he couldn’t help groaning as he orgasmed and Harry
dearly wished they could cast silencing charms during the school holidays.
It didn't arouse Harry; it made him uncomfortable and reminded him of all those
nameless men who'd used him in the past.
Would he ever feel normal enough, comfortable enough in his own skin, his own
body, to take pleasure in it?
Harry sighed and punched his pillow, tomorrow was his sixteenth birthday and he
would have his first birthday party. Maybe Ron would be too tired to wank
tomorrow night.
***
Harry had never seen so much food in one place before, Mrs. Weasley had outdone
herself. It was such a lovely day that the party had been transferred to the
garden. Extra tables had been conjured and they groaned under the weight of all
the party goodies: cakes; sandwiches; vol-au-vents; Wizard and Muggle sweets;
non-melting ice-cream and bowls of jelly. Jugs of pumpkin juice; lemonade;
dandelion and burdock cordial and fruit punch were all kept magically chilled,
and the centrepiece of it all was Harry's birthday cake: a sixteen-tiered
chocolate cake decorated with chocolate and vanilla icing.
Harry caught up with Remus, who was looking worse than ever these days. His
hair was sprinkled with more grey and he had a haggard, lost look. No one had
told Harry, but he'd guessed that Remus and Sirius had been lovers. It must
have been so hard for Remus to lose Sirius now after getting him back after all
those years apart. Harry just squeezed Remus' arm and was rewarded with a soft
smile. Neither of them spoke, the grief wasn't really something that could be
put into words.
"I'm glad you're here, Remus," said Harry, and he was. He hadn't seen much of
Remus since Sirius died and he’d wondered if his godfather had been the only
thing they really had in common.
Hermione was her normal bubbly self and had wrapped Harry in a hug as soon as
she'd seen him.
The twins and Severus weren't at the party, which Harry thought a bit strange.
He was so sure they would have come to his birthday party and he tried to tell
himself that he wasn't really disappointed that Professor Snape hadn't come.
He'd become so used to Severus being with him almost constantly over the past
couple of weeks that it felt really odd not to have him here.
Just as it was starting to get dark, the twins and Severus Apparated onto the
lawn. Mr. and Mrs. Weasley took them inside and Harry had the impression that
something important had happened, but he had no idea what it could be.
As the party was winding down, Harry took his best friends aside and led them
to the orchard. He wished they were allowed to do magic while they were under
seventeen – it would have been nice to have a silencing charm or a ward up –
but they would just have to rely on good old-fashioned discretion.
The twins and Severus had both encouraged Harry to tell his friends what had
happened to him, but Harry was still worried about it. What if they wouldn't
want to be friends with him anymore after he told them? What if they thought
he'd brought it upon himself?
"Harry? What is it? What's wrong?" asked Hermione, on the ball as ever.
"You know you can tell us anything, Harry. Anything," said Ron.
"This isn't easy to talk about," said Harry. "But what I’m going to tell you
has to go no further than you two. Do you swear?"
They both nodded and Harry began his tale, starting from that first awful
memory of when he was five right up to the last time it had happened, just a
few short weeks ago. The cupboard, the enforced starvation, the beatings… he
left nothing out and he was crying and shaking by the end of it, feeling so
sick, so soiled. He'd never felt clean, no matter how many showers or baths he
took. The stain wasn't on his skin though so no amount of scrubbing or scalding
hot water helped.
"Oh, Harry!" sobbed Hermione and leaned in to hug him. "Is this okay?" she
asked, blinking away tears.
Harry nodded. "As long as I know it’s just a hug," he sniffed.
"Harry, mate, I don't know what to say," said Ron. "I hope they kill the
bastards! Merlin, Harry. It must have been awful."
"It was, Ron," admitted Harry. "But I don't have to go back there ever again.
Do - do you think differently about me? Now you know?"
"Harry, we always thought you were brave," said Ron. "Now I think you're even
braver after all that you've been through. You're our best friend; you'll
always be our best friend."
"Always," agreed Hermione and both of them wrapped their arms around him and
hugged him as if they never wanted to let him go.
***
"So, it's done then?" asked Arthur as he wrapped an arm around Molly; the woman
did look rather pale, as if she might faint at any moment. Severus was trying
very hard not to stare at his hands; he knew all the blood had been washed and
cleansed away, but he could still feel it there, thick, clogged, sticking to
his skin. After Voldemort's demise, he had thought he would never need to kill
again. It never got any easier, how could it when every time a wizard killed,
he killed part of his own soul too? Did he even have a soul left anymore?
Sometimes Severus wasn't so sure.
The twins nodded at their mother, both of them still pale and horrified at what
they had done. What had they thought Ulciscor meant? A gentle slaughter? It was
torture, nothing less, reserved for the use of those people with the guts to
claim it for their families. Severus was glad they were horrified; it showed
him that at least they weren't in danger of losing their souls or becoming
monsters like Voldemort had.
"It is done," said Severus. It had taken Dumbledore three days to die in agony,
but still he wouldn't speak, would not reveal who that first witch had been,
and he'd died without giving them a name. Severus thought they might never
know, for she was hardly going to come forward and admit it after what had
happened to Dursley and Dumbledore.
Severus handed over copies of a day-old Daily Mail and Daily Prophet to the
senior Weasleys, who read the articles quickly. Severus could almost recite
both of them word for word.
            Surrey Man Slain, Connections to Child Pornography Ring
Vernon Dursley's mutilated body was found late last night on waste ground near
London's East End. Police discovered after a raid on his house that Dursley, of
Little Whinging in Surrey, was the ringleader of a child pornography ring.
Boxes of evidence were seized, including videotapes, photographs, magazines and
computer images of young boys and girls. So far, there are no leads to who may
have murdered the man, but considering the mutilation of the body, it is
believed that it might have been some form of vigilante justice.
Mrs. Petunia Dursley has also been arrested in connection with the abuse and
neglect of their nephew, who cannot be named for legal reasons, and who is now
on the missing list.
See page 3 for editorial on the lack of suitable punishments for child-abusers.
The Daily Prophet of course, took a more sensationalist view, thanks to Rita
Skeeter, but thankfully Harry hadn't been mentioned in either article. They
were both keen to rip Dursley’s or Dumbledore's reputation to shreds though,
and Minerva McGonagall had been appointed headmistress in Dumbledore's place.
Amelia had already owled Severus and told him what the Aurors had found at
Hogwarts, but it wasn't something that would ever be released to the press.
There was a secret room in Dumbledore's study, filled to the rafters with
videos of Harry that Vernon had sent him along with a television and video
player that had been adapted to work within Hogwarts’ magical field. But that
wasn't all they'd found. In Dumbledore's pensieve, they discovered incidences
of abuse with more than fifty students, both boys and girls. With no access to
video recorders, Dumbledore had extracted his memory of each time and could
look at it again and again in his pensieve. Severus felt sick at the thought.
Dumbledore had never abused Harry, or at least they could not find any evidence
of it, but that begged the question: why did he have all those videos of Harry?
Did Dumbledore want to hurt Harry but was afraid of being found out? Dumbledore
must have known Severus would see some of Harry's memories during the
Occlumency lessons and maybe he didn't want to risk it. They'd never know;
Dumbledore hadn't talked and now he never would.
"How is Harry?" asked Severus at last. He really didn't want to think of death
and dying any more.
"He seems a lot happier now that he's out of that house, Severus," said Molly.
"I think he liked the idea of a birthday party. He’s never had one before."
"No, he hasn't," said Severus.
"We've told him he can stay as long as he likes, but he wants to go house-
hunting soon," said Arthur. "He's really taking this adult thing to heart,
isn't he?"
"I daresay," said Severus. He turned to the twins. "Why don't we go and wish
Harry a happy birthday?"
Severus was determined that it would be the first of many happy birthdays that
Harry would have.
***** Chapter 12 *****
Part 12
The next time Harry went to Gringotts, the goblins in charge couldn't have been
more different: they were as deferential to him as if he'd been some sort of
Royalty. They were falling over themselves to help him once they'd seen the
parchment from Amelia Bones in his hand. Harry had been shown to all of his own
vaults – there were three Potter vaults in all and each of them was filled with
more coins than Harry would be able to count in one lifetime.
Now that he was considered a legal adult, he was also allowed to inherit and
he'd been given the deeds to Grimmauld Place and keys to Sirius' vault. There
wasn't a lot in it, Sirius had been disinherited by his parents years ago, but
Harry felt a bit closer to the man as he spent a few hours going through old
photograph albums and papers that had once belonged to his godfather. He shrank
them all and placed them in his pocket; Severus had told him that now he was a
legal adult he could do magic outside school too.
Harry had been a bit worried the first time he tried it; he'd cast a silencing
charm round his camp bed at The Burrow, all the time wondering if he was going
to get another of those horrible letters from the Misuse of Magic office, but
he didn't. So now he could sleep a lot better, knowing he wouldn't have to hear
Ron's groans anymore.
Harry signed papers to set up his payments for school and taxes, and was
allowed to open an account at all the shops in Diagon Alley so that he wouldn't
have to bring cash with him all the time. He set up anonymous payments to go to
some children's charities, and the goblins assured him that of course they knew
the meaning of discretion.
Severus was still waiting in the lobby for him when Harry returned from the
vaults beneath the bank.
"Where to next, Harry?" asked Severus. A few people were openly staring at
them, wondering what on earth Severus Snape was doing with Harry Potter, but
then people had always stared at Harry no matter what. By this stage, Harry
couldn't have cared less.
"I thought we could go and have lunch, if you didn't mind. I'd um - I'd like to
talk to you about careers options and then I can get my books for this year."
He felt a bit funny about asking; he was a legal adult now, shouldn't he have
been able to sort all this out by himself? Harry twisted his hands and tried to
slow down his breathing; he seemed to get a bit panicky at the slightest thing
these days.
"Harry, you can always ask for advice. It isn't a sign of weakness to ask for
help, no matter what age you are."
Severus led them out of the bank towards a small restaurant a few doors down
from Gringotts. The Pot & Kettle had a creaky black sign on the wall outside
and the windows had so much grime on them that it was difficult to see inside.
Harry was a bit wary until Severus pushed the door open and he saw a beautiful
modern-looking restaurant with polished wood floors; glass tables and leather
chairs. Glasses and cutlery sparkled and the whole place gave off an air of
sophistication that Harry would never have expected in a Wizarding eatery.
A maitre d’ hurried over to them with two menus clutched in his hand. "Severus!
How wonderful to see you again!"
"Thank you, Anton. For two please."
"This way, this way," he hurried off leaving Harry and Severus no choice but to
follow. They were shown to a small, cosy table upstairs, right in the corner.
There were no other patrons upstairs and from their vantage point they could
see everyone downstairs. Harry wondered if that was Severus' usual table; it
would have been a good spot for a spy to observe others without being seen.
"Would you like any drinks?"
"Sparkling mineral water," said Severus. "Harry?"
"Um, pumpkin juice?"
The maitre d’ looked as if Harry had just insulted his whole family, his face
screwed up as if he smelled something unpleasant.
"We do not serve pumpkin juice."
"Oh. Oh, then I'll have the same as Professor Snape."
"Very well," the man bustled off and Harry suddenly wished he wasn't considered
a legal adult at all. He wanted to be looked after; he'd never been looked
after and it had always been hard to look after himself, but he had managed
somehow. Was it so terrible to want to be cared for by someone?
"So, I take it you've received your OWL results then, Harry? Considering you
want to discuss some career options. I thought you wanted to be an Auror?"
Harry shook his head. "That was before. I thought I might need that training in
order to defeat Voldemort, but I don't want a job where I'm going after
criminals all the time. I want to do something different, I want to help
people. I'm thinking of becoming a Healer, but I don't know what NEWTs I need
to do for that."
"Well, what were your results?"
Harry removed a crumpled piece of parchment from his jeans pocket and passed it
across the glass-topped table.
***
Harry's hand was shaking as Severus took the parchment from him; the boy had
seemed a bit nervous all day today and Severus wondered if being declared
legally adult before you were fully grown was a bit daunting for him. Severus
unrolled the scroll and read the results to himself.
                   Ordinary Wizarding Levels: Potter, H. J.
Astronomy E
Care of Magical Creatures A
Charms E
Defence Against the Dark Arts O
Divination P
Herbology E
History of Magic P
Potions O
Muggle Studies E
Transfiguration E
Passing Grades: O-Outstanding; E-Exceeds Expectations; A-Acceptable. Failing
Grades: P-Poor; D-Dreadful; T-Troll. Students who have achieved a T in any
subject should consider a non-academic career.
"Congratulations, Harry. You've done really well. Only two fails, but not in
any subject you’ll need in order to train to be a Healer. Potions, Herbology,
Care of Magical Creatures, Muggle Studies and Charms are all compulsory NEWTs
to gain an apprenticeship at St. Mungo's. I would also recommend
Transfiguration and Defence Against the Dark Arts as well as Ancient Runes.
Some curses are only known by their runic name and it can only help when
dealing with spell-damaged patients."
"But I haven't done Ancient Runes before, Professor," said Harry. Severus
wondered if the boy knew that he'd reverted back to the title. It seemed that
in anything to do with school, Harry still considered the man as his teacher
rather than a friend. Were they friends? Severus liked to think so, but he
wouldn't push his friendship on anyone and if Harry only wanted to consider him
a teacher, then he would accept it. It was better than them sniping at each
other's throats all the time.
"No, which means you won't be able to join the NEWT class; you'll need private
tutoring in the subject. Madam Pomfrey hasn't taken on an apprentice for a few
years now, but she might be willing to make an exception for you."
Harry's face darkened. "I don't want her to make an exception because it’s me,"
said Harry, rubbing his hand over the spot where his scar used to be. "I don't
want special treatment because of who I am."
The maitre d’ set down two bottles and two glasses, so Severus waited until
Anton left again before continuing the conversation. "I didn't mean because of
that, Harry. I mean because you have done well in your exams and you actually
want to become a Healer, we haven't had anyone at Hogwarts wanting to become a
Healer for years. You'll learn a few Healing spells in Charms, as everyone
does, but it is basic First Aid really. Madam Pomfrey will help you learn other
healing spells and anything else you need to. As well as your NEWTs, there is
an entrance exam for the St. Mungo's Apprenticeship Program and I'm afraid
First Aid spells won't really cut it. I think she'd love to have someone to
pass her knowledge on to."
"You really think she would, Professor?"
"I do. Would you like me to ask her for you?"
"Wouldn't it be better if I asked her myself, sir? To show that I was mature
enough to cope with it?" Harry took a sip of water, and then spluttered half of
it all over the table. "Sorry, the bubbles went up my nose."
"No harm done," said Severus, dabbing the table with a napkin and smiling at
Harry. He was relieved when he smiled back. "You could write her a letter
before we get back to school, Harry, so you'll know."
"I can still get my other books today though, can't I? Do you know which books
I might need for Ancient Runes, Professor? We should have arranged to meet with
Hermione – she'd know and she'd probably know who could tutor me as well."
"Oh, I thought I'd mentioned that, Harry. The whole school knows that I am a
Master of Potions, of course, but I am also a certified Master of Runic Lore.
If you wish, I can tutor you; we'll have to make some arrangements to fit it in
round the rest of your studies."
"Thank you, sir; that would be great. If you don't mind me asking, Professor,
why weren't you the teacher for Ancient Runes rather than Potions?"
"Potions and Defence Against the Dark Arts were the only subjects vacant at the
time I sought sanctuary, I was never offered the DADA post but I needed
somewhere safe to stay, so I accepted the Potions position."
"Oh," Harry's face had lost all its colour as the name not spoken hovered in
the air between them. "Sir - you - you and the twins, you did that for me,
didn't you?"
Severus wasn't so foolish as to ask him what he was referring to in the middle
of a public restaurant.
"Yes, Harry, we did. We did it for you."
Harry glanced up, tears dancing behind his glasses. He reached over and
squeezed Severus' hands, the first time he'd attempted a touch today. "Thank
you, sir. Thank you."
At Harry's touch, Severus could see his hands as they really were: clean – not
covered in blood.
***** Chapter 13 *****
Part 13
Severus had been to Dumbledore’s office so many times when the man had been
alive, it felt rather awkward to go there knowing he was the man's murderer.
Minerva didn't seem to notice his discomfort though; it probably helped that
she'd redecorated the study as soon as she'd taken over. The headmistress'
study now sported a rather alarming amount of tartan, from wall panels to the
chairs and the woman's ever-present tin of shortbread.
There was a gap on the wall where Dumbledore's portrait should have hung as one
of the former headmasters. Severus couldn't help staring at the blank space.
Considering the shame he'd brought upon the school, the governors had decided
his portrait would never hang there. Minerva saw where Severus' gaze rested.
"Terrible business, Severus. Just terrible. To think, that none of us even
knew, even suspected that he could do such a thing. You didn't hear this from
me, but I was relieved when he was found dead. A trial would have been so
upsetting for all those students, imagine bringing all of those bad memories
back now. No, it's best that it's all forgotten about as quickly as possible.
And those videos that vile man made of Harry! How could they do such a thing,
Severus? How could they?"
"I'm not sure, Minerva. Some Muggles believe it's a form of mental illness,
that they just can't help themselves."
"That doesn't excuse what they did!"
"No, I agree. Those children will have to live with it for the rest of their
lives. Harry Potter will have to live with it."
"I should have known something was going on. I should have stopped it. I've
lost count of how many times Harry asked me to be allowed to stay at Hogwarts
over the summer, but of course it wasn't up to me, not then. I wish things had
been different, Severus, I really do. To think that he was sent back there,
year after year. It's a wonder the boy is still sane."
Severus didn't know what to say. They could play the game of ‘what if’ until
they were blue in the face, but it wouldn't help matters now.
"Did you wish to see me for something in particular, Minerva?" asked Severus.
It was a week before term started and he had lesson plans to finish,
ingredients to organise and a hundred and one other things to do before the
little darlings came back.
"Oh, yes, Severus. Now that I'm headmistress, I won't really have much time for
my Head of House duties; I was hoping you could take over as the Gryffindor
Head of House as well as for Slytherin. I've asked Hagrid to let the castle
know that we need a new set of rooms, for both Houses to share. It would be
easier for you if both Houses are together, wouldn't it?"
"Headmistress," said Severus, deliberately using the woman's title. "Are you
bloody insane? Those two Houses detest each other! There'll be murder done if
you put them in together!"
"I don't think so, Severus, I think this is what the school needs. Those two
Houses have been enemies for long enough. The sixth and seventh years will not
be in dormitories any longer, each will have their own bedroom within the dorm,
but the Slytherins and Gryffindors will share the common room and bathrooms.
The younger years will be split into dormitories as usual, but each dorm should
have some Slytherins and Gryffindors in it. They are not to be split into
separate dorms, do you understand? You and I can get along, Severus, so why is
it so difficult for our students?"
"Because they are going through adolescence where everything is ruled by
hormones and things seem way out of proportion to what actually happens. Are
you sure this is a good idea, Minerva?" Dear Merlin, he wasn't actually
thinking of agreeing, was he? Just imagine Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy in the
same dormitory, they'd probably kill each other.
"I think it is, Severus. So, do you agree?"
"I don't really have much choice, do I?" mumbled Severus, but at least the
woman hadn't tried to ply him with tea or lemon drops.
***
"I wonder who the new Defence teacher is," said Hermione as she glanced at the
top table on their first day back. Harry followed her gaze; he didn't see
anyone new there either. Hagrid and Professor Snape had brought in the first
years, Severus holding the sorting hat in his hands. All the first years looked
terrified of Snape.
"Maybe they couldn't get anyone?" suggested Ron. "They might drop the subject
altogether now that we don't need to fight You-Know-Who."
"There are still plenty of Death Eaters, Ron, not to mention it's good self-
defence, and some of us need a NEWT in Defence for our courses!"
"Okay, okay," muttered Ron, his ears going pink. "I was only saying!"
Professor McGonagall stood up and tapped a spoon against the side of her goblet
for attention, although it wasn't really necessary. The whole school had gone
silent as soon as she'd stood up. Harry had heard snippets of conversation as
they'd first entered the Great Hall. It seemed a lot of the pupils knew that
Dumbledore had done something illegal and that he was now dead, but none of
them knew quite what he’d done. So far, Harry had heard theories that he'd been
a Death Eater in disguise and that he was an alien who had returned to wherever
he'd come from.
"Thank you everyone. Now that we are all Sorted, I have an announcement to
make. As you know I have been made headmistress this year and as those duties
will take up a lot of my time, I will no longer be able to perform Head of
House duties for Gryffindor. I am pleased to inform you that Professor Snape
has kindly agreed to act as Head of House for Gryffindor as well as Slytherin
and -"
But no one heard what she said next, for the Slytherin table had erupted into
boos and hisses at the announcement; the Gryffindors were just silent with
shock. "Kill me now, Harry. Kill me now," mumbled Ron beneath his breath.
"SILENCE!" boomed McGonagall and the Slytherins quieted down immediately as if
a switch had just been flicked. "This is a school, not a democracy! There are
rules and if you disobey, you will be punished just as you have before. This is
the new rule: Professor Snape is now Head of both Gryffindor and Slytherin
House, you will show him the respect he deserves or I will see all of you in
detention. There is also a new rule for the sixth and seventh years: you will
have your own bedrooms rather than having to share a dormitory; younger years
will share as before. The new combined Slytherin and Gryffindor dormitory is in
the dungeons as Professor Snape needs to be near the Potions laboratory."
"Combined?" hissed Hermione. "Did she just say combined? Oh, how are we going
to get any work done sharing with the Slytherins?"
"We have our own rooms, Hermione. We won't have to see the Slytherins if we
don't want to," said Harry. It sounded like they would have to share the common
areas though. Harry was not looking forward to sharing bathrooms with anyone
from Slytherin. Severus as Head of House… he could cope with that. He knew how
much Severus cared for the students under his tutelage and if he had any
problems it would be good to be able to talk to someone who already knew what
Harry had been through. Somehow, Harry couldn't imagine talking to Professor
McGonagall about any of it. Yes, a male Head of House was better from that
viewpoint.
"Professor Snape will also be taking on the role of Defence Against the Dark
Arts teacher this year. Let us all wish him the very best in his new
endeavours."
The Slytherins clapped and cheered, Harry and Hermione joined in as did most of
the Gryffindor table, but Ron was pounding his head on the table as if he hoped
to knock himself out. "I thought I'd got rid of him now I'm not doing Potions,"
he wailed at the air.
"Snape's all right, Ron," said Harry, still clapping. "He saved me from that
house. I can't forget that. Ever."
Ron looked up, a sober expression on his face. "Yeah, he did, didn't he? Maybe
he won't be so bad after all."
McGonagall tapped her goblet again until the noise had died down. "Fourth and
sixth years, please remain behind until you get your timetables for your OWL
and NEWT subjects, the rest of you may make your way to the dormitories and
we'll see you all tomorrow bright and early for your first classes. Goodnight
everyone."
All the other students filed out and Harry wondered how things could change so
completely in so little time, but then he should have been used to that by now.
Sixth and seventh years hadn’t had their own rooms before, only the Head Boy
and Head Girl had been awarded that privilege. Harry wasn't so sure it was a
privilege; he'd been locked alone in a room for years, so he'd always looked
forward to getting back to school and sharing a dorm with his friends.
Professor Snape was handing out timetables to the Slytherin fourth and sixth
years, Professor Sprout and Professor Flitwick to Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw and
they waited patiently while Professor McGonagall made their way over to the
Gryffindor table. It looked like she had at least sorted out their subjects.
The fourth years were dealt with first; the OWL timetable wasn't as complicated
as the ones for the NEWT students.
Professor McGonagall handed everyone their timetables except for Harry, who was
starting to get a bit worried by now. The others left until Harry was the only
student left in the Great Hall with all the teachers. McGonagall sat down
beside him, a few moments later, Madam Pomfrey sat on the other side of him and
Professor Snape sat opposite him as the rest of the staff left.
"Harry, your timetable is a bit more complicated than everyone else's," said
Professor McGonagall. "Especially since you want an Apprenticeship with Madam
Pomfrey and we have to add on extra classes in Ancient Runes as well. I've
already asked Professor Sinistra but she won't take on anyone for NEWTs unless
they have already done an OWL in the subject. Professor Snape has agreed to
tutor you each weekday, but I've left the weekends free for now." Professor
McGonagall thrust a piece of parchment towards him.
"You are doing quite a few subjects, Harry, and this is what we've come up with
for your timetable. Try it for a week or two to see how you're managing but if
it gets too much, come and talk to Professor Snape about it and we'll see if we
can make it better for you."
Harry read down the list.
Mon
8 breakfast
9 Double Potions
11 Double Herbology
1 Lunch
2 Double Defence Against the Dark Arts
4 Tutoring with Madam Pomfrey (Healing)
6 Dinner
7 Study/prep
8 Tutoring with Professor Snape (Ancient Runes)
10 Curfew
Tues
8 Breakfast
9 Double Transfiguration
11 Double Charms
1 Lunch
2 Double Muggle Studies
4 Tutoring with Professor Snape (Ancient Runes)
6 Dinner
7 Study/prep
8 Tutoring with Madam Pomfrey (Healing)
10 Curfew
Weds
8 Breakfast
9 Double Potions
11 Double Muggle Studies
1 Lunch
2 Double Care of Magical Creatures
4 Tutoring with Madam Pomfrey (Healing)
6 Dinner
7 Study/prep
8 Tutoring with Professor Snape (Ancient Runes)
10 Curfew
Thurs
8 Breakfast
9 Double Transfiguration
11 Double Charms
1 Lunch
2 Double Herbology
4 Tutoring with Professor Snape (Ancient Runes)
6 Dinner
7 Study/prep
8 Tutoring with Madam Pomfrey (Healing)
10 Curfew
Fri
8 Breakfast
9 Double Transfiguration
11 Double Muggle Studies
1 Lunch
2 Double Care of Magical Creatures
4 Tutoring with Madam Pomfrey (Healing)
6 Dinner
7 Study/prep
8 Tutoring with Professor Snape (Ancient Runes)
10 Curfew
Sat/Sun - free time and study.
"Becoming a Healer takes a lot of work and study, Harry," said Madam Pomfrey.
"I know this probably seems like you have very little free time, but if you
want to be successful in entering the training program at St. Mungo's you do
need to start working for it now."
Harry nodded. "I know, Madam Pomfrey. I'm not afraid of hard work. I want to do
this; I'm going to do this. Thank you for taking me on and thank you, Professor
Snape. I know it can't be easy with all your other responsibilities."
"Mr. Potter, we will always try and accommodate those students who want to do
the work. And believe me, we will be working hard."
"Thank you, sir," said Harry and he couldn't help smiling at the man across the
table from him.
"Well, that seems to be everything, I think," said Professor McGonagall.
"Severus, why don't you show Harry to his new dormitory?"
The man nodded and stood up. Harry followed him down to the dungeons and got
ready to start his new life at Hogwarts.
It was going to be an interesting year.
***** Chapter 14 *****
Part 14
A month later, Harry wondered what strange madness had possessed him to make
him think he wanted to be a Healer. He was exhausted, he was doing more study
than the seventh years and the thought of doing it for two more years and then
another three at St. Mungo's was starting to worry him. What if he couldn't
cope?
It would probably help if he'd been able to get a decent night's sleep, but
he'd barely slept at all since they'd returned to school. He was uncomfortable
being in a room on his own. Every time a shadow moved, or a tree scraped along
the window, it had him panicking and reaching for his wand. The doors to the
bedrooms weren't allowed to be locked or warded in case there was an emergency,
but Harry had started shoving a chair under the door handle every night. He
just couldn't get rid of the fear that someone might try and sneak in while he
was asleep. So he'd just stopped sleeping, it seemed easier that way.
It was Thursday evening and he was having a tutoring session with Madam Pomfrey
again, but Harry was almost asleep on his feet. They were touring the
infirmary's store cupboard and as Harry stared at each label, he thought he
recognised the spidery scrawl. "Professor Snape makes all these?"
"Oh, yes," agreed Madam Pomfrey proudly. "Professor Snape is the best Potions
Master in Britain, Harry, if not the world. We're very lucky to have him here.
All our patients get the best potions."
"Why do they always taste so horrible though?" asked Harry, grimacing at a
bottle of Skele-Gro, remembering the vile taste from second year.
Madam Pomfrey laughed. "That would be Severus for you, Harry. He doesn't
believe the children should be coddled just because they're ill so he refuses
to adulterate his work with flavours. Sometimes, even a simple addition of a
particular flavour can adversely affect the potion, so we don't risk it."
That made sense and Harry nodded as the matron went through all the different
potions and what they were used for. Harry had a Muggle notebook in his hand;
writing everything down as they went along. It wouldn't do to prescribe the
wrong potion for someone.
"You'll find mostly the basics in here, Harry: burn salves; calming draughts;
Pepper-up Potion; acne cream; antiseptic lotions; and Skelegro. I keep the
other potions locked on the top two shelves. Dreamless Sleep, Morpheus Draught,
Draught of the Living Death. You are not to give them to anyone without going
directly through me, Harry, is that clear? They are controlled substances."
"Yes, Madam Pomfrey." His self-inking quill hovered over the pages of his book.
"What does Morpheus Draught do? We haven't done that one in Potions yet."
"No, nor will you. It is a combination of a calming draught and a painkiller
derived from opium and cocaine. It is only rarely used and it can cause
complications with the patient's breathing and brain chemistry. All painkillers
affect the brain to some extent as they mask the pain receptors. The body is
still in pain, but the signals do not reach the brain to let the body know it
is hurting. It is why you should always examine your patient first without
giving them anything for pain until you know what is wrong with them."
"Oh. Oh, I see," said Harry, scribbling frantically in his notebook. He was
learning so much, he just hoped he remembered all of it by the time it came to
take his entrance exams.
Madam Pomfrey showed him round the rest of the storeroom: the bandages;
bedpans; bowls for being sick in; test-tubes and needles for drawing blood; a
wizarding microscope that adjusted the magnification to exactly what was needed
to help with diagnoses and rolls of parchment for patient's charts as well as
about twenty clipboards.
"Well, Harry, I think we'll call it a night. I've sent some books on anatomy
and wizarding physiology to your room; we should start on that for our next
session. Please read the first two chapters of each book ready for tomorrow
afternoon."
"Thanks, Madam Pomfrey. I'll see you tomorrow."
"And Harry?" she called once Harry was at the door. "Please try and get some
sleep, won't you?"
Harry nodded; he would certainly try but he couldn't guarantee that he would
succeed.
***
Friday. The best day of the week because it meant that after this it was the
weekend. Severus was always in a better mood on Fridays than any other day of
the week. His last class before lunch was the first year Hufflepuffs and they
were attentive to a fault. They were no fun; he had no opportunity to hand out
detention. All of them brewed an almost perfect potion but he felt better when
he could take points from Dawson for talking after he'd told them to be silent.
Once the class was quiet again, Severus sat by his desk and worked on his
lesson plans for Harry later that night. Harry was advancing quite rapidly,
already they'd covered Norse Runes and were just starting on Saxon as well as
the Runic Spells and Charms that belonged to each section. It seemed Potter had
a natural aptitude for the ancient language and he always worked hard in their
tutoring sessions, as well as coping with the homework. Severus had to admit
that he'd had some concerns that Harry may not have been up to the task – it
was a lot of work to pile on a sixteen year old, but perhaps after killing
Voldemort, anything else would seem like a holiday in comparison.
So, it was rather a surprise to find his classroom door flung open without even
a knock and even more surprising to find a tearful Neville Longbottom in the
gap. "Sir! Please! Oh, come quickly, sir! It's Harry!"
Severus had been on the receiving end of those words before and he bounded out
of his chair in an instant. He cast a stasis charm over the still-bubbling
cauldrons so at least they wouldn't burn the classroom down once he was out of
it. "Behave yourselves until I return. Read chapters three and four of your
textbook, quietly," he commanded as he followed Longbottom out.
"Longbottom? What is it? Tell me what happened."
"Sir, oh, sir!" the boy sobbed and had to stop to lean against the wall before
he collapsed in a heap. It was another few minutes before he was coherent
enough to speak. "We were in Muggle Studies, sir. We were supposed to be
watching a video on Muggle wedding customs, but someone had changed the videos.
It wasn't a video of Muggle wedding customs at all. It was - it was - Oh,
Merlin!" gasped Longbottom as he turned aside and vomited in the corridor.
Severus banished the vomit and conjured a glass of water for the distressed
boy.
"Thank you, sir. I'm sorry."
"That is quite all right, Longbottom. I take it this video shows something
distressing?"
Longbottom nodded. "It was Harry, sir. He was in the video and someone -
someone was hurting him. R - r- raping him."
Severus felt the world around him tilt and grey for a moment. How had this
happened? How had someone at Hogwarts got hold of those videos? Hadn't the
Aurors confiscated all the ones Dumbledore had? He knew the trials hadn't
finished yet, so some were still at the Ministry until Amelia would send them
to Harry to destroy.
"Harry lost it, sir. After he saw the video. He's crying and screaming and he
doesn't know any of us. Please sir; we don't know what to do!"
Was it significant that the first thing the boy had done was to come to his
most hated professor? Were the Gryffindors finally accepting him as their Head
of House? "You did the right thing, Longbottom. Can you go and fetch Madam
Pomfrey as well and I will meet you back in the Muggle Studies classroom."
His tears drying now, Longbottom ran off as Severus made his way upstairs.
Severus' heart fell to somewhere near his shoes when he saw that Harry was
tucked into a corner and rocking backwards and forwards again. Tears were
streaming down his face and he was screaming incoherently at anyone who tried
to approach him. Hermione Granger was in tears as she stared at her stricken
friend and the others were gawking as if they were rubbernecking at a traffic
accident. The tape was still running on the television at the front of the
room.
"Will someone shut that bloody thing off!" snarled Snape and the Gryffindor
class jumped on hearing him. Professor Martell hastily switched off the video
and television, blushing at his mistake. "Give the boy some space, will you?"
The crowd around Harry parted. "I want my Daddy!" screamed Harry into the
silence. "I want my Daddy!"
"Harry," Hermione Granger started gently. "You're father's dead, Harry."
"NO! No he isn't! He promised! He promised he'd come back for me!" Harry wailed
and tucked his head onto his knees just as Madam Pomfrey entered the room.
"Out, out, all the students out!" yelled Madam Pomfrey as she knelt down to
tend to Harry. "This class is cancelled!"
"Madam Pomfrey, this is my class," said Professor Martell, but he quailed under
the matron's gaze. "Er, yes, class dismissed," he said and he followed them
out.
"What happened, Severus?"
"I think his mind snapped, Poppy, after he saw one of the videos. Someone
switched the tapes, the boy couldn't handle it."
Madam Pomfrey gently tilted Harry's chin up to face her. "Hello, Harry, do you
know who I am?"
Harry shook his head. "But you look like a nurse," he said. "I had to go to the
nurse at school last week 'cos Dudley – he's my cousin and I hate him – telled
the teacher that I had nits. But I didn't! I didn't!" Harry sobbed again.
"That's right, Harry. I am a nurse and I'm here to help you."
"Are you going to give me 'jections?" he asked worriedly, eyes widening until
they seemed to take up all of his face.
"No, Harry. No injections," said Poppy. "But I'm going to take you to hospital
so that you can have a nice rest. Would you like that?"
Harry nodded. "With a real bed and pillows and blankets and hot water bottles
and a teddy bear? Can I have a teddy bear?"
"Yes, Harry. You can have a teddy bear," said Poppy, close to tears. "Somnus",
she whispered and Harry instantly fell asleep. "Oh, Severus, the poor child!"
"What is it, Poppy?" asked Severus.
"He's regressed to being a child again: he thinks he is a little child. My
guess is around five years old from the way he spoke. Is that significant do
you think?"
Severus nodded. It was significant all right. He guessed Harry had regressed to
age five, to sometime before his first rapes. He was hiding from himself what
had happened and the only way to do that was to become that child again, the
child before it had happened to him.
"Merlin, Poppy, what are we going to do?"
***** Chapter 15 *****
Part 15
Severus returned to his class, dismissed them early for lunch and cancelled all
afternoon lessons for that day before returning to the infirmary. Poppy was
glad to see him, the Somnus spell had only lasted for an hour and once Harry
woke up he'd been frantically screaming for Severus and would not settle down
again until Severus had arrived. It was disconcerting watching a sixteen year
old cuddling a teddy bear and sucking his thumb like someone much younger.
Harry was lying on top of the blankets, curled up on his side, the small black
and white panda crushed against his body. Every so often he would let out
another sob and the sound went straight to Severus' chest. Harry sounded so
forlorn, as if his heart was breaking.
"Where did you get the teddy bear from?" Severus asked in a whisper. Harry's
hand was clenched around it so tightly that his knuckles were standing out
against the skin.
"I transfigured it from a bandage."
"How is he, Poppy?"
"Physically, he's doing all right, but he's exhausted. I don't think he's been
sleeping. Mentally ..." Poppy shrugged her shoulders as they both stared at the
boy on the bed. "I've given him some tests, Severus, and to all intents and
purposes, he has the mental age of a young child at the moment. His reading
levels and verbal skills are normal for a child of around five. He has
separation anxiety: he doesn't want to be parted from you. It's not a form of
mental retardation, his IQ is within the normal range, a little bit higher than
average really, but he just doesn't have the skills to communicate well at the
moment."
Severus stared at Harry. "And the thumb? I thought children grew out of that
fairly young?"
"I think it's a reaction to stress at the moment, something to combat how upset
he's feeling. A lot of children are orally fixated; they like sucking things,
it reminds them of when they were an infant being fed. A good memory."
But Harry had never really been fed when he'd been at that awful house. Was he
remembering his time with Lily and James?
"Is there anything we can do for him?" asked Severus, mentally cataloguing his
stores, as if he thought a potion might help.
Poppy ventured over to the bed, where Harry had finally fallen asleep again of
his own accord. She smoothed his fringe away from his eyes and sighed. "It has
given me an idea, Severus. He does still remember the rapes, but he's confused
in his mind as to the time frame; he remembers you and the twins rescuing him,
but in his mind, you rescued him when he was a small child. Now, I don't know
if this will work or not, but I think it might be worth a try. Children are
fairly resilient. I think we ought to de-age Harry and give him a different
childhood, a loving one."
"I do have aging and de-aging potions," said Severus, "but how would that help
him?"
"We can de-age him and then every few weeks, we can age him a year, or six
months until he's back to his actual age again. It could probably be done
within a year or so. Children don't have such an accurate perception of time;
if we tell him months have passed rather than weeks, then that's what Harry
will think has happened. While he is still young, five and six years old, we
can get him to talk about what those men did. He needs some sort of therapy and
Harry as an adolescent is not prepared to talk. I've repeatedly asked him about
counselling but he has constantly refused."
"It would have to be kept secret," mused Severus. A five year old Harry Potter
would be particularly vulnerable to those Death Eaters who were still active.
"And you think having Harry talk about it as a child will help him?"
"I don't know for sure, Severus, but I hope it will, yes. How soon can you have
a De-aging Potion ready?"
"Probably by tomorrow morning at the earliest. Do you have any books on
childcare, Poppy? I've not had any experience of children younger than eleven;
I'd like to know what I'm doing."
"Severus, I wasn't expecting you to take care of him, I thought perhaps Molly
Weasley..."
"No, Poppy, I'm going to do this. I'm not going to let him down again."
"What about your classes?"
"I'll ask one of the Weasley twins to share in the childcare and you'll be able
to help sometimes too, won't you?"
"Of course, Severus. I think for the moment that only the two of us, Minerva
and the Weasley twins should know what's happening. The less people who know
about it the better, there's less chance of someone discovering that Harry is a
young child again. Will you all be staying at Hogwarts?"
Severus nodded. How many times had he heard Harry say that Hogwarts was his
home?
 
***
Harry liked having a teddy bear; he'd never had one before that wasn't broken.
He didn't have a name for it yet; he was afraid to name it in case the bad men
came and took it away from him. Sometimes he dreamed about the bad men and then
the nurse lady gave him some medicine to help him go back to sleep. He didn't
dream after the medicine.
He didn't know how long he'd been in the hospital, but it was nice being
allowed to stay in bed and to wear stripy pyjamas that fitted him. Sometimes he
had visitors, but he didn't know any of them except Severus. He remembered
Severus helped him escape from the bad men before and when he kept asking if he
had to go back to the bad men soon, Severus cried and told him he would never
have to see the bad men again.
There were pretty windows with coloured pictures in the hospital; he'd never
had windows before either and he tried to catch the colours on the wall as they
bounced around the room. But when his hand touched them, the colours moved onto
his hand and he was staring and staring at the green light on his hand the day
Severus came in with one of the men from his dreams. Not a bad man dream, this
was one of the good dreams.
"George!" he cried, holding his arms out for a hug, wondering why his hands
seemed different today, smaller somehow.
"Actually, it's Fred, Harry," smiled the man. His hair was like sunshine
inside, it was so bright and he had lots of freckles on his nose and cheeks.
Harry squinted, trying to see if he had any freckles on his face, but that just
made his eyes hurt. "George is my twin brother. Do you know what twins are?"
"That means you look the same but you're different?"
"That's right, Harry," Fred smiled and hugged him, kissing Harry on the top of
his head. Harry tensed a little, unsure why that felt scary – it was Fred and
Fred had helped Severus get him away from all the bad men. Fred wouldn't hurt
him. Never ever.
"We're here to take you home, Harry," said Severus.
No! No! Harry thrashed in Fred's grip, screaming wordlessly. He liked it here.
He didn't want to go home. Home meant the cupboard and the belt and the broom
and the boots and the bad men. "No! No!" He reached up and gripped the slats of
the headboard, hoping it would be enough to keep him here. They couldn't take
him away. No! No! He struggled and kicked in Fred's grasp, feeling choked with
fear and panic. "Bad men! Bad men!" he screamed at the top of his lungs. "You
promised! You promised!" he shrieked at Severus, his throat sore as he tried
not to cry.
"Oh, Harry. No, you're not going back to that house. You're going to be living
with Severus, here at Hogwarts. I'm going to be there as well to help look
after you, but there won't be any bad men, Harry. Not here. You're safe here."
Fred rocked him against his chest and Harry felt himself calming down.
He looked at Severus over Fred's shoulder. "No bad men?" he whispered.
Severus sat down on the hospital bed and wrapped his arms around Harry as well.
"No, Harry. No bad men. Would you like to go and see your new room? Fred and I
decorated it just for you."
"Will there be room for my teddy?"
"Of course, and tomorrow we're going to take you shopping to get new clothes,"
said Severus. "And after that, Madam Pomfrey is going to come and talk to you,
do you remember?"
Harry nodded. The nurse wanted Harry to talk about the bad men and what they
did, but Harry wasn't allowed to talk about that. They would send him to jail
if he talked, but he wasn't supposed to talk about that either so he just
stayed quiet and hoped that maybe the nurse would forget and he wouldn't have
to speak about it.
"Right then, Harry? All set?" asked Fred as he began to lift Harry from the
bed. Harry howled and kicked until he was set back down again. "Harry? What's
wrong? Don't you want me to carry you?" asked Fred. He looked a bit sad. Harry
didn't want to make anybody sad, but he didn't want Fred to carry him either.
He held his arms out towards Severus and it was a few moments before Severus
realised what Harry wanted.
Severus' arms came around his waist and he hefted Harry up, resting Harry on
one hip. Harry wrapped his arms and legs around Severus and snuggled his face
against Severus' shoulder. It was nice there and he didn't want to leave. He
bounced up and down and couldn't stop giggling as Severus began to walk faster
and faster, making Harry jiggle even more. It was fun.
"You like that, do you?" asked Severus. Harry nodded, but didn't speak. If he
spoke, they might make him talk about the bad men and he wasn't allowed.
Severus and Fred stopped by a big wooden door and Severus spoke some strange
words and then the door opened. Harry shivered, it was cold here, even colder
than his cupboard and he hoped he would be allowed a blanket. Maybe the nice
nurse lady could bring some down from the hospital.
The door opened into a room that had items of furniture Harry didn't know the
name of; he'd never been in the Dursleys' living room. Severus carried him to
another door which opened as they got closer. "This is the bathroom, Harry.
Feel free to use it whenever you need to."
Harry nodded, but he didn't understand. What was a bathroom? What were all
those white things next to the sink? He couldn't see any buckets anywhere, how
was he supposed to do his business if there weren't any buckets? Feeling silly,
he didn't ask, and Severus continued the tour to the small kitchen (he knew
what a kitchen was as he had cooked at the Dursleys'), then Severus' and Fred's
bedrooms, and then his own bedroom.
It was a lot bigger than his cupboard, but like his cupboard, there were no
windows. The room was lit with lots of candles though and it was lovely and
bright. The bed was enormous and as soon as Severus set him down on it, Harry
began bouncing and giggling, feeling as if he could fly right up to the
ceiling. He stopped, giving Severus a wary look, maybe he wasn't allowed to
jump on the bed?
Severus smiled at him. "Jump on the bed as much as you like, Harry."
So that's just what Harry did.
***** Chapter 16 *****
Part 16
"I don't care who the bloody hell started it!" roared Severus. "I want to know
what is going on in here!"
The noise from the dormitories had woken Harry and Severus had even now left
the child hysterical in Fred's arms, with Fred trying to calm him down. Harry
was frantic that Severus was leaving him, but as Head of both Houses, Severus
did have other responsibilities.
All the Slytherins were on one side of the common room, all the Gryffindors on
the other. Both sets of Houses were in a circle around two boys who were lying
prone on the floor. Weasley and Malfoy were both covered in blood as if they'd
been duelling the Muggle way, or perhaps it was the result of a hex cast by
each of them. Severus might have guessed.
"Weasley! Malfoy! Get up, both of you! The rest of you to bed this instant and
if I hear another racket like that you'll all be scrubbing floors for Argus
Filch!"
"But, sir ..." Granger protested.
"Ten points form Gryffindor, Miss Granger. One would think someone of your
intelligence would know when to follow orders. Bed now! All of you!"
The students dispersed, leaving the two bloodied boys behind. "Episkey," said
Severus and their faces stopped bleeding. "Well, Mr. Malfoy, what is going on?"
Weasley opened his mouth to speak, but Severus held up a hand. "You will get
your turn, Mr. Weasley. I am waiting to hear from Mr. Malfoy right now."
The blond boy mumbled something incoherent. "What was that? Speak up boy. You
don't want your father's elocution lessons going to waste now, do you?"
Malfoy glared at him. "Leave my father out of it!"
Severus tapped his wand against his palm. "I'm still waiting, Mr. Malfoy."
"He hexed me. Weasley hexed me! It's his fault, he started it!"
"I did not!" Weasley protested hotly.
"Why did he hex you, Draco?"
"All I did was ask how Harry was and he hexed me and then he punched me so I
hexed him and punched him back!"
"Weasley? Is this true? You hexed him after he asked about Harry Potter?" This
night was just getting more and more surreal. There was a five-year-old Harry
Potter in his quarters, along with Fred Weasley, and Draco Malfoy had asked
about Harry?
"Yes, sir. He doesn't care about Harry; he only wanted to know if his plan had
worked! Well, Malfoy, you'll be happy to know it did! Harry's lost it because
of your stupid videotape! You fucking Death Eater bastard!" Weasley lunged for
Malfoy again, but Severus cast a binding spell on both of them to prevent them
from killing each other. What was Minerva thinking putting these two Houses
together?
"Twenty points from Gryffindor for language, Weasley."
"I'm not a Death Eater!" snarled Malfoy in a rage. "You keep mistaking me for
my father! And why do you keep talking about that stupid thing? What is a
videotape? I have no idea what you're talking about, Weasley! I just wanted to
know how Harry was."
"Since when do you care about Harry? You're lying!" retorted Ron. "You hate
Harry! You always have! You put that videotape in the Muggle Studies classroom,
I know you did!"
"I didn't! I've never been anywhere near the Muggle Studies room! Why would I?"
Draco's protests did sound believable, but then so had his father's, even when
Lucius had been lying through his teeth. The only way anyone would find out the
truth was if he dosed both boys with Veritaserum and for that, he would need
Minerva's permission. Not tonight – he would have enough to deal with trying to
get Harry calm enough to get back to sleep after this. The boy was terrified
that Severus wouldn't be coming back.
"Tomorrow, both of you will have detention with me all morning and we will get
to the bottom of this."
"But sir, it's Saturday!" whined Draco.
"I don't care if it's Christmas, you will both be there, is that clear?"
"Yes, sir," they both mumbled, chastened.
"Twenty points from Slytherin for fighting and another twenty from Gryffindor
for the same." He could almost feel the Weasley boy's temper. Fifty points lost
in the one night. Barely a month into term and the Gryffindors were almost in
negative points. "Now get to bed and if I hear any more noise from these dorms
tonight, detention will be the least of your worries." Severus released the
binding spells and both boys stalked off to their rooms, slamming the doors
behind them. He debated whether to take more points off each of them, but
really couldn't be bothered. He needed to get back to Harry.
***
"Still no change, Severus?" asked Poppy as she stared at the boy playing with
building blocks on the floor of her office.
"He hasn't spoken a word since we took him out of the infirmary," said Severus.
It had been two weeks without a word from Harry; two weeks with Poppy trying to
get him to talk about what those men did to him, but Harry wasn't talking about
anything. Two weeks since that videotape and they were no nearer to discovering
who had placed it in the Muggle Studies classroom. Severus had given Ron
Weasley and Draco Malfoy Veritaserum that Saturday as part of their detention
and neither of them knew how the tape had been brought to Hogwarts. It seemed
that Draco had only been interested in how Harry was doing.
That was the question, wasn't it? The five year old Harry didn't seem in much
better mental health than his sixteen year old counterpart had been. Harry had
been having lots of accidents until Severus and Fred both realised that he
didn't know what a toilet was – he'd never been shown at the Dursleys'; they'd
had to explain that it was very like his buckets and things were now settling
down again. There were wet sheets every couple of days. Poppy had told them it
was probably due to stress and they were not to shout at Harry about it, but
Harry had been almost hysterical every time it had happened, afraid he was
going to be punished. He was still terrified of some sort of physical violence
being inflicted upon him.
Severus glanced again at Harry; Harry kept adding blocks to the top of the
tower he was building, it was starting to topple a little and Severus worried
that it might fall. Before the tower could fall over on its own though, Harry
knocked it over and started to cry. He could cry and scream plenty, but as for
words, they seemed a whole different ball game.
"Harry, can you look in the toy box and bring me the dolls?"
Harry looked up and wiped his eyes before heading towards the chest in the
corner. Every day, Poppy had some new toy in there to try and get Harry to open
up, but Severus wasn't sure toys would help. Harry brought out four dolls, two
boys and two girls; some blonde and some black-haired. Holding two dolls
awkwardly in each hand, he gave the dolls to Poppy, placing them on her lap.
Poppy shook her head.
"No, Harry, the dolls are for you," she held them out to him. Harry shook his
head and placed his hands under his armpits, as if afraid to touch them now.
"Oh," said Poppy. "Don't you think boys should play with dolls? But these are
very special dolls, Harry. They are for boys and girls, see this one here? This
is a boy doll and he looks like you, doesn't he?" Poppy waved her wand so that
one of the black-haired dolls now sported glasses and a small lightning bolt
scar. "See?" Poppy held the doll out. This time Harry was curious and moved to
take it, tracing the scar on the doll's forehead.
Severus guessed these particular dolls were anatomically correct; he'd heard of
this method being used by Muggle psychiatrists when patients couldn't talk
about abuse. They could show them with the dolls instead. "Now, Harry, we'll
pretend one of the other dolls is a bad man. Can you show us what the bad man
did?"
Harry shook his head and cradled the Harry-likeness to his chest.
"You're not supposed to talk about it, are you?" asked Poppy. "You're not
allowed to talk?"
Harry nodded.
"You think you'll get in trouble if you talk. But if you show us, Harry, you
won't have to talk. You won't get in trouble because you won't have said
anything. Show us with the dolls, Harry. You don't have to speak."
Harry seemed to consider this and Severus thought it wasn't going to work for a
moment, but then Harry knelt up close to Poppy and took another boy doll out of
her lap. He put the doll against the wall and then set the Harry-doll in its
lap. Nothing happened for a few moments, Harry just stared at both of the dolls
as if not quite sure what to do next. He glanced back over his shoulder to see
if Severus and Poppy were watching, then he took one of the rapist-doll's hands
and placed it on the Harry-doll's groin.
After that, Harry seemed to lose his inhibitions and for three hours they
watched the dolls being undressed; the Harry-doll being anally penetrated
repeatedly by the other; the Harry-doll giving fellatio to the other; the
Harry-doll being penetrated by foreign objects and the Harry-doll's genitals
being fondled by the other doll's hands. He and Poppy watched the scenes and
neither of them spoke, just wanting Harry to show them everything without being
prompted. The play was sickening to watch, it was almost like watching Harry
being raped again, but Severus hoped it would help Harry in the long run.
They expected him to be upset afterwards, what they hadn't expected was for him
to try and destroy the doll. Harry was trying to tear it limb from limb,
growling in frustration when he couldn't do it. Poppy probably had an
unbreakable charm on them or something. Severus could hardly blame him – he'd
want to destroy that rapist-doll too – then he had to do a double-take.
It was the Harry-doll he'd been trying to destroy.
"Bad! Bad! Bad boy!" shrieked Harry as he flung the doll against the floor
again and again. "Dirty, filthy freak! I'll teach you! You'll get the broom
again, boy!" Harry tugged down the doll's trousers again and hunted around for
something he could use as a broom handle. Poppy gave him her wand and Harry
used it to whack the doll's bare bottom over and over again. Severus winced
every time the wood came down, as if he could almost feel those welts as they'd
happened to the young Harry. Vernon Dursley had been a brute and watching Harry
enact some of the more violent encounters made his guilt about the man's death
lessen somewhat. The man had deserved to die for what he'd done to Harry.
"Well? Nothing to say boy? You fucking, disgusting freak! Just like your
mother!" The wood came down again and again; Harry was dripping with sweat at
the effort of playing out this scene.
"Dear Merlin!" exclaimed Poppy. "A broom handle? It's a wonder he wasn't
killed!" she whispered to Severus.
Harry hit the doll with the wand again and again and then hurled the wand
against the wall. He dressed the doll again and cradled the Harry-doll against
his chest. "Ssh, Harry. It's all right. It was just a bad dream. There aren't
any bad men here. There won't be any bad men ever again." Harry kissed the doll
on the forehead, just like Severus had done last night after Harry had woken up
from another nightmare about his rapes. The words were almost exactly those
he'd spoken.
Harry looked up and smiled at both of them. "I talked and the policemen didn't
come," he said as he climbed into Severus' lap and laid his head on Severus'
shoulder. "Why didn't the policemen come to take me away?"
"Do you know what lies are, Harry?" asked Severus gently, rubbing Harry's back.
The weight of Harry in his arms felt so good, so right.
"Yes, that's when you don't tell the truth. Like the time my cousin ate all the
biscuits and then said I did it, but I didn't."
"That's right, Harry. So when they told you that policemen would come to take
you away if you talked about what they did, that was a lie."
"But Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia always said that I should do whatever a
grown-up tells me to do. I have to do it." Harry squirmed a bit, as if he was
uncomfortable talking about this.
"You should never have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable, Harry,
whether or not it's a grown up. What those men did – did that make you
uncomfortable?" Harry nodded. "Do you want to talk about it?"
Harry nodded again and then he talked. And talked. And talked.
***** Chapter 17 *****
Part 17
Severus looked up from the essays he was marking as Fred came out of Harry's
bedroom. "Is he asleep yet?"
"No, he wants you to read him a bedtime story."
"I thought you just read him one?" asked Severus, scrawling a line of red along
half the parchment. Utter waffle. Utter, irrelevant and boring waffle.
"I did, but my stories aren't as good as yours apparently," Fred said with a
pout as he sat down on one of the armchairs.
"We read from the same story books," said Severus, although it had been a bit
awkward when he'd tried to get them out of the library without Madam Pince
seeing them. She'd wanted to know what he was doing with story books for young
children. "I'm using children in an experimental potion, what do you think?" he
replied caustically and the woman huffed before finally allowing him to take
the books out.
They were mostly Muggle Faery tales and so far Harry's favourite was The Little
Mermaid. Severus thought it was a rather sad story, but maybe Harry related to
it because it didn't have a happy ending.
"I know, but he wants you to read to him, Severus, not me."
Severus sighed and set his essays down; this was becoming a habit. At first, he
and Fred had taken it in turns to read Harry a bedtime story, but each night
that it was Fred's turn, Harry wouldn't settle until Severus came in to read to
him instead, no matter how many stories Fred might have recited.
Severus pushed open the door to Harry's bedroom and he had to stop himself
smiling at the mess on the floor. Scattered toys; sprawling clothes and books
everywhere. Harry was an insatiable reader; as well as being read to; he loved
to read by himself and would spend hours lying on his stomach, his legs crossed
behind him as he read his adventure books.
As soon as he saw Severus, Harry scrambled out of bed and launched himself into
Severus' arms.
"Have you been giving Fred trouble, Imp?" asked Severus as he carried Harry
back to bed. Once there, Harry jumped into his arms again, wanting to be
carried some more. Severus walked a few circuits around the room, scarcely able
to believe the boy in his arms had been that scared child in Poppy's office
only three months ago. Talking things through with Poppy had helped Harry so
much. It was rare for Harry to have nightmares now and he welcomed hugs rather
than running from them.
"No. I just want you to read to me, you can do the funny voices."
"Okay, one story and then you have to go to sleep. I have work to do."
"I promise," said Harry as Severus set him down on the bed again. Harry scooted
backwards on the bed so that he was leaning against his pillows and patted the
bed beside him. Severus sat down and lifted the book from the bedside cabinet
as Harry curled up against Severus' side. The thumb sucking had stopped now,
but Harry still looked so much a child, so vulnerable, so young and Severus was
appalled at how anyone could look at Harry at that age and hurt him so badly.
How could anyone look at a child in such a sexual manner? Severus didn't
understand it and he knew he never would.
Severus had the strongest urge to protect Harry, to keep him from harm. He
waited until Harry had stopped wriggling before he began the story. Long before
he'd finished, Harry had fallen deeply asleep.
Sometimes Severus wondered if it was the story Harry wanted, or Severus
himself.
***
Severus gave Harry an aging potion just before Christmas, aging him to seven.
Harry seemed to take it in his stride; he believed them when they told him that
for him more time had passed than in reality. With his higher than average IQ,
it was proving to be no problem for Harry to work on the textbooks for older
children, even if only a day or two before he'd physically been five years old.
Harry was like a sponge, absorbing every piece of knowledge they taught him and
he always seemed to be asking the question why. Why was the sky blue? Why was
the sun orange? Did the stars get lonely being so far away from each other? Why
did milk make cereal go soggy?
They taught him some simple magic that he could do without a wand, but Harry
had been fascinated by their wands. One day when Fred had fallen asleep on the
sofa, he'd taken Fred's wand and turned the whole of the dungeon floor into
rubber. His spell hadn't been confined to their quarters, though – Harry's
innate magic was too strong for that – and all of Severus' class had been in a
panic when the floor beneath their feet suddenly became soft rather than made
of stone. After a lengthy explanation of why you shouldn't take things without
people's permission and why you shouldn't try to do magic with someone else's
wand, Harry had immediately wanted to know when he could have his own wand.
"Not until you're eleven," said Severus and Harry had seemed to accept that.
Every week one of Harry's friends would be waiting outside Severus' office
door, demanding to know what had been done with Harry.
"He is on an extended medical leave," had been Severus' reply.
"But what about his lessons?" asked Miss Granger.
"He will not be attending any more lessons this year, Granger. He may have to
repeat a year."
The girl gaped at him as if he'd just admitted to murdering her family.
"But what about his NEWTs? His friends?"
It had been the same conversation almost every couple of weeks and Severus'
answers had been invariably the same. There was one question he never answered;
and he could never answer it no matter how many times they asked him:
Where is Harry?
***
Very early on Christmas morning, Severus was rudely awoken by a loud squeal
coming from the living room. He turned over and tried to go back to sleep, but
he should have realised that wasn't really a possibility with an over-excited
seven year old in the next room. His bedroom door was flung wide open and Harry
screamed at him.
"Severus! Severus! Santy's been here! I've got presents!"
"Of course you have, Harry. Now please, can I go back to sleep?" Severus turned
over and was just snuggling down under the covers again when they were tugged
off his body and he lay there shivering in his nightshirt.
"Harry! You can open your presents later, it's the middle of the night and some
of us are trying to sleep!" Severus yanked the covers back up angrily and
glared at Harry, only to be rewarded with a trembling lower lip as Harry tried
not to cry. Bugger it all!
Severus held the covers up so Harry could climb into the bed beside him. Harry
snuggled close to him and wrapped his arms around Severus' chest as Severus
tried his best to calm the boy down. "I'm sorry, Harry. I get cranky when I'm
tired, I didn't mean to shout at you."
"I - I don't like it when you shout," admitted Harry. "It scares me. I just - I
just wanted you to see the presents Santy had brought me."
"I know, Harry. And I will, just in a few hours, all right? Let's get some
sleep and then neither of us will be cranky."
Severus wrapped his arms around Harry; Harry's head fitted perfectly on his
chest. "Can I stay with you?" Harry asked in a whisper. Severus nodded, already
the warmth from the boy in his arms making him pleasantly drowsy and he fell
asleep shortly afterwards.
When he woke up again, Harry was still wrapped up his arms, breathing softly
against his neck. It would be such a shame to wake him, but Severus' bladder
was making itself known and if he didn't get to the bathroom, he would risk
having an accident. He tried to extricate himself from Harry without waking
him, but as soon as he moved, Harry's eyes flickered open, as if he knew
instinctively when Severus was going to leave him.
"Severus? Where are you going?" Harry's eyes were wide as he struggled to see
without his glasses.
"Bathroom."
"Is it time to get up yet?" Harry asked eagerly.
Severus cast a time-spell: it was just after seven. "Yes, if you want to. Have
a wash and then we can have breakfast."
"And then presents?" Harry was half-out of the bed already at just the thought
of it.
Severus could never remember being this excited about gifts when he was a
child, but he knew that until he came to Hogwarts, Harry had never really had a
proper Christmas, not one with family and presents, so he could well understand
the child's excitement.
"Yes, Harry, and then presents."
Severus smiled to himself as he performed his normal morning ablutions. Looking
after Harry had given him a purpose after his role as a spy had finished and
Harry certainly seemed grateful. He was starting to remember some things now
that he was getting older; he could remember things from his previous future,
but it didn't seem to faze him at all. Harry knew they were in a school of
magic and he accepted magic like he accepted the fact that the sun rose and set
every day. They'd dropped hints about the aging potions and he accepted it
readily enough, as if it was just another facet of magic.
For breakfast, Fred had made a large cauldron of porridge and a mountain of
toast. Harry dived straight for the porridge, adding three spoonfuls of sugar
to it.
"Ugh, how can you eat that?" asked Severus. "It's so sweet."
"You'll rot your teeth eating too much sugar," said Fred just as he poured milk
over his own.
"I always brush my teeth," said Harry. "And anyway, I need some sugar for
energy. It says so in the book."
"What book?" asked Severus.
"Your book, Severus. Childcare: Ages 7-11."
"You read that? And understood it?" asked Severus in surprise. The book had
been very dry, almost to the point of tedium and was written in very scientific
terms, certainly not a book aimed at seven year olds.
"Of course. I'm not stupid," said Harry and tucked into his porridge. Severus
exchanged a glance with Fred. No, Harry wasn't stupid, but Severus hadn't until
that moment thought that Harry's high IQ had been anything more than a number.
Was Harry bordering on genius level? Severus didn't know if there was any sort
of test Poppy could do to find out and even if she could, wouldn't it be better
to let Harry just be a child for once?
After breakfast, Harry went over to the tree and brought Severus and Fred's
presents first. George was coming for lunch later so Harry left his gifts under
the tree as well as his own.
"Harry, don't you want to open your presents first, pet?" asked Fred as he
began examining all the parcels Harry had given him.
"No, I want you and Severus to open yours first," he said firmly.
So they did. Severus got his first-ever Weasley jumper that year, one with a
picture of a bat on the front. He wasn't sure whether to feel affronted or to
laugh, but the sight of Harry and Fred trying to stifle their giggles made him
laugh too. "Thank your mother for me, Fred."
From Minerva, Severus had a new quill and ink set – an eagle feather if he
guessed correctly – and two bottles of sherry from Trelawney. It was a vile
drink: he'd make sure to give it to visitors. From Harry he received a bracelet
made out of shells that had been painted a rather garish shade of purple. "Um,
Harry. Thank you, it's lovely."
"No, you hate it," said Harry and ran back into his room and slammed the door
behind him.
"Oh, dear," said Severus. "I'd better go and talk to him."
"You shouldn't have lied, Severus. You know how he feels about people lying to
him."
Severus did know, but he had just been trying to spare the boy's feelings. How
did you explain tact to a seven year old without it seeming that you were
condoning lying? Severus knocked on the door; they had always respected Harry's
privacy. Nothing happened for a few moments, but then Harry opened the door and
stood aside so that Severus could come in. He'd been crying and he hastily
wiped his cheeks, as if ashamed for Severus to see his tears.
Severus sat down on the edge of the bed, and then Harry sat down beside him,
staring at the floor.
"Harry, I didn't mean to lie to you. I just didn't want to hurt your feelings
by saying I didn't like your present. Sometimes people say things like that to
spare other people hurt."
"But you lying to me did hurt," said Harry, looking up and pointing to his
chest. "Here."
Severus lifted Harry up and settled him in his lap, and although Harry was
getting a little big for that now, he never objected. "I'm sorry, Harry. I bet
you put a lot of work into that bracelet and while it's not something I would
usually wear, I will wear it for you. I can't wear it when I'm making a potion
or teaching, but I can wear it when we're in our chambers."
"Thank you," said Harry with a shy smile. "Severus, can you teach me?"
"Teach you what, Harry?"
"Potions? I want to learn what you know."
"Harry, I'd love to teach you. I'd do anything for you."
Harry snuggled his head underneath Severus' chin. "I know," he said faintly.
Severus carried Harry back out to the living room so that he could open his
presents. The boy's eyes were almost glowing when he saw everything that Santa
Claus had brought, as well as gifts from Fred and Severus themselves. A train
set; board games; jigsaw puzzles; paints and an easel; books to read; books to
colour in and more teddy bears than would fit in his room. Harry's mouth was
agape. "They can't all be for me!" he exclaimed in wonder.
"Of course they are," said Fred. "You've been such a good boy. Did you see what
he left you in your stocking yet?"
Three stockings were hanging on the mantelpiece; it was the first Christmas
Severus had put out a stocking since he was a child himself. Harry couldn't
reach the stocking; Severus had to lift him up so that Harry could take it down
and peruse the contents. Inside was an orange, an apple, a striped candy-cane
and a small bottle of lemonade.
Harry was staring at the items of food and drink and looked teary-eyed at
Severus. "Santy never brought me food before. Even when I was hungry and they
didn't feed me. They said I'd been bad and that's why Santy never came for me
before." Harry ran to Severus' arms and sobbed on his chest again, the noises
muffled a little by Severus' shirt.
Severus wrapped his arms around Harry and knew that if Vernon Dursley suddenly
came back from the dead somehow; this time he would feel no guilt at all at
murdering the man for what he'd done to the boy in his arms. No one would ever
hurt Harry again.
Severus would never allow it.
***** Chapter 18 *****
Part 18
The second time Harry turned eleven; Severus gave him back his wand. It felt
different to the first time he'd held the holly in Ollivander's shop. Then,
Harry had felt that the wand might suit him. Now, when he held it; he knew for
sure. The wood felt warm in his hands and welcoming; as if Harry was home again
and he smiled up at Severus, so pleased that he could finally have it back.
Severus ruffled his hair and even though Harry thought he might be a little too
old for that gesture, he didn't say anything to make it stop, because he liked
it. "I feel like a wizard again now," said Harry as he twirled the wand round
in his fingers.
"You'll always be a wizard, Harry, whether or not you have a wand. Not many
people are as adept at wandless magic as you. We can do some more training on
that if you like, although I'm not an expert by any stretch of the
imagination."
Harry nodded, still smiling. He'd been smiling a lot ever since he came to live
with Fred and Severus. "I'd like that, Severus. I really want to get back to
work; I'll need to catch up if I want to ever become a Healer."
"You still want to do that?"
"Of course. I remember most things, Severus. I just need to focus on the sixth
year stuff for now so that I can go back to seventh year with my friends."
The memories of that other future Harry didn't confuse him. Harry knew all
about the de-aging potions and how Madam Pomfrey hoped it would help him come
to terms with what had happened. He knew the other memories were his, and he
knew what had happened to him but it was distant, as if it had happened a
really long time ago. It didn't hurt so much now when he had the dreams or
remembered some of the worst things and talking things over really had helped.
He still saw Madam Pomfrey each week for counselling and he found it really
easy to talk to her.
Harry knew that he had been abused and raped and he knew he would never
completely forget that awful childhood; but thanks to Fred and Severus he'd had
a second chance at a childhood – a better one. He was gradually coming to terms
with what had happened to him but he could now consign it to a drawer marked
the past and leave it there. He would never have to go back to the Dursleys';
Petunia was in prison and Vernon was dead and without Vernon there was no way
for those other men to contact Harry.
"You mean you remember your lessons? All of them?" queried Severus, bringing
Harry out of his reverie.
"Yes, but I really need to concentrate on the sixth year curriculum if I'm to
pass the end of year exams."
Severus didn't look entirely convinced. "Why don't you test me?" asked Harry.
"Give me some past papers or something and let me do the exams."
Just then, Fred entered the living room with a tray of tea and sandwiches. It
was Saturday, so Severus didn't have any classes. Harry loved the weekends
best, when he got to spend two whole days with Severus. He was mostly with Fred
during the week while Severus took his classes, but he really missed Severus
when he wasn't here. He liked Fred, but he liked Severus more.
"What are you up to today, Harry?" asked Fred as he handed Harry a plate of
cheese sandwiches.
"Harry wants me to test him on his magic exams, first through fifth year."
Fred choked on his tea. "Harry, you've only just turned eleven, you won't know
any other magic yet."
"But I remember it from before," said Harry. "I know what I can do, Severus,
and I can do this."
"Okay, Harry. It's the Easter break next week; I'll test you over the first few
days and then Fred and I are going to take you on holiday. It can be a
celebration if you pass and a way to cheer you up if you don't."
"So either way I'll still get a holiday?" asked Harry, his jaw was aching he
was smiling so much. He'd never been on a holiday, not a proper one.
"You will indeed," smiled Severus.
"Wicked!" exclaimed Harry and Severus glowered at Fred, as if he knew that's
where Harry had picked up the word. Fred just giggled and drank some more tea.
***
On Easter Monday, the day they were due to leave for their holiday, Harry woke
up feeling as if his stomach was tied in a giant knot. From Friday until Sunday
he'd sat every theory exam and taken every practical that Severus could come up
with at such short notice. Harry thought he'd done rather well; he knew he'd
done very well on Potions for sure, because Severus had been tutoring him ever
since Harry had asked at Christmas. But what if he was just being over-
confident? What if he couldn't really do the work and he would have to repeat a
year without his friends? He'd already missed months of work.
He groaned and hid his head under the pillow. "Wakey, wakey," called George as
he tugged the pillow away. The twins had closed the shop so that George could
go on holiday with them as well. "Rise and shine, Harry. Are you all packed?"
"Yeah," Harry mumbled, rubbing sleep from his eyes. He felt a bit faint and
tried to breathe through it. He'd packed, unpacked, and re-packed everything
last night when he was too excited and nervous to sleep. Since living here, he
now had a great selection of clothes that actually fitted him and every time he
took an aging potion, Severus and Fred took him on another shopping expedition.
For the first time in his life he'd actually felt wanted.
"Has Severus marked my tests yet?" Harry asked, making no move to leave the
comfort of his bed. His hand sought out the black and white panda Madam Pomfrey
had given him; his first teddy bear. Looking round the room now, he could
nearly have opened a zoo for stuffed animals. Fred had suggested that he might
want the room redecorated now that he was older, but Harry loved all his bears
and he wasn't getting rid of any of them. Ever. Harry plucked the bear's fur
and sighed.
"No idea, Harry, but breakfast is ready," said George, leaving Harry to get
dressed. Harry pulled on a dressing gown and made his way to the bathroom for a
pee and a shower. His face flushed with shame as he remembered his first few
weeks here, when he hadn't even realised what a toilet was for. Fred and
Severus had never got mad at him though. Once showered, Harry went back to his
room and changed into a pair of jeans and a blue long-sleeved shirt.
Fred, George and Severus were already seated at the breakfast table and every
one of them was beaming at him as Harry took his seat. Harry was too nervous to
start eating. "Please, Severus, put me out of my misery. How did I do?"
"Very well indeed, Harry. You passed everything."
"I did? Even History of Magic?" Harry had hardly ever paid attention in that
class.
"Yes, even that. Now eat up, we have quite a long day ahead of us. We have to
travel the Muggle way as you are too young to Apparate and the Floo networks
are most likely being watched. The Ministry is wondering where you are and
Fudge is in a bit of a state about it as you can imagine. No Portkeys either
for the same reason. We'll catch the Muggle train from Hogsfell to Edinburgh
and from there to London. After that it's a good four or five hour drive to
Cornwall."
"You have a car?" asked Harry in surprise. Somehow, he just couldn't imagine
Severus driving.
"No, but we can hire one easily enough in London. I can drive, but I haven't
for years now. I hope I'm not too rusty."
Fred and George both winked at him. "You know what they say, Severus. Driving a
car is like riding a bike and making love, you never forget how to!" Fred
laughed and Harry blushed to the roots of his hair.
"Fred, that is not an appropriate discussion at the breakfast table," Severus
said, staring pointedly at Harry.
"It's all right, Severus," said Harry.
"It is not all right, Harry. You should not have to be subjected to that sort
of innuendo from anyone and I won't have it, is that clear?"
"Yes. Sorry, Harry, Severus," said Fred and Harry felt a bit bad for him. Harry
wasn't offended or anything, he was just a bit embarrassed and he knew Fred was
only joking. Did Severus think he was too highly strung to handle jokes about
sex? Harry had freaked out about that videotape, but Harry didn't think he'd do
the same now. He was much better at handling things than he used to be.
Severus changed the subject. "So, Harry, have you thought about how you might
catch up on your lessons?"
"Yes, I have actually. I think you should age me back to my proper age and I
can go back to class. Hermione can lend me her notes so I can see what I may
have missed and I can go back to my tutoring sessions with you and Madam
Pomfrey. I really want to do well, Severus. I'm much better now so there's
really no need for me to remain a child anymore."
"Will you still go to your counselling sessions with Madam Pomfrey until she
says you no longer need them?"
"Of course, I can have counselling at age sixteen as well as I can at eleven,"
said Harry. "I miss my friends, Severus. I'd like to go back to class and back
to my own age." Harry had no idea what he was going to tell them, though. Maybe
even the truth.
"It will be quite painful to age you that quickly, Harry, so I think we should
wait until we come back from our holiday. Is that all right?"
"That will be fine, Severus. Eleven year old Harry has never been on a
holiday," Harry smiled at Severus and for the first time in a long while, he
felt things were going to work out.
***** Chapter 19 *****
Part 19
Severus hadn't been joking when he'd said it would be a long day. The train
from Edinburgh had been delayed and they spent most of their time sitting in a
coffee shop on the station while they waited. After they got on, Harry sat down
next to Severus and fell asleep long before they ever got to London.
He was a little groggy when he woke up and Harry realised he'd been drooling on
Severus' shoulder. "Oh, sorry about that."
Severus just gave him a small smile and cleaned his shirt with a wandless
spell. Harry almost snorted, remembering Severus' modest admission that he
wasn't an expert on wandless magic. Severus used more wandless magic than
anyone Harry knew. "No harm done. Did you sleep well?"
Harry knew what the man was really asking: did he have nightmares? "I slept
fine, Severus. Where are the twins?"
"They've gone to the buffet car; they thought you might be hungry when you woke
up."
Harry's tummy growled in agreement. Harry laughed and then leaned over to give
Severus a hug.
"What was that for?"
"Thank you, Severus. For everything. For rescuing me; for tutoring me; for
taking me on holiday; for saving me from myself. For what you did to my uncle
and Dumbledore."
"Harry..."
"It's okay, Severus. I'm not going to tell anyone. They deserved it, both of
them, and I do not want you feeling guilty for the rest of your life for
something that you needed to do. You did the right thing, Severus. You and the
twins both. Thank you." Harry hugged him again and smiled to himself, noting
how much different he felt now to just a few months ago. His paranoia was all
but gone and although he still had the occasional nightmare, they certainly
weren't as frequent, and now he could hug people as much as he wanted without
being terrified that they were going to turn it into something more.
Fred and George returned to the compartment and saw both of them hugging.
"Where's our hug, Harry?" asked George as he sat down the bags of food on an
empty seat.
Harry stood up and hugged the twins one by one and then both together. "Thank
you," he whispered to both of them. The twins nodded, knowing instinctively
what Harry was thanking them for.
"We didn't know what you wanted, so we got a bit of everything," said Fred,
delving inside the paper bag. "Sandwiches, crisps, pies, chocolate."
"What sort of pies are they?"
"Chicken and mushroom or steak and kidney," said George, peering at the labels.
"May I have a steak and kidney one?" asked Harry.
Fred grinned at him as he handed Harry the pie, a plastic fork and a paper
plate. "You can indeed, Harry."
Harry ate the pie slowly, savouring each bite. It was tasty even though it
wasn't homemade, but it wasn't a patch on Mrs. Weasley's or Hogwarts' cooking.
How different it was now: no longer did Harry worry that food was going to be
kept from him or that it would be taken away before he finished. He could eat
whenever and whatever he wanted.
He smiled at his three companions and felt his heart lift.
***
The traffic coming out of London was horrendous and it was getting dark by the
time they reached the motorway. There was no way they were going to make it to
Cornwall tonight, so Severus suggested they stop off at one of the motorway
lodges for the night and make an early start in the morning. He was getting
tired too and since Severus was the only driver, it wouldn't make sense for
them to continue.
In the back seat, Harry was almost bouncing in his excitement at going to a
hotel; he'd never been to one before and Severus wondered what other things the
boy had never done. He was determined to fit most of them in on this holiday.
The hotel car park was almost full, which in Severus' mind didn't bode well for
them getting a room. Maybe they would have to travel a bit further tonight
after all. They all got out of the car and stretched after the long drive.
Severus was almost sure Muggles had invented the metal box as a form of
torture. He had aches in muscles he wasn't even sure he'd had before. Severus,
Fred and George managed most of the luggage as they trudged inside.
The reception area was decorated with prints of daffodils and bunnies and the
receptionist plastered on a false smile as soon as she saw the quartet get
nearer to the desk. Her nails were long and painted blood-red. "May I help
you?" she asked.
"We wondered if you had any rooms for tonight?" asked Severus.
"We do have one room left, a family room for four if that would be suitable?"
Severus turned to the others.
"It's only for one night, Severus," said Fred. "We can manage. You're too tired
to drive any more tonight. You don't want to have an accident because you fell
asleep at the wheel."
No, Severus didn't, especially with Harry in the car. "Very well, that will be
acceptable," said Severus as the woman typed away on a computer and printed out
a registration sheet.
"Just fill this in and I can give you your keys."
Less than ten minutes later, they were on their way to a family bedroom,
whatever that was. Severus wondered if people thought Harry was his son. They
both had dark hair and now that Harry had been spending a bit of time with him;
Severus had noticed that Harry sometimes adopted quite similar expressions to
him, as if he was copying Severus.
The room was quite spacious, with two double beds and a small sofa and desk.
Severus transfigured the beds into four singles and surely he had imagined
Harry's disappointed pout at that? There was a bathroom which wasn't much
bigger than a broom cupboard but it had every necessity and Harry was giggling
over the tiny bottles of shampoo and bath gel.
"You may have the bathroom first, Harry," said Severus as he sat down on one of
the beds. Harry took his pyjamas and soap bag out before doing just that.
Severus took his own nightshirt out and cast a spell to get the wrinkles out.
"Er, Severus," said George. "We normally sleep naked. We didn't bring any
pyjamas or nightshirts."
"Well, transfigure something then. You're not sleeping naked, not with Harry in
the same room."
"Aren't you getting a little bit over-protective?" queried Fred as he took out
a shirt and changed it into a longer nightshirt.
"How can you even ask that? You both know what that boy's been through – he is
not going to sleep in a room with naked men!"
"All right, Severus. Merlin, I only asked," said Fred just as Harry came out of
the bathroom and stared at the three of them.
"Why are you fighting?" he asked anxiously.
"It's nothing," said Fred, gathering up his recently transfigured nightwear and
going into the bathroom, slamming the door hard after him.
"Don't worry about it, Harry," said George wrapping him in a hug and ruffling
his hair. "We're just a bit cranky because we're tired."
"Oh," but Harry didn't sound entirely convinced of that. Harry climbed into the
bed that was next to Severus' and lay down flat on his back, staring at the
ceiling. Severus had the impression that Harry was trying his best not to cry
and he hastily looked away from the boy, in effect giving Harry some privacy if
he did need to weep.
George took the bathroom after Fred and then it was Severus' turn. He felt like
having a shower to wash the travel-stains away, but he wanted to sleep too and
knew that if he took a shower now it would just wake him up, so he decided to
leave it until the morning. Everyone else was settled in bed when he emerged
from the bathroom and the only bed left was the one he'd been sitting on, the
one next to Harry's. Fred and George were already asleep and snoring softly.
Severus turned off the lights and climbed in; used to the dungeons, he could
see pretty well in the dark. "Goodnight, Severus," Harry whispered across from
him.
"Goodnight, Harry," he returned and settled down to slumber.
He was gently woken during the night by a tearful Harry, who was kneeling on
the floor beside Severus' bed and caressing Severus' hand.
"Harry? What is it?" he asked.
"N- n - nightmare," sobbed Harry. "Can I share with you?"
Severus nodded and pulled the covers back so that Harry could get into bed with
him. The bed was small and there was barely enough room for the two of them;
Severus cancelled the transfiguration spells so that his and Harry's bed joined
together once more and they could stretch out. Harry was having none of that
though, he cuddled up right next to Severus and sobbed against his shoulder.
Severus stroked Harry's back, feeling Harry's whole body tremble with the force
of his sobs. He hadn't noticed Harry having any nightmares for a while. Maybe
it was because he was in a strange bed. Gradually Harry's sobbing eased off as
he cried himself back to sleep and a few moments after Harry had fallen asleep
again, Severus did the same.
***
Harry woke to Fred, George and Severus screaming at each other, they were all
shouting at once so it was difficult to make out what they were saying. Fred
had his wand pointing at Severus' chest as George was trying to hold him back.
"He's eleven for Merlin's sake!" screamed Fred, his wand hand trembling and it
dawned on Harry what must have happened. They'd seen Harry asleep in Severus'
bed.
"Fred! Nothing happened!" protested Harry as he scrambled out of bed. "I had a
nightmare and I went to Severus' bed, that's all."
"Were you one of them?" demanded Fred of Severus. "Were you one of those men
who molested Harry?"
"What? No! Of course not!"
"And I suppose you're going to tell me it was entirely innocent, Harry being in
your bed?"
"It was, Fred," said Harry. "Severus would never do anything like that."
"Cruci -" Fred began, but then his eyes rolled back in his head and he sank to
the ground, clawing at his head. At first Harry thought Severus or George had
cast a wandless spell on him, but they seemed just as surprised as Harry. Fred
groaned and threw up all over the floor. George went to fetch him a glass of
water from the bathroom while Severus banished the vomit.
Fred drank the water and stared around him blankly. "Where are we?" he asked in
surprise, as if he'd never seen the hotel room before in his life. George took
out his wand and cast a scanning spell on his twin.
"Obliviate and Imperius," he said to the room. "Fred, do you remember who
cursed you?"
"No, I don't. Severus - did I hurt you? I was trying to fight it; I didn't want
to hurt you."
"I'm fine," said Severus. "Was it the curses making you think I'd do something
like that to Harry?"
Fred nodded. "It was like - it was like there was someone else in my head
telling me the things to say. I've never thought that about you, Severus. Not
when I'm myself."
"Maybe we should take you back to Hogwarts," said George. "I don't think the
spell is broken, you're still fighting it."
"Harry? What do you want to do?" asked Fred. "I don't want to ruin your
holiday."
"Let's go back," said Harry. "I don't want you getting ill, Fred."
Harry didn't mention the other reason. He thought Hogwarts would be a lot safer
if Fred was still under the Imperius Curse. He didn't want Fred to hurt
Severus.
***** Chapter 20 *****
b>Part 20
Draco had a secret, a secret that he couldn't tell to anyone, not even the
person it most concerned. In a way he was glad of the reprieve when his mother
wanted him to go home to the Manor for the Easter break, but once there he
became more depressed every day. He spent most of his time in his bedroom,
trying not to think of his father in prison, being tormented by Dementors.
Trying not to think of his mother and that perfumed bedroom that haunted his
dreams and his waking hours.
Draco had grown up amid rumours that his father had been a Death Eater, and
that he'd been one of Lord Voldemort's staunchest supporters, but Draco hadn't
wanted to believe it. He'd wanted to believe what his father told him; that
he'd been under the Imperius Curse and that was why he'd done all those
horrible things. But there had been no Imperius Curse; his father had killed
and tortured because he wanted to. Draco shuddered and hid himself under the
bedclothes.
His mother left him to his own devices for the most part; one of the house-
elves brought him his meals and took the still-full tray away again. Draco
couldn't eat; he had a hollow ache in his stomach that no amount of food could
ease. His chest hurt; his whole body hurt really and he just wanted to be left
alone. School was awful now, everyone knew his father was in prison and Draco's
past snobbishness meant that there wasn't anyone he could talk to about it.
Even his godfather hated him now; Draco couldn't remember the last time Severus
had been nice to him.
He only had his mother, but he couldn't talk to her. He wasn't a person to his
mother; he was just an ornament, trotted out every evening for the dinner
parties his mother insisted on having so the guests could fawn over him as the
Malfoy heir. Draco was being groomed to take his father's place and he didn't
want it. He didn't want any of it. He choked down a sob, hating himself for his
weakness. Malfoys didn't cry!
"Master Draco, you is having a visitor," squeaked one of the elves. Blinky or
Binky, something like that. Draco had never bothered learning their names
before, but he was starting to. He was now questioning the things that he'd
always accepted when he was growing up in the shadow of his father. Did Granger
have the right idea? That the elves were slaves who should be freed or paid?
Draco groaned and popped his head out from under the pillow. Now he was
channelling a Mudblood. No, that was his parents speaking, not him.
"Who is it, Binky?" Draco asked hopefully, maybe his godfather had come after
all. Severus used to visit all the time, but not since Lucius had been found
and arrested.
"Miss Pansy Parkinson is in the first floor drawing room, young Master," said
the elf, bowing so low that his nose scraped along the floor.
"You don't need to bow," said Draco getting up and dressing in a hurry. What on
earth was Pansy doing here? He certainly didn't want her to come anywhere near
his bedroom. Not considering what had almost had happened the last time the
girl was in his room at Hogwarts. Pansy trying another seduction scene was
something he could well do without.
He pushed open the drawing room door, only for Pansy to fling herself off the
couch and straight into Draco's arms as she tried desperately to kiss him.
"Pansy, stop!" said Draco, pushing her so hard that she stumbled a little.
"But Draco, we're meant to be together!" she pouted, folding her arms.
"I said no, Pansy. I've told you already, I'm gay."
"Don't be silly! It's just a phase, your mother said."
"What do you mean my mother said? You told her?" Draco had never confided in
his mother about his inclinations, knowing how much she wanted grandchildren:
grandsons to carry on the Malfoy name. It was something Draco tried very hard
not to consider. He did not fancy girls, no matter how many times Pansy came on
to him. She just didn't have the right equipment.
"Who's your boyfriend then?" continued Pansy.
"That's none of your business, Pansy," sighed Draco. He didn't have a
boyfriend, and the one person he wanted would never want him. As far as Draco
knew the object of his affections was as straight as they came. Because of
Draco's father he would never look at Draco with anything other than loathing.
"But we're supposed to get engaged and get married!" said Pansy. "Your mother
said if I did her a favour, she would put in a good word for me with you."
"What favour? When were you talking to my mother?"
"It was at school, around Halloween."
Around Halloween. Back when Potter had lost it and disappeared. Draco waited
until Pansy had left, then he sent a message by Floo to Hogwarts. Severus would
know what to do.
***
"Severus! How wonderful to see you!" exclaimed Narcissa as Severus stepped out
of the Floo and dusted his shoulders, even though the spells on his robes
prevented any Floo powder from landing on his clothes. He had to do something
with his hands though, or he would be tempted to throttle the woman in front of
him before the Aurors got here.
"This isn't a social visit," said Severus just as the wards chimed and two
Aurors popped into the room: Mad-Eye Moody and Kingsley Shacklebolt. Narcissa
was magically bound and thrown onto a chair. They were the only two Severus
would trust with this woman's confession; anyone else and the news would have
been leaked to the Daily Prophet before you could say scandal
"What is the meaning of this? How did you people get past my wards?"
"Draco," said Severus. "He dismantled the wards after he discovered what you'd
done."
"And tell me, Severus, what is it that I am supposed to have done? It's my
husband who was the Death Eater, not me."
Despite the spells binding her, Narcissa was just as haughty as ever.
"It's not only Death Eaters who commit evil acts, Narcissa."
She arched an elegant brow at him. "Oh? You're such an expert on evil, are
you?"
"I know what you did. We all do," said Severus, indicating Moody and
Shacklebolt. "You took Polyjuice potion to turn into James Potter and molested
his son. More than once. Then you had Pansy Parkinson put a videotape of the
boy's rape in the Muggle Studies classroom at school so that the boy almost
lost his mind."
"Almost? You mean it didn't work? Pity, it would have been the perfect
revenge."
"Revenge for what?" asked Moody, his magical eye swivelling round the room. He
motioned silently to Severus, who opened the drawing room door to find Draco
standing on the other side of it, blushing guiltily at being caught
eavesdropping.
"Come in, Draco," said Severus, pulling the door wide. Draco hovered on the
threshold, his eyes going straight to his mother. She spat on the floor by her
feet.
"You don't deserve the name Malfoy!" she hissed. "I'll see you disinherited!"
Draco paled and Severus wondered if his godson was going to faint. Severus
conjured a glass of water for the boy and made him sit down on one of the
sofas.
"That won't be an option for you, Narcissa. Not where you're going. Draco will
be of age in a few weeks and he will inherit everything in the Malfoy vaults.
Prisoners are not allowed access to money. If you want any money, you will have
to go through Draco, he will control the purse strings."
"You bastard!" screamed Narcissa, struggling against the magical bindings.
"Wrong again, my parents were legally married," said Severus with a smirk.
"A Muggle and a Mudblood! Fine parents they were!" she screamed. Draco looked
at Severus, his brow furrowing.
"You're a half-blood?"
"I always was, Draco." Severus waited for the tirade; he'd heard Draco's
arguments with the Granger girl so many times, but Draco just nodded and sipped
his water.
"We're still waiting," continued Moody. "Revenge for what? Why did you do that
to the boy?"
"Revenge against his father, why else?" spat Narcissa. "He was head over heels
for that Mudblood, Evans; he wouldn't even look at me. Thought I wasn't good
enough for him! I, a Black, and Potter thought he was so much better than me!
He was a fucking Mudblood too and he refused me! Refused me! I vowed that one
day he would pay for it and then what happens? He goes and gets himself killed,
him and that pretty little wife of his, leaving behind a baby. Since I couldn't
have my revenge on James, Harry would do just as well."
"You're mad!" shrieked Draco, lurching up from the sofa, the glass of water
shattering at his feet. "You did that to a child just because his father
wouldn't go out with you? You're sick! I hate you! I hate you!" screamed Draco
as he ran from the room and slammed the door behind him.
"Draco, darling, come back!" called Narcissa. "Don't you want to be Mummy's
little angel anymore?"
Severus felt his heart sink to somewhere near his shoes, the words awfully
familiar. He'd heard Narcissa as James, speaking them to Harry Potter.
"You perverted bitch!" screamed Severus. "Your own son?"
Severus couldn't stay in the room any longer, he had to get out of there; he
had to find Draco. His godson wasn't difficult to find; he was lying at the
foot of the marble staircase, his legs curled up as he leant on the first step
and sobbed against his folded arms. Severus was getting too used to seeing
abused children doing that.
"Draco?" he asked softly, but made no move to touch the boy.
Draco glanced up, his eyes red-rimmed and he shook his head. "You hate me! You
hate me!" he sobbed.
"Draco, of course I don't hate you. I didn't know, Draco. Why didn't you tell
me? Why didn't you tell anyone what was happening?"
Draco's lip curled into a sneer. "Don't be stupid! How could I tell anyone what
my mother was doing to me? Women don't do that, do they?"
"Some do, Draco."
"I - I hated it," admitted Draco. "But I was afraid she wouldn't love me
anymore if I told her to stop. She's the only one I've got left and now she's
going to leave me too!" He started bawling again and wrapped his arms around
himself.
"Draco, you're not alone," said Severus. "You have me."
"She'll go to Azkaban, won't she?" asked Draco, wiping his eyes. "I'll never
see either of them again, will I?"
"No, Draco. Probably not."
"Can you take me home, Severus? Can you take me back to Hogwarts?"
"I will, and then I'm taking you straight to Poppy. You can talk to her about
this, Draco, she's a trained counsellor."
"She - she won't tell anyone, will she?"
"No, Draco. She won't. No one will know unless you decide to tell them."
Draco nodded and sniffed. "I think I'd like that, Severus. To talk to someone I
mean. You - you can tell Potter if you want. I think he should know."
"If you're sure, Draco."
Draco nodded and stood up, wrapping his arms about Severus' neck. "He'll hate
me now, won't he? Everyone hates me, Severus."
"Of course they don't, Draco."
"They do, I know they do. They hate me because of who my father was and can you
blame them?"
"Draco," said Severus softly. "No child should have to pay for the sins of
their parents." And hadn't it taken Severus a few years to figure that out for
himself? Harry had never been like James, except in looks, and Severus had let
that fact blind him to the real boy who had suffered so much. And now he had
another suffering boy in his arms and still he'd been blind; he hadn't seen.
"I'm sorry, Draco. I'm sorry that I didn't notice what you were going through."
"It's all right, Severus. Let's just go."
"Don't you want to say goodbye to your mother?"
"I have no mother!" Draco spat angrily.
Severus took hold of Draco's arm and Apparated them both to the edge of the
Hogwarts wards.
***** Chapter 21 *****
Part 21
Once Minerva heard the full story from both Draco and Severus, it was barely an
hour later before Pansy Parkinson was expelled and Draco was sent to the
infirmary and into Madam Pomfrey's care. Severus felt guilty that he hadn't
picked up on what was happening with Draco either, but he knew how proud Draco
was and the boy had been hiding what was happening as much as Harry had.
Pansy was the one who had cast the Imperius Curse on Fred, but she wasn't a
great magician at the best of times, which was why Fred was able to fight her
spell. It didn't take Poppy long to remove the curse and the Obliviate spells
Fred had been under, but he didn't remember anything that they hadn't already
guessed or discovered already.
Pansy, it transpired, had fancied Draco, who'd constantly refused the girl's
advances. Severus wasn't sure, as his godson had never confided in him about
it, but he thought that Draco was gay. He'd sometimes caught Draco looking very
longingly at Blaise Zabini when he thought the other boy wasn't looking.
Narcissa knew of Pansy's unrequited love and had used the girl to do her dirty
work, Obliviating Fred and replacing the video in the Muggle Studies room. The
girl was lucky she'd only been expelled and not sent to Azkaban, which was the
usual penalty for using the Unforgivables.
They'd let Harry decide, and Harry hadn't wanted her to go to prison over it.
Harry was being very calm about it; too calm in Severus' opinion. To Severus,
it seemed as if Harry might be holding things in and one day he was going to
snap again like he had that day in the Muggle Studies room.
Severus had a headache by the time he left Minerva's office and walked briskly
back to his own quarters. Draco would probably be quite some time yet with
Madam Pomfrey, but he resolved to take a closer interest in the boy's affairs
in future. He didn't want Draco to feel that he didn't have anyone.
Severus pushed open the door to his quarters and sighed at being back in his
own domain. Harry was sitting curled up in front of the fire, a book perched on
his lap. It was one of the textbooks for Ancient Runes. He glanced up as
Severus came in.
"How are Fred and Draco?" asked Harry, setting his book aside. Harry still
hadn't changed back to his sixteen-year old self, with everything that had
happened, they'd barely had time to do anything about that.
"Fred's fine, George took him home after Madam Pomfrey gave him the all-clear.
They'll pop back in a few days so Fred can gather up his things, and visit the
Imp of course," smiled Severus. Harry seemed to like the nickname.
"And Draco?"
"He's with Madam Pomfrey now, I suspect she'll keep him in for a few days; he's
suffering a little from shock."
"I'm - I'm sorry I was so mean to him," said Harry. "I didn't know, none of us
knew what was happening to him. It's - it's a hard thing to talk about, but
talking to Madam Pomfrey does help. Maybe he'll find that too."
"You're being very understanding about this, Harry," said Severus, kneeling
down and caressing Harry's hair. He had the impression that if Harry was a
kitten, he'd be purring.
"I know it's a bit of a cliché, but I do understand what he's going through. It
happened to me too, so I know how he feels. Well, maybe not exactly. I don't
know how I'd feel if my mother did that to me, I just can't imagine her doing
that. I can imagine some women doing it, though. Look at Bellatrix Lestrange:
she was mad, she was capable of anything."
"Yes, maybe the madness ran in the family. I know it's a lot to ask, Imp, but
can you try and be a bit friendlier to Draco this year? He feels as if everyone
hates him because of his father being in prison, and now his mother too. He's
never really had friends and I think he could do with a few of them, don't
you?"
"I can try, Severus. That's all I can promise."
"Now, are you ready to take your aging potion? Have you still got any of your
sixth year clothes?"
"Yeah, they're in my trunk. I'll go and leave them on my bed."
When Harry left to do just that, Severus made his way to the Potions lab and
took down the two vials that Harry would need to take to return him to his
proper age. He'd miss having Harry to care for but it was probably best that
Harry returned to the dorm and his friends. Having sixteen year old memories
and thoughts in an eleven year old body was probably a bit disconcerting.
As soon as he got back, Severus handed the vials to Harry. "Take both of these
and then go and lie down. It will be a bit painful as your bones and muscles
grow in such a short space of time. It should probably take one to two hours at
the most but once you're fully grown again, the pain should stop. If not, I can
give you a painkiller until it eases; it's not a permanent pain."
"Thanks, Severus," said Harry as he held the vials in his hand. "I'll miss
living with you and Fred."
"I'll miss you too, Imp," said Severus as he kissed Harry on the top of his
head. "Now, scoot and let me see the new you."
"Okay," smiled Harry as he made his way to his bedroom and closed the door.
Severus took out the latest edition of Potions Quarterly and spent a good hour
snorting at the glaring mistakes in some of the abstracts. You didn't need to
gather moonstone at the full moon, that was just a legend and it would not
affect the potion no matter when it was gathered. He'd a good mind to write to
the editor and complain about the mistakes and he was just about to hunt out a
quill and parchment to do just that when Harry's bedroom door opened.
He did nothing so clichéd as dropping his jaw to the floor, but he did stare
probably more than was warranted at the sight of the boy - no, not a boy - it
was definitely a young man before him. Harry had grown about four more inches
in height than his previous sixteen-year old incarnation. No longer was he the
scrawny, underfed waif; his chest was broader, well muscled and his face held
the chiselled angles of a man, not the babyish softness of childhood. There
were no hairs on his chest, but there were a few downy hairs on his chin and
upper lip. Harry had draped a sheet round his bottom half and he blushed at
Severus.
Severus could almost convince himself that he'd imagined the flash of arousal
as he saw this half-naked young man in his quarters. If Harry hadn't been a
student... but he was and Severus quelled his body almost as soon as he felt
the twitch in his groin.
"Erm, Severus. I think we need to go shopping again – none of my clothes fit me
anymore."
Severus couldn't help it; he took another look at the taller, broader Harry and
burst out laughing. "That we do, Imp, that we do."
***
Of course, since none of Harry's clothes fitted him anymore, Severus loaned him
some of his own which he shrunk to fit Harry and both of them made their way to
Hogsmeade. Harry liked shopping with Severus; the man seemed to know
instinctively what might suit Harry and he bore no nonsense from the sales
assistants who would have tried to get Harry to buy more than he really needed.
They spent a productive few hours in Madam Malkin's getting Harry new school
robes as well as three new uniform sets and a couple of pairs of shoes. After
that, Harry concentrated on some more casual items: a few t-shirts; three pairs
of jeans; some casual canvas trousers and a couple of short-sleeved shirts now
that summer would soon be here. Severus left him to browse the underwear by
himself, but not before Harry had seen the man blush.
It was a delight to pick out all different sorts; teenaged Harry had only ever
had Dudley's old hand-me-downs before, usually greying and frayed y-fronts.
Harry picked out cotton and silk boxers, feeling a bit extravagant at buying
himself silk, but it was his money and he was going to spend it how he chose.
He avoided the y-fronts altogether, but did pick out a couple of pairs of
briefs that were more comfortable for flying than the boxer shorts. Some more
socks and then he was done, the owner of a whole new wardrobe.
One of the assistants rang up the sale and Harry gave her the details of
getting the money out of his vault. The parcels would be sent to Hogwarts by
Owl Post in the next few days, so they had nothing to carry after they left the
shop.
"Thanks, Severus, and for the loan of the clothes. Looks like I'll have to
borrow some for the next few days until mine arrive as well."
"You're very welcome, Harry. Shall we go to the Three Broomsticks for a
butterbeer? You must be thirsty after trying on so many clothes."
"That would be great, Severus. It feels so good to be back outside." Harry took
a deep breath as they walked along and just as Severus was about to push open
the door to the inn, they were halted by a screech from behind them.
"Harry! Oh my God! Harry!"
Harry turned to see Hermione staring open-mouthed at him. "Harry! You look
wonderful!" she exclaimed. "Where have you been? How are you? What happened to
you? You're so tall!"
Harry laughed. "One question at a time, Hermione. I'll explain later. Is Ron
with you?"
"Yes, he's just getting a new quill. I said I'd wait at the Three Broomsticks
for him."
"Well, come and join us then and we can tell Ron together."
"Harry, maybe you would like to catch up with your friends by yourself? I can
see you back at Hogwarts."
"No way, Severus," said Harry, grabbing the man's arm. "You're not getting out
of it that easily, you're my friend too."
Harry didn't notice the strange look Hermione gave him as she saw Harry holding
the man's arm.
Once they were settled in a booth at the back, Severus went to the bar to order
and Hermione instantly began questioning Harry again. "Harry? What on earth
were you doing in Hogsmeade with Snape?"
"Shopping," he told her truthfully.
"Shopping? You went shopping with Snape? Why?"
"Because none of my old clothes fit me anymore. Let's wait until Ron gets here
and I can explain everything."
Severus returned with four bottles of butterbeer which he set down on the table
and the three of them waited in an uncomfortable silence until Ron came in and
made a beeline for Hermione. He bent over to kiss her until he saw Snape.
"P - professor," he stammered. "What are you doing here?"
"I'm wondering that myself, Weasley," replied Severus. "I think now that you
are here, Mr. Potter may enlighten us."
Harry's heart hurt a little that Severus was back to calling him Mr. Potter,
but he guessed the man was trying to put some distance between them again now
that Harry was going to be his student again. "I wanted you all here so I can
tell you what Severus and Fred did for me."
"So that's where Fred was all this time?" queried Ron. "He was looking after
you?"
"Yes," said Harry. "Fred and Severus took care of me when I couldn't look after
myself. You see, after I went a bit mental when I saw that tape, they de-aged
me."
Ron's eyes were so wide they looked like they might pop out of his head at any
moment. Hermione had a rather smug look, as if she had guessed something like
this all along. Harry told them all he could and that was why he was now taller
and bigger than he had been before; his nutrition had been a lot better when
he'd been with Severus and Fred and he wasn't forced to sleep in a small
cupboard. It made sense, but Harry was still surprised when he caught sight of
his reflection now, as if he couldn't quite believe that he was the young man
staring back at him.
"I'll need your notes, Hermione," said Harry. "If I'm ever to catch up. I'm
going back to class at the end of the Easter holidays, I still want to be a
Healer and I need good marks."
"Of course, Harry. Whatever you need."
"Um, I've got some notes too, Harry," said Ron, turning almost as red as his
hair. "But I don't suppose they'll be as good as Hermione's."
"Thanks, both of you."
"You're very welcome, Harry," smiled Hermione as she took a sip of her
butterbeer. Harry had the impression that his friends were dying to ask him
some more questions, but didn't feel comfortable about it with Severus there.
Severus seemed to notice it too.
"I'll take my leave, I have some lesson plans to complete," said Severus,
standing up. "I will see you back at Hogwarts, Harry."
"See you later, Severus," said Harry, waving.
Ron waited until the man was out of the inn before really letting go. "Harry!
He called you Harry!"
"I know, he could hardly keep calling me Potter when I was a little child,
could he?"
"No, I suppose not, but it's just strange hearing him call you that and - and
he seems to like you. I thought you hated each other?"
"Not for a while, Ron. I certainly don't hate him, how can I when he rescued me
and looked after me? I don't think I could ever hate him again."
"Just wait until you're back in Potions and he docks points off Gryffindor for
no reason – you'll hate him soon enough."
Harry didn't reply. He didn't care about House Points anymore; he couldn't care
less how many points might be docked. There were more important things in life
than who won the House Cup and Harry knew that no matter what happened he would
never go back to hating Severus Snape.
That was just something he knew he could never do. Not now.
***** Chapter 22 *****
Part 22
Harry took a deep breath before he walked into the Great Hall on his first
morning back. It was the first time the students and the other teachers would
see him in his new, taller guise. Sometimes he felt as if he was a whole
different person, and not just physically.
He was different in how he reacted to things and people around him. Before, he
was wary of any touches, no matter how innocent, because of what had happened
to him. He had been paranoid, afraid that people could get into his room to
hurt him. He'd been as tense as a harp string and felt as if he might snap in
two at any minute. The nightmares and the flashbacks had been almost constant
companions before the de-aging. Pansy and Narcissa hadn't anticipated it, but
the day Harry saw that tape was the day his life had started changing for the
better. He wasn't one hundred per cent – Harry knew he probably never would be
– but he was a lot better than he'd been before.
Professor McGonagall had told the school that Harry had been away at a
specialist medical facility and that no one was to ask him any questions about
it. Harry knew they probably thought he'd been in a mental hospital, but he
found he didn't really care what other people thought anymore. He and his very
good friends knew the truth and that was all that mattered to Harry.
The mutterings started as soon as he entered the Hall. Harry ignored them and
made his way straight to the Gryffindor table where a space was ready for him
between Ron and Hermione.
"Merlin, he's so tall!"
"That can't be him, surely?"
"He was always so scrawny."
"He looks hot!"
"Was he at some sort of health spa?"
"Do you think he really was crazy?"
"Didn't you hear? He lost it in Muggle Studies. Overwork, I reckon."
Hermione squeezed Harry's hand as he sat down and Harry let out a breath he
didn't know he was holding. He glanced up at the top table and was relieved
when he saw Severus give him a small smile. A few moments later the breakfast
dishes appeared and the school got down to the business of eating rather than
gossiping. Harry poured himself a bowl of cornflakes and felt his stomach calm
down once he'd put some food in there. They didn't know. The rest of the school
didn't know what was in that tape; only those few Gryffindors who took Muggle
Studies knew and they weren't going to tell anyone else.
Neville was sitting across from him and gave Harry a broad grin. "Great to have
you back, Harry. Just great."
Seamus and Dean chimed in their welcomes too and Harry felt so welcomed, so
enclosed in the little world of sixth year boys that he felt tears prick at the
corners of his eyes. He blinked hastily and hoped they hadn't noticed.
"I'm glad to be back," replied Harry, and he was.
***
Harry caught up faster than he ever thought possible and after a few weeks back
at school he was on the same level as the other sixth years. He'd given up
Quidditch at the start of that year as he knew his intensive timetable wouldn't
really allow room for practice. Ginny had been given his spot at Seeker. He
sometimes saw the games, but not very often and when he was there his mind was
active, going over what he'd learned and what homework he needed to get
finished, so he didn't really enjoy it as much as he used to.
Ron and Hermione sometimes joined Harry in his room to do homework if the
common room got too busy. Harry had spoken a couple of times with Draco, but he
wouldn't have said they were exactly friends. How did you become friends with
the son of the woman who raped you? It seemed the only thing they had in common
was Narcissa Malfoy's abuse and Harry wanted to forget all about that, not be
constantly reminded of it. Still, he wanted to try and be friends, if only to
please Severus.
Hermione yawned and set down her quill. "I'm done in, I think I'll go to bed,"
she said. "You should too, Ron."
Ron glanced up from his book; he had been sitting on Harry's bed, after having
found a space in among all the teddy bears. Harry couldn't bear to part with
any of them so he'd brought them all back to his Gryffindor room. "Is that an
invitation?" he asked, winking at her. Hermione giggled.
"No, it's not. I'm too tired tonight."
Harry glanced from one to the other, feeling rather surprised. It almost
sounded like they were - that they had - and here they were, laughing and
joking about it. Harry wasn't entirely sure that he'd ever get to that
comfortable stage where he could laugh and joke with someone about sex. To be
truthful, he wasn't entirely comfortable discussing sexual matters at all; they
were always the worst part of his counselling sessions with Madam Pomfrey and
he sighed, remembering he had another session tomorrow.
Hermione saw Harry's questioning look. "You can ask us anything, you know,
Harry," she said. "But I'll put you out of your misery. Yes, Ron and I have
done some things, but we haven't gone all the way, not yet. There's time enough
for that after we graduate. No contraception is one hundred per cent effective
and I for one do not want to interrupt my education just because I got pregnant
or something. We shouldn't have STDs to worry about as we're both virgins."
Harry felt the world tilt at a crazy angle. "STDs?" he asked, dreading the
answer.
"Sexually transmitted diseases. Harry? Are you all right? You've gone a bit
pale."
"Just tired," lied Harry, but after his friends left him alone, he didn't go
straight to bed. He went to the bathroom where he took three hot showers,
scrubbing himself raw and then threw up most of his dinner.
***
Harry sat down on the chair in Madam Pomfrey's office as she brought her own
chair out from behind the desk, as she did for all of their counselling
sessions. Harry was more comfortable when the desk wasn't between them, but he
was more nervous today and hoped she wouldn't be angry with him. He felt sick
and wondered if it was from nerves or if he actually was ill.
Madam Pomfrey waited until Harry started talking, as she usually did but it was
a long time before Harry could find his voice to speak. It had taken him ages
to get to sleep and when he did it was nothing but nightmares again.
"Can - can you - are there tests?" he blurted out at last and felt himself
shaking. Oh God, he didn't want to discuss this.
"Tests for what, Harry dear?"
Harry inhaled and then exhaled slowly, feeling the beginnings of a panic attack
coming on. His arms and legs were tingling with pins and needles and it felt as
if a giant hand was squeezing his chest tighter and tighter. His tongue felt
swollen and useless in his mouth and he couldn't get enough air. White spots
danced in front of his eyes and he knew it wouldn't take much more for him to
pass out. He hit his hand hard against the desk to bring himself out of it, the
pain making the panic recede that much quicker.
"Harry!" gasped Madam Pomfrey as she grabbed his hand to stop him hurting
himself anymore. "What are you doing?"
"P- panic attack," he panted. "Pain stops it that much quicker. I'm okay, I'm
okay." His blood was returning to normal and there wasn't that strange rushing
in his head anymore.
"Harry, you didn't tell me you were suffering from panic attacks. How long have
you had them?"
"Since Severus aged me back. Normally one or two a day. They're worse during
the day, with so many people about."
"You've been having panic attacks every day and you never told me? Harry, these
counselling sessions are to help you, but I can't help if you don't tell me
what's wrong or what is bothering you. You have to talk to me for me to be able
to do my job. Would you prefer a different counsellor? I can see if someone at
St. Mungo's can fit you in..."
"No! No, please, Madam Pomfrey, I couldn't talk to a stranger about this. Just
you. I'm sorry I didn't tell you, I didn't think it mattered."
"Harry, anything that causes you anxiety is always going to be of some concern.
Do you know why you have these anxiety attacks?"
"Sometimes - sometimes people get too close to me, they crowd me and I feel as
if I can't breathe. I'm okay with Ron and Hermione, Severus and you and the
twins, but anyone else and I sort of freeze. I thought - I thought I was over
that, but I don't think I am. I don't want just anyone to touch me and I panic
when they do, even if they just brush against me in a corridor or something."
"I see. You know, Harry, it is perfectly normal not to want to be touched
except for those people closest to us, but most people can handle the casual
touches you describe without much bother as they know it was accidental and not
intended to harm. We both know the reason why they are uncomfortable for you,
your mind has been conditioned to expect touches to hurt you, thus the panic.
What made you panic today, Harry? No one was touching you."
"Because of what I wanted to ask you about – I was so nervous."
"Harry, I'm a trained medi-wizard, I doubt anything you have to say will shock
me." Madam Pomfrey folded her hands in her lap and waited patiently for Harry
to talk.
"The - the men - the men who - none of them used any sort of protection," Harry
admitted at last. "And Hermione said something about STDs and I was worried
that maybe they infected me with something that I didn't know about."
"Oh, Harry, and this was worrying you? You poor dear! No, you've never had any
sexually transmitted disease. You've had a full medical when you came back to
school; you are in perfect physical health, Harry."
"You're sure?" Harry couldn't quite believe it. There had been so many men over
the years and goodness knows who they were with before Harry.
"Positive," beamed Poppy. "I did all the tests myself, Harry. You're fine."
"Oh. Oh, thanks," said Harry.
Physically he was fine, the matron had said so.
Mentally was a whole other matter, but maybe they could work on that.
***** Chapter 23 *****
Part 23
Severus sighed as the hot water from the shower pounded down on him; he had put
it on the highest setting, and he felt as if he was being pummelled rather than
washed. He always liked having a shower or bath after the day's lessons, to
wash away any lingering fumes from the potions, but tonight – tonight he had
another reason for the shower. It was Friday and Harry was due for a tutoring
session soon.
Spending ten hours a week one on one with Harry was starting to take its toll
and although Severus knew the best thing would probably be to cut down the time
they spent with each other, he didn't want to. He didn't want to stop spending
that time with Harry, no matter how many inappropriate thoughts he might have
when he saw the young man. Severus wasn't the only one who was noticing the
new, sexier Harry. He'd seen the girls and the boys preening whenever Harry
walked into the Great Hall for meals. During lessons with Harry, the other
students were distracted as they gaped and gazed at him and more than once
Severus had docked points from anyone he saw doing it.
He tried to tell himself that he didn't do it because of jealousy, but he knew
he was lying to himself. He was jealous when he caught other people staring at
Harry. Harry himself seemed unaware of his burgeoning sexuality and was
concentrating on his studies; he probably wouldn't have time for romance with
all the classes he was taking. Tutoring sessions with Harry would have been
unbearable if Severus hadn't taken his showers and masturbated before Harry
arrived. Sometimes Severus just had to glance at the boy and he was hard. He
had no intention of doing anything about it though. Harry was his student, he
was strictly off-limits and after what had happened to him, Severus thought
that he probably would not be comfortable in a male relationship anyway. Harry
probably wasn't even gay.
Severus would have felt guiltier about it if he thought it was just lust, but
he knew in his heart that was only part of it. He cared for Harry; he wanted to
protect him from anything or anyone who sought to harm him and he also wanted
to snog him senseless. Had Harry ever been kissed? Would he even consider
Severus as a potential partner? Or did Harry still think of him as a father
figure? It was all so complicated.
Harry still hugged Severus at the end of their sessions, much like the child he
had been. Severus tried so hard to remind himself of that child; but one glance
at Harry now and the memory of the child disappeared. Severus should probably
discourage the hugs, but he hadn't the heart to do it. It wasn't often that
Harry initiated touch of any sort and Poppy had said it was best if Harry could
touch as much as he wanted so that he could get used to non-sexual touches
again.
Severus groaned as his wayward cock pulsed in the shower. It was all very well
for Poppy to keep going on about touches and what-not; she wasn't the one who
had an armful of sexy Harry Potter every day and it took all of Severus' self-
control to let Harry hug him and not turn that into sexual touching. Severus
tried to think of something else as he started stroking his cock; he didn't
want to use Harry as fantasy material; that felt too much like what those men
had done. He thought of a few past conquests; all older, all different from
Harry, as he stroked himself to completion and watched the water wash away the
evidence. He laid his head against the cool tiles, calming himself once more
before he finished washing and got ready for his tutoring session.
Someone knocked on the door half an hour earlier than he was expecting Harry.
It wasn't Harry. It was Draco.
***
Harry tried to tell himself that the only reason he changed out of his uniform
when he had an evening tutoring session with Severus was because he now had a
whole new wardrobe that fitted him and he wanted to try it out. As he spent the
few hours after dinner sorting through his clothes, he knew he'd been lying to
himself; that was only part of the reason. He wanted to dress to impress. He
wanted to dress to impress Severus.
He pulled the hangers along the rail; what had he done with his green shirt?
Severus had always liked that one and said it matched Harry's eyes. He found it
hanging underneath one of his school robes; a little wrinkled but clean. A
quick de-creasing charm soon had it looking fine. A pair of black jeans and his
school robe over everything and Harry was almost ready.
His hair was still damp from his shower and as he caught sight of himself in
the mirror on the wardrobe door; it seemed in even more disarray than usual. He
took a comb, then a brush to it, but that only made it worse. The mirror
giggled at him. "You're losing the battle there, dearie. Time to retreat."
Harry slammed the door shut and flung the hairbrush on his bed in frustration.
It didn't help that the mirror was right; his hair was hopeless, refusing to be
tamed. Harry licked his hand and tried to flatten the most obvious bit at the
back, but it sprang straight up again and he growled. If he spent any longer on
it; he was going to be late. He gathered up his quills, parchment, textbooks
and latest homework for Severus to mark and dumped everything into his spare
satchel. Sometimes he was carrying around more books than Hermione.
As he got to the door, he tried to flatten his hair one last time, but his hair
was stubborn and refused to be subdued. Harry sighed and made his way down the
corridor to Severus' chambers.
***
Severus glanced at the clock, five to eight and still Draco showed no sign of
leaving. Yes, he had told Draco that he could come and visit anytime, but Harry
was due any minute and he didn't think Harry would want an audience while he
had his lesson.
"Draco, I'll have to hurry you along," said Severus. "Harry Potter is due for a
tutoring session any minute."
"You're too good to him," grumbled Draco. "You've never given me any extra
tutoring sessions and I'm one of the best students in Potions!"
"Draco, I'm not teaching him Potions. You may have noticed that Potter is also
one of the best at Potions this year; he wouldn't be in my Advanced class if he
couldn't do the work. Or are you telling me you suddenly have a fascination for
Ancient Runes?"
"Merlin, no! Boring. Ancient Runes? I thought he was having remedial Potions
again, like last year."
Severus didn't comment, how could he? Only Severus and Harry now knew that
Harry had been trying his best to learn Occlumency and Legilimency and that the
Remedial Potions lessons had been a front. Harry was gifted and he no more
needed Remedial Potions than Severus did. He wasn't about to reveal that secret
to Draco, though, godson or not.
Severus held the door open just as Draco leaned over and kissed him on the
cheek. "See you tomorrow, Severus. You promised to take me to Hogsmeade."
"I know, Draco, I haven't forgotten."
A loud thud had them glancing around to see Harry's satchel on the floor of the
corridor, books spilling from it like blood from a wound and the edge of
Harry's robe as he rounded the corner at a run.
"What's up with him?" asked Draco, his brow furrowing.
"I don't know, I'd better go and see if he's all right."
"As I said, too good to him," smirked Draco and headed back to his own room.
***
Harry couldn't breathe, he just couldn't breathe. His chest hurt so much; it
felt as if someone had reached inside, yanked out his heart, cut it up into
little pieces and replaced it there. Broken and shattered. He couldn't believe
it, but he'd seen it with his own eyes and heard it with his own ears. Draco
kissing Severus. Kissing him. Severus smiling as he promised to take Draco on a
date to Hogsmeade. It wasn't fair! It wasn't fair! Severus touching him. Draco
in Severus' rooms and Harry knew Draco wasn't being tutored in anything.
Harry's throat hurt with the effort of trying not to cry; he didn't want
Severus to be reminded of the child he'd been, but maybe that's all Severus
would ever see him as. A child, who he cared for, but couldn't love, not in the
way that mattered. Not like he loved Malfoy.
Harry stumbled through the common room, just wanting to get back to his room
and some privacy. A few classmates tried to engage him in conversation, but he
ignored them and went straight to his bedroom. He didn't slam the door, knowing
that if he did Ron and Hermione would suspect that something was wrong. Mind
you, ignoring them probably wasn't the best idea either if he didn't want them
to worry about him.
Harry lay panting against the door, the tears falling unchecked now; the teddy
bears on his bed blurring as he felt the anguish trying to choke him.
Did Severus give Draco teddy bears too? Did they sit on the sofa and kiss? Did
they do more? It wasn't fair! Severus was his and Draco had no right, no right!
No right to be in Severus' rooms with his perfect, flawless skin, his perfect
blond hair and perfect Malfoy fucking teeth!
Despite his increased height and broadened shoulders, Harry felt uglier than
he'd ever been. How could Severus even bear to look at him, never mind touch
him, when he had Malfoy?
You are ugly, you were always ugly.
"I know."
What are you, boy?
"I'm ugly."
And the rest of it!
"I'm an ugly, dirty, freak. I'm filthy. I'm filthy!"
He doesn't want you. He'll never want you. No one will. You're soiled. You're
defiled. You'll never be clean enough for him.
"I know. No one will want me. He hates me! He hates me!"
And why does he hate you?
"Be - because of all those men. For what I let them do."
That's right, boy. You let them. You never fought back. It was your own fault,
wasn't it? You wanted it, didn't you?
"No! I - yes - I let them. I let them!" Harry was sobbing now, but the voice in
his head wasn't going away. He yanked all the teddy bears from the bed and was
left staring at the hairbrush. The voice pushed and prodded until Harry had
placed his trunk up against the door and transfigured the hairbrush into a
blade.
You know what do do, freak.
"Yes, uncle," said Harry as he lifted up the knife.
***
"Potter! Open this door at once!" shrieked Severus. The dormitory rooms could
not be locked, but Harry must have pushed something against it, the door
wouldn't budge. He could hear the boy's screams from out here and so could the
rest of both Houses.
"Get to your dorms!" he commanded, not wanting the entire common room to
witness Harry's breakdown. Poppy had warned him that this might happen, that
Harry might have relapses: flashbacks, nightmares, disassociation from reality
and all the rest of it. His heart ached for the boy on the other side of the
door, but Harry was too far gone in whatever imagined horror was happening to
open it.
"Bombarda!" Snape roared, waving his wand and ducking just in time as the door
splintered outward, as did parts of Harry's trunk – that must have been what
he'd blocked the door with. Harry was curled up on the bed with his shoes still
on. All the teddy bears were scattered around the floor and Harry was still
hacking away with the knife.
"Oh, Harry! What have you done to yourself?" asked Severus as he climbed over
the broken trunk and sat down beside Harry on the bed. Harry's hair was
scattered around his head like confetti; most of the cuts uneven. Still
screaming and sobbing, Harry tried to cut more off with the knife until Severus
took it from him. There were small cuts on the scalp where Harry had cut too
close to his head.
A curious crowd had gathered beyond the doorway, gaping at Harry and his almost
shaven head.
"What did I say?" said Severus in a loud voice. "Back to your dorms at once! Or
fifty points from each of you!"
They scurried off as if they'd been hit by a bolt of lightning.
Harry jumped at hearing the shout; almost as if he thought the anger had been
directed at him.
"Ssh, Harry, ssh. It's all right, I'm not angry at you." Severus didn't touch
Harry, not yet. The boy might still be in the middle of a flashback and a touch
now could do more harm than good. A few moments later, Harry stopped sobbing
and seemed surprised to see Severus there.
Harry started sobbing in earnest again and flung himself into Severus' arms. "I
can't get him out! I can't get him out of my head!" wailed Harry. "He made me
cut my hair! He said I was dirty and I am! I am!"
"Oh, Harry, no. You're not dirty. You're not."
"I am! I am!" Harry was becoming hysterical and Severus knew there was no way
he'd be able to calm him down without some sort of sedative. He gathered Harry
up in his arms; knowing Poppy was their best bet tonight.
"Ssh, Harry, ssh," he tried to soothe the boy as he made his way to the Floo in
the common room. "You're going to be all right, Harry. I promise. I promise."
***** Chapter 24 *****
Part 24
Harry was asleep now, curled up on one of the infirmary beds, his shorn hair
looking so out of place on his head. Poppy was dabbing some antiseptic salve
over the small cuts even as Severus watched. Severus was so used to Harry's
unruly mop by now and he had to admit he missed it. Why had Harry cut off his
hair in the first place and who was he talking about in his head? Was he still
having visions or nightmares of Voldemort even though the creature was dead?
Poppy had given him one of the stronger calming draughts along with a dose of
Dreamless Sleep and Harry should be out until the morning at least.
It was so unfair; Harry had been through so much already and Severus' heart
ached for him. He'd thought Harry had been getting better, but maybe he'd just
been hiding how bad things had been.
Poppy bustled about, scanning Harry with her wand and watching the results of
the spells as they appeared in a silver list in the air in front of her. She
shook her head at some; nodded at others and then banished them all with
another spell. She caressed Harry's brow and then glanced back at Severus.
"What happened, Severus?" she brought two chairs over and waved for him to sit
down in the other one.
"I'm not sure. Harry was supposed to have a tutoring session with me tonight,
but Draco and I saw him running back the other way, leaving his schoolbag on
the floor. When I went to see if he was all right, there were screams coming
from his room and he had barricaded the door. I used Bombarda to get inside and
I saw Harry trying to cut off more of his hair. He didn't seem to know I was
there at first and he kept going on and on about how dirty he was and how he
couldn't get him out of his head. I don't know who he meant."
"Oh dear, this is bad, Severus. I thought Harry was getting better, I really
did. What with the panic attacks and now this ..."
"Panic attacks? He was having panic attacks?" Why hadn't Harry told him?
"Yes, didn't he tell you? I thought he would have told you. People are crowding
him – or so it seems to Harry – and he is still very wary of touches. Do you
have any idea what might have caused this breakdown tonight? There's usually
something that acts as a trigger in these cases, something that maybe reminded
him of what had happened in the past."
"Nothing I can think of, we just saw him running off in the opposite
direction."
"Draco was with you? Did either of you say anything to Harry?"
"No, neither of us spoke to him. Draco was just reminding me that I had
promised to take him to Hogsmeade tomorrow, but I think I may have to cancel. I
don't want to leave Harry on his own."
"Think, Severus. Anything else you discussed? You did? The more I know, the
better I will be able to help Harry."
Severus wracked his brain, but he couldn't think of anything that might have
precipitated this. They weren't discussing anything confidential by the door,
all of the common room could have listened in and nothing would have been a
bother to anyone else. Oh. Severus realised now when Harry had run.
"Draco kissed me on the cheek; do you think that's what bothered Harry?"
"Does Harry know Draco is your godson, Severus?"
"No, I don't think so; only the Slytherins know."
"It could be Harry saw that happening and was reminded rather forcefully of
those other men who'd preyed on him. Seeing an older man with a young man of
Draco's age might have been uncomfortable for him. That could have caused him
to become like this. Harry didn't know the kiss Draco shared with you was
entirely innocent; in most of Harry's experience, kisses and touches have been
anything but innocent."
Severus paled at the matron's words. It was his fault. It was his fault that
Harry had lost his mind so much he'd taken a knife to his own hair. He was just
as bad as those men, lusting after a student – lusting after Harry – and he
resolved then and there to stop thinking of Harry in any way except as his
student. The hugs had to stop; any touches from Harry had to stop. It wasn't
fair on Harry when all he had been looking for was comfort while Severus kept
hoping that it might turn into something more. If Harry had been upset at
seeing that small kiss between Severus and Draco, how on Earth would he react
if he knew the thoughts that sometimes went through Severus' head? Harry would
be shocked and appalled, and rightly so.
"Why did he cut off his hair?" asked Severus, unsure that he really wanted to
know the answer.
"I'm not sure, but I have seen it before in rape victims. Some want to make
themselves ugly so that they won't be attractive to anyone else and won't have
to suffer unwanted attention; I'm not sure what the reason is with Harry. I'm
not sure our counselling sessions are helping him, Severus. He still keeps
things from me and I know he won't get better unless he can talk freely about
everything. I think perhaps it's because I'm too close to him; Harry's afraid
that if he tells me some of the things in his head, I'll look at him
differently, that I won't like him anymore."
"But that isn't true!"
"I know that and you know that but Harry doesn't. He really needs someone new,
but someone who doesn't know him at all, who doesn't know about the Boy Who
Lived and all of that."
"A Muggle? Do you think that's the best course?"
"I do, Severus, but I have no idea who to choose. I don't know many Muggle
professionals but Harry does need help. I'm scared for him, Severus, I really
am."
Severus felt his heart fall to somewhere near his feet, if Poppy wasn't
confident enough to help Harry, then Severus had no chance. How was he going to
get a recommendation for a Muggle psychiatrist? Severus may have been a half-
blood, but he'd never been to a Muggle doctor in his life and he had no idea
where to start looking.
"Hermione Granger," said Poppy as if reading his thoughts. "Her parents might
know someone."
Severus glanced back at the boy lying on the bed and nodded. It was a place to
start.
***
Harry knew he was in the infirmary even before he opened his eyes. He could
smell the disinfectant and the wax polish as well as an underlying scent of
sickness that no amount of disinfectant and polish could remove. His hair had
grown back overnight and he cringed, remembering his madness of the night
before. He was going crazy, he must be, why else would he think that his dead
uncle was talking to him and making him do things? It was all in his head; he
was doing these things himself, but he didn't want to keep thinking things like
that. He didn't want to feel dirty anymore.
His mouth felt as though he'd been swallowing sand all night and he struggled
to sit up in the bed. As usual, Madam Pomfrey had left him a jug of magically
chilled water and a glass; she always remembered how thirsty Harry was after
all his potions. Harry poured out a glass of water and sipped it carefully;
remembering the first time he'd woken up in the infirmary and downed a glassful
in one go; he'd had stomach cramps all day after that.
He saw Severus was asleep on a chair by the side of his bed and Harry's heart
thudded against his ribcage. Severus was here? He'd stayed all night? Wasn't he
supposed to take Draco to Hogsmeade today? Harry's anger flared, setting off
his wandless magic and the glass shattered in his hand, drenching the bed in
water and showering him with broken glass.
Severus jerked awake at the noise and he looked worriedly at Harry's scratched
hands. "Poppy!" he called as he bent over and tried to take out a few of the
shards himself. Harry yanked his hands out of Severus' grip.
"Don't touch me!" he yelled just as the matron came running.
Severus looked as if he'd been punched in the face.
"Harry, I'm sorry. I didn't mean --"
"Get out! Get out!" shrieked Harry. He couldn't bear to look at the man, not
now when the image of Draco kissing him was uppermost in his mind. Harry felt
so betrayed even though Severus had never given him any indication that he was
interested in Harry as anything more than a student. He crushed down his
disappointment when Severus did what he'd asked. Harry could see visions of
Severus and Draco laughing and joking in Hogsmeade; kissing in alleyways and
curling up in Severus' bed when they came back.
"NO!!!" screamed Harry and every window in the hospital wing shattered.
"Harry! Look at me! Look at me!" ordered Madam Pomfrey. "Calm down or I'm going
to have to restrain you and put a lock on your magic."
Harry knew the woman never made empty threats. He took a deep breath to try and
calm himself; he didn't want to be restrained, he wouldn't be able to handle it
if she tied him up. The lock on his magic sounded good though, he didn't want
to hurt anybody just because he couldn't control his wandless magic.
"I'm sorry," Harry mumbled as Madam Pomfrey fixed the windows.
"Harry, you're at Hogwarts, you're safe here. No one is going to hurt you here.
No one. Severus didn't mean to upset you." Madam Pomfrey poured out another
dose of calming draught; Harry didn't want to take it, but he knew he needed
it: he felt far from calm yet. He drank the dose and grimaced at the after-
taste; it was so bitter.
Madam Pomfrey sat down on the chair Severus had so recently vacated and took
Harry's hand in hers. "Harry dear, this is difficult I know, but I don't think
our counselling sessions are helping you. You're holding back for fear of
upsetting me and you really need to talk to someone who is uninvolved."
"No, please, Madam Pomfrey, please don't make me go to St. Mungo's! I'll be
better, I promise I will," sobbed Harry. "I don't want to be locked up!
Please!"
"Oh, Harry, no one is going to lock you up. I just think it would be best if
you had some counselling with someone who doesn't know you. Severus is going to
ask Hermione Granger if her parents know of any Muggle therapists for you. It
will all be confidential Harry, no one but you and the counsellor will ever
know what you've discussed."
"And - and will they be able to help me?" Harry twirled a loose thread round
his finger. He didn't want to keep hearing Vernon's voice in his head while he
was awake; it was bad enough in the nightmares.
"They can certainly try, Harry."
"Will they think I need to be locked up? That's what Muggles do to crazy
people, isn't it? I don't want to be put in the cupboard again."
Crazy, filthy freak! That's where you belong, boy! In! In before you get the
belt again!
Harry shuddered, but Madam Pomfrey hadn't heard the voice.
"Harry, no one is going to put you in a cupboard ever again and I am sure that
once the therapist sees my notes, they will know that you do not need to be
sent away. You just need someone to talk to about your problems."
"So - so they'll know what has happened to me without me saying it again?"
"That's right, Harry. You won't have to describe it."
Harry nodded. "That's good. I'm not sure I could tell her about that."
"So you'd like a woman therapist, Harry?"
Harry nodded again. "I can't have a man. I can't."
Madam Pomfrey patted the bedclothes. "Then a woman is what you shall have,
Harry."
***** Chapter 25 *****
Part 25
The psychiatrist had an office in Charing Cross Road, quite close to the Leaky
Cauldron in fact, so Harry was able to Floo there every Saturday and make his
way to Muggle London. Of course, he wasn't allowed to go on his own – Poppy
wouldn't hear of it. She must have convinced Severus to take him, but Harry
didn't think the man really wanted to do it if the uncomfortable silences
they'd been sharing lately were anything to go by.
Severus never asked Harry what the psychiatrist discussed with him; Harry was
glad, he wasn't sure he'd be able to tell him. He wanted to be able to tell
Severus anything, but he was so afraid of the strange ideas in his head that if
he told Severus, Severus would avoid him even more than he was doing already.
For five weeks Harry had been seeing Dr. Armstrong; five weeks since Severus
had seen him cutting off his own hair. Five weeks since Severus had seen how
crazy Harry really was. It was hardly surprising that Severus didn't want
anything to do with him anymore and Harry sighed inwardly as they made their
way along the pavement to the woman's office building.
"I'll meet you back here at one," said Severus as they reached the second-hand
bookshop; Dr. Armstrong had an office above the shop. A small doorway opened
directly onto a set of stairs that took you up there. "The twins are expecting
us shortly after one."
Harry nodded; every time they'd come up to London they'd always gone to see
Fred and George for lunch. It was something good to look forward to after the
sessions. The twins were always glad to see him even if Severus wasn't. Harry
had the impression that Severus thought babysitting Harry these days was a
chore he didn't want to do. Severus probably resented having to spend time with
Harry when he could be out on another date with Draco.
"See you later," said Harry, pushing the door open and ascending the steps. He
was a few minutes early, but Dr. Armstrong was already there and waiting for
him with a broad smile on her face. Harry hadn't spoken much the first time
they'd met. He'd felt very uncomfortable talking to a stranger about all that
was worrying him, but she hadn't pushed, she'd just waited until Harry felt
comfortable enough to talk.
"Hi, Harry. It's great to see you, come in. I was just about to make some
coffee, would you like one?"
"Oh, thanks," said Harry. He'd never actually drunk any coffee before, but he
was almost seventeen now and drinking coffee seemed more grown-up than pumpkin
juice or lemonade. Dr. Armstrong busied herself at the sink, filling the kettle
and hunting about in the cupboards for cups and sugar. It was almost like a
studio flat rather than a doctor's office; there was a small kitchenette area,
a couple of comfy sofas and two large armchairs. There was no desk and Dr.
Armstrong never took notes during the sessions at Harry's request, nor used
tape-recorders. Harry didn't want any records of these sessions to fall into
the wrong hands.
He knew the woman thought he was suffering from paranoia, but was it paranoia
if they were really out to get you? Harry could just imagine what Rita Skeeter
would make of the fact that the Boy Who Lived was also the Boy Who'd Totally
Lost It. He could almost see the banner headlines already.
Harry sat down on one of the armchairs. It was his usual position and he tried
not to twist his hands in his lap. A few moments later Dr. Armstrong handed him
a mug of coffee; there was a crack on the rim near the edge and he set the mug
down on the floor by his feet after taking a sip. The aroma was nice, but Harry
hadn't liked the taste. Too bitter, even with sugar added.
"So, Harry, what do you want to talk about today? How was school this week?"
"Okay, I guess."
"You guess? Any more flashbacks?"
"No." Harry looked out of the window, wondering what on Earth he was doing
here. How could talking about things help him? If it was going to help,
wouldn't his sessions with Madam Pomfrey have helped him already?
"Well, Harry, what's the main thing that's worrying you about everything? Is it
school? Or homework? Are you finding your studies too much?"
"No, I can do the work easily enough." That was true; Harry wasn't finding the
work difficult at all. He worked hard at all his lessons and his tutoring
sessions with both Madam Pomfrey and Severus. But that's all they were –
tutoring sessions. He and Severus didn't talk anymore, not like they used to
before he was aged back. Something had changed between them and Harry wasn't
quite sure what it was.
"So if it's not your lessons, what is bothering you?"
"It's - it's everyone else. I know they all stare at me and talk behind my
back; I feel like I can't go anywhere without someone touching me. I don't want
them to touch me and I try not to freak out, but there are so many of them and
I'm afraid I'll contaminate them if they get too close to me."
"Contaminate them? That's an interesting choice of words, Harry. Why do you
think you would contaminate them? With what?"
"With me. With my badness; that it will rub off on them."
"Do you remember what we talked about last time, Harry? How children who are
abused aren't bad? It is the adults who abused them who are bad, not the
children."
"But it doesn't feel like that," insisted Harry. "I feel like it's my fault, I
must have done something to make them do that to me. They must have known how
dirty I was already."
Harry unconsciously scratched at his arms, as if he could feel the dirt still
there, in his skin, under his fingernails.
"Harry, what would you say to people who'd been involved in a plane crash? A
passenger just wanting to go on holiday. Do you think the plane crashing was
their fault? That they'd somehow brought it on themselves?"
"No, it wasn't their fault. It was an accident."
"That's right, Harry. It wasn't their fault. You being raped and abused, that
wasn't your fault either. Those men, and your uncle, they were your plane
crash, Harry. You survived it. You survived that plane crash and I know you
don't think you're getting better, but you are. I notice it each time you come
here; you're more and more comfortable talking about things."
A plane crash, Harry had never thought of it like that before. No one had
explained it in those terms. Harry had always thought he must have done
something, led the men on or they'd seen something inherently bad in him in
order to do that to him. He hadn't thought of it like an accident, something he
had no control over and was not to blame for.
"Dr. Armstrong, can I ask you something?"
"Of course you can, Harry. What do you want to know?"
"Have - have you treated rape victims before? Male victims?"
"I have indeed, Harry, but you know I can't discuss other clients’ histories
with you, the same way I can't discuss yours with them."
"I know, and that's good. I was just wondering - were any of them gay? Can
there be gay men who have been raped?"
"Harry, anyone can be raped. Gay, straight, men and women. Rape has got nothing
to do with sexuality; it's a violent act, not a sexual one."
"Oh."
"Harry, do you think you might be gay?" she asked, sipping her coffee.
"I - I have feelings for someone, but I'm afraid I'll never be able to let him
touch me. I'm afraid that he thinks I'm dirty because of all those other men,
that he won't want to touch me. That he won't be able to like me as a lover."
"Harry, I don't think you are anywhere near ready to engage in any sexual
relationship, gay or otherwise."
"I know I'm not, but I can't help being in love with him, can I?"
"No, I don't suppose you can. Does he reciprocate these feelings? Have you
talked to him about it?"
"No. It's complicated."
"Things usually are, Harry. They usually are."
***
"Thanks, Fred," said Harry as he set down his knife and fork. "That was
delicious." Fred had wowed them all with his chicken and pasta salad and Harry
was feeling a lot better after his session with Dr. Armstrong. He kept
repeating her words over and over in his head. He was a survivor. He'd survived
his plane crash that was the Dursleys and all those other men who had abused
him over the years. There was only one thing worrying him about the session:
the homework she'd given him at the end of it.
Dr. Armstrong wanted him to try and masturbate, to get his body used to sexual
touches that could be pleasurable, not filled with fear. Harry had never
masturbated, not before he was de-aged and not afterwards either. It wasn't
that he didn't feel desire and arousal, he did, but he took cold showers
instead of touching himself to make his erections go away. He didn't know how
to tell her that he was afraid of touching himself, unsure how he would feel
about it if he could actually give himself an orgasm. He was afraid in case he
liked it. If he did like it, would that mean that he'd wanted what those men
had done?
"Oh, Severus," said George as he helped Fred gather up the dishes. "I wondered
if you could have a look at a new potion for us. We just can't seem to get it
right. I have a batch downstairs you can test, if you don't mind."
"No, of course I don't mind. Will you be all right, Harry?" asked Severus as he
pushed his chair back from the table.
"I'll be fine, Severus," said Harry standing up to help Fred with the plates.
Once George and Severus had left, Harry lifted up a tea towel and started
drying those dishes Fred had already washed. Bubbles floated about the kitchen,
catching the light from the window and shimmering like iridescent fairies.
"So, Harry. How are things with your new psychiatrist?" asked Fred, elbow-deep
in suds.
"I like her, she's nice." Even as Harry spoke the words, he was appalled to
find his eyes aching with unshed tears. He sank down and leaned his back
against the cupboard door. "He hates me! He hates me!"
Fred dropped the sponge in the water and knelt down beside him. "Harry? Who
hates you? What's this? Talk to me, Harry, please."
"He hates me. Severus hates me."
Fred almost laughed but he managed to hold it in check, Harry didn't think it
was very funny. He was heartbroken and Fred wanted to laugh at him?
"Oh, Harry. There must be some mistake. Severus loves you. He loves you like a
son."
"I don't want him to love me like a son! I want him to love me like a lover!"
"Oh. Oh, Harry," sighed Fred.
***
"There isn't really anything wrong with our potion, Severus. I just wanted to
talk to you on your own for a bit."
George ushered Severus into the storeroom at the back of the shop, boxes
scattered haphazardly everywhere. It was a wonder they knew where anything was.
George transfigured two of the boxes into squishy armchairs and Severus was
reminded uncomfortably of all those teas in Dumbledore's office.
"Oh? About what?" queried Severus as George sat down. Severus remained
standing.
"What else? Harry."
"I don't think there's much to discuss."
"On the contrary, Severus. I think there is a lot to discuss about you and
young Harry."
***** Chapter 26 *****
Part 26
"You're in love with him," said George. It wasn't a question.
"Is it that obvious?" asked Severus with a sigh, he'd thought he'd hidden his
feelings better than that.
"Only to me and Fred. I don't think the whole world knows if that's what you're
asking. Have you told Harry?"
"Of course I haven't!"
"Why not?" George sounded genuinely curious and there was no hint of censure in
his voice at all.
"Because I'm twenty years older than him and I'm his bloody teacher! Not to
mention that if he knew, he'd probably be horrified. It would remind him of all
those other men." Severus sank down in the other armchair and hung his head in
his hands. "I've done plenty of things in my time, George, but I never
considered myself a monster. I never thought I'd - I'd have feelings like this
about a child."
"Stop right there, Severus. Harry is hardly a child any longer, he's sixteen,
almost seventeen and I don't think he would be horrified. Not considering he's
in love with you too."
***
After a good cry on Fred's shoulder, Harry was able to talk about Severus
without fearing he was going to break down completely. It still hurt so much,
what he'd seen that day. Malfoy fawning all over him. "Malfoy kissed him," said
Harry finally when it was clear that Fred was waiting for some sort of
explanation.
"Draco Malfoy? His godson?" asked Fred.
"Draco's his godson?" Harry thought back to that night and tried to remember
accurately what he'd seen before he'd lost it and chopped off his hair. Draco
was his godson? Had it been entirely innocent then, just Draco giving him a
kiss goodbye like Ron would with his parents or family? Was Harry getting
things out of all proportion?
"Harry - I hate to ask this - but Severus hasn't - he hasn't touched you or
anything?"
"What? No! Of course not, he hasn't done anything like that! He won't even let
me hug him, that's why I started thinking he didn't like me anymore."
"I don't think that's the reason, Harry. I think he's in love with you and is
scared of frightening you."
"Why would Severus being in love with me scare me? I love him, Fred. I really
do. I know I'm not ready for anything really physical yet but I might be one
day and I want it to be with him."
"Harry, are you sure this isn't just a crush? You know how close you were with
Severus when we were looking after you; maybe you're confusing comfort with
something else."
"It's not a crush," said Harry, remembering Cho Chang. That had been a crush
and now he knew it. What he felt for Severus ran deeper than that, much deeper.
"I know how I feel, Fred. I know people will say that I'm too young to know my
own heart, but I do know it and I know I'm in love with him. When I saw Draco
kissing him, it was like my heart had broken inside my chest, I couldn't bear
it. It hurt so much and now I realise it might be nothing more than a silly
misunderstanding. I don't know what to do, Fred."
"The two of you..." said George from the doorway.
"...have got to talk..." said Fred. Severus was hovering behind George and was
staring straight at Harry.
"...and you're not going back to Hogwarts until you have this sorted out."
George stood aside so that Severus could enter the living room. Harry stood up
from the sofa, then had to sit down rather quickly again as his legs refused to
support him any longer. It felt as though his entire body had suddenly turned
to water.
Severus was sitting down beside him on the sofa in an instant, his fingers
pushing Harry's hair away from his forehead. "Are you all right?" he asked
worriedly. Harry didn't shy away from the touch. He had never been afraid of
Severus.
"Just a bit dizzy," Harry admitted. "I think I got up too quickly."
Severus continued to touch his face, gazing into his eyes. "I thought you hated
me," Harry said softly. Neither of them noticed the twins slipping away or the
soft snick of the door as it closed, they had eyes only for each other.
"I could never hate you, Harry. Never."
"Why didn't you tell me? Why did you just avoid me? It hurt that you wouldn't
let me hug you anymore. I thought I'd done something wrong."
"Oh, Harry, no, that wasn't it. I was scared that I might take things too far.
You're my student and no matter how I might feel towards you, if I had done
anything about it, it would have been just as much abuse as what they had done
to you. You're under my care and I do not wish to betray that trust, Harry."
"But - but it would be different with you, Severus. I - I - love you," Harry
admitted at last. "And I don't mean as a father or a teacher or anything like
that."
"I love you too, Harry, but it wouldn't be right, not while you're still at
school."
"What are you saying, Severus?"
Severus sighed. "You're not ready for a lover yet, Harry. Not in a sexual sense
anyway."
"That's true," said Harry, unsure where this conversation was heading.
"There is a way that we can get to know each other a bit better without sex
getting in the way. A formal Courtship."
"You want to court me?" Harry asked in surprise. He'd heard of Wizarding
Courtships, but most people considered them very old-fashioned and they weren't
in vogue among the younger wizards and witches these days.
"If you would permit it."
"What would it entail?"
"If you are amenable, it can start on your seventeenth birthday, a formal
Courtship lasts a year and the two parties are either expected to get betrothed
at the end of it or decide that they were not right for each other after all.
The Courtship has to be acknowledged publicly so that no other person may make
a claim on the two involved. Dates are allowed and are encouraged as are any
outings. Sex between a Courted couple is frowned upon and the couple may decide
to wear bracelets that will prevent them from being intimate with each other if
they wish, but it is not a requirement. The other option is to have a chaperone
who will make sure nothing untoward takes place between the couple. Again, it
is an option, not a requirement. Most Courted couples have decided to make the
commitment of nothing sexual before they enter into the Courtship and use
willpower alone."
"I don't think I'd like the bracelets," said Harry, shuddering. "I don't have
much luck with jewellery."
"No," agreed Severus.
"So if we were Courting no one else would interfere?" Harry couldn't help the
shiver of satisfaction at that thought. If they were Courting, Malfoy wouldn't
have a chance with Severus at all.
"They can't interfere, it's an impossibility. Once the two parties have agreed
publicly that they wish to Court, for the duration of the year of their
courtship they share a bond and will continue sharing it unless they split up
after that year. The bond will continue through their betrothal and marriage
for the rest of their lives."
"What is the bond?"
"It differs from couple to couple. Some can share their magic, others their
thoughts or feelings. No one knows until they become Courted."
A bond. A bond with Severus and no sex until Harry felt ready for it. Was he
dreaming? He couldn't believe this was actually happening. Something good for a
change. "You - you'd be willing to wait for me?" Harry asked anxiously. "It
wouldn't be frustrating for you?"
"Harry, I haven't had a lover for the past ten years, I can certainly wait for
you as long as you need. You're the one who I've been waiting for my entire
life."
Harry blushed at the compliment. "Why are things always so complicated with
us?" he complained. "I thought you were in a relationship with Malfoy."
Severus laughed. "Merlin, no! He's my godson, Harry, that's all. I do love him,
but not in the way I love you. I must admit it is a bit weird to have feelings
like this for someone the same age as my godson." Severus stroked Harry's
cheek. "Can you tell me about what happened that night, Harry? The night you
cut your hair?"
Harry remained silent for a bit too long. "Only if you wish to. I don't want to
pry, Harry, but I do think we need to talk about things a bit more, to save on
all these misunderstandings again."
"When I saw Draco kissing you and then talking about going to Hogsmeade, I
thought it was a date. I thought you and he - were - you know. I was so upset,
I wasn't really thinking straight. That's when Vernon's voice gets into my
head, if I get upset, and I just couldn't get him out. He made me cut my hair
again."
"Again? He did this to you before?"
"Yes - when he was - when he was alive. They hated my hair and tried to cut it
off all the time, but it kept growing back. Vernon thought it was something to
do with my magic so he made me cut it myself, hoping that would make it stop
growing back, but it didn't. It still grew and then they'd beat me even more."
Harry shuddered. "I'm sorry, Severus. I don't want to talk about this anymore,
not today."
"That's fine, Harry. Just know that I'll always be a willing ear, all right?"
"Thanks, that's good to know. I think being Courted is something I'd be
interested in," said Harry.
"Are you sure you want to do this, Harry? Will you be able to handle people's
reactions about this? Everyone will know we're Courting."
"I know, Severus. I want them to; I don't want it to be a secret. There have
been too many secrets in my life; I want to share you with the world." Harry
knelt down on the floor in front of Severus and took his hand in his. "Severus
Snape, I would be honoured if you would Court me."
Severus joined him on the floor and kissed his forehead. "The honour would be
mine, Harry."
"Right you two, that's enough sap for one day!" laughed Fred as he flung the
living room door open. A couple of flesh-coloured strings were in the twins'
hands.
"You were listening?" demanded Harry.
"Of course we were listening," added George, unrepentant. "Had to make sure the
two of you didn't end up hexing each other over another misunderstanding.
Honestly, you two! We thought you'd never get your act together. Everything all
sorted now?"
Harry glanced over at Severus and saw him wink at him before turning to the
twins. "Yes," said Severus. "We've decided that we'll elope and have the
ceremony next week."
"What?" spluttered Fred. "But what about Harry's school? His Healing career?"
"But Fred, weren't you and George the ones who left school early? I'm only
following your example."
"Don't follow our example!" protested George. "We're hopeless role models.
Severus, tell him."
"I have to concur with that assessment. Listening at doors? Encouraging
truancy? I'm not sure you should be listening to anything these two have to
say."
"Oh, I don't know, Severus. I'm sure they could give us a few pointers to help
with the honeymoon," Harry grinned up at the twins and then all four of them
burst out laughing.
"Harry James Potter! Imp!" shrieked Fred. "You'll pay for that one!"
"What are you going to do?" asked Harry with a smile.
"Something that should have been done to you a long time ago," said George as
he and Fred advanced, hands held out in front of them. "Tickle war!"
***** Chapter 27 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Part 27
Harry spent the first few weeks of the holidays at The Burrow, feeling a sense
of nervous excitement increasing more and more each day as his birthday
approached. On Saturdays, one of the Weasleys would take him to the
psychiatrist – normally Mr. or Mrs. Weasley, but sometimes it was Bill or
Charlie if they happened to be home.
The Weasleys were such an affectionate family that Harry soon found himself on
the receiving end of more hugs than he could count. And the best thing was, it
didn't scare him in the least. They hugged him because they liked him, because
they thought he was part of the family and not because they wanted something
from him.
Harry knew that on his birthday, Severus was going to make their Courting
official and he could hardly wait. The day before his birthday, he was playing
quidditch with some of the other Weasleys in the paddock. It had been a while
since he'd flown, he hadn't really had much time at school with all his
studies, and it was exhilarating to be up in the air again. Did Severus fly?
Maybe they could fly somewhere just the two of them and have a picnic in some
out-of-the-way place.
Harry caught the enchanted golf ball they'd been using as a snitch and ended
the game amid jeers from the losing side, Bill and Charlie. Lowering his broom
to the ground, Harry wasn't aware of the silly grin he had on his face. Severus
was coming tomorrow and tomorrow everyone would know they were in love. He felt
almost as if he could fly without his broom. They still had things to work
through, but with the psychiatrist's help Harry knew he was getting better.
"Great to see you smiling, mate," said Ron as they made their way back to the
house. Bill and Charlie were laughing and giggling up ahead of them and Harry
hung back. "Ron, can I talk to you for a minute?" He wanted to tell his friend
before the whole world knew tomorrow when Severus would give him his
Declaration of Intent. Hermione wasn't arriving until his birthday party the
next day.
Ron veered away from the house and led them both to the orchard. "Sure, what is
it?"
"What would you say if I told you I was going to be entering into a Wizarding
Courtship?"
"I'd say who's the lucky girl, mate!" laughed Ron.
"Er, no, it's not a girl, Ron."
"You're gay?"
"Yes. Do you have a problem with that?"
"No, of course not. I'm just a bit surprised, that's all. After what happened
to you..."
"That's different, Ron. A lot different. It's different when you're in love."
"I suppose it is, at that. So then I should be asking who's the lucky fella?"
"You probably won't like it."
"Come on, Harry. He's going to be Courting you, isn't he? That means it's
serious, not some fling. I can grow to like him, can't I?"
Harry took a deep breath. "It's Severus."
Ron laughed. "Sorry, Harry, for a minute there I thought you said it was
Snape."
"It is," said Harry. "I love him. He loves me."
"But Harry, he's your teacher! That isn't right!"
"I know he's my teacher, Ron, that's why he's agreed to Court me. Except for
getting to know each other nothing will happen until I leave school. I'm not
about to jump into bed with him!"
"And he agreed to this no sex rule, did he?" growled Ron. "Harry, if he's hurt
you..."
"He hasn't! It's not like that, Ron. It was his idea, about not doing anything.
He knows it's wrong if he's my teacher, he wouldn't do anything to hurt me. You
can be in love with someone without sleeping with them, you know."
"My parents are going to freak! Everyone is going to freak! You know that
Courtships become public once you've both agreed?"
"I know that, Ron. I don't care what people think anymore, they always talk
about me anyway. I love him and he loves me and that's all that matters. Fred
and George didn't freak," Harry said softly. He had hoped Ron's opinion would
be the same calm acceptance as his brothers, but Ron was younger and a bit more
impulsive.
"Well, nothing shocks them," sighed Ron. "Is this really what you want, Harry?
You want to be with Snape? Bane of Gryffindor and all-round greasy git?"
"He isn't greasy, Ron!" snapped Harry. "Why can't anyone be happy for me? Do
you all want me to be miserable for the rest of my life?"
"Of course not, Harry. It's just it's Snape. I don't know what you see in him."
"I don't know what you see in Hermione, she's just not my type," said Harry and
Ron burst out laughing.
"Oh, Harry. If this is what you want, if he is who you want, then I am happy
for you. I'm just a bit worried for Snape tomorrow."
"Why?"
"My mother will be at your party!"
***
Harry took his time with his shower the next morning; despite there being so
many people at The Burrow, there was always enough hot water for everyone
within the magically charmed bathroom. The Weasleys' mirror wasn't charmed,
something Harry was glad for as he stood in front of it and started putting his
clothes on.
He was dressing carefully today; the green shirt Severus liked along with a
pair of black dress trousers and shoes. On top of it he put on an emerald green
dress robe and smoothed everything out with a spell once it was on. It was the
first time he'd worn robes outside of school, but Harry knew how traditional
Courtships were and he wanted to dress formally, so that Severus knew he was
taking this seriously.
He was worried about how everyone else would react, but Harry wasn't going to
back down for anyone. Harry and Severus loved each other and no one was going
to stop Harry doing something he wanted. For too long he'd been at other
people's beck and call and it was time he was allowed to do something for
himself, time he was allowed to make decisions for himself. If other people
thought they were the wrong decisions, then that was their problem, not
Harry's.
Most of the Weasleys seemed surprised at Harry's choice of outfit when he
entered the kitchen for breakfast. Only the twins and Ron didn't seem at all
fazed and all three gave Harry a smile; they knew what was going to happen
today. Harry sat down beside Ron, smiling back. It seemed that Ron wasn't going
to be difficult about him and Severus after all.
"Oh, Harry dear, you look wonderful!" exclaimed Molly as she ladled out a bowl
of porridge for him. "I said it should have been formal dress, didn't I,
Arthur? It's Harry's Coming of Age, the rest of you should wear robes too."
"Aw, Mum," protested Ron; he hated formality.
"Technically, Mrs. Weasley, I came of age last year when the Ministry made me a
legal adult."
There was silence for a few minutes after Harry's words; most of them knew the
reason why that had happened, but Harry didn't want to dwell on his horrible
past, not today. Molly smiled at him. "Ah, yes, but seventeen is your
traditional Coming of Age," she said.
"Yes," agreed Harry. "Traditions are good." The twins snorted over their
breakfast bowls, no doubt trying to keep a straight face when they knew what
tradition was going to be taking place later that day. Molly glared at her twin
sons as she made sure everyone had some breakfast before settling down for her
own.
Harry tucked into his breakfast, his mind wandering to later and when Severus
would arrive.
 
***
Molly had prevailed and by the time of the party, every Weasley was dressed in
formal robes as they waited for the rest of the guests to arrive. Professor
McGonagall and Madam Pomfrey arrived within moments of each other, so Harry
guessed Severus wasn't far behind. Remus was wishing him a happy birthday when
there was a crack of Apparation and Severus landed beside Fred and George;
Harry forgot what Remus said to him after that.
Harry's heart shot so far up his chest he was surprised it didn't fly out from
his throat. Severus was indeed dressed formally today and for the first time in
Harry's memory, the man wasn't wearing black. He had on a robe in a deep royal
blue with white piping on the collar and cuffs and underneath he was wearing an
under robe of a paler blue. His hair was tied back in a pony tail with a white
ribbon and Harry's eyes were drawn to the man like a moth to the moon.
Almost as if they sensed something of great import was about to take place, the
rest of the assembled guests were quiet as Severus made his way over to Harry.
He had a bouquet of different flowers in his hand. Azalea; baby's breath; white
carnations; red and white chrysanthemums; and white roses.
Once he reached Harry, Severus knelt down on one knee and offered Harry the
flowers.
"Harry James Potter, would you honour me by accepting my Courstship?"
Harry smiled as he took the flowers in his hands; knowing why Severus had
chosen each and every bloom. The man was a Potions Master; Harry shouldn't have
been surprised that he knew the language of flowers as well. Harry knelt down
beside Severus, kissing him on the cheek. "You honour me, Severus. I accept."
***
Harry should have known it was too good to last; for the past three hours,
Remus, Molly and Arthur had been trying to dissuade him from accepting Severus'
Courtship. The other guests were outside, helping themselves to food and drink
while three of the adults Harry loved were trying to make him do something he
didn't want to do. Severus was chatting with the twins and Harry sighed as he
looked out the window at his soon-to-be betrothed.
"Harry, he's far too old for you! This isn't right!" protested Molly for what
must have been the hundredth time.
"I love him and he loves me," said Harry.
"Harry, how can he love you? You're little more than a child," said Remus.
Harry glared at him. "I've just reached my majority, don't you ever, ever call
me a child! I know what I'm doing."
"Do you, Harry? Do you really?" asked Molly as she followed Harry's line of
sight and saw Severus there. "This just seems so wrong, Harry. Like - like what
happened to you before."
"It's nothing like that!" exclaimed Harry. Why couldn't they see that Severus
would never hurt him? "That's why we are Courting. This isn't about anything
physical between us and it won't be, not while I'm still at school."
"Well, that's something at least," agreed Arthur. "But, Harry, he's twenty
years older than you. Old enough to be your father."
"Love has got nothing to do with age," said Harry. "It's our decision and
nothing you can say will make me change my mind. I am going to marry that man
one day and nothing or no one is going to stop me."
Chapter End Notes
     Azalea - take care of yourself for me
     baby's breath - everlasting love
     white carnations - sweet and lovely
     red carnations - my heart aches for you
     white chrysanthemum - truth
     red chrysanthemum - love
     white roses - eternal love, innocence
***** Chapter 28 *****
Part 28
Harry left the three of them discussing his Courtship with Severus and made his
way back to the party and back to Severus. The birthday cake had been cut
already but Harry hadn't yet had a slice. Severus wandered over to him and gave
him a plate with a slice of the chocolate cake on it along with a silver pastry
fork. Harry took a bite, but his mouth was so dry that he could barely swallow
it. He just wished everyone could see how happy Severus made him; wasn't he
allowed to be happy?
"Ah, Severus," called Professor McGonagall from the other side of the table.
"Could I borrow you for a moment?"
Severus gave Harry's arm an apologetic squeeze as he went to see what she
wanted. Hermione soon claimed his place next to Harry.
"Are you mad, Harry?" she hissed in his ear. "He's your teacher for Merlin's
sake!"
"I thought you were my friend, Hermione. I thought you'd be happy for me."
"You expect me to be happy that you're having an affair with a teacher?" she
demanded.
"It's not an affair! We're Courting, there is a difference."
"Oh, yes, as if anyone is really going to believe that the two of you aren't
sleeping together."
"We aren't!" protested Harry. How could Hermione think that of him? After what
she knew about what had happened to him? Harry thought it would have been Ron
who had a problem, but not for a million years would he have guessed that
Hermione wouldn't approve. "And anyway, I'm seventeen now. Who I sleep with or
not is my own business, not anyone else's."
"It is other people's business if you're being abused by someone in authority
over you, like a teacher!" Hermione retorted hotly; she was so loud that
conversation around them ceased and the rest of the guests were staring at
them. Harry felt his face flush with embarrassment.
"Miss Granger," said McGonagall, "were we still at Hogwarts, I'm afraid that I
would feel obliged to take points from you for speaking like that about a
Courted couple. A Wizarding Courtship is an agreement by two adults who know
what they are doing. It is not abuse and nor can it be, the nature of the
bonding will see to that. I am appalled to find you disrespecting your friend
in such a way."
"So you approve of this, Professor?" asked Hermione.
"I do. It is unusual for a Courtship to take place between a student and
teacher, but it is not unknown and as long as both parties are of age and
agree, there is nothing to object to."
"I'm sorry," said Hermione, turning to Harry. "But I don't see it like that and
I can't just tell you that I approve, when I don't. It's wrong, Harry and I
can't think otherwise."
"Hermione, don't be such a prude," said Ron, sidling up to his girlfriend.
"It's got nothing to do with that, Ron! Harry shouldn't be Courted by any
teacher, it's totally immoral!"
With that, Hermione stalked off in a huff and Harry was left feeling as fragile
as a piece of glass. He wanted to feel happy, but with the amount of people who
considered it wrong, he was feeling anything but happy. His eyes stung with the
effort of trying not to cry in front of everyone. He noticed Madam Pomfrey give
Severus a nudge towards Harry.
"Harry, would you care to join me for a walk in the orchard?" asked Severus as
he stood close to Harry and took his elbow. Harry could only nod; he was afraid
he might burst into tears if he opened his mouth to speak. Once away from the
others, deep in the shadow of the trees, Harry's body gave in and he broke down
in sobs. He was crying so much, he could barely stand upright.
Severus sat down by the trunk of an apple tree and tugged Harry down into his
lap, letting Harry rest his head against Severus' shoulder. Harry wept until
his throat ached with the effort and still the torrent didn't seem to be
abating. His throat ached, his head hurt and his nose was stuffy before he
finally stopped, hiccupping a little.
"I thought they'd be happy for us," sighed Harry.
"I don't think we're ever going to achieve universal popularity, Harry. Some
people are always going to have a problem with us being together, whether you
are at school or not. I was a Death Eater, you're the saviour of the Wizarding
world, and people are not going to be jumping for joy that we are Courting.
Once people have seen the records at the Ministry I suspect that Howlers will
be on their way."
Harry still found some things in the Wizarding world a bit strange, like the
fact that a record of their Courtship now existed because Harry had accepted
Severus' bouquet and had said he accepted the Courtship. There was nothing to
sign, no parchment or anything, but now anyone could read about their Courtship
at the Ministry record office.
"Do you regret it?" asked Harry. "Do you regret agreeing to Court me?"
"Harry, no! I will never regret being with you, don't doubt me. Don't ever
doubt that I love you. I'm just sorry that the world is still full of small-
minded people who cannot be happy for us. Don't let them spoil your day,
Harry."
"Our day," Harry smiled shyly at him. "The day the whole world knows about us."
"That too," grinned Severus as he hunted about his robes and pulled out a small
square box wrapped with a white ribbon. "Your birthday present."
"I thought you Courting me was my birthday present," said Harry as he took the
proffered box warily. Harry hadn't lied when he'd said he had problems with
jewellery. Opening the ribbon and then the lid, he was greeted by two very
small emeralds nestling amid black velvet.
"They're earrings, but just earrings. No spells of any sort," said Severus. "I
just thought they matched your eyes."
"They're gorgeous, Severus! Thank you!" Harry wrapped his arms around Severus'
neck and hugged him fiercely, almost squashing the life from both of them.
Harry pulled back, feeling a strange sensation in his midriff at how close they
were to each other. "There's only one problem, I don't have pierced ears." The
Dursleys would never have allowed something like that and they certainly would
never have given Harry emeralds.
"No problem, there's a simple spell for that," said Severus as he lifted up his
wand. "Allow me?"
Harry nodded and Severus brought the wand tip up to Harry's right ear and then
his left. There was a small sting as each piercing was created, but it didn't
last long and Harry was free to try on his new gift. He'd never worn earrings
before and he fumbled a bit with the small butterfly catches before Severus
intervened and pressed the backs onto the earrings for Harry.
"There, beautiful. Just like you," said Severus and Harry blushed at the
compliment. "I suppose we ought to be getting back to the party."
"In a while," said Harry, lying down again and leaning his head on Severus'
shoulder. "I don't want to share you quite yet. It's my birthday so I'm going
to do what I want and right now I want to spend some time with you."
"Sounds good to me," agreed Severus and Harry felt a kiss in his hair. It felt
intimate, sitting here wrapped up in Severus' arms, but not sexual. It was
different to those other men, Harry knew and he was upset that other people
couldn't see it that way. No matter what they thought or said, he wouldn't
change it. He loved Severus and knew he was loved in return; people talked
about him no matter what and he wasn't going to allow them to dissuade him from
marrying Severus.
They sat silently for a while; every so often Severus would stroke Harry's back
or hair and sigh contentedly. Harry loved it and was almost drifting off to
sleep. "Severus?"
"Hmm?"
"I've been thinking. I can't really stay at the Weasleys' forever. We'll need
somewhere to live, somewhere new. I don't want to live anywhere where there are
bad memories for either of us. Somewhere for just the two of us."
"I live at Hogwarts during term, Harry."
"I know and I'll probably board with the other apprentices if I get into the
training program at St. Mungo's, but we'll need somewhere for holidays and
things, won't we?"
"I suppose so, what do you have in mind?"
"Somewhere brand new, a house that no one has ever lived in before. I don't
want anything second-hand from the house down to the kettle. Only stuff that
we've bought new."
"So, no antiques then?" Harry could almost imagine the man was grinning.
"Well, maybe if they were special to you," Harry said. "But I don't want hand-
me-downs. Nothing like that ever again."
"No, Harry," agreed Severus. "Never again."
***** Chapter 29 *****
Part 29
The breakfast table was scorched with the remains of yet more Howlers; in the
two weeks since his birthday, Harry had never received so many letters in such
a short space of time. Mrs. Weasley tried to destroy them before Harry even saw
them, but it was an uphill struggle. The shrieks from the Howlers could be
heard throughout the whole house and Harry felt a bit guilty that he had to put
the Weasleys through that.
"I'm sorry, Mrs. Weasley," said Harry as he sat down at the table. Molly's hair
was tied back; a few loose tendrils had escaped and hung in sweaty strands
around her face. The woman looked so harassed. He and Severus were seeing some
more estate agents today and maybe Harry would be able to move out soon.
"Don't worry about it, Harry. These things happen. It's none of their
business!"
Molly, Arthur and Remus had all come round once they'd seen how serious Harry
was about marrying Severus; only Hermione still remained unconvinced but Harry
wasn't going to waste time on trying to persuade her. Life was too short to
worry about what other people thought of him.
"What time is Severus getting here, dear?" asked Molly as she set a plate of
bacon and eggs down in front of Harry. Only Ron was still at breakfast; the
other Weasleys must have left for work already.
"Around ten, but we didn't say anything definite." Harry played with the food
on his plate; he wasn't feeling very hungry, not after he'd heard that last
Howler.
Molly sat down and squeezed Harry's hand in hers. "You know you can stay here
as long as you like, Harry. You don't need to move out. We love having you
here."
"I know, but we'd like somewhere of our own for when we do get married." As
much as he loved the Weasleys, Harry wanted some privacy. In all his life, he'd
never felt as if he'd had any privacy; what with first being with the Dursleys
and then at school, at The Burrow or Grimmauld Place; he'd never been in his
own place and he wanted it. Wanted to be able to walk around naked if he liked;
wanted to have a television and watch whatever he chose; wanted to be able to
relax and just be Harry; wanted to be able to cuddle up with Severus on the
sofa and not hear anyone complaining. A haven just for them: that's what he
wanted and he could certainly afford it.
Molly patted his hand and smiled sadly at him. "Whatever you need, Harry," she
said as she stood up and started in on the other breakfast dishes. Harry ate a
few mouthfuls to be polite, knowing how busy the woman was, but he barely
tasted the food. At five to ten, there was a rapping on the door and Harry
almost knocked over his chair in his haste to get out of it.
He yanked the back door open, a broad smile on his face when he saw Severus
standing on the other side. Severus was dressed as a Muggle today too; a pair
of black jeans that hugged his legs along with a pale blue t-shirt and his hair
was tied back again, revealing the angular set of his jaw. Harry couldn't help
staring; he'd never seen Severus in anything so casual as jeans before and they
looked good on him. Very good.
"Ready, Harry?" asked Severus with a smile of his own at Harry's blatant
regard.
"Er, yes," replied Harry, blushing. He said his goodbyes to Molly and Ron and
then they both Apparated to Muggle London, in an alleyway just outside The
Leaky Cauldron. Harry had passed his Apparating test on the first try, a few
days after his birthday. He had been accosted by Rita Skeeter on his way out of
the Ministry building afterwards and despite his vehement "No comment" after
every question; there was still an article in the Prophet the next day. It was
all lies of course, but it still hurt that the woman could be so vicious. Why
couldn't he be happy? Wasn't the Boy Who Lived allowed happiness?
***
Severus noticed how quiet Harry was as they made their way out of the alleyway.
They were thinking of buying a Muggle house; no new Wizarding houses had been
built for over a hundred years so they both thought Muggle would be their best
bet if they wanted brand new. Harry was keen on it and Severus was keen to do
anything that would make Harry happy.
"What's the matter, Imp?" he asked softly, taking hold of Harry's hand and
giving it a squeeze.
"Just thinking about that awful article."
"Oh, that. It's rubbish, Harry. Most people who know you will know it was all
lies."
"And what about the people who don't know me?"
"It bothers you that much?" asked Severus.
"Doesn't it bother you?" Harry tugged his hand away, out of Severus' grasp.
"They all but called you a child-molester."
Severus paused and turned to face Harry. "Are you worried about what people are
thinking, or are you worried about what you're thinking?"
"What do you mean?"
"Harry, I love you and I would never do anything to hurt you, but maybe you
think I would. Perhaps because I am older, it has you thinking about all those
awful men."
Harry shook his head and hugged Severus tight. "No, Severus. You don't remind
me of them in any way at all. This is different, I know it is. I just don't
like them comparing you to them, you're nothing like that. Maybe we should sue
the Prophet or something to stop them printing all that rubbish about us."
"The publicity would probably help them sell more papers," Severus reminded him
gently.
"It was just an idea," Harry shrugged. "I don't want to do anything that will
help their circulation and I don't want to waste our money on them. We have a
house to buy."
"Are you sure you're okay, Harry? We can go house hunting some other time."
"I'm sure, Severus. I want us to buy a house. A home of our own."
"I'd like that," said Severus as he leaned down and attempted to kiss Harry.
Harry pulled away, a frown on his face.
"Severus, what are you doing?"
"I was trying to kiss you," he admitted.
"Is - is kissing allowed?" Harry asked, biting his bottom lip. His full,
delectable, kissable bottom lip. Severus' eyes were drawn to that pink mouth.
"Allowed? Oh, you mean the Courtship?"
Harry nodded.
"Yes, it's allowed, Harry. In fact, anything above the waist is allowed. But if
you'd rather we didn't..." he trailed off, trying to hide his disappointment.
"No, it's not that," said Harry. "Um - it's just - I thought only boys and
girls kissed, not two boys. I didn't think boys liked it."
"Well, I'm hardly a boy, Harry," grinned Severus. "And I do like kissing, but I
won't kiss you if you don't want it."
Harry was blushing a delightful shade of shell pink now and he was breathing
rather heavily too. Severus was unsure if it was from panic or desire.
Suddenly, Harry's reticence made sense. "Harry, you've never been kissed
before, have you?" Severus asked softly, as he trailed a hand along Harry's
cheek. The boy all but melted against him. Severus could feel Harry's desire
and confusion through the bond they now shared. They weren't aware of it all
the time, but sometimes feelings leaked through, especially if either of them
were feeling strong emotions, like now.
"N- no, a girl tried once, in fifth year, but I panicked and turned my head so
she just kissed me on the cheek instead."
A spark of jealousy flared to life in Severus' chest. "Who was this girl?" he
demanded, mentally taking points from Hermione Granger for even daring to touch
his Harry. The bond had made him even more possessive of Harry than he had been
before and he dreaded to think what he might do once they were back at school
and he would have to share Harry with his friends and classmates. He sometimes
felt like locking him away from the rest of the world and the intensity of it
scared him. How could he even think of locking Harry away after what those
Muggles had done to him?
It doesn't matter, Severus. It was a few moments before Severus realised the
words were in his head and hadn't been spoken aloud.
You're mine, Harry. I won't share you. I can't.
You won't have to, Severus. I love only you.
Harry gazed up at him, emerald eyes so full of love and trust that Severus felt
awed. "Care to try an experiment, Severus?" asked Harry.
"An experiment?"
"Yes, shall we see if I like kissing as much as you do?"
Severus didn't speak after that; instead, he brought his head down and pressed
his lips firmly against Harry's. Harry squirmed in his arms, as if he wanted to
get even closer. Severus opened his mouth deepening the kiss, gratified to find
Harry following his lead as they shared open-mouthed kisses for what seemed an
eternity. Time seemed to stand still as they kissed in the alleyway; Harry's
hands tangled themselves in his hair as he continued to kiss back just as
ardently.
How many times had Severus envisioned this moment? More times than he could
count, but nothing could have prepared him for the reality of kissing Harry
Potter. The slide of saliva between them; Harry's hitching gasps as Severus
kissed the breath from him. In his imagination, Harry's lips had always been
smooth and supple; but in reality his lips were slightly chapped, rough from
the many times Severus had seen the boy biting them. Severus gave them some
bites of his own; small nibbles that he soothed with a swipe of tongue.
He was getting light-headed from lack of air yet he still didn't want to stop,
he could kiss Harry all day. One of them moaned, he wasn't sure who, but it
didn't really matter. Suddenly Harry's hands tightened in his hair and he felt
Harry shudder against him, going completely still and then pulling his mouth
away so fast that he almost broke Severus' nose in his haste.
"Harry? What's wrong?" Had he rushed things too soon? Maybe Harry hadn't been
ready for kisses like that after all.
"I'm sorry, Severus, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to! I swear, I didn't mean to!"
Harry turned away, facing the wall, tears leaking from beneath his glasses. A
few shoppers in Diagon Alley glanced into the alleyway when they heard Harry
crying, but none of them lingered. Severus cast a See-Me-Not spell over both of
them, realising he should have cast it sooner.
"Harry, what's wrong?" he asked again, turning Harry to face him. He saw the
damp patch at the front of Harry's jeans and realised what must have happened.
"You came, Harry? Just from kissing?" Gods, how responsive he must be! Severus
could hardly wait to investigate further, but he knew they had to wait.
"I'm sorry, I couldn't help it. It just happened. You were kissing me and it
was wonderful and I didn't want to stop and then - and then I just sort of -
erupted. I - suppose we'll have to dissolve the Courtship, now, won't we?"
"Harry, what on Earth are you talking about? We're not dissolving anything."
"But I came. You said sex between Courting couples is frowned upon."
"And so it is," agreed Severus. "Harry, you just had an involuntary response to
stimulus, nothing more. It was like a wet dream. We did not have sex and we
won't, not until you are out of school and no longer my student."
"Oh," said Harry. "I - it never happened when I was awake before," he admitted
with another small blush.
Severus was finding a blushing Harry very endearing, not that he would ever
admit it of course. Despite what had happened to him, Harry had such innocence
about him and Severus realised that the Dursleys probably never gave him any
proper sexual education at all. Raping and whoring your nephew hardly counted
as an education.
"Harry, it's your body, you're allowed to touch it if you want to."
"Dr. Armstrong wanted me to, but I don't know if I can, Severus. I mean, make
it happen deliberately. It would just feel so weird."
"I have some books I can show you, Harry. I can bring them with me next time."
"No, don't bring them to the Weasleys' house," said Harry. "Bring them to our
house when we move in."
"You think we'll find one today?"
"I do, Severus. I have a feeling today is going to be a good day," Harry stood
up on tiptoes and gave Severus a small kiss on the lips. "I think I'll like
kissing you."
"Good," smiled Severus as he leaned down and they kissed some more. A cleaning
spell later and they were soon on their way to the first estate agent of the
day. Severus had a feeling that Harry was right and today was the day they were
going to find their dream home. He could hardly wait to share a home with
Harry.
***** Chapter 30 *****
Part 30
At the welcome feast on the first day back, Harry was inundated with questions
from his classmates. It seemed the news of his and Severus' Courtship was not
to be forgotten in just a few weeks. He tried his best to be polite, but
really, all Harry wanted to do was get to his room and away from everyone.
Hermione hadn't spoken to him on the train or at the feast and she pointedly
ignored Harry's requests to pass over the vegetable dishes. Did she really
think their Courtship was immoral? Harry had always thought that Hermione was
more broad-minded than that, but it seemed the truth was out now and Harry
could almost feel the disapproval coming from her in waves.
Harry made his excuses as soon as dessert was finished and went back to the
dormitories, realising that as he wasn't a prefect, he didn't know the new
password to the dungeons. The portrait was of Salazar Slytherin, with two
snakes twined around his arms like living vines.
{Can I come in?} Harry asked in Parseltongue; addressing the snakes directly.
He knew Slytherin himself would not allow passage to anyone without the
password.
{You speak our tongue, little one?} queried the left-hand snake. Harry bristled
a bit; he was hardly little, not anymore.
{May I pass?} Harry asked again.
{First you must speak the word.}
Great, just great. He'd have to wait until Hermione or another prefect came by
and Harry really wasn't up to having an argument with Hermione tonight.
{Please?} He tried again and was surprised when the portrait swung open to
allow him admittance. Please? That was the word they wanted? Harry turned.
{Thank you} he said just as the portrait swung closed. The common room was
empty this early, but the House-elves had been busy and a fire was already
roaring in the grate; lanterns were lit and bowls of snacks were laid out on
some side tables. Harry lifted a handful of peanuts and took them into his
room.
He wouldn't be seeing Severus tonight; the man would be welcoming the new
Slytherin and Gryffindor first years as well as whatever preparations teachers
did for the new term. Harry was missing Severus already as he pushed open the
door to his bedroom. His trunk was at the foot of the bed and it looked like
the elves had been busy in here too. There was a new desk pushed up against one
wall, with pigeon holes above it to better organise his parchments. Scrolls of
parchment were laid out on the surface of the wood, along with quills and ink-
bottles in a shade of dark blue.
Walking over to the bed, Harry realised the covers had been turned down and
lying on his pillow was a single white rose and a scroll tied with blue ribbon.
Harry smiled to himself, not House-elves after all. He lifted the rose to his
face and smelled the hint of perfume on the flower before laying it aside to
read the note.
My Imp,
I hope you like your gift. Think of it as a late birthday present or an early
Christmas one. I know how hard you will be working this year and your own desk
will be something of a necessity; I know how noisy the common room can get.
Sweet dreams.
The note wasn't signed, but Harry didn't need a name to know who it was from.
He lay down on his bed fully clothed and smiled his delight at the canopy over
the bed. Who would have thought Severus would have been such a romantic? Harry
hadn't expected any presents after his birthday, his hand unconsciously
caressed his ears and the emeralds in them as he thought of the day Severus
gave them to him.
Harry shivered and as he remembered their first kiss shortly afterwards and how
excited he'd been, a flash of arousal flared in the pit of his belly. His groin
tightened – his cock pressing uncomfortably against the zip of his trousers.
He'd come so suddenly that day when they were kissing, but he'd yet to bring
himself off deliberately, there hadn't been much privacy at The Burrow. He and
Severus had bought their new house, but it wouldn't be ready to move into until
nearer to Christmas as it was still being built.
Harry had hoped that they'd been able to move in before he returned to school,
but Muggle houses took longer to build than Magical ones. The privacy they'd
hoped for had never materialised and they had contented themselves with brief
kissing sessions on the Weasleys' sofa whenever they got the chance. Severus'
kisses had always aroused Harry but he hadn't come again, not like that first
time. He guessed he was getting more used to being kissed now.
He cast a wandless locking charm on his door so that no one could come in; he
knew the students weren't supposed to lock their doors, but he didn't want
anyone coming in and catching him. His breath caught; was he really going to do
this? His prick throbbed in his trousers; almost answering for him. Yes, he was
going to do it. He was going to touch himself and try to make himself come.
The only problem was, Harry wasn't entirely sure what you were supposed to do.
Probably the first thing would be to remove his clothes or at least unzip his
trousers. He wasn't quite feeling brave enough to lie completely naked, so he
just unzipped his trousers and slid his hand inside the v they made at his
groin. His boxer shorts were damp as his hand caressed his cock. Oh, that felt
good. He pressed harder this time and felt himself arch up on the bed.
Good, but it could be better; he moved his hand inside the slit of his boxers
and pulled out his cock, staring at it as if he'd never seen it before. He had,
but not like this. It looked so big, so red and wet. Harry groaned and gripped
his fist around it; loving the wet slide of his fingers along the length. It
felt so hard and yet so soft at the same time.
He was aching, yearning for something as he continued to stroke. How good would
this be if it was Severus touching his cock? Severus kissing him at the same
time? Harry loved kissing Severus and he so wanted to be kissing the man right
now. Harry took his left hand, the one not stroking his cock, and shoved three
fingers in his mouth, licking and sucking them as if they were Severus' tongue.
He gasped and bucked on the bed, feeling sensations build and build at the base
of his cock and in his balls. God, he was so hard! This felt almost too good,
the pleasure verging on the point of pain. He cried out around the fingers in
his mouth as his toes curled and his hips arched against his hand. More, he
needed more, but he wasn't sure what. The pressure of his hand wasn't enough.
Harry let the fingers slip from his mouth and removed his hand from his groin
before he sat up and pulled a pillow down to the middle of the bed. He shoved
his trousers and boxers down to his ankles and turned over, his cock pressing
into the pillow. Yes, oh God, yes! That was it. He thrust again and again,
grabbing the slats of the headboard to give himself more leverage as he humped
the pillow. He could feel every fibre of the cotton on his thighs, belly and
cock. His balls felt so full, so heavy and he felt as if he might explode at
any minute and suddenly he did.
Harry shrieked Severus' name as he felt the first pull of the orgasm, soaking
the bed beneath him as he came and came, muffling his voice in the mattress
below him. His whole body was trembling with the force of his climax and he
shuddered against the bed. Harry felt weightless, boneless and he just couldn't
keep the grin off his face. He would have to do this more often in future. A
lot more often.
***
Harry woke up, something had startled him but he wasn't sure what. His door was
still locked by the spell from earlier and he realised he'd fallen asleep still
half-dressed and a cold, damp patch underneath him reminded him that he had
forgotten to clean up as well. It wasn't remotely sexy any more and he cast a
wandless Scourgify spell, wondering what had woken him. He didn't remember
having a nightmare and then he heard it.
Someone was knocking on his bedroom door, but knocking softly as if they didn't
want to be heard by anyone except for Harry. Had Severus come to visit him
tonight after all? Harry stood up and pulled his clothes back up before walking
over to the door and undoing the locking charm.
Whatever he expected when he opened his door, it was not a bloodied and bruised
Draco Malfoy who was raising an arm to knock on Harry's door once again.
Blood was still dripping from the Slytherin's mouth and nose, his green silk
pyjama top was stained crimson and his face looked more red than any other
colour.
"Potter -" he rasped, before falling at Harry's feet in a dead faint.
"Harry? What's going on?" asked Hermione as she peeked her head out of her
room, a dressing gown wrapped around her and her arms folded across her chest.
"My God! Is that Malfoy? What happened to him?"
"I don't know, he just turned up like this," Harry was just glad that Hermione
seemed to be on speaking terms with him again. "I think someone has beaten him
up."
"Who?" asked Hermione as she came over to them. "We should probably get him to
Madam Pomfrey."
"Yes," said Harry, removing his wand and getting ready to cast a levitation
charm on the unconscious Malfoy.
"N- no. No Pomfrey," Malfoy croaked, grey eyes filled with pain opened and
pierced Harry with their gaze. "Don't want - don't want anyone knowing. You -
heal - you - " gasped Malfoy as he fainted again.
Harry had been learning a lot from the mediwitch, it was true, but he was
nowhere near her level of expertise, he wasn't confident that he would be able
to heal Malfoy properly. And what did he mean about not wanting anyone knowing?
Harry cast scanning spells over the unconscious boy so he'd know at least what
he was dealing with. Bruises on his back; torso; footprints on his back; broken
nose, sprained wrist and numerous cuts across his chest and back.
Harry really didn't want Malfoy in his bedroom, but he couldn't very well heal
him out here, anyone could come into the common room at any moment; if Hermione
had heard Malfoy, it was a fair bet that someone else had too.
"Put him in my room, Harry," said Hermione. "We're both prefects, we can always
say we were discussing school policy or something if anyone sees him there."
"At three in the morning?"
She shrugged. "Better than him being caught in your room, isn't it?"
Harry nodded and levitated Malfoy across the corridor into Hermione's room and
set him down on her bed. Malfoy was still out, but Harry cast a sleeping spell
on him just to make sure. He didn't want Draco to wake up while he was healing
him. All Madam Pomfrey's lectures came back to him and in hardly any time at
all, Harry had healed the cuts and bruises as well as the sprained wrist. He
was just thankful the boy had no broken bones; he would have had to sneak into
the infirmary for some Skele-Gro and Madam Pomfrey kept as close an eye on her
stores as Severus did.
"Who do you think did this to him?" asked Hermione as she sat down on the chair
by her desk.
"I don't know," said Harry. Draco wasn't exactly Mr. Popular this year after
his father had been imprisoned. "Should we take him back to his room now?"
"No," replied Hermione. "He'd better stay here tonight; they could still be
waiting for him in his room."
"What would Ron say if he found out?"
"Harry, Draco is gay. I know that, the whole school knows that. Ron won't be a
problem."
"Um, thanks, Hermione. It's good of you to do this."
"Harry - look, I'm sorry I was being such a bitch, all right? I can see how
much you love him and how much he loves you. This Courtship, it's an honourable
thing. I know you and Snape aren't sleeping together and I'm sorry for freaking
out. I was worried about you, Harry. Just promise me one thing."
"Oh, what's that?"
"That I get an invitation to your wedding." Hermione stood up and hugged him.
"I think we can certainly arrange that."
Malfoy snorted from the bed. "Merlin save us from romantic Gryffindors."
Harry just couldn't stop the smile. "I prefer romantic Slytherins myself."
***** Chapter 31 *****
Part 31
Harry was hiding something from him; for the three weeks since they'd been back
at school, Harry had rushed away as soon as their tutoring sessions had
finished and didn't stay to linger for kisses and cuddles. If Severus didn't
know better, he would almost say that Harry had been avoiding him and he was
almost sure he knew the reason why.
Draco Malfoy.
He'd seen Harry laughing and joking with his godson at meals; they even seemed
to tolerate each other in class and Severus was heartily sick of it. He knew
he'd asked Harry to be friendlier with Draco, but did he have to be so
friendly? When was the last time Harry had laughed with him like that? The two
young men were at the Gryffindor table at dinner that evening; sharing jokes
with Weasley and Granger. Since when had all four of them become such firm
friends?
The way the quartet were sitting, Harry next to Draco, Hermione next to Ron, it
almost seemed as if they were paired off. Had Harry regretted agreeing to the
Courtship already? Did he want to be released so that he could pursue Draco
Malfoy? Compared to Malfoy's silvery beauty, Severus knew he fell short and
wondered what on earth Harry saw in him. Maybe Harry had come to his senses at
last. Severus sighed and speared a chunk of beef with more force than was
really necessary.
How dare Malfoy sit so close to him? Laugh with him? Severus let his fork fall
to the plate with a clatter; he couldn't manage another bite. Everything tasted
like ashes in his mouth.
Harry had a tutoring session tonight and for once Severus wasn't looking
forward to it. How could he look forward to finding out for sure that Harry
wanted to leave him?
***
As usual, Harry was five minutes early and Severus had left the door open for
him. Severus saw Harry take note of the empty desks; there were no textbooks or
parchments tonight. The boy stared around the room and then at Severus, noting
too that Severus was still in his teaching robes and hadn't had a shower yet.
What was the point? There was no reason to look good for Harry anymore; it
wasn't as if he'd ever appreciated it, was it?
Harry sat down at his usual place by the desk and removed his own textbook,
along with a quill and parchment.
"We won't be studying tonight, Potter," said Severus, feeling his heart shatter
in the middle of his chest even as he said the words. Guileless green eyes
sought his.
"Severus? What's wrong?" asked Harry as he stood up and attempted to hug him.
Severus backed away.
"Hugs won't fix this, Potter."
"Fix what? And what's all this Potter business?" demanded Harry.
"I thought it would be easier when we go back to being just teacher and
student."
"Severus, what are you talking about? You've completely lost me."
"You've been hiding things from me, Potter. Things regarding a certain Mr.
Malfoy."
"Oh. That," said Harry darkly and Severus felt as if he'd just had the wind
knocked out of him. It was true? Dear Merlin, his suspicions were true? "I'm
sorry I didn't tell you, Severus, but he made me promise not to. It's his
secret to tell, not mine."
"How - how long have you been enamoured of Mr. Malfoy?"
"Enamoured? What!? You don't think that me and Malfoy ... You do! You think
that there's something going on between us? The bond won't let us be with
anyone else, Severus, you know that!"
"The bond won't allow physical intimacy with someone else, that's true, but you
may still have developed feelings for him. I've seen the two of you. At meals.
In class. Laughing and joking."
"Yes, that's what friends do! You were the one who wanted me to be friends with
him in the first place!"
"Friends? Are you sure that's all it is?"
Harry glared at him. "I am not having this conversation with you." Harry threw
his things back in his bag and stalked to the door; he flung it open and didn't
look back.
Severus stared at the door for a long time after Harry had gone, wondering how
he could have been so stupid.
***
Harry was so angry that he was sure there must be a thundercloud over his head.
How could Severus think that of him? How? Didn't Severus trust him? Was he
always going to be like this? Jealous over any friendships Harry had? He had
made friends with Draco after that night; even Ron and Hermione had accepted
Malfoy into their little group but all Severus saw was that Harry wanted
someone else.
He didn't want someone else. Harry wanted Severus, only Severus. Didn't the
fact that Harry had agreed to this Courtship, that they'd bought a house
together mean anything? What did Severus think this was? That Harry was too
young and was only experimenting with him or something? Harry had tried so hard
to defend their relationship, did that mean nothing now? How could Severus
think he could ever be interested in someone else?
Harry almost knocked someone over as he entered the common room and mumbled an
apology before striding straight for his room. "Hey, Harry," called Draco just
as Harry reached the door. "What's up?"
Harry turned, glowering at everyone who was in the common room, Slytherin and
Gryffindor alike. Professor McGonagall had decided to keep the two Houses
together but right now Harry didn't want an audience for what he was about to
say to Malfoy. Harry nodded at Hermione and Ron as well, then held his door
open so that all three of them could go into his bedroom.
He cast a locking and silencing charm on the door.
"Harry, we're not supposed to lock –"
"I don't give a fuck what we're supposed to do!" he roared at Hermione and
began pacing the room. His skin felt too tight for his body and he just wanted
to rip it off in shreds. His hands itched to do it and he made them into fists
before he could start clawing at himself.
"Harry? What's wrong?" asked Ron, his hand automatically reaching out for
Hermione's as if he needed some moral support in case Harry went mental again.
"Draco," spat Harry. "Severus thinks there's something going on between me and
Draco."
The three of them laughed, but Harry didn't think it was even remotely funny.
"That's ridiculous," said Hermione. "How can he think that?"
"Either you tell him what happened that night, Draco, or I will," threatened
Harry.
"You promised you wouldn't tell anyone!"
"You're my friend Draco, but he's - he's my - "everything", and I won't let
anyone come between us, not even you. Tell him what happened that night and why
we became friends in the first place. He thinks we're developing feelings for
each other."
"But I don't like you like that!" protested Draco.
"So go and tell him and while you're at it, tell him who beat you up that
night."
"I never said anyone beat me up."
"You didn't have to say it, Draco. I knew." Harry had been on the receiving end
of so many beatings over the years that he knew what the victim of one looked
like. Someone had really gone to town on Draco that night, but who and why?
That was something Draco had never revealed to any of them.
"What did happen that night?" asked Ron as he stared round at each of them in
turn. "Come on, Draco, I'm not letting Harry get hurt over this. You have to
tell."
"I don't have to do anything, Weasley! It's no one else's business!"
"It is when my best friend gets accused of having an affair with you!"
"Stop it! That's enough, both of you!" Harry stood in front of both of them,
hoping it wouldn't come to hexes or even fists. He felt sick to his stomach
from all the stress and he just wanted to be curled up in Severus' arms right
about now, but from the way they'd parted, Harry would be lucky if Severus ever
wanted to see him again.
"Draco, please, please tell Professor Snape what happened if you won't tell us.
He's your godfather, he's hardly going to think any less of you," said
Hermione, the voice of reason.
Draco ran his hands through his hair and sat down on the chair by Harry's desk
with a sigh.
"All right, I'll tell you, but it goes no further than here, okay? Then I'll go
and speak to Severus. It was - it was Blaise Zabini. That's who beat me up that
night. I - I've fancied him for ages; I thought he liked blokes; I really did,
otherwise... Well the long and the short of it is that I asked him out on a
date for the next Hogsmeade weekend and he totally freaked. Called me all sorts
of names, then the punches and the kicks started; I think there might have been
some hexes there too, but I was so surprised I don't really remember much. It
seems he didn't like being mistaken for a queer – his words, not mine. The
whole fucking school knows I'm gay and he goes mental because I asked him out?
All he had to do was turn me down."
"He beat you up because of that?" exclaimed Harry. "You didn't try something
with him, did you? Hit on him or something?"
"No, I didn't. I just asked if he wanted to go with me to Hogsmeade and he went
crazy. He was vicious."
"I know," Harry almost whispered. He'd seen the damage inflicted on the other
boy that night. "But you will tell Severus, won't you?"
Draco nodded and stood up. "I'll go now, but no one else is to know about this,
right?"
The trio nodded as he left.
"I always thought Blaise was gay," mused Ron. "I've never seen him with a
girlfriend or anything."
"Just because he hasn't got a girlfriend doesn't mean he's gay, Ronald."
"I know, Hermione. I was just saying."
Harry sat down on his bed and hugged his panda to his chest, wishing it was
Severus who was hugging him. He shouldn't have stormed out like that; he should
have stayed and talked things through but he'd just been so angry when he
realised that Severus didn't trust him.
Hermione sat down beside Harry and placed a hand on his arm. "Harry? You okay?"
He nodded, rocking the panda, willing the tears not to spill. He wasn't okay
and he wondered if he ever would be.
"Wh - what if he never wants me back?"
***
Harry was sobbing into his pillow later that night when he heard his door
opening; since he'd warded it, he knew only one person could have breached the
protection.
"S- Severus? Severus? Is that you?" asked Harry, sniffling a little as he sat
upright on his bed. He hadn't slept and his throat was raw from all his crying.
"Oh, Harry, I'm so sorry," Severus said, sitting down on the bed beside him.
Harry didn't speak, didn't think, he just flung himself into Severus' arms and
bawled his eyes out. He had been so afraid that they would never be able to fix
it, that Severus would never want him again.
"Ssh, Harry. It's all right, it's all right," whispered Severus as he stroked
Harry's back. "Draco explained what happened, but it still doesn't excuse my
actions. I know you wouldn't betray me, Harry. I know it, but this bond has
been playing havoc with me lately. I'm afraid I'm getting very possessive of
you. I never meant to hurt you, Harry. You have to believe that."
"I do, Severus," said Harry, wiping the tears from his eyes. Everything was
blurry round the edges; he'd already taken his glasses off. "I - I was afraid
you wouldn't want me back after - after I walked out like that. I'm sorry I was
angry."
"Harry, you have nothing to apologise for. You had every right to be angry
about how I was with you."
"I- I don't like being angry," admitted Harry. "It scares me. It - it reminds
me of Uncle Vernon. He was always angry with me and then he would - and then he
would –" It was no good, Harry broke down in tears again feeling as if he might
never stop. He clung to Severus like a shipwreck survivor might cling to a
floating log. "D-don't leave me, Severus! Promise you won't l-leave m-me!" he
begged through his sobs.
Severus lowered Harry to the bed, still holding him, and kissed his forehead.
"Ssh, Harry. I'm not leaving you, ever. I promise you. Ssh, sleep now, Imp.
Sleep."
As Harry's eyes drifted closed, Harry realised it must have been a spell. He
allowed dreams to claim him, knowing that whatever happened, he had Severus'
promise now. Severus would never leave him.
Nothing could ever part them. Not now.
***** Chapter 32 *****
Part 32
"Mr. Potter, are we boring you?" McGonagall's voice roused Harry from the
stupor he'd almost fallen into. He just felt so tired lately. Most evenings he
spent being tutored by either Severus or Madam Pomfrey and after that he still
had to find time to fit in his homework as well. He and Severus had barely had
time to themselves since they'd been back at school and Harry had even had to
cut down his sessions with Dr. Armstrong to every fortnight rather than every
week because he just couldn't afford the time. He'd wanted to cut it down to
once a month, but Severus and Madam Pomfrey were having none of that. They
still insisted he needed to see her as often as possible.
"Sorry, ma'am," said Harry managing to clasp his hand over his mouth in time to
catch the yawn. Professor McGonagall raised her eyebrows at him, but didn't
comment any more. Harry had lost count of how many lectures she'd already given
him about getting enough rest but there wasn't a lot he could do about it.
There were only so many hours in the day and he had to fit in his work somehow.
Thank God this was the last class of the day and the last one before the
Christmas hols started tomorrow. Harry pinched himself on the leg to try and
keep himself awake, but his mind was far away from Hogwarts and school. Tonight
he and Severus were moving into their new house, it was finally finished and
furnished. It was something Harry had never had before – a home of his own. A
home to share with Severus and he could hardly wait.
After Draco had talked to Severus, things between him and Harry were just
getting better and better. Every Potions lesson, Severus found some fault with
Blaise Zabini and the boy was more often in detention with Argus Filch than he
was out of it. The trophy room had never seemed so sparkly before. No one knew
why Severus was suddenly so against Zabini and they kept out of it. Every time
Zabini lost points or got a detention, Malfoy would glance quickly at Harry or
Hermione and smirk. Ron wasn't in the Advanced Potions class, but Harry guessed
Malfoy would have been smirking with him too. Severus had wanted the boy
expelled over what he'd done to Draco, but Draco had insisted that he didn't
want to make a public spectacle of what had happened and if Zabini had been
expelled that's what it would have turned into.
Things with Severus improved even further when Draco finally found himself a
boyfriend; Harry was just very surprised that it was Neville who returned the
Slytherin's affections. He hadn't even known Neville was gay until one day over
their Herbology homework he shyly asked Harry if he could put in a good word
for him with Draco. It seemed Harry had turned into something of a matchmaker
without even trying.
Severus was still very possessive of Harry and due to the bond Harry was
feeling the same. If he even saw Severus so much as talk to another male he
felt a surge of jealously beneath his breastbone and it scared him a little. He
knew Severus would never cheat on him, just like Harry wouldn’t cheat on
Severus, but it still hurt when he saw Severus with someone else.
They'd both decided that this Christmas, the first in their new house, was to
be just the two of them. There would be no visitors this year, no unexpected
callers. They had yet to be connected to the Floo network and wards were set
for five miles in every direction so that no one could Apparate or use an
unauthorised Portkey to get in. Anyone who did want to visit would have to
arrive the Muggle way and knock on the door and just like Muggles they could
decide whether or not to answer it.
A few butterflies flitted around Harry's tummy as he thought of moving in with
Severus, seeing all their new furniture and accessories in place. They'd spent
a couple of weekends after Harry's psychiatric appointments traipsing around
shops for furniture and fittings for their new home. It was fun, even if they
did sometimes clash over colour schemes or whether they really needed three
different sets of dinnerware.
Of course, they hadn't got much time to spend looking for things, so Hermione
had gladly ordered them lots of Muggle catalogues. Sometimes on Friday
evenings, instead of studying, Harry and Severus could be found poring over the
glossy pages deciding what to get. They only ever bought small magical items;
Harry didn't want any of the Magical shops knowing where they lived so they got
large items from Muggle shops.
Last weekend, Severus had gone back to the house and got everything organised
as a Christmas present for Harry; Harry could hardly wait to see what the house
looked like now with everything finished and the furniture in. The last time
he'd seen it, the kitchen was just a bare space with pipes in the walls and
wires hanging down from the ceiling and the bathroom looked much the same.
He wasn't just looking forward to seeing the finished house; he was looking
forward to spending two whole weeks alone with Severus. No school, no one else
impinging on their time. It was going to be bliss. Two whole weeks where they
could kiss and cuddle (on their own sofa!) without keeping an eye on the clock
to make sure Harry wasn't breaking curfew. Harry could hardly wait.
The bell rang for the end of the lesson, but McGonagall hadn't dismissed them
yet. Everyone waited.
"For homework," – there was a collective groan at the teacher's words – "I want
you all to have a nice rest and come back refreshed ready for your NEWTs."
McGonagall smiled at them, paying particular attention to Harry; he nodded his
thanks to her. If no one else had homework either, he wouldn't fall behind, but
he knew he needed to have a bit of a break over his holiday before he cracked
up again. These days he was even dreaming of books.
"All set, Harry?" asked Hermione as the class filed out around them. She was
spending Christmas at The Burrow with Ron this year and as much as Harry loved
his friends and the Weasleys, he was glad he and Severus were going to be on
their own.
"Yes, I just have to meet Severus and then we're off. It's the first Christmas
he's had away from Hogwarts for years."
"It must be so exciting! Your first house and everything!"
"It is. Maybe next year it'll be you and Ron?"
"That's a bit soon to be moving in together, don't you think?" asked Ron as he
arrived beside them.
"Well don't expect me to be moving in anywhere with you, Ronald Weasley unless
there's a ring on my finger," called Hermione as she hurried off, leaving Ron
to scurry after her.
"See you when you get back, Harry!" Ron shouted behind him as he hurried down
the corridor after his girlfriend.
***
Severus waited until Harry's friends and other classmates had departed before
he alerted the boy to his presence. He loved observing Harry when he wasn't
aware of the scrutiny. Harry was almost painfully shy at receiving compliments
and would blush any time Severus mentioned how beautiful he looked. Severus had
never thought he would use that word in context with a man before, but there
was no doubt about it, Harry was beautiful.
He was too androgynous to be considered conventionally handsome, but beauty was
there, oh yes. The raven hair that refused to be tamed by comb or hand; no
matter how many times Severus was tempted to try. Harry always looked as if
he'd just that moment stepped off a broomstick or come in from a tornado. Then
there were the eyes that drew in everyone who saw them. They were not quite the
same shade as the light of the Killing Curse but they were close to it, and
sometimes Severus wondered whether if he stared at them long enough he would
just expire gazing into their depths.
Harry turned as if he sensed he was being watched and as soon as he saw Severus
his beaming smile lit his whole face from within, it was as if he'd swallowed
the sun and it was blazing out through his skin.
"Severus."
"Harry." No other words were spoken, none needed to be. The bond was thrumming
under Severus' skin, as he felt it was under Harry's. They were aware of each
other on a magical as well as a physical level; they were almost the same
person now. As an experiment they'd tried casting with each other's wands,
which was something considered very taboo in some wizarding circles. The power
they'd unleashed had almost brought the dungeons down around them – it was too
much and they'd decided to stick to their own wands in future. The fact
remained though, that they could use each other's wands if they wished to or if
they needed to.
They didn't hug, not there, not then, but Severus knew that both of them wanted
to.
"Ready, Harry?" asked Severus, as he removed a silk scarf from his robe pocket
and held it in mid-air.
"I'm ready, Severus. Let's go home," Harry said.
As soon as Harry touched the blue fabric, they were whisked away from Hogwarts
and on a dizzying adventure to their own house. Severus had arranged it so that
they would both land outside on the front path, despite the snow; Severus knew
Harry would want to see it from the outside.
Their house was on the outskirts of York, the nearest neighbours were miles
away and there was nothing but fields and trees in the distance. Harry hadn't
wanted to live anywhere that was reminiscent of the square boxes of Privet
Drive and Severus could hardly blame him. Although brand new, the house was
traditional in style, with half-wooded walls and dormer windows on the roof, it
was what the estate agent had called one-and-a-half stories.
They had four bedrooms upstairs, the master suite had a dressing room and
ensuite bathroom. Because they'd bought the house so early, they were able to
change the layout inside so that they had room for a large bath rather than
just the standard shower. Severus could hardly wait until they could bathe
together and put it to some good use.
Downstairs was a large kitchen and breakfast room along with a living room with
french doors into the garden. Harry hadn’t wanted a formal dining space, so
they'd asked the builders to put in a cellar instead. Severus had already
warded it and prepared it magically to become a potions lab, feeling a bit
guilty that Harry had no space like that to call his own, but Harry hadn't
seemed to mind.
Harry fell to the ground and looked up with tears in his eyes as he saw the
roof ridge and every window lined with multi-coloured lights, reflected in the
snow. It didn't always snow at Christmas in Yorkshire, but this year Severus
was so glad it had. Harry deserved a traditional Christmas; he'd had so few of
them in his life.
Severus helped him up and they both stood staring at their house. Their home.
"Oh, Severus, it's beautiful," breathed Harry as he started to shiver. They'd
been so keen to get here that Severus realised Harry didn't even have a cloak
on, just his school robe and uniform. Both their trunks were already inside,
sent by Portkey earlier that day.
"Come on, let's get you inside and warmed up," said Severus leading Harry up
the front path. He opened the door with a key and then turned round to lift
Harry up in his arms. Harry's hands went round his neck as if they belonged
there, but Harry was looking a little wary too.
"Severus? What are you doing?"
"It's our first night in our new house, what does it look like I'm doing? I'm
carrying you over the threshold."
"I thought that was for when you got married?"
Severus smirked and bent down to kiss him. "Well, Imp, when we do get married,
you can carry me!"
"It's a deal, Severus," smiled Harry as he leaned up to kiss him and after
that, they both seemed to forget about the cold and the snow. At least for a
while.
***** Chapter 33 *****
Part 33
"Getting warmer, now?" whispered Severus as he leaned over and began nibbling
on Harry's neck. Both of them were sitting in front of the fire on the
sheepskin rug in their living room; mugs of hot chocolate sat forgotten on the
floor beside them. Harry was sitting with his legs tucked under him, Severus
was kneeling behind him.
"Mmm, yes," he gasped as Severus nipped his neck. He was so sensitive there and
Severus knew it. They'd enjoyed exploring each other before as much as they
could, always conscious of the desire to go further, but always able to pull
back. "Kiss me," said Harry as he untucked his legs and lay down on the rug. He
could just about see the Christmas tree from here; the lights on it and the
fire were the only illumination in the room.
Severus' face was in shadow as he bent down and gave in to Harry's request.
Harry had soon discovered that he loved kissing Severus; loved the anticipation
just before their lips touched. It was almost as if there was a magnet
attracting them to each other's mouths and he could never get enough of it.
Severus was a wonderful kisser and had soon taught Harry by example as well.
Harry was glad that it was Severus who had given him his first kiss; glad that
he had one of his firsts to give to the man he loved.
Severus' lips pressed down against his; Severus was supporting himself on his
elbows so that only their face and feet were touching. Harry opened his mouth
and coaxed Severus' tongue out to play with his. It always amazed him, that
first jolt of sensation as their tongues touched and he couldn't help the moan.
The kisses were slow, sensuous, they had all the time in the world and tonight
Harry didn't have to rush back to his dorm just before curfew.
Severus' hands reached down and undid Harry's school tie and the top button of
his shirt. He left Harry's mouth to trail kisses along his jaw and down to the
hollow of his throat. Harry fisted his hands in the rug, pulling out a few
strands as he tried to stop himself from pulling out Severus' hair. He wanted
more, more than this slow teasing and slide of lips through his clothes. Almost
as if Severus could read his thoughts, he began unbuttoning Harry's shirt;
Harry sucked in a breath; they'd never gone this far before, but Harry allowed
it. He wanted to feel Severus' hands on his bare skin.
As each button was popped out of its hole, Severus leant over Harry's chest and
kissed each patch of skin revealed; Harry mewled when Severus kissed his
nipples. He'd never thought of them as sexy before, but it was like they
connected directly with his cock and balls. Severus licked and sucked at
Harry's chest until he came to the waistband of Harry's trousers and then
licked all around Harry's bellybutton. The arousal built up slowly, but soon
Harry was arching his hips, desperate for any friction. Severus' body still
wasn't anywhere near his though and the rough slide of fabric against his cock
did nothing except frustrate him further. He wanted the man's hands on him,
wanted Severus to reach inside his uniform and grasp his cock. Just the
imagining of it sent a bolt of desire through him and he shuddered. He might
want it, but he knew he wasn't going to get it, not yet. Severus surely must
guess how desperate he was; Harry's erection was so close to his face.
Severus pulled away and gazed at Harry, his eyes blazing with lust. "Harry,
we'd better stop now."
Oh, God, Harry didn't want to stop. He knew his face was flaming as his whole
body felt as if it was on fire.
"You're too tempting and we can't do anything. Not yet."
Harry looked across at Severus and saw that he too was heavily aroused, his
erection stretching the fabric of his black trousers taut. Severus stood up and
paced up and down in front of the fireplace. Harry lay panting on the floor for
a little while longer to calm himself down. What he really wanted to do was get
himself off, but felt it would be a bit rude to do it while Severus was there
to say the least. He was surprised he hadn't felt scared when Severus had
started undressing him; but he knew what he had with Severus was a lot
different from his memories.
"Harry, I'm sorry if I pushed things too far tonight," said Severus, talking to
the fireplace. It was good they weren't actually facing each other; Harry
wasn't sure he'd be able to keep his hands to himself when he saw the desire
for him shining in Severus' eyes. It was partly the bond, they knew, but partly
the fact that Harry had finally rediscovered himself as a sexual being and he
wanted to share that with Severus. His own hand was all well and good, but
Harry had the impression that making love with Severus would be a whole lot
better.
"You didn't, Severus. I would have asked you to stop if I hadn't wanted it. I
wish we were married already," said Harry. "I - I hate that we have to stop
just as things start happening."
Severus turned around and gave him a small smile. "That's why we have to stop."
"I know, it's just so frustrating." Harry buttoned his shirt again, but he
didn't bother with his tie.
"Harry, it's only six months. We can cope for six months, can't we? And won't
it be worth the wait when we finally do get together once we've married? Our
wedding night will be even more special, won't it?"
"I hate it when you're right," laughed Harry, standing up and wrapping his arms
around Severus in a very platonic hug. "I can hardly wait to be married to
you."
"Me too," said Severus, kissing him softly on the nose. "How about I give you
the grand tour?"
Harry nodded, his body had calmed down a bit now and it would do them good to
do something that didn't involve either of them getting so worked up again.
Harry had only seen the living room so far and he was looking forward to seeing
the rest of the house. Their house! His heart still skipped a beat when he
thought about it like that.
Severus led him into the kitchen, placing his hands over Harry's eyes as a
blindfold as they entered the room.
"You can open them now," he whispered and Harry had to quell the shiver of
desire the man's voice sent straight to his groin. Did Severus know what that
voice did to him? How every Potions lesson Harry was half-hard hearing the man
barking out instructions to the class? How every night after their tutoring
sessions, not to mention the kissing afterwards, Harry had to wank sometimes
three or four times before he could get to sleep? The man's voice was sex
personified and Harry wondered if he really could wait six months.
Harry opened his eyes; squinting against the glare from the overhead
spotlights. The kitchen cabinets were beech, with stainless steel handles.
Appliances were mostly hidden behind a beech door as well. A stainless steel
double oven and hob were matched by a sink overlooking the garden. Every
kitchen gadget imaginable was there from kettle to microwave; toaster to coffee
maker; bread maker to food processor.
At one end of the room was a breakfast nook with a round table and four chairs.
A slate floor and granite worktops were glistening under the lights. Harry had
been there the day they'd picked out the kitchen and the multi-coloured tiles
for the walls, but nothing had quite prepared him for how good it looked in
real life, in their kitchen. He would enjoy cooking here and he grinned up at
Severus.
"Supper is served," said Severus, waving his wand; two plates filled to the
brim with pasta in a tomato sauce appeared on the table.
"You cooked?" asked Harry, surprised.
"I did, but kept it warm with preserving charms. I'm not quite sure how our
oven works yet."
"I'm sure we'll figure it out," said Harry, sliding into one of the chairs.
Severus waved his wand again and this time two crystal flutes appeared along
with an ice bucket and a bottle of champagne.
"Severus, I'm too young to drink," giggled Harry, but he lifted up one of the
glasses anyway. Severus sat down opposite him and did the same. They clinked
their glasses together.
"To the first night in our new home," said Severus.
"And many more," agreed Harry as they each took a sip of the champagne. Harry
didn't care much for the taste. "I don't suppose we have any pumpkin juice?"
asked Harry.
"Philistine," laughed Severus. "That was twenty galleons a bottle."
"You were robbed," giggled Harry and he wondered if the small amount he'd
sipped had already gone to his head. He could hardly believe they were actually
here; at home in their own house. Happiness had never come easily to Harry; he
was always worried that if he got too happy, too complacent, then it would be
ripped from under him like an unsteady rug.
After supper was eaten, Severus made them both coffee and ushered Harry into
the living room to drink it. It was very romantic, lounging together on the
sofa as they sipped at their mugs. Either Harry had grown more accustomed to
the taste or Severus made better coffee than Dr. Armstrong, for he loved the
taste of this one. The two of them watched the fire flicker in the grate; their
own pictures and candlesticks sitting on the mantelpiece. It felt like home
already.
Harry's eyes strayed to the Christmas tree and all the gifts wrapped beneath
it. Some were from school friends and the Weasleys, but Harry knew most of his
were from Severus and vice versa. It seemed they were determined to spoil each
other.
"You deserve to be spoiled, Harry," said Severus, picking up on Harry's
thoughts through the bond and kissing Harry's neck again. The man seemed
fascinated by that part of Harry's body; Harry knew he'd never had anyone pay
such attention to it before. "I want to indulge you in everything."
God, those words spoken so close to his ear had Harry erect again in an
instant. He knew what he wanted Severus to indulge him in. How on earth were
they going to manage for another six months? "Severus," Harry moaned, arching
his neck to give Severus better access to it. Severus suckled on his neck,
licking and biting as he tasted every inch of flesh there. Harry thought he
might go mad with need. He was definitely going to need some time alone with
his hand tonight.
"Merlin, you're beautiful," Severus breathed against his throat, pressing hard
on the hollow there. Hard enough to bruise; Harry cried out at the thought of
being so marked. So branded. "I don't know how I'm going to keep my hands off
you." Severus looked up, locking his eyes with Harry's; Harry's coffee cup fell
to the floor with a thud, but both of them ignored it in favour of kissing each
other hungrily. They weren't just kissing; they were devouring each other,
putting the passion they couldn't yet share into the joining of their mouths.
Tongues fought against one another; teeth clacked together; lips bruised as
they stole the breath and the soul from each other's bodies.
Harry was soon lying prone on the sofa, Severus on his knees on the floor in
front of him.
Harry knew he was sweating and getting more and more excited as the kiss
continued. They couldn't stop; their arms clawed at each other's backs and
necks, trying to get closer to each other as possible and then the unthinkable
happened - Severus pulled away, gasping for breath. Harry felt like wailing or
whimpering.
"Fuck!" he swore instead. His heart was beating like a drum in his chest and
his cock felt hard enough to hammer nails with. Oh, God, how could Severus just
stop like that? The man must have better self-control than Harry; all Harry
wanted to do was keep going, but maybe that was his teenage hormones kicking
in.
"Harry, I'm sorry. I had no right to tease you like that."
"Don't be sorry, get back over here and kiss me!"
Severus' face was flushed with arousal and he looked more than tempted to do
just that, but he shook his head sadly and stood up again. It seemed he was
keen to put some distance between them.
"So - so I guess this means sharing the master bed is out?" Harry was
disappointed; he'd wanted them to share the bed as soon as they moved in, so
that they'd know it was theirbedroom right from the start. But if Severus'
honour wouldn't allow anything else, then they'd have to put up with separate
rooms until June. It wasn't as if they could sleep together while they were at
school anyway.
"Harry, I think it was a good idea about sharing the same bed from the start
but neither of us could really share the bed in this state, could we? It would
be too easy to give into our desires and I didn't bring you here to seduce
you."
"Not even if I want to be seduced?" Harry licked his lips, and then regretted
it. If he was hoping to get the man to share the bed with him, trying to tease
him was probably not the best way to go about it.
"Harry, you have no idea how much I want you, how hard it was for me to stop
when I did. You're not the only one who gets frustrated."
Harry did know, he could feel it through the bond. "I'm sorry, Severus. I don't
mean to be a tease either."
"Look, we can share the bed, but we need a few ground rules. One, you
masturbate before bed and so do I and we do not… do not do anything except
sleep while we're there. Agreed?"
"So, no goodnight kiss then?"
Severus smiled. "I think that might be acceptable."
"Good," agreed Harry, stopping to give Severus a lingering kiss before he made
his way to the bathroom to obey one of Severus' ground rules.
***** Chapter 34 *****
Part 34
Severus had barely taken his trousers down in the downstairs loo before he was
coming with two sharp pulls to his aching cock. The taste of Harry's lips and
the scent of the boy's arousal were still at the forefront of his memory as he
brought himself to such a shuddering orgasm that his vision greyed out for a
moment and he had to grab hold of the small basin for support.
Thoughts of Harry doing the same thing upstairs had him quickening again and
this time he took a more leisurely pace, rubbing and teasing his shaft as he
imagined Harry doing it to him. They were going to drive each other mad before
the wedding at this rate. It probably wasn't such a good idea to share the bed…
all that hot flesh next to his. Severus cried out at the thought, coming again,
spurting over the mirror. Merlin! He hadn't felt his randy since he'd been a
teenager himself. Harry was like Severus' own personal aphrodisiac, he was
exactly what got Severus hot.
His legs felt like rubber. Severus washed his thighs and groin, before wiping
the evidence of his desire off the mirror. That done, he splashed cold water on
his face and made his way upstairs to the master bedroom suite. Harry was
already in bed, reading by the light of a bedside lamp. Thank Merlin he was
dressed in pyjamas; Severus wasn't sure if his good intentions would have been
able to stay that way if Harry had slept only in underwear or even naked.
Somehow, Severus didn't think Harry was someone who would sleep naked, not
after what had happened to him, it might make him feel too vulnerable.
"I thought you didn't have any homework this holiday?" asked Severus as he
noticed the book was a textbook.
"I don't, but I still need to keep up with my reading." Harry glanced up at him
and Severus felt as if someone had punched him in the chest when he saw Harry's
eyes. Those emerald orbs always surprised him by their brightness.
Harry's hair was damp and he flicked his fringe out of his eyes.
"Did you have a nice shower?"
"Yeah," Harry blushed and turned his attention back to his book. Severus
couldn't help the small smile; they both knew what else Harry had been up to in
the shower.
"Harry, there's no need to be embarrassed. Everyone does it and if it eases the
frustration because we can't be together yet, then it's a good thing, right?"
"I suppose so," said Harry, setting his book aside and straightening his
glasses. "Severus, can I ask you something?"
"If you want."
"Oh," Harry played with the quilt cover, bunching parts of it in his fist and
then smoothing it out again. "I - I just wondered - but it's probably a bit
rude to ask. Forget I said anything."
"Harry, it's okay, we're getting married soon. You can ask me anything you want
- is it about sex?"
Severus had given Harry a couple of books that dealt with various things about
growing up and sex in general, but maybe Harry wanted some more specific
information, considering that most of the books only skimmed over
homosexuality, if at all.
"Um, sort of," admitted Harry and there it was again, that delightful blush. "I
- um - I just wondered if - if you'd had a lot of lovers."
Whatever words Severus was expecting to come from Harry's mouth, they certainly
weren't the ones he had just heard. It was only natural that Harry was curious,
but he was just surprised that Harry had actually given in to it. It just
seemed a little odd coming from him, that was all, considering how shy Harry
normally was discussing sexual matters, except when they'd both been in the
heat of the moment.
"If you mean lovers, then I would have to say three, but if you mean sexual
partners, then a lot more than that." Spies couldn't afford to have lovers;
they were too easy a target if Severus' duplicity had ever been discovered and
schools were breeding grounds for gossip. He could never entertain at Hogwarts
and his sexual encounters were usually among his fellow Death Eaters; two
people who forgot the world for a few hours while they were together; forgot
the horrors they'd done and seen. But he would never have called many of them
lovers.
Harry looked surprised that he had answered. "Does it bother you, Harry? The
amount of experience I've had?"
Severus changed into his nightshirt and climbed into bed, relieved that Harry
scooted over and cuddled up to close to him. "I'd be a bit of a hypocrite if it
did, wouldn't I? Considering how many - how many men --"
Severus felt tears dampen his neck. There was a big difference between Severus'
willingexperience and Harry being raped, being forced into it by different men
while he was still a child. Severus had been an adult and had known what he was
doing; Harry hadn't been given that choice. He was not experienced as Severus
understood the word. Harry had merely been used and abused by all those people.
"Harry, that was different. A lot different. Being the victim of rape or abuse
is a lot different than being in a loving relationship."
"Dr. Armstrong said I wasn't to call myself that anymore," Harry said softly.
"What?"
"A victim. She said I'm a survivor, like in a plane crash or something. There
was nothing I could have done to stop it."
"She's right, Harry. You are a survivor; she sounds like a smart woman."
Harry was quiet for a while after that, but every so often Severus noticed the
hitching of his breath as if he was trying not to cry, or was actually crying
and trying to hide it from Severus. He stroked Harry's back, wondering again at
Harry's resilience. What the young man had been through was harrowing and
Severus was surprised how well Harry had bounced back after the de-aging. There
had been a few bumps along the road, that was true, but on the whole Harry
seemed to be recovering well. Severus didn't think Harry would ever forget it
completely, but he seemed well on the way to accepting that it hadn't been his
fault, just like Dr. Armstrong had said.
"Severus," Harry glanced up at him. "Do - do you ever wish I was different?"
"What do you mean, Harry?"
"That I was - less damaged. That I was still a virgin."
"Oh, Harry, what's going on in that head of yours? The past is the past, we
can't change it and I wouldn't change anything about you. I'm with you because
I love you, virgin or not. And technically, Harry, in this body you are a
virgin."
"What do you mean?"
"Madam Pomfrey gave you a De-aging Potion that sent you back to age five, but
your age then was a few weeks before you were raped."
Harry gaped at him. "But - but I remember, I remember what those men did to me.
Are you saying it's all in my head? That it didn't happen to me?"
"No, it happened to you, Harry. You went through it and I'm not trying to
belittle what you went through, but it didn't happen in this body, in the body
you have now."
"Oh my God. Oh my God!" exclaimed Harry and Severus thought he'd made things
worse. He was mentally dialling Dr. Armstrong's telephone number in his head
when Harry flung both arms around his neck. "Thank you, Severus! Thank you!
It's the best Christmas present ever! I can be a virgin for you!" Severus could
feel Harry smile against his face and a smiling Harry was the best present he
could have.
"Harry, you do know it doesn't matter to me whether you are a virgin or not?
It's still you I want to be with."
"I know, Severus. But now our wedding night is going to be even more special
for us, isn't it?"
"It will be special, Harry. I'll be with you."
***** Chapter 35 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Part 35
Severus woke up in the middle of the night; Harry's side of the bed was empty
and the sheets were chilled where he had been. Harry had obviously been out of
bed for some time. There was a small sliver of light from underneath the
ensuite bathroom door. Severus padded over on bare feet and knocked on the
door. "Harry? Are you all right?"
His only response was the sound of Harry throwing up. Severus knocked again and
tried the handle, the door was open.
"Harry, I'm coming in, all right?" He didn't want to invade Harry's privacy but
he didn't want to leave him to suffer alone if he was ill either. Severus
pushed the door open. Harry was kneeling in front of the toilet bowl, one elbow
leaning on the bath, his head bowed over the porcelain. He turned round on
hearing Severus enter. He had an unhealthy flush to his cheeks and his hair was
pasted to his face in sweaty strands.
Harry turned back to the toilet and threw up once more before flushing it and
standing up on none-too-steady feet. Severus caught him round the waist as
Harry went to the sink to wash his hands and rinse out his mouth. The heat
emanating from Harry's body was like being right next to a furnace. Harry was
sweating, but he was shivering too. "So cold, Severus," he mumbled.
"You're burning up," said Severus as he placed the back of his hand to Harry's
forehead. "Let's get you back to bed. Any other symptoms?"
"You sound like Madam Pomfrey," Harry began to laugh, but it soon turned into a
wracking cough and he clutched at Severus' arm to keep himself upright. "I
don't feel so good, Severus," Harry admitted. "My head hurts, and my chest."
Severus had plenty of potions, but he wasn't sure which ones Harry would need
without a diagnosis; he wasn't a medi-wizard. They had no way of contacting
anyone by Floo so help from Madam Pomfrey was out unless they sent an owl, but
that would take a few days to get to Hogwarts and back; the same with any of
the Healers from St. Mungo's.
"Harry, do you know what's wrong with you? Can you do a scanning spell?"
"No, I tried, my magic's messed up. Can - can you call Dr. Armstrong?"
Harry was gasping for breath by the time he'd finished speaking. Severus
scooped the boy up in his arms and carried him back to bed, laying him down on
top of the covers. Harry lay there, shivering as if he was freezing, but if
anything the temperature of the room was on the warm side.
"Isn't she a psychiatrist?" Severus couldn't imagine what use a psychiatrist
would be in this instance; it was obviously a physical illness, not mental.
Harry must have been feeling terrible if he'd requested a doctor.
"Yes, but Muggle psychiatrists train as doctors first before they specialise,"
wheezed Harry. "Please, Severus. It's getting difficult to breathe."
Severus was on the bedside telephone in an instant; he apologised profusely for
disturbing the woman this late and at Christmas too, but she was very gracious
about it and promised to be there as soon as she could. She was staying in
York, so at least she wasn't travelling all the way up from London.
Once he'd replaced the phone, Severus dampened a flannel with cold water and
bathed Harry's forehead and chest. The boy had a fever; there was no doubt
about that. He just hoped this Dr. Armstrong would be able to do something
about it. He daren't give him any potions in case they interfered with any
tests or Muggle medicine the woman might give him.
Less than an hour after he had telephoned, the front doorbell rang and it took
a few moments for Severus to realise what the sound was. They'd never had any
visitors before and he just wished their first one hadn't needed to be a
doctor.
Severus squeezed Harry's hand just before he went to answer the door,
reassuring him without speaking. What could he say? Severus almost ran down the
stairs in his haste and swung the door open. "Mr. Snape? I'm Dr. Armstrong."
"Please come in, Doctor," said Severus, holding the door wide. The woman was
younger than he expected, maybe around Severus' own age or even younger. Long,
brown hair was tied back in a pony tail and she was wearing a pair of jeans and
underneath the open wool coat he could see a brown jumper. The only thing that
marked her out as a doctor was the small black case she was carrying.
"Call me Ellen," she said. "Where's Harry?"
"Upstairs. He has a fever; I don't know how high, we've no thermometer here.
I'm sorry again to call you out like this but we've only just moved in and we
didn't know any other doctors."
"You're Harry's guardian?" she asked as they walked upstairs. The woman was
probably only trying to make conversation, but Severus' felt warning bells
ringing in his head. How did he explain his relationship to Harry? That they
were lovers but hadn't yet gone all the way? Some Muggles, just like some
Wizardkind, did not approve of same-sex relationships; but marriages between
men in the wizarding world were legal, whereas in the Muggle world there was no
such concept.
"No, I'm his - we are -” Severus wasn't quite sure how to continue.
"Oh," she said. "I see." Severus wasn't sure, but he thought he saw a flicker
of disapproval in her eyes before they entered the master bedroom. The doctor's
eyes at once took in the large double bed and the two trunks sitting side by
side at the foot of it along with the fact that both sides of the bed were
rumpled and slept in. It was pretty obvious that both of them had been sharing
the bed.
"Well, Harry. What have you done to yourself, eh?" she smiled down at him and
set her bag on the bed. The woman removed a stethoscope and hung it round her
neck. "Mr. Snape, it's probably best if you waited outside while I examine
Harry."
"No, please, can Severus stay with me?"
"If that's what you want, Harry."
"It is, please."
"Very well, Mr. Snape, you may stay."
"Thank you. You may call me Severus."
Severus had surprised himself; it wasn't often that he gave up his name, but
there was just something about this woman that inspired trust. There must be
for Harry not to make a fuss every time he went to see her. When he'd been
having the counselling sessions with Poppy he'd made all kinds of fuss about
going to them. He just hoped his trust wasn't misplaced and that she could help
Harry.
"Very well, Severus. Can you help Harry sit up for me?"
Severus did as she bade him and she smiled at him. "I want to listen to his
chest, but I think Harry is going to be fine. There's been a lot of 'flu going
round lately. Deep breath in for me, Harry. And out."
Harry obeyed and the noise sounded terrible, his breath rattling in his chest.
Severus felt his own chest tighten in sympathy.
"How else have you been, Harry?" asked the doctor once she'd removed the
stethoscope. "Nausea? Dizziness?"
"Sick. I've been throwing up and was a bit light-headed. Headache. Feel as - as
if I can't breathe. My bones ache."
The doctor examined the sides of Harry's neck, his armpits and groin. Severus
almost stopped her touching Harry there, before he realised that it was just
part of the medical exam. Harry didn't seem that bothered by it. "Well, your
glands aren't swollen. Can you move your neck for me?" Harry moved his head
from side to side. "And up and down." Harry did that too with no problem. She
took out a small penlight from her bag and shone it in Harry's eyes before
rolling up his sleeves and searching his arms for something.
"Yes, it does seem to be 'flu, Harry. I was worried it might have been
meningitis, but you don't have the rash or the photophobia. It's compounded by
a bit of a chest cold as well, that's why you're having trouble breathing.
There's not a lot that can be done except alleviate the symptoms. Are you
allergic to any medication?"
"I - I don't know." admitted Harry. "My - my relatives never took me to a
doctor before."
Dr. Armstrong glanced from Harry to Severus. "Severus, can I talk to you
outside for a moment?"
Harry looked completely panic-stricken at the fact that Severus was leaving.
Severus stroked sweaty hair away from Harry's forehead. "It's okay, Harry. I'll
only be outside. We'll be back soon."
He followed the doctor out into the hall. She whirled round to face him. "Just
what the hell is going on here? I've been treating Harry for post-traumatic
stress for the past few months and I find him living with someone who is a lot
older than him! Harry is nowhere near ready for a sexual relationship and this
could end up putting his recovery back even more! And what's this about never
seeing a doctor? How could someone go through seventeen years of life without
needing some sort of medical care, even if it was just for a cold?"
"He has had medical treatment at school."
"Then why doesn't he know about different medications and whether or not he's
allergic to them?"
"Because he's never been given any. Hogwarts has more of an herbal-based
infirmary."
"Herbal based? Next you'll be telling me Harry is a witch and can fly around on
a broomstick!"
Severus was silent but his guilty flush gave him away.
"Oh my God, it's true! Isn't it? Harry kept going on and on how his relatives
kept mistreating him for being different, for being a freak, but I thought he
meant it was because he was gay. That wasn't it though, was it? Harry was
different from them. Different from me and you." She looked at him and paused.
"No, not different from you. You're magical too, aren't you? I sensed something
from both of you, but I had no idea what it was."
Was Ellen Armstrong one of those Muggles who were more sensitive to things
around them? There was no point in hiding the truth from her, especially
considering that Wizarding physiology was a lot different from that of Muggles
and there was no telling what effect Muggle medication might have on a wizard.
"Harry and I are both wizards, yes. He's never had any Muggle medication and it
might be dangerous. If you tell me what type of medication he needs, I can give
it to him."
"Magic potions?" she queried with a smile.
"As a matter of fact, yes," replied Severus deadpan.
She didn't faint or even seem at all shocked. "Very well, he'll need something
to bring his temperature down, a panacea for the aches and a chest decongestant
for starters."
"I'll need to brew the chest decongestant, but I have the others already."
Her eyes widened. "You brew it? In a cauldron?" She sounded very curious for a
Muggle.
"Yes, would you like to see our laboratory?"
"If you wouldn't mind, I've been reading up a bit on complementary therapies
lately, it sounds very interesting."
Severus reined in the snort; Muggle complementary therapies were as different
from potions as black was from white.
"Very well, just let me give Harry his potions and I can show you."
Severus pushed open the bedroom door and went straight to his trunk to fish out
the willow-bark tea and a Body-Ease Potion. "Did you hear all of that?" asked
Severus as he watched Harry take both doses of liquid.
"I did. She doesn't seem surprised, does she?" said Harry once he'd finished
and set the bottles down on the bedside cabinet.
"Will you be okay for a little while, Harry? It'll take me about an hour to
brew the decongestant for you."
"I'll be fine; I'll try and sleep for a bit. Don't shout at her if she touches
your equipment, will you?"
"I'll do my best," smirked Severus as he kissed Harry's rather hot forehead.
The willow bark should lower his temperature soon and he hoped Harry would be
able to get a little sleep.
"Sleep well, Imp," he smiled down at his soon-to-be husband. He wanted nothing
better than to climb into bed beside him and hug him close, but they had a
visitor. A Muggle who was more intrigued than frightened of them. Severus never
thought he'd see the day when he would be showing off his potions lab to a
Muggle.
It was certainly turning out to be a strange Christmas.
Chapter End Notes
     The law in the UK has recently changed and gay civil marriages can
     happen now, but at the timeline for HP this story would be around
     1996/97, so Muggle gay marriages weren't legal then.
***** Chapter 36 *****
Part 36
Severus led Ellen Armstrong downstairs to the basement once Harry had indeed
fallen into a fitful sleep; he would try not to be away from him for too long
but already his mind was working on the potion long before they got to the lab.
He was quite proud of it; it was as good as any professional lab and much
better than the one at Hogwarts. Without space needed for student workbenches,
Severus had gone to town and had installed everything that he'd ever need.
There were cauldrons by the dozen; sitting on shelves lined around the room or
hanging from hooks on the ceiling. Harry had insisted Severus buy all the best
of everything; he now had a couple of gold and platinum-based cauldrons that he
would never have dared to use at school. Not only was there incompetence to
contend with, gold and platinum would have been worth stealing.
Three storage cupboards held nearly every ingredient he would ever need; those
that he needed fresh were kept with preserving charms that he and Harry had
added into the wood. It was intricate magic; some things needed to be kept damp
or dry; warm or cold, but each storage cupboard could keep everything in its
optimum environment without needing separate cupboards per ingredient. It was a
lot more efficient than the one hot and cold cupboard Severus had at school.
There were two fireplaces at either end of the room, as well as three small
firepits set into both workbenches for those potions that only required a small
cauldron.
"Wow," said Ellen. "I've never seen anything like it. You really are a wizard,
aren't you?"
"Did you doubt it?" Severus removed his wand and lit one of the smaller
firepits. The woman's eyes almost popped out of her head.
"And a magic wand! Wait until my friends hear about this!"
Severus face darkened. "Your friends will never know, Dr. Armstrong. If you are
not prepared to keep our secrets, I have ways of doing that for you." She
couldn't have mistaken the threat in his voice, or the fact that his wand was
pointing straight at her.
"Ellen, please. And I was only joking about the friends part," she eyed a stool
and dragged it over to the workbench while Severus acquired a cauldron,
ingredients and knives. "I'll just sit here and not bother you. Do you always
have to heat potions?"
"I am not normally in the habit of conversing while I brew," he said. "It takes
concentration."
"Oh, right. Sorry."
There was blessed silence for a few moments; the only noise came from Severus'
dicing and chopping, but it seemed the woman couldn't keep quiet for too long.
How did Harry cope? Did he go to his sessions and just let the woman talk over
him?
"That's sage, isn't it? And feverfew?"
"You know your herbs, doctor. Ellen," he amended on seeing her chagrined look.
"A little."
She was quiet until Severus had finished brewing his potion and began washing
up his cauldron and knives in one of the large sinks on one wall.
"Can't you use magic for washing up?" she asked.
"Not for implements used in potion brewing; the magic of cleaning spells can
have disastrous effects with the potion's magic. Now for dinner dishes, that's
another matter."
"So - so it is magic, then? Potions, it's not just like cookery?"
"No, it is not just like cookery," said Severus as he rubbed the knife dry
rather more briskly than was warranted; he was afraid that if he didn't, he
would be tempted to aim for her throat. Muggles were one thing. Curious,
ignorant Muggles were quite another, but he would put up with her if only for
Harry's sake.
"I'll take this up to Harry," said Severus, lifting up the bottled potion. "And
after that, I suppose you ought to be getting back to York?"
"First, I want to talk to you about Harry. About your relationship."
"My relationship with Harry is no one else's business but our own."
"I'm afraid I have to disagree with you there, Severus. Especially considering
Harry's past history and the inappropriate relationships he was in."
"I would hardly call being raped and whored by his uncle a relationship, would
you?"
"So he told you? Everything?" For the first time tonight, the woman actually
showed some surprise.
"I probably know more about it than you do."
"Look, I'm not here to pass judgement --"
"No? Aren't you? I can see you disapprove just from your expression. Harry is
over the age of consent, he can decide who he wants to be with and he wants to
be with me."
"No, Severus, I'm not. I'm just worried about Harry. Afraid that he is unable
to form attachments with people his own age because of what happened to him.
That he's turned to you as someone older because that is the only way he can
relate, the only way he can envision having sex. He doesn't know any other way.
And I still don't think he is ready for a sexual relationship; he has quite a
way to go yet."
"We are not actually doing anything physical yet besides kiss," said Severus,
feeling the heat creep into his cheeks. "For want of a better word, we are
engaged and it is all very formal in the Wizarding world. No sex until the
wedding night."
"I see. But you are sharing a bed?"
"That is really none of your business, but for your information, we are doing
so as Harry likes to be touched for comfort."
"I'm sorry if I spoke out of turn, but I was just worried about him."
"There's no need to be worried. I love him and that should be enough for
anyone."
***
Harry woke up feeling as if he had a goldfish bowl stuck on his head.
Everything around him seemed fuzzy and distant, as if he was seeing and hearing
things through a wobbly pane of glass. The room was dark except for a small
Lumos cast by the end of Severus' wand. Severus trailed his hand along Harry's
cheek again.
"Sorry to wake you, Harry. I have your potion."
Harry nodded and tried to sit up; he felt too weak and exhausted though, it
felt as though all his limbs were made of soggy spaghetti. Severus hoisted him
up and tipped Harry's head back before allowing three drops of the potion to
fall into Harry's mouth. It almost burned his tongue and he gagged at the
horrible taste. Now that he was training under Madam Pomfrey Harry knew about
additives sometimes rendering potions ineffective, but that didn't make them
any easier to swallow.
Severus was ready with a glass of water which Harry downed gratefully. "Thanks,
Severus," he mumbled sleepily. His eyelids were drooping again already and he'd
barely been awake for five minutes. "Is Dr. Armstrong gone?"
"Yes, she left about ten minutes ago. We can talk about it in the morning, Imp.
Now get some sleep."
Harry was so tired that he had no trouble obeying the order, but he did wonder
what they were going to be talking about.
His dreams that night were weird, but thankfully not nightmares. He was
restless though and he kept waking up, feeling too hot sometimes and then too
cold. When it happened, Severus would hold him close and kiss his neck until
Harry fell asleep again without the aid of any more potions. Harry liked it; he
liked knowing that Severus was there in the bed with him, looking after him. It
felt so good to be looked after when he was ill. It was comforting and a lot
different from how he had been treated while he was growing up.
The next few days passed by in a bit of a blur. Severus wouldn't let him out of
bed except to go to the bathroom and even though Harry didn't have much of an
appetite, Severus brought him every meal in bed. Harry couldn't keep much down
besides soup and juice. Severus brought him some hot drinks to soothe his
throat, but the hot drinks only made Harry feel nauseous, so then he stuck to
cold ones, especially after his potions.
It wasn't until New Year's Eve that Harry actually felt well enough to get up
and open his presents. Severus even allowed him downstairs, but made sure that
Harry was ensconced on the sofa with his feet up and his lower half wrapped up
in a blanket. Harry felt as if he was inside his very own cocoon.
All the presents were still underneath the tree. "You didn't open yours yet?"
asked Harry.
"No, I wanted to wait for you so we could open them together." Severus patted
Harry's legs then rummaged under the tree. He levitated a pile of parcels over
to the sofa and settled them on the floor by Harry's hands. Harry removed
Severus' presents to one side, wanting to leave them for last. Harry received
the usual Weasley jumper, this time in emerald green with a golden snitch on
the front; mince pies from Hagrid which he decided not to taste quite yet; a
quill and ink set from Hermione; a skiving snackbox from the twins; three new
journals from Madam Pomfrey; chocolate frogs and the largest box of Bertie
Bott's Every Flavour Beans that he had ever seen from Ron. Did Ron think he
wasn't going to get fed this holiday or something? Harry smiled as he set them
down and then lifted up the largest of Severus' presents. It was heavy and he
grunted a bit as he heaved it onto his lap.
Severus was looking very nervous as Harry unwrapped it; as if he wasn't quite
sure whether or not Harry would like it. Once he'd ripped the paper, Harry was
left with a cedar wood box, decorated with Ancient Runes: healing and
protection spells.
"Open it," urged Severus and he seemed almost as excited as Harry.
There was a small lock with a brass key at the front; Harry twisted it and
opened the lid. Inside there were square dividers, eighteen in all and each one
held a bottle of potion that Harry knew Severus had brewed. He lifted out a few
vials, seeing if he could recognise any from the aroma and colours alone, as
none of them were labelled.
"It's an apothecary box," explained Severus. "All Healers are expected to have
one and keep it stocked with healing potions for emergencies." Severus was
kneeling on the floor by Harry.
"It's beautiful, Severus, thank you," Harry leaned down and gave Severus a soft
peck on the cheek. "Now you've got to open yours." If Severus had seemed
nervous about giving Harry his present, it was nothing to how Harry was
feeling. He'd been so busy that he hadn't been able to go shopping and had
bought Severus' present by Owl Order; he just hoped the man liked it.
Severus did the same as Harry and moved Harry's present aside, before opening
the rest. Severus had another Weasley jumper this year but instead of a bat, it
had a cauldron on the front. Severus too was the recipient of some of Hagrid's
cooking and smart man that he was, set them aside. Severus' eyes were very
bright as he unwrapped the gaudy red and green paper and Harry held his breath.
Severus held out the book; holding it by just two fingers as if afraid he would
damage it. The book was very rare and Harry was lucky to have found a copy.
He'd heard Severus mentioning it a few times when Harry had some questions
about Potions. From Asphodel to Wormwood had been written in the eighteenth
century, and it was still the basis for a lot of today's potion-making.
Severus opened the book and gasped. "You managed to get a signed first
edition?"
"Only the best for my husband," smiled Harry.
Severus laughed. "Not your husband yet, Imp."
"No, but soon," Harry grinned. "Very soon."
Severus leaned over him and the two of them forgot about presents and food for
the moment; too intent on tasting each other.
***** Chapter 37 *****
Part 37
Returning to school after their holiday seemed a little bit of a let-down.
Harry had been so used to having Severus' company all to himself and now he had
to share it with the other students and the staff as well. It wasn't the same,
and after every tutoring session Harry just wanted to curl up in the man's lap
and be kissed senseless again and again, but they couldn't really afford the
time. A few minutes each time was just not enough. Harry was craving the man's
mouth, craving his touch and sometimes he felt as if he was going mad. June
could not come soon enough.
He'd had his last meeting with Dr. Armstrong at the end of January. She seemed
to think he would do fine on his own now and had even wished him and Severus
well on their forthcoming wedding. Harry wondered if she would have been so
supportive if she'd known Severus was his teacher. He didn't bother to
enlighten her on that fact; he was still miffed that she'd talked to Severus
about her worries about the age difference and he was just glad when he could
finally leave that office forever. It was none of her business.
In Potions lessons he was distracted as he spent half the time staring at
Severus, wondering when he would next get to feel those lips on his and
reminiscing about the last time he'd felt it. Harry's cock was getting very
well acquainted both with his hands; and his pillows; and his mattress and if
truth be told, it was rather sore these days. He'd brewed his own lubricant,
not wanting to ask Severus for one, but he was still sore there. Despite that,
he still couldn't help making it worse after Severus' teasing kisses or even
just after the way the man stared at him when he thought no one else was
looking.
There was heat in those dark eyes and a need that Harry was sure Severus could
see in his own face. They were going to go mad at this rate. Harry felt so out
of control around the man and he was sure other people could sense it.
Sometimes when Harry was in another class, he felt the flare of arousal and
then the completion that bore no relation to what he was doing at the time. He
finally figured it out: it was Severus masturbating and Harry could sometimes
feel it through the bond. He wondered if Severus could sense the same from him
too and he resolved to put on a show. Each time he shouted Severus' name as he
came; wanting Severus to know that it was him he thought of when he touched
himself, that he wanted it to be Severus who was touching him.
"A knut for them, Harry," said Hermione, reaching across him and lifting up the
salt cellar.
"Hmm? What?" Harry dragged his eyes away from the top table where he had been
avidly watching Severus devour a lettuce leaf; the tongue sweeping out to lick
Severus' lips, reminding Harry very vividly of the day before when Severus had
used those same lips on Harry's mouth and neck to drive him to distraction. He
swallowed, but his mouth had gone dry, and turned to Hermione.
"You were miles away," said Hermione. "What were you thinking about?"
Harry could no more have stopped the blush than he could have stopped the sun
from setting.
Hermione giggled. "Never mind, I thought you were worried about the NEWTs or
something."
"The exams are months away," said Harry. He knew how many months, how many days
and right down to the hour when he would no longer be a student and he wasn't
worried. He'd worked hard and he anticipated doing well.
"I know," she shrugged and leaned in close. "You stare at him a lot, you know."
"Am I that obvious? He probably hates it that I go all moonstruck over him."
"I don't think so, he watches you as well. I think it's romantic, anyone can
tell the two of you are in love."
The Howlers had dwindled to a trickle before Christmas and now at the beginning
of February, they seemed to have stopped altogether. Harry wished the whole
world didn't take such an interest in his love life, but that was like wishing
for the moon and the stars. He was a celebrity whether he wanted to be or not
and celebrity sells newspapers. He just wanted to be left alone to be happy,
was that too much to ask?
After dinner, Professor McGonagall stopped by Harry's table and requested to
see him in her office.
"I have a tutoring session with Professor Snape," said Harry.
"I know, Harry. He will be meeting with us as well," the woman looked very
grave and Harry felt as if he'd just swallowed a large boulder. Whatever she
had to say, Harry didn't think it would be good news.
***
Severus waited for Harry in Minerva's office; the tea in his hand cooling as he
waited. He hadn't drunk any of it and he had the impression that Minerva had
only made the tea so that the three of them would have something to do while
they waited for Harry to appear. Poppy was standing by Fawkes' perch; her face
as pale as her apron. None of them were sitting down and each of them were
avoiding staring at the item on the table. Severus felt chilled to his bones;
there was a horrible sinking feeling in his guts.
It hadn't been long since Dr. Armstrong had stopped giving Harry therapy and
Severus wondered if they were going to need the woman here tonight; it was the
reason Poppy was here after all. They had no idea how Harry was going to react
and Severus hoped the news wouldn't make him feel worse; he'd been doing so
well lately.
There was a timid knocking on the door and Minerva waved the door open. Harry
stood there, still in his school robes but he'd left his rucksack of books
behind tonight. Severus knew that no matter what happened, there wouldn't be a
tutoring session this evening. Even if Harry felt up to it after the news,
Severus wasn't sure that he would.
"Good evening, Harry," said Minerva. "Have a seat."
Harry sat down on the chair next to Severus and clasped his hands in his lap.
Severus could sense his worry through the bond. Harry's eyes went directly to
the small cube on the headmistress' desk and he glanced anxiously at Madam
Pomfrey, no doubt wondering what she was doing here.
"I thought it best if you didn't hear the news on your own, Harry," said
Minerva. "That's why I asked Professor Snape and Madam Pomfrey to be here."
Harry nodded as if he understood and his face was as pale as moonlight; a large
stripe of firelight across his cheeks and nose made his skin there seem orange.
"Madam Bones from the Ministry of Magic sent these to us today," said Minerva,
indicating the cube.
Harry swallowed nervously. "Is that - is that -?"
Severus squeezed his hands. "Yes, Harry. It was the evidence in the case. The
videos, the journals."
"Oh God, I think I'm gonna be sick," Harry turned aside and even though he
retched quite spectacularly, he didn't actually vomit.
Poppy handed him a glass of water and rubbed his back as Harry sipped at the
liquid. Severus felt jealousy flare in his chest at the gesture, even though he
knew it was impossible that there was anything between Harry and Poppy. He
hadn't lied when he'd told Harry the bond made him possessive; he wondered if
it was the same for Harry.
Harry set down the glass and looked at each of them in turn, paying particular
attention to Poppy. "You all thought I was going to lose it, didn't you?" he
asked with a sigh. "That's why you're all here. Afraid I'm going to go crazy
again."
"Harry, you were never crazy," insisted Poppy. "You were suffering from post-
traumatic stress. But we were worried how seeing these items again might affect
you. Considering what happened last time."
"Why did Madam Bones send them to me? Don't the Ministry deal with evidence
like this?"
"Usually, yes," said Severus. "The court case is over now and she thought you
might like to be the one to destroy them."
"It's over? What happened to - to them?" asked Harry.
"Tried, convicted, Obliviated and sent to prison."
"Obliviated?" screeched Harry. "You mean to tell me that those men get to
forget what they did to me? That they'll live happily ever after and not even
remember what they did? They raped me and you're telling me they get to forget
all about it? What sort of justice is that when I remember it all the bloody
time?"
"Harry, we thought it was for the best at the time, so they wouldn't keep
thinking about you," said Severus and Harry rounded on him.
"You thought it? It was your idea to have them Obliviated? I wanted them to
remember! I wanted them to wake up from nightmares every night about what
they'd done! I wanted them to remember me and hate themselves for what they did
to me!"
"Harry, that was never going to happen. They didn't feel guilty over what
they'd done; they would never have had nightmares about it. If they had dreams,
they wouldn't have been nightmares; they would have been erotic dreams. They -"
"Severus!" exclaimed Poppy. "That's enough! Harry's distraught enough as it
is!"
"He needs to know, Poppy. He needs to know what sort of monsters those men
were."
"Stop it! Just stop it!" screamed Harry. "I can't deal with this right now. I
can't!" Harry rushed out and fled downstairs.
Severus made to go after him, but Poppy laid a hand on his arm. "Let him be,
Severus. He needs some time on his own."
Severus wasn't entirely sure that was the case. Harry left on his own meant he
would have plenty of time to think and remember what he'd been through with
those people.
He wondered if Madam Bones sending the records was something of a mistake.
Maybe it would have been better if the Ministry had destroyed them quietly and
Harry wouldn't have had to face this yet again.
***
Harry didn't come to Severus' rooms later; Severus waited till midnight then
went searching the dorms himself. Harry's door was open and he wasn't in his
room, but there was an envelope on the bed with Severus' name scrawled on the
front, as if it had been written in a hurry.
Severus ripped it open and felt his heart sink to somewhere near his feet at
the words written there.
Severus, I'm sorry. I can't do this any more.
It wasn't signed, but Severus would know the handwriting anywhere.
***** Chapter 38 *****
Part 38
Severus stared at the words for a few moments, but the letters didn’t change,
didn’t suddenly make any more sense to him. Severus, I’m sorry. I can’t do this
anymore. How could anyone have missed how upset Harry was? The psychiatrist;
Poppy; Harry’s friends and of course Severus himself. Shouldn’t he have known
that Harry wasn’t happy? Had Harry just been pretending he was well all this
time?
Severus couldn’t forget the boy’s words in Minerva’s office: that Harry thought
about the abuse every day, that he dreamed about it every night. He grabbed the
note from the bed and began pounding on the doors to all the sixth year dorms,
maybe one of the students would at least know where Harry might have gone.
Severus refused to think the note was anything other than a message from
someone who was running away. He refused to think of that other, darker
possibility. Harry wouldn’t do anything like that. He wouldn’t.
Hermione Granger came out of Ron Weasley’s room with a blush that could have
powered a small town and Neville Longbottom emerged from Draco’s room, the
blond boy’s arm draped around his shoulder. Severus was too concerned for Harry
to worry about this flagrant disregard of the rule about fraternising with
other students.
Severus didn’t show any of them the note; he didn’t want his fears realised.
“Do any of you know where Harry Potter is?” he demanded, his eyes raking over
each of them.
Hermione and Ron exchanged significant looks with each other and seemed
decidedly guilty. Did they know where Harry had gone? Had Harry confided in
them when he hadn’t confided in Severus? He squashed down the envy that thought
engendered in his chest. Harry should have come to him. “You two, come with
me,” ordered Severus. He didn’t bother about sending the other students back to
bed; they would probably be too het up to sleep now anyway.
Hermione tightened the belt of her dressing gown and made her way down the
corridor to Severus’ office but Ron was still standing by the entrance to his
dorm. “You as well, Mr. Weasley.”
“Yes, sir. Just a moment.” Before Severus could object, Ron had gone into
Harry’s room and emerged clutching a grubby piece of parchment, then stopped in
his own room to pick up his wand. The parchment seemed familiar, but Severus
couldn’t remember where he’d seen it before.
Severus ushered him down the corridor and into his office. Hermione Granger was
standing by the desk as if she was one of the miscreant students Severus
usually saw in his office. Her face was pale and she looked worried.
“Talk,” commanded Severus. “Do you know where he is?”
“No, sir,” they both replied. “But this might help,” said Ron. He set the
parchment down on the desk and pointed his wand at it. “I solemnly swear that I
am up to no good.” Miniscule writing emerged on the front of the parchment.
“What is this?”
“It’s the Marauder’s Map, sir,” replied Hermione. “It shows where everyone is
in the castle.”
“Everyone?” Severus lifted the map from the desk and perused the named dots;
none of them were Harry. “What if he isn’t on here? Does that mean he isn’t in
the castle?” How could any student leave the castle at night? All the Floos in
the common rooms were disconnected at night; no one could Apparate in our out
except for the elves and Portkeys had to be authorised by the headmistress. Not
to mention that Filch and Hagrid had the place locked tight every night after
curfew.
“What about the Room of Requirement?” asked Hermione. “Could he be in there?”
Severus didn’t bother commenting, but he was curious. How on earth had students
discovered one of the castle’s most closely-guarded secrets and what on Earth
would they need such a room for? Considering the fact that many students hadn’t
been in their own beds tonight, it certainly wasn’t for privacy.
“No, the Room only appears on the Map if it’s in use,” said Ron. “Harry said
so.”
Severus glanced down at the Map in his hand and realised the boy was right; the
Room wasn’t visible anywhere on the Map.
“So if he isn’t in the castle and this Map is accurate, where did he go? And
how did he get out of the castle?”
“The Map is accurate, sir. Very accurate. Harry - Harry’s father and his
friends made it.”
Well, wasn’t that just typical? The Marauders weren’t even here and they still
managed to get Harry involved in their little schemes.
“Um - er - probably one of the secret passages to Hogsmeade,” said Ron.
“Why on earth would he go to Hogsmeade?” queried Hermione.
“Why would he run away at all, Hermione?”
“Harry received some distressing news this evening,” replied Severus.
“Oh, right. Professor McGonagall wanted to see him after dinner. No one has
seen him since he came back. He went to his room and we guessed he wanted to be
alone.”
“So no one saw him leave his room at any time, Miss Granger?”
“No, sir, but he might have used his invisibility cloak.”
Severus swayed a little on his feet as a wave of nausea rushed over him. It
took him a few seconds to realise it was coming through the bond; it was Harry
who was feeling ill. Severus breathed in and tried to clear his mind of all
thoughts and sensation except for those concerning Harry. He’d never used the
bond to track Harry’s whereabouts before; he hadn’t needed to and he wasn’t
even sure if it would work or not. He had a sense of cold, of darkness, of foul
smells that it was difficult to discern.
“Tell me, Mr. Weasley. Why would any student want to sneak out to Hogsmeade in
the middle of the night, considering all the shops are shut at this hour?”
“To get drunk?” suggested Weasley with a flush to his face. “The pubs aren’t
shut.”
“But Harry doesn’t drink, Ron!” protested Hermione. “You know how against it he
is! After his uncle -” she paused then, but she wouldn’t have been revealing
anything Severus didn’t already know. He knew Harry didn’t consider himself a
drinker, but after seeing that cube tonight, wouldn’t anyone have been tempted
to find oblivion in whatever way came easiest to hand?
“I am going to Hogsmeade, you two get back to bed and not a word about this to
anyone. The last thing Harry needs right now is more gossip.”
“We won’t sir, thank you, sir,” said Hermione grabbing her boyfriend by the arm
and dragging him back to the dorms. He wondered briefly if they’d be going back
to their own beds, but somehow he doubted it.
Severus made his way to his quarters, thankful at least that his own Floo was
working and Flooed directly to The Three Broomsticks. Madam Rosmerta greeted
him from the bar. “There you are, Professor. Thank Merlin, I was just about to
Floo Hogwarts for someone to come and get him.”
“He is here then?” Severus’ heart beat frantically against his chest in relief.
“I just put him in the back room to sleep it off. This way.” The woman parted
some curtains and Severus saw Harry lying curled up on a tatty couch.
“Did you serve alcohol to a minor, Rosmerta?”
“What do you take me for? Of course I didn’t! Harry came in here already three
sheets to the wind. He threw up over two of my best chairs and then just fell
over. I don’t know what he’s had, but it’s something a lot stronger than
butterbeer, that’s for sure. It’s The Hogs Head, they’ll serve anyone as long
as the money’s there, no questions asked. Please don’t be too hard on him,
Professor. They all try it sometime. Mind you, with the head he’ll have in the
morning, he probably won’t want to try it again any time soon.”
A blanket had been draped round Harry’s sleeping form, reminding Severus of
when Harry had been ill with ‘flu over Christmas, but this illness had been
self-inflicted. It surprised Severus, especially considering Harry’s past with
a drunken man. How could he have even walked into a pub at night on his own?
Wasn’t he scared?
“Thank you for looking after him, Rosmerta. I’ll take him back to school now.”
“Remember, don’t be too hard on him,” she said. “I remember another seventeen-
year-old who got himself into a bit of a pickle.” She was smiling now.
“Yes, well, the least said about that the better.” Severus knelt down and
caressed Harry’s forehead. “Wake up, Imp. It’s time to go home.”
Harry’s eyes fluttered open and he groaned in pain. “Come on, Harry. Let’s get
you home.”
“I’m sorry, Severus. I didn’t mean it! I didn’t mean it,” Harry gabbled as he
clung to Severus’ arms.
“Ssh, Harry. It’s all right. We all get drunk now and again. What did you
drink?”
Harry shook his head, tears sliding down his face.
“Severus! He’s going blue!” exclaimed Rosmerta. “He isn’t drunk! Oh, Severus,
I’m sorry! I didn’t know; I just assumed he was drunk!”
“Harry! What did you take?” Severus shook Harry by the arms, worry and anger
flaring in the pit of his stomach.
“D- don’t know,” gasped Harry. “P - potion.”
“What potion? What was it?” he demanded, but Harry couldn’t answer. His eyes
rolled back in his head and he went as limp as a rag doll in Severus’ arms.
Severus scooped him up and ran to the fireplace in the taproom. Rosmerta cast
the Floo powder in and Severus roared his destination to the flames. “Hogwarts
Infirmary!”
He stumbled out at the other end, almost dropping Harry from his arms. “POPPY!”
he screamed as loud as he could, uncaring whether or not he woke any other
patients who may have been in the wing. Poppy came out of her bedroom; dressing
gown flapping behind her as she rushed over to them.
“Severus, what is it? What’s wrong?”
“It’s Harry! He’s taken something, I don’t know what! Rosmerta thought he was
drunk, but he isn’t. It’s something else.”
“Here, set him down on the bed for me, Severus, that’s it, that’s it,” she
soothed him as if he was one of her patients. Severus was finding it difficult
to let Harry go. “Have you no idea what he’s taken, Severus? None at all?”
“No, he fainted before he could tell me. Some sort of potion – it could be
anything. He will be all right, won’t he, Poppy?”
She didn’t answer him for a while. “It depends on how long ago he took the
potion and how soon we can figure out what it was for the antidote to be
administered. You should go and rest, Severus. There isn’t a lot you can do
tonight.”
“I’m not leaving him, Poppy. I’m not.”
***** Chapter 39 *****
Part 39
Harry felt as if he'd thrown up half his insides in the past few days and it
still hadn't stopped. He came to dread every time Madam Pomfrey approached him
with another dose of antidote for the potion he'd taken and he vowed never to
do anything so foolish ever again. Harry had no idea what possessed him to buy
it from a stranger in The Hogs Head; he was betrothed to a Potions Master; he
knew how dangerous it was to sample unknown potions. But at the time it had
seemed the sensible thing; and it had been suggested rather forcefully to him
that it was what he should do. He hadn't told anyone else about the voices in
his head; he was too afraid of being sent to St. Mungo's, but the truth was it
was the voice who told him to leave the note for Severus, to buy that potion
and drink it. It was almost as if he'd been compelled to do it; but how could
that be? Harry was very resistant to the Imperius Curse.
Three days after he'd taken the potion, Madam Pomfrey pulled up a chair beside
his bed and sat down on it. The matron looked as if she hadn't slept in days
and Harry felt renewed guilt gnawing at what little insides he had left. He
hadn't meant to worry anybody, but that's all he seemed to do lately. He was
going crazy; he wondered how long it would be before everyone around him
noticed that he was not as sane as he had hoped.
"Talk to me, Harry, or do I need to send you to St. Mungo's? They have plenty
of therapists in the closed ward, you know. Why did you try to kill yourself?"
"What? I didn't!" That hadn't been what Harry was trying to do at all; but that
dodgy potion had almost killed him anyway. "I wasn't trying to kill myself!"
"No? You think taking strange potions from even stranger characters will help
your health, do you?"
Harry closed his eyes and breathed rapidly; this was so mortifying, it was the
reason he sought out a stranger for the potion rather than confide in Madam
Pomfrey or even Severus. His only excuse was that he wasn't thinking straight
at the time; his condition was making sure of that.
Harry opened his eyes and stared directly at the medi-witch. "I wasn't trying
to kill myself, Madam Pomfrey, you have to believe that. I - I was trying to
make it stop."
"Oh, Harry," she said and patted his hand. "You were taking potions to forget
about everything and you accidentally overdosed?"
He shook his head. "No. I was trying to make it stop," Harry said, waving a
hand in the general direction of his groin. He was sure he was the colour of a
tomato by now. "I'm - I'm hard nearly all the time and it hurts! It hurts so
much!"
Poppy blushed, but it soon subsided and she was back to being the professional.
"Have you tried to take care of it in the normal way?" she asked briskly.
Harry nodded miserably. "That only helps for a little while. I - I've been
masturbating seven or eight times a day and it just won't go down!" Even as
Harry spoke, his erection was tenting the bedclothes. "I'm going mad, please
can you do something?"
"You should have come to me or Severus about this in the first place and not
gone haring off taking strange potions."
"I know, I'm sorry. I won't do it again."
"Can you have an orgasm?" she asked then and Harry thought he would surely die
from embarrassment; could this conversation get any more surreal?
"Sometimes, but sometimes I can't and it just stays hard. I - I feel sore,"
admitted Harry; it felt as though his face was burning. "From trying so much."
"Harry, dear, please don't be embarrassed about this. This is a medical problem
just like having a broken leg is a medical problem. It's called priapism, and
you should have come to me as soon as this happened, it's an emergency. We need
to get the blood flow away as soon as possible. The blood vessels could be
damaged already."
The woman waved her wand and cast a spell at Harry's groin; blue light flared
around the tops of his thighs and he had a warm, tingling sensation in his
genitals. A few moments later, his erection had subsided and the constant ache
that had dogged him ever since his return to school had diminished to a dull
throb.
"How's that?"
"Better, much better," sighed Harry. He felt normal for the first time in
weeks. "Priapism? You mean this is a real condition, not just me being a freak?
I thought I was oversexed or something."
"Actually, it has nothing to do with sexual desire at all, but a blockage of
blood flow. The blood flows into the penis and should flow out again after
orgasm or as the body calms down. How long were these erections lasting,
Harry?"
"Sometimes it's a couple of hours."
"Any erection that lasts longer than two hours is not normal, especially if you
are not engaging in any sexual activity. You're training to be a Healer, Harry,
you should know that. Come and see me right away if this becomes a problem
again."
"Do you know what caused it?" Harry was beyond embarrassment now; he didn't
want it to happen again.
Madam Pomfrey scanned him with her wand and nodded thoughtfully. "Harry, have
you been on any Muggle medication?"
"No, Severus gave me potions when I had the 'flu. I don't think I've ever had
any Muggle medicine."
"Well, there doesn't seem to be any underlying physical cause; you're not ill.
The only other reason I can think of at the moment is that it stemmed from some
vigorous sexual activity at some point. You did say you'd been masturbating a
lot?"
"Yes, ma'am."
"So would you say you have a high, medium or low libido, Harry?"
"Definitely high. I - I feel arousal nearly all the time."
"I'd like to do a blood test. We all experience arousal to some extent, but it
shouldn't be all the time and even for a seventeen-year-old, the time you are
spending masturbating does seem excessive."
Harry sank his head back onto the pillows; what was she saying? That he was
addicted to sex or something? The way some people were addicted to drugs or
alcohol? He tried not to wince when she conjured some needles and vials.
"Right, Harry. Roll up your sleeve for me."
***
Harry was asleep when Severus came to see him that night after dinner. Severus
sat down on the chair beside Harry's bed and just gazed at his sleeping face.
He couldn't understand it. Why would Harry go seeking out an unknown potion
from a stranger when Severus would only have been too happy to brew him
whatever he needed? Yes, it was an embarrassing condition, but Harry should
know better than to take any sort of potion from a stranger. What was going on
in his head? Why hadn't he confided in Severus? Didn't Harry trust him?
Severus sighed and hung his head in his hands. He felt as if he'd let Harry
down, but he didn't know how to fix it. Their Christmas holiday seemed a
lifetime ago. Had Harry been pretending all that time? Or was it Severus' fault
that Harry had been suffering from priapism? Had the teasing been too much for
Harry's body?
The lights were dimmed in the infirmary and cast strange shadows on Harry's
face; Severus leant over and pressed a soft kiss to Harry's forehead. "Get
better soon, Imp," he whispered, trying not to wake him. It didn't work.
Harry's eyes flickered open, green gaze searching his out.
"Sev'rus? I - I'm sorry, Severus. I'm sorry."
"Sorry doesn't fix this, Harry. It's not as simple as that. Why did you run
away like that? Why didn't you come to me or Poppy for help? Do you know how
dangerous that was? What possessed you to buy a strange potion? You could have
been killed!" Severus roared, surprised at the tone of his own voice. He was
angry and he was bloody terrified, too. What would he do without Harry? Severus
could hardly bear thinking about it; but he'd thought of little else for the
past few days. He was so sure that Harry had been trying to do himself in.
Severus stood up and paced up and down by the side of Harry's bed, running his
fingers through his hair. It was greasy and could do with a wash, but he hadn't
had much energy to spare on his personal hygiene lately, he'd been so worried.
"Why didn't you talk to me, Harry? Why?" The anger had left him almost as soon
as it had appeared. He knew Harry hadn't been doing it to deliberately goad
him, but sometimes it felt like that. "Do you really have so little faith in
me? That I can't help you? That I won't help you?"
"It wasn't like that," said Harry, tears shimmering in the lantern light.
"What was it like, then?"
"I don't know. I - I felt weird, like it wasn't me. Someone else. Someone told
me to run away."
Severus paused in his pacing; he'd heard Harry mention that before, the night
he'd chopped off his hair. "Your uncle? You still hear his voice?"
"I'm not sure it was my uncle, Severus, even that other time. It's someone
else."
"You're right, Harry," said Poppy as she emerged from her office, trying to
juggle a pile of parchments in her hands. "Whatever is wrong with you, it's not
physical and it isn't mental either. According to all my blood tests and scans,
you should be in perfect physical and mental health. There are, however, some
brain anomalies."
"Brain anomalies?" asked Harry, his hand reaching out for Severus'. Severus
grasped Harry's hand in his and kissed the knuckles softly. "So I am crazy?
I've been crazy all this time?"
"No, Harry. You were never crazy," said Poppy. "The brain anomalies, they're
spell-based. Someone has Obliviated you."
"But who would do that? And why?"
"Well, it's only a guess, but it was probably one of the wizards who raped you.
As for the why, I can only imagine they wanted you to forget that it happened,
that they didn't want you going to the authorities."
"None of the others bothered," said Harry softly. "They knew I wouldn't have
told, I'd been too well trained."
Severus felt his heart break anew at all that Harry had endured. "So what can
we do about the spells, Poppy?" asked Severus.
"First we need to find out about that memory and reverse it. We'll need your
skills, Severus."
He nodded and turned to Harry. "Legilimency."
***** Chapter 40 *****
Part 40
Harry had never remembered anything good about Legilimency; his head swam with
memories of those disastrous Occlumency lessons in fifth year and he was loath
to subject himself to it again. The fact did remain however, that if he had
been cursed – which seemed to be Madam Pomfrey's thoughts on the matter – they
needed to find out what the curse was and who cast it in order to be able to
try and counter it. Finite Incantatem only worked on simple spells and charms,
not on the more complex curses or jinxes.
Why was his life so bloody complicated? Why couldn't everyone just leave him
alone? Harry sighed and plucked at some loose threads on the bedspread. He
almost knew every piece of fabric in the infirmary off by heart; he'd spent so
much time in here as a patient and quite a bit recently during his training.
"The sooner the better, I suppose?" asked Harry, not looking at either of them.
He felt so ashamed that he hadn't been able to talk to them about what had been
happening; and wondered if the fact that he hadn't sought help from them was
part of the curse. For the truth was, Harry did trust them; he trusted both of
them with his life and he was upset that they thought he didn't.
"That's probably best," agreed Severus, placing his hand over Harry's and
making Harry still. "Harry, I love you. You do know that, don't you? There
isn't anything you can tell me that would make me stop loving you. You can tell
me anything. Anything at all and I will still love you."
Harry felt the tears start again and he leaned up from the bed and wrapped his
arms around Severus' neck. "I know, Severus. I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!"
Severus rubbed his back and kissed his ear. "Ssh, Harry. It's all right. You're
going to be fine. I swear it."
Hearing the determination in his betrothed's voice, Harry didn't doubt it for a
second. Severus continued to hug him until Harry's sobs subsided and then he
sank back to the bed, feeling drained but happier than he'd felt since
Christmas.
"Do you want to wait until you're feeling calmer, Harry?" asked Severus,
twirling a lock of Harry's hair in his fingers.
"No. Please, let's get it over with."
"Very well," said Severus as he removed his wand. "Legilimens!"
Harry felt the man poking about inside his mind; Harry hadn't tried to block
him this time, he knew Severus needed to find the memory that had been hiding
inside the Obliviate spell. There was a push, a tug, and Harry suddenly felt
himself falling into his own memory as if it had been a pensieve and he was
staring agape at his younger self.
***
Harry didn't want to go to detention, but how could he explain to his friends
how terrified he was of going to detention on his own? That he would be alone
with a teacher, a male teacher? They wouldn't understand. They wouldn't
understand the terror. He'd even gone to Professor McGonagall to try and get
out of it; telling her he'd do lines, anything, but please don't make him do
detention.
"Mr. Potter, detention has been used as a discipline at this school long before
you were even born. You will serve your detention just like every other student
and I do not want to hear another word of complaint about it or you will find
yourself doing yet another one, is that clear?"
"Yes, ma'am."
His Head of House glanced at the clock, which showed five minutes to eight.
"Now hurry along or you'll be late."
"Yes, ma'am," said Harry and left the office.
He wondered if he went back for his invisibility cloak if he could somehow
manage to escape the castle and run away. But where could he go? He couldn't go
back to the Dursleys', things were even worse there. Harry had thought he would
be safe at Hogwarts, that the things that happened at Privet Drive wouldn't
happen here, but what if he was wrong? What if the professor was like those
other men? Those other men who paid Vernon to use him?
Harry had worked himself up into such a state by the time he reached the
Defence classroom that he was hyperventilating and he almost willed himself to
faint so that he could go to the infirmary and skip the detention altogether.
They wouldn't make him do it if he was ill, surely? No, but that would only
postpone it, not get him out of it completely.
Harry took a few deep breaths before knocking on the classroom door. He didn't
want to be here, he really didn't want to be here. For the few scant moments it
took before the door opened, Harry allowed himself to feel a surge of hope.
Maybe the professor had forgotten about his detention and wasn't here. It was a
futile hope, but he clung desperately to it all the same.
All too soon the door opened and the smiling, shining face of Gilderoy Lockhart
peeked out.
"Harry! My dear boy, come in, come in!" He held the door open and was so
enthusiastic, as if he thought detention with him was a great treat.
Harry followed the man in and was shown to a desk at the front of the
classroom.
"I thought you could help me with my fan mail, Harry. Such a lot of it these
days. Here you are," Lockhart pushed a couple of moving photographs onto the
desk beside Harry along with a batch of envelopes. "I'll sign, while you put
them in the envelopes, Harry. It's easy, isn't it?"
Harry nodded and set to his task. It was easy and mindless as well. Normally
his detentions were something useful like chopping up potions ingredients;
helping Hagrid find the unicorn in the Forbidden Forest, or learning spells but
this just felt like a waste of time. Harry relaxed a bit as the evening wore on
and the professor hadn't tried anything untoward. He did love the sound of his
own voice though, droning on and on about celebrity and wasn't fame such a
burden?
Harry zoned out after a while; Lockhart wasn't saying anything terribly
profound, so he was shocked out of his own thoughts when he felt a slap on his
cheek.
Harry recoiled and darted from his chair, before lying down on the floor and
curling in on himself, wrapping his arms around his head, hoping to protect it
from any more blows.
"Harry, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to scare you; I only slapped you to bring you
out if it. You were screaming."
Screaming? Harry didn't remember screaming, but he knew he sometimes had
flashbacks. Is that what had happened?
"Look at me, Harry. I want to help you, I can help you."
The man did sound sincere and since he hadn't touched Harry again after the
slap, Harry slowly turned his head and stared at him. He wasn't prepared for
the spell the man cast at him; Harry found himself reliving all those horrible
things and he couldn't get them to stop. He was screaming in earnest now,
trying to get the man out of his head. No one could see, no one was allowed to
see! He would be locked up; they'd send him to prison.
"Stop! Stop! Make it stop! Please make it stop, Professor!"
"Of course I will, Harry. Of course I will," said Lockhart's voice and Harry
felt himself drawn outside his own head once more. "You poor boy, what awful
memories to have, but I can fix it, Harry. I can fix it."
"You can?" Harry's voice was high with hope.
"I can. Close your eyes for me, Harry."
Harry didn't want to close his eyes; not only was his mind still filled with
those memories, but he had never been quite comfortable with Defence teachers
ever since he discovered Quirrell had been hosting Voldemort on the back of his
head.
"The spell will work better if your eyes are closed, Harry."
"Um. Okay," said Harry and closed them. He felt very nervous standing there
with Lockhart hovering somewhere nearby.
"Obliviate!" roared the teacher but before the spell hit, Harry had opened his
eyes and he felt the light of the spell bounce off his forehead, onto the walls
and floor before hitting his head once again.
He reeled from the spell and felt sick as he felt magic other than his own
course throughout his body.
"What did you do? What did you do?" asked Harry in a panic.
"I made all the bad memories go away," said Lockhart with a toothy smile.
***
Harry came back to the present to find Severus staring down at him in shock.
"That idiot Lockhart used Legilimency on a twelve-year-old and then Obliviated
you? Mind magic is so delicate, a twelve-year-old mind would not have been
prepared for mind magic at all."
"He tried, but it didn't work; I still remembered the rapes. What did that
spell to do me?"
Madam Pomfrey scanned Harry's head with her wand again; a picture of Harry's
brain appeared in mid-air above his bed.
"His spell misfired, from what I hear that is par for the course with that man;
instead of it affecting your memory, it affected the pleasure receptors in your
mind as well as the nerves."
"But wouldn't I have noticed this before, then? It's only recently I've felt
like this."
Harry couldn't remember ever feeling this out of control when it came to his
libido before.
"It's because of the Aging Potions, Harry. When you were previously a teenager,
you were underweight, and how much you weigh affects your libido. Low weight
tends to correspond with a low libido as well, as the body has its work cut out
trying to keep all the other systems healthy; sex hormones are a low priority.
Now that you've been aged again, you have basically gone through puberty in a
very short space of time and your body's system was flooded with hormones. Add
to that Lockhart's misfired spell and you were suffering as your system
overloaded."
"And the voices in my head?"
"Again, Lockhart's spell also affected the part of the brain that enables you
to tell dreams from reality. It was as if you were dreaming while you were
awake. To you, the voices seemed real, probably even sensible in what they were
saying, but they were more like dreams than anything else."
"Is there anything I can do?" asked Harry. He didn't want to go through this
again and he wanted those voices to stop.
"Now that we know what it is, yes. Severus can deactivate the spell and then I
have some hormone potions I want you to take for the next few months."
"Hormones? Wasn't that the problem in the first place?"
"Over-acting hormones, yes, but by taking regular doses your body will begin to
regulate itself again and once you come off them; your body will be back to
normal and you will be able to feel regular arousal again. Not like this."
Harry nodded; even being a patient he was learning things and his hands itched
for his medical journal so that he could write all this down.
Severus smiled as he conjured Harry's notebook. "Looking for this?"
"How did you -?" smiled Harry. "The bond." Severus nodded.
Madam Pomfrey dismissed the picture of Harry's brain and made a show of
coughing and fixing her apron. "Well, I'll just go and get those potions for
you, Harry."
As she left, Harry heard her cast a silencing charm and she pulled the privacy
curtain round the bed.
Harry grinned at Severus. "Why did she think we might need a silencing charm?
What does she think we can get up to in the infirmary?"
Harry began scribbling in his notebook, but Severus plucked it out of his hand.
"I'm sure we can think of something," said Severus as he lowered his head to
Harry's.
Harry closed his eyes and revelled in the feel of Severus' lips against his.
The kiss was gentle, not done to arouse and Harry was glad of it; he didn't
want to go through that again. When Severus pulled away, they were both
grinning madly.
"I really am sorry, Severus. I should have gone to you. I don't really know why
I didn't."
"Do you find it uncomfortable to talk to me about things, Harry? Sex things?"
Harry shrugged his shoulders. The truth was, he found talking about anything to
do with his body highly disturbing; after so many years of the Dursleys calling
him dirty and filthy.
"They always made me feel so dirty, Severus. I - I never even used a toilet
until I went to primary school, they only gave me buckets. I don't feel
comfortable talking about my body at all; it's not you."
"Harry, nothing a body does is wrong or dirty. It's all natural and we all do
it. Nothing about your body is ever cause for shame."
"I know that, Severus. It's just it's sometimes still there in my head, what
they said to me. I know now they were talking bollocks half the time -"
"Try all the time," growled Severus.
"Yeah, you're right. They were hopeless and I'm not going to spend another
minute thinking about them."
Harry knelt up on the bed and kissed Severus soundly on the cheeks. "I love
you, Severus Snape, and I really think we're going to be okay."
"We are, Harry, we are."
***** Chapter 41 *****
Part 41
During the last weekend in April, Harry had to go to London to take his
entrance exam for the St. Mungo's apprenticeship program. To say he was nervous
was an understatement. He'd been up half the night throwing up; his stomach
felt as if it had been filled with writhing snakes; snakes that wriggled and
gnawed at his innards. It was also a Hogsmeade weekend and Severus was
chaperoning, so Harry had to go to London by himself.
Professor McGonagall had given him permission to have the day off away from
school and Fred and George had promised to take him sightseeing after his exam.
He'd rather it had been Severus, but it would be good to see the twins again;
he just hoped he wouldn't be the focus of any of their new experimental lines.
Their joke shop was doing rather well these days and they employed three full-
time staff now and could have a bit of time off when they wanted.
Harry dusted himself down after emerging from the Floo in the Leaky Cauldron;
he was a little unsteady on his feet and the nausea that normally accompanied
him on Floo trips was back with a vengeance. Tom gave him a glass of water
before Harry headed on his way; it seemed that news of his impending exam had
reached quite a few Wizarding ears and he was congratulated and wished well by
the patrons for half an hour or more before he could make his way outside.
Harry had left in plenty of time to get to the hospital; he didn't want to
arrive all flustered before he even started the exam. The exam was a written
one; the hospital staff wouldn't let anyone near the patients until they were
accepted as Healing Apprentices. Harry spent the walk calming himself and going
over his work in his head. Madam Pomfrey seemed to think he was ready; he'd
covered all the coursework. He hadn't done his NEWTs yet and even if he passed
the entrance exam, an offer of an apprenticeship would be conditional on those
results.
Even this early in the morning the street outside the hospital entrance was
filled with Muggle shoppers. None of them seemed to notice the dusty department
store with its air of faded grandeur. The windows were dusty; the brass-
coloured name was flaking off in places and the window only held one mannequin
wearing a dress so out of date that it was bound to become the fashion again
soon. Harry sidled close to the window and spoke to her.
"Harry Potter; here for the apprentice exam."
The mannequin nodded and beckoned him forward. Harry stepped through the window
and felt the glass flow around him like water, but yet he remained dry. The
noise of the shoppers was replaced by the crying and wailing patients milling
about in the reception area of the hospital. A Healer dressed in burgundy robes
marched up to Harry, clipboard in hand.
"Mr. Potter, this way please," he said and didn't bother to check to see if
Harry was following him.
A few of the waiting patients turned to stare at Harry when they'd heard his
name, with lots of frantic mutters and whispers. It seemed that even despite
Voldemort being gone for almost two years now; Harry's celebrity was still well
and truly intact. He sighed and followed the Healer down a series of corridors.
It would have been too much to hope that he could just go and take his exam
like any other wizard.
"I'm Healer Austin, I will be the invigilator for the exam this morning," said
the Healer as he stopped outside a plain wooden door with a label on the front:
Silence Please. Examination in progress.
Austin pushed the door open and waved for Harry to follow him in. There were
already five people sitting down at tables; three women and two men. They all
looked older than Harry and for a brief moment; he felt all hope fly out of the
window. They were bound to have so much more experience than him, being that
much older. Harry smiled at them; if they were all accepted, they would be
training together, but none of them returned his smile.
Harry sat down at the only empty table. On the desk was an array of quills, ink
bottles and plain sheets of parchment. There was no clock, but a large
hourglass stood on a desk at the front of the room. Healer Austin lifted up the
exam papers and began handing them out face down.
"The exam will begin at nine o'clock and you will have three hours to complete
it. If you require extra parchment, quills or ink, please raise your hand and I
will provide them." Once the Healer had finished handing out the papers he
returned to his desk. "Just a reminder that cheating will not be tolerated and
you will never be offered employment at this hospital." Austin lifted the
hourglass and turned it over. "You may begin."
***
Fred and George were waiting for Harry in reception once he'd finally completed
his exam and handed it in. His hand was cramping and his thumb and forefinger
were covered in ink with the amount of writing he'd done. He was so glad that
Madam Pomfrey had made him sit mock exams for her that were timed so that he
could get his essays done within the limit. It wasn't that difficult when you'd
done the work and Harry thought he'd probably done quite well, but wasn't
getting his hopes up just yet.
"Well, Harry, how did it go?" asked George, slinging one arm around Harry's
shoulder.
"I think I did okay," he replied. "It's just the NEWTs to get through now."
"Don't work too hard," smiled Fred. "All work and no play and all that."
"I'll be fine; Hermione's made all the seventh years a revision schedule with
plenty of time marked in for breaks."
"You're joking?" laughed George. "She didn't fill every hour with study?"
"No," Harry playfully punched him on the arm. "And anyway, I'm supposed to be
on a break now, aren't I? I seem to remember you two promising to show me the
sights of London."
"Er, yes, about that," said Fred.
"We may have just stretched the truth a little," said George.
"Oh, didn't you find anyone to mind the shop and you have to get back?"
"No, we have the day off, but it isn't just us who'll be showing you the
sights, Harry," said Fred.
"Indeed," drawled a very familiar voice behind him. "I couldn't allow you alone
with these two for long, who knows what mischief they might get up to."
"Severus!" Harry squealed in delight, not caring who was watching as he
launched himself into Severus' arms. The whole world knew about their betrothal
and impending marriage so seeing them hugging was hardly going to be a
surprise. "What are you doing here? I thought you were chaperoning the
Hogsmeade visit?"
"Ah, a little deception practiced by myself, Minerva and the Messrs. Weasley. I
wanted to surprise you. It's actually Professor Sinistra's turn to supervise
the little devils today. Is it a good surprise?"
Harry felt his face break out into the largest grin yet. "No, it's bloody
fantastic!" He couldn't believe it: Severus was here, Severus had come to see
him and they could spend the rest of the day together.
"Lunch first, I think," said Severus as Harry's tummy growled and gurgled. "You
need it after all that brain work."
"Sounds great," said Harry, smiling at the twins over Severus' shoulder.
***
After lunch, the twins dragged Severus and Harry round as many sights as they
could manage to fit into one day. They gazed enraptured at the Crown Jewels in
the Tower of London and shuddered at the London dungeons – Harry found them a
bit too realistic and gruesome for his taste. They spent quite a bit of time in
the reptile house at the zoo, where the other three watched in bemusement as
Harry conversed with the snakes.
When the twins ducked outside, Harry saw that Severus' eyes were glinting in
the low lighting and moved close to whisper in Harry's ear. "Parseltongue
sounds so sexy."
Harry resolved then and there to surprise Severus with some of it on their
wedding night. He blushed in the darkness, anticipating when they could finally
get together like that. Madam Pomfrey had taken him off the hormone potions a
few weeks ago and Harry's body was back to normal. He hadn't had another
incidence of priapism since and although he did get erections and masturbated,
it wasn't painful like before. He could hardly wait until the time came for
Severus to be the one to touch him so intimately. Both of them were finding it
harder and harder to keep their hands off each other, but they were also both
determined to wait until their wedding night.
Severus leaned down and kissed him soundly; a few of the snakes wondered aloud
if Severus was Harry's mate. Once the wonderful, knee-trembling kiss had
finished, Harry replied to them in Parseltongue.
{Yes, he is my mate.}
Severus groaned and Harry had to grin at feeling Severus' erection dig into his
midriff. He really did find the sibilant language sexy. {Severus, Severus,
Severus}
"Harry! Stop! Oh, Merlin, you could make me come speaking like that!" Severus
whispered against Harry's ear.
The thought that Harry might be able to make Severus come just by speaking to
him in Parseltongue sent such a flood of desire through Harry's body that he
went a bit light-headed. If he and Severus hadn't been holding onto each other
so tightly, Harry was sure he would have fallen to the floor. A few kids on a
school trip glanced at them, but their teacher hurried them out and told them
not to look at the two men embracing each other in full view. Harry had
forgotten how some Muggles and wizards considered same-sex relationships.
"I'm sorry, Severus. I didn't mean to tease," sighed Harry.
"It's fine, Harry, but I think we ought to leave that to somewhere a bit more
private, don't you?" Severus smiled and kissed the top of his head. "How are
things with you now?" asked Severus, glancing down at Harry's groin. "No more
trouble?"
Harry shook his head. "No, Madam Pomfrey says I'm as healthy as the next
wizard."
"That's good."
"I can hardly wait to be married to you, Severus. June can't come soon enough."
"It's not long now, Harry. You just worry about your exams, let the Weasleys
and I worry about the wedding."
Traditionally, in the Wizarding world, either the bride or the groom's family
organised everything from the cakes to the dress robes, but Severus' family
were dead and Petunia was in prison, so the Weasleys had taken it upon
themselves to ensure that Harry and Severus would have a wedding day to
remember. Harry had been so welcomed there since his first visit that he wasn't
at all surprised. They viewed him like an adopted son and by extension Severus
too, as he was going to be married to Harry.
As they made their way outside, the twins were casually leaning along a fence
encircling the lions' enclosure.
"Just promise me one thing," said Harry as he and Severus approached George and
Fred. "No stag parties, at least not for me."
"Aw, Harry, where's the fun in that? You and Severus ought to have some fun on
your last night of freedom," pouted Fred.
Harry just smiled at them and shook his head. They didn't understand. The day
Harry married Severus wouldn't be the day he lost his freedom.
It would be the day he gained it.
***** Chapter 42 *****
Part 42
Harry, Neville, Draco, Ron and Hermione were all sitting underneath the beech
trees by the lake after their final exams. A few of the other seventh years
were running around whooping with delight and throwing books and parchments in
the air as they tasted freedom from study, at least for a little while.
"Well, Harry?" Hermione asked pointedly and Harry couldn't help the grin. They
all knew he'd received his results about the apprentice program that morning at
breakfast, but Harry had refused to tell anyone else except Severus how he'd
done. "You've told Professor Snape now, why can't you tell us?"
Harry had indeed told Severus during the brief lunch break between his exams.
"Okay, okay. I got in," Harry finally admitted with an embarrassed blush.
Hermione squealed and hugged him; the boys settled for shaking his hand.
"What was your score?" asked Hermione, seeming as excited as if she'd been the
one to pass the entrance exam.
"I passed, that's all you need to know."
Harry had done more than pass, he'd earned the highest score ever since the
apprentice program had first been implemented and the hospital governors had
told him that thanks to his high marks, the offer of a place wasn't dependent
on his NEWT results, as it had been for nearly every other apprentice. Harry
didn't like to boast, but he was pleased that he could share his news with
Severus without feeling like he was being big-headed or something.
"Congratulations, Harry!" said Hermione, hugging him again. "You deserve it; we
all know how hard you worked."
"Thanks, Hermione."
"I can hardly believe you and my godfather are getting married in two days,"
said Draco. "I never thought he'd get married."
"Because we're both men?" asked Harry softly. He didn't think the fact that
they were men bothered Draco, not considering he was going out with Neville,
but it was a curious thing to say.
"No, not that. There are plenty of wizards who have bonded to each other,"
replied Draco. "I just didn't think Severus was the marrying type. Maybe now
that You-Know-Who's gone he felt more comfortable about falling in love."
As he finished speaking, a cloud passed over the sun causing the friends to
shiver at the unexpected chill. Robes and jumpers had been discarded for shirt
sleeves earlier on, but Hermione was the only one to reach for her robe again.
"I'm getting cold; are you coming in, Ron?"
"Okay," said Ron, standing up and brushing his trousers free of grass and loose
leaves. The bell rang for dinner causing Neville and Draco to stand up as well.
"Coming, Harry?" asked Neville.
"In a minute." Harry waved his friends on ahead, he just wanted to be alone
with his thoughts for a while and his friends understood, leaving him to it
without pestering him. Seamus and Dean waved at him as they passed on their way
back to the castle.
Once everyone had gone in, Harry plucked a few blades of grass from around the
tree and twirled them around his fingers. He felt sad remembering another group
of students who had once sat around the trees by the lake. Harry wished his
parents and Sirius were here to see him married, to see him happy. From the
screams Harry heard whenever a Dementor got too close to him, he knew his
parents had died thinking he was going to be killed too. He hoped that wherever
they were now they knew he was happy and they could forgive him for finding
love in the most unexpected place: in Severus Snape's arms.
The sun was sinking into the lake by the time Harry started walking back to the
castle, a pang of nostalgia burning beneath his breastbone. His last night at
Hogwarts; the last time he'd see sunset over the lake; the last time he would
have dinner in the Great Hall; the last time he and his friends would be
Hogwarts students. They would never be as close as they had been for the past
seven years; Harry knew that but it would still be a wrench to leave everything
familiar behind.
He knew they were all going on to new lives, new adventures and despite his
excitement at marrying Severus, it was tinged with a touch of sadness too.
Hogwarts had been Harry's home and he would miss it and his friends.
Hermione was starting work at the Ministry as a Muggle Magical Relations
Officer; Ron had been accepted into the Auror Training Program; Dean Thomas was
going to play for West Ham, a dream he hadn't shared with anyone until he'd
actually succeeded and Seamus Finnegan was going to apprentice under a Fire
Mage – it seemed his penchant for accidentally setting fire to things had
really been his innate skill at Fire Magic trying to get out. Draco was taking
Neville on a trip around the world to look at magical plants and maybe even
discover a few more. Draco could certainly afford it and Neville was ecstatic
at all the discoveries to be made. Harry wasn't sure but he suspected that this
time next year there might be a few more weddings in the air.
With each step nearer to the castle, Harry felt his childhood slipping away and
he stopped in front of the giant entrance doors. Such a lot had happened since
he'd first passed through them as a broken eleven year old. He'd made friends
and enemies; studied hard and got detentions; fought Voldemort and won. He'd
fallen in love; something he'd been sure would never happen to him.
He wondered if the bricks were like pensieves and stored the memories of the
students who had studied here over all those years. Did the stones of the
castle absorb something of each witch and wizard who passed beneath these
doors? Harry lifted his hands and pressed them against the grey stone next to
the doorway.
"Goodbye, Hogwarts."
The stone beneath his hands was warm and his fingers were tingling like pins
and needles. When Harry removed his hands, there was a ghostly image of his
palm and fingerprints stark against the grey which disappeared after a few
seconds. Harry smiled. It didn't matter that the image was no longer there;
Harry now knew that a piece of him would always remain with Hogwarts.
***
After a tearful goodbye to all their friends Ron, Hermione, Ginny and Harry
took a Portkey directly to The Burrow. Severus wouldn't be arriving until the
wedding the next day and the firm hug and kiss goodbye they'd shared was not
enough to sate the growing need between them.
Harry knew it was partly the bond seeking consummation and partly the fact that
they were in love, healthy and wanted to express it physically. They only had
to spend one more night apart; tomorrow night would be their wedding night and
a culmination of almost eleven months of foreplay. Harry just hoped he'd be
able to cope.
Once the dizzying effects of the Portkey wore off, Harry found himself wrapped
in an enormous hug from an unexpected Weasley.
"Bill! I didn't think you'd be able to make it!" Bill had been on an extended
expedition in South America for Gringotts, looking for some hidden Wizarding
cities.
"What? And miss my little brother's nuptials?" he grinned and ruffled Harry's
hair.
"My sentiments exactly," said Charlie, slapping Harry on the back.
After that it was a bit of a blur: Harry lost count how many back slaps he had,
how many handshakes – some from people he didn't even know but he assumed to be
Weasleys, for they all had the shock of red hair that Harry was coming to
associate with belonging.
"Enough!" roared Molly. "Let the poor boy get his breath!"
"I'm not a boy anymore," grinned Harry, feeling a surge of warmth for his
surrogate family, for he had never considered the Dursleys as that. They'd
never loved him and Harry had no concept of what a proper family was like until
he'd encountered the Weasleys.
"No, I don't suppose you are at that," said Molly, her eyes glistening with
tears. "You're quite the young man now. Oh, Harry!" she exclaimed, wrapping him
in a bone crushing hug and sobbing on his shoulder.
Harry awkwardly patted her back. "Hey, you're supposed to cry after the
wedding," said Harry. "Mum."
Molly wailed even more at the endearment, but Harry wouldn't have changed any
of it for the world.
***
Harry was sure that he would be too excited to sleep the night before his
wedding, but after a couple of games of Quidditch, a nature ramble to gather
wildflowers for his wreath and a dinner so heavy it could have been used to
sink a battleship, he fell asleep almost as soon as his head hit the pillow on
the camp bed in Ron's room.
When he woke up at dawn, feeling more refreshed than he had in a while, he
wondered if Molly had given him more in his dinner than just white wine sauce.
Sunlight was streaming in through the gap in the curtains and Harry smiled to
himself; the wedding was taking place in the orchard and it looked like they
were going to have fine weather for it.
As one of the grooms-to-be, Harry was allowed first use of the shower. Mindful
of the Weasleys' full house, he didn't want to linger too long, but his prick
had other ideas. Harry sighed and gave in; it probably wouldn't do to go about
with an erection all morning. It didn't take him long, anticipation about
tonight and memories of Severus' kiss the day before had Harry erupting over
his hands in moments, his legs shaking with the force of it. He grinned to
himself; knowing that the next time he climaxed it would be at his husband's
hands. He hoped his silencing charm was still working; he tended to get a bit
vocal as orgasm approached.
Harry wondered what Severus sounded like when he came; what he looked like
naked and he had to stop those thoughts quickly unless he wanted to spend even
more time in the shower. Still grinning, Harry soaped himself again and got on
with the business of washing. He was getting married. He was getting married to
Severus! He sometimes wondered if it was a perfect dream; for so long he'd
known only pain and despair, but now he would cherish every moment with his
husband.
Hermione had asked him once if he ever got scared about the physical aspects;
Harry knew she hadn't done it to pry, so he told her the truth. Yes, he did, he
sometimes had nightmares too, but he'd told his psychiatrist and Severus all
about it and they'd both agreed that they would only ever do what Harry felt
comfortable with and "stop" would mean stop. It meant a lot to Harry to know
that he would be in control. What he and Severus had was different from his
early experiences, being in love was different. Hermione had smiled at him and
said that she was glad he could find love, that he deserved it more than anyone
she'd even known.
Harry switched off the shower and grabbed a towel. He did deserve it, him and
Severus both, and he was going to grab it with both hands.
***** Chapter 43 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
b>Part 43
"Stop fussing, Severus!" scolded Poppy. "Your tie is fine."
"Are you sure? It feels crooked."
Severus began fidgeting with the bow-tie yet again until Poppy slapped his
hands away. "Will you stop that? You'll ruin it!"
Severus couldn't help it; he was nervous and when he was nervous he needed to
do something with his hands. What he wouldn't give to be stirring a potion
right about now. Severus gazed around the orchard; the Weasleys had outdone
themselves. Every tree was bedecked with garlands of flowers and strings of
white fairy lights. He and Poppy were standing within a ring of wildflowers
where the ceremony itself would take place.
There were no chairs in the clearing; all the guests would stand while Severus
and Harry pledged their lives to one another. It was only at the wedding feast
afterwards that they would get to sit down. Severus ran his hand round his
collar again and Poppy sighed in exasperation, muttering something about
stubborn men.
What if Harry had changed his mind? Shouldn't he be here by now? The guests had
started arriving and were milling about in the clearing. All had gone with the
Wizarding tradition and there was a sea of multi-coloured robes as far as the
eye could see. The wizened Minister of Records tottered to the ring of flowers
and bowed to Severus. He looked so frail that a gust of wind might knock him
over; Severus just hoped he could hold on to his tenuous grip on life a little
bit longer.
All the Weasleys came over and shook his hand as they waited for Harry to
arrive. Poppy kissed him on the cheek and then made her way out of the circle
as the murmurs and whispers ceased. Only Severus and the celebrant were in the
bonding circle now. Severus' heart was beating a frantic tattoo on his ribs as
the crowds parted, leaving an aisle and at the end of it, there stood Harry
dressed in all his wedding finery.
Harry was dressed in a white sleeveless tunic, the silk embroidered with
protective runes; runes for happiness and long life, runes for fidelity and
constancy; runes for eternal love. But it wasn't the fact that Harry's tunic
was covered in runes that caused the crowd to gasp; it was the fact that Harry
was covered from head to toe in a long white gauzy veil. Traditionally, only
brides wore a veil to Wizarding weddings and Severus could hear mutters from
the guests nearest to him wondering what it meant. The veil was held in place
by a wreath of wildflowers: buttercups, daisies, baby's breath, calendula,
forsythia, forget-me-nots and peonies. Severus felt himself gasp in response to
seeing the selection of flowers adorning Harry's head.
Severus knew what the veil meant to Harry. Harry was showing him without having
to tell him that he was ready to submit; he wanted to be the one to be taken.
In effect, he wanted to be the bride. Severus felt his groin stirring in
response to that knowledge. They'd never actually discussed it, but that Harry
wanted this, that he was ready for this made Severus love Harry all the more.
He was glad they'd waited, frustrating though it had been. It would be a
special night for both of them.
Harry stopped at the outside of the ring of flowers; Severus took his hand and
led him inside it. Their hands tingled as they touched each other and Severus
wondered what would happen when they finally joined their bodies if even
touching hands made their skin sing. Severus lifted the veil away from Harry's
face and was surprised to find Harry's eyes glimmering with tears, but Harry
was smiling through it. The two of them held hands again and turned towards the
Minister of Records.
"Dearest friends, we are gathered here today to celebrate the union of body,
souls and magic of Harry James Potter and Severus Tobias Snape. If there is
anyone here present who knows of any impediment why these two souls should not
be joined, let them speak now or be forever silent."
There was a pause, but no one spoke.
"Marriage is a union of equals, so I do not ask who gives you away; rather I
ask who has come with blessings for each of you. Who has come to give blessings
to Harry James Potter?"
"I do," came a resounding shout from the entire congregation.
"And who has come with blessings for Severus Tobias Snape?"
"I do," came the voices of the whole congregation again and Severus felt his
throat tighten. He had never been so welcomed anywhere before.
"Severus and Harry have decided to speak their own vows to each other. Severus,
you may begin."
Severus cleared his throat and spoke the words straight from his heart. He felt
embarrassed that everyone would hear, but he wanted Harry to know how much he
was loved, how much he was cherished.
"If in the morning when you wake,
If the sun does not appear,
I will be here.
If in the dark we lose sight of love,
Hold my hand and have no fear,
I will be here.
"If in the morning when you wake,
If the sun does not appear,
I will be here.
If in the dark we lose sight of love,
Hold my hand and have no fear,
I will be here.
"I will be here,
When you feel like being quiet,
When you need to speak your mind I will listen.
Through the winning, losing, and trying we'll be together,
And I will be here.
If in the morning when you wake,
If the future is unclear,
I will be here.
As sure as seasons were made for change,
Our lifetimes were made for years,
I will be here.
"I will be here,
And you can cry on my shoulder,
When the mirror tells us we're older.
I will hold you, to watch you grow in beauty,
And tell you all the things you are to me.
We'll be together and I will be here.
I will be true to the promises I've made,
To you and to the one who gave you to me.
I will be here."
His eyes were stinging by the time he'd finished and Harry had broken down into
sobs already so that it was going to be even harder for him to say his vows.
The Minister turned to Harry. "And now you."
It was a few minutes before Harry had calmed down enough to speak and when he
did, his voice was on the verge of cracking all the way through.
"True love is a sacred flame
That burns eternally,
And none can dim its special glow
Or change its destiny.
True love speaks in tender tones
And hears with gentle ear,
True love gives with open heart
And true love conquers fear.
True love makes no harsh demands
It neither rules nor binds,
And true love holds with gentle hands
The hearts that it entwines."
As Harry finished speaking his vows, the Minister placed a ring on Severus'
finger and then another on Harry's; Severus saw Harry wince a little at that,
he still hadn't forgotten what had happened with Dumbledore's ring. Then the
Minister clasped both their hands together and tied them with a white ribbon.
"These two wizards are now bound by the force of their promises; neither man
nor wizard can unbind them. You are husband and husband."
The wizard tapped the ribbon and it disappeared amid blue sparks. Severus and
Harry still holding onto each other, turned to face their friends and spoke
together:
"Today I married my best friend,
Our bond complete, it hath no end,
We share one soul, we share one heart,
A perfect time – a perfect start.
With these rings we share together,
Love so close to last forever,
This special day – two special hearts,
Let nothing keep this love apart."
Harry was crying again after they'd finished speaking and Severus did what he'd
been longing to do ever since he first saw Harry beneath the veil; he leant
over and kissed the tears away. People were whooping and clapping behind them,
but Severus was aware of little else besides his new husband. They were
married. No one could ever part them now.
Molly Weasley gave them both hugs and waved them off in the direction of the
marquee on the front lawn where the feast was to take place. "Oh, it was
beautiful, just beautiful!" sobbed Molly. In fact most of the female guests
seemed to be crying.
Severus held out his elbow, Harry slipped his arm through his and they made
their way to the marquee and waited outside with Arthur until the other guests
were led inside. Arthur gave both of them a hearty handshake before stepping
inside and they heard his voice announce them.
"Ladies and gentlemen, I give you our newly-bonded couple, Harry and Severus!"
At their cue, Harry and Severus stepped inside the marquee and were almost
blinded by the shower of confetti that fell on them. Circular tables dotted the
room; each holding a centrepiece of white roses tied with green ribbons. On the
head table at the front, two seats were left empty for the grooms and at the
side of it stood their wedding cake. Twenty one pillared tiers, each tier
smaller than its predecessor until on the top tier there were two small grooms
who waved at the assembled guests. Iced in white, the cake was decorated with
green ribbons too.
Beside him, Severus heard Harry giggle at the tiny waving grooms on top of the
cake. "Oh, it's wonderful," said Harry as he sat down next to Molly. "Thank you
so much for doing this for us."
"It was my pleasure, dears," said Molly, squeezing Harry's hand under the
table.
Once Harry and Severus had taken their seats, waiters appeared as if out of
nowhere (and considering this was a Wizarding wedding, that may well have been
the case) and began taking the guest's orders, but they served the grooms
first.
Replete after a meal of roast turkey followed by trifle, it was time to cut the
cake. Cameras whizzed as people got ready to take a picture of the pivotal
moment. Severus stood up and offered Harry his hand, when Harry reached for
his, Severus bent over and brushed his lips along Harry's knuckles. He enjoyed
Harry's shiver of desire when he did so and spoke through the bond.
Soon, Imp. Soon.
Harry's eyes darkened with lust and he nodded to show he understood Severus'
promise. The two of them walked the short distance to the cake and lifted up
the silver knife, engraved with both their names and even more protective
runes. Gripping the knife together they cut the cake, the blade sliding in
easily and Severus noted Harry's blush. The blade sliding into the cake so
easily like that was considered a good omen for the wedding night – that the
consummation would go well too.
Severus fed the first slice to Harry with his fingers and wished they didn't
have to go through a couple of hours of dancing before he could be alone with
his new husband. Harry did the same to him and then they were whisked apart as
the guests came over to get some cake, but their eyes sought each other's over
the crowds and Severus knew there was the promise of 'later' in both pairs of
eyes.
***
Three hours later, Severus and Harry stood on the back porch of the Weasleys'
house as people wished them well and waited for Harry to throw his wreath of
flowers. Wizards didn't have bouquets, but the tradition meant the same as the
Muggle one. Harry turned his back on the assembled guests and threw the
wildflowers backwards into the crowd.
Severus couldn't help the laughter when he saw who had caught it. Draco Malfoy
was blushing like a new bride himself as Neville wrapped him in a hug. After
some more hugs from the Weasley clan, he and Harry were finally allowed to take
their leave. Severus wrapped his arm around Harry and Apparated them to their
honeymoon destination.
"Alone at last," he whispered in Harry's ear.
Chapter End Notes
     Severus' vows are the poem I will be Here by Steven Curtis Chapman
     Harry's vows are the poem True Loveby an unknown author
     The poem spoken together by Harry and Severus is Today I Married My
     Best Friend by Rachel Elizabeth Cooper
     Harry's wreath flowers:
     buttercups – cheerfulness
     calendula – joy
     baby's breath – everlasting love
     daisy – innocence
     forget-me-not – true love
     forsythia – anticipation
     peony – aphrodisiac
***** Chapter 44 *****
Part 44
Harry stumbled as they finished Apparating, but Severus was there to hold him
up and when the man whispered in his ear that they were finally alone, Harry
almost came there and then. He'd been in a constant state of near-arousal all
day and seeing the heat in his new husband's eyes, he could hardly wait to take
advantage of that fact.
They were on a tropical beach with white sand, blue skies and palm trees
swaying in the breeze. Waves lapped softly against the shore like the first
tentative kisses of new lovers. Harry sighed with contentment and leaned his
head up for a kiss. Severus needed no more prodding; he leaned down and
captured Harry's mouth with his own. Harry lost himself in the kiss; the feel
of Severus' lips on his was a sensation like no other. This was nothing like
the wet slap of Cho's lips; this was passion, desire, love and lust all rolled
into one. Harry moaned when Severus' tongue gently slipped inside his mouth and
he clung to Severus, afraid of falling.
His cock was so hard it was aching and Harry was rubbing himself shamelessly
against Severus' thigh, but he didn't want to come like this. He reluctantly
pulled his mouth away and stood there; panting so harshly it felt as if he'd
swallowed sand rather than stood on it. "S- Severus. Need you," gasped Harry as
he began pulling at his husband's tie. He wished he could be a bit more
coherent, but both of them had been waiting for this for so long that it was a
miracle he could form any words at all.
"Ssh, Harry," said Severus, stroking his back. "There's no rush. We have plenty
of time."
Harry almost whimpered. How could Severus be so calm? Harry felt as if he was
going to explode at any minute. Severus stepped away from him, then took
Harry's hand and led him to the small thatched hut at the edge of the beach.
Harry dearly hoped there was a bed in there, but the way he was feeling now, he
wouldn't have minded the floor or the sand either.
There was indeed a bed; it was large with four posts draped with filmy white
fabric and a scattering of pink tropical flowers on the white sheets. A fan
whirred silently overhead and from the open doorway they could still see the
beach. "Wait," said Harry, going outside. "Come here, Severus."
Severus smiled and stepped outside again. "Yes, Imp?" he asked, his eyes
twinkling.
"I promised, didn't I?" grinned Harry as he scooped Severus up in his arms and
carried him over the threshold, but that was about all he managed before he had
to put his husband down again. Despite being a bit more muscular than in his
previous incarnation, Severus was still taller and heavier than Harry and it
had been a bit difficult to do.
"Thank you," said Severus. "But I think we'll stick to me carrying you from now
on." And with that, Harry was scooped into strong arms and set gently down on
the bed. He groaned as Severus' weight pushed him down against the mattress.
Severus proceeded to kiss Harry breathless; lips, teeth and tongues clashing as
if they were duelling rather than kissing and Harry wasn't sure how much more
stimulation he could take.
He thrust up against Severus, moaning deeply when his cock connected with
Severus' thigh. "Severus! Touch me! Touch me!" begged Harry.
"I am touching you, Imp," smirked Severus as he gazed down at Harry and cupped
his face in his hands. He bent down and kissed Harry on each cheek, his
eyelids, his forehead and the tip of his nose. Harry shivered when he felt his
husband's breath ghost over his mouth. "But that's not what you meant, is it,
Imp?" whispered Severus and Harry lost it.
"Oh God!" he moaned and he was writhing on the bed now, trying to get as close
to the other man as possible. Saying 'Imp' in that chocolate-covered tone
should be illegal. Didn't Severus know what it did to him? Harry was on the
verge of losing control already; he wouldn't last, he couldn't last, not with
Severus still whispering to him and skimming his hands over Harry's chest,
tweaking his nipples into little peaks through the cloth of his robe. Harry's
hips were moving almost of their own volition now and he just knew he had to
get more.
"Please! Severus, please!"
"I love it when you beg," Severus smirked as he leant down and lightly nipped
Harry's neck at the junction of his shoulder. It was too much. "Fuck! Oh fuck!"
shrieked Harry as the orgasm was ripped from him by Severus' teeth; pulse after
pulse shooting out and splattering the front of his wedding robe with his seed.
He was trembling, feeling buoyed up on wave after wave of pleasure so intense
that for a moment he was sure he was going to pass out. Severus kissed him
through the aftershocks, breathing Harry's name into his mouth.
When Severus pulled away from the kiss, he was smirking again and Harry
couldn't help the giggle.
"You enjoyed making me lose control like that, didn't you?"
"I did, my Imp," admitted Severus, kissing him again. Harry loved kissing; he
could never get enough and it wasn't long before Severus' teasing licks and
nibbles had him hardening again. He shifted, uncomfortable now in the sticky
robe. Severus cast a silent spell and Harry gasped when he felt the naked body
of his husband against his own nudity. He pulled away from the kiss so that he
could look. Severus knelt astride him and let Harry stare to his heart's
content.
Feeling languid after his orgasm, Harry was gazing at the body before him;
watching Severus' eyes darken under the scrutiny. It aroused him; Harry looking
at him aroused him. Severus was lean; his chest and arms were well-muscled, but
not too much. His chest was mostly hairless, but there were a few hairs around
his nipples. Unlike Harry, he didn't have a trail of hair from his navel to his
groin; instead he had a perfect triangle of coarse black hair around his cock.
Harry couldn't help the gasp. Severus' cock was standing straight out from his
body and it was larger than Harry's both in length and girth. Harry had seen
his fair share of men's cocks (unfortunately) but none had been as big as
Severus'.
"It's so big!" exclaimed Harry. "How will it ever fit?"
Severus bent down and kissed him briefly, his arousal pressing into Harry's
stomach and Harry couldn't help feeling a little nervous, now that the moment
was approaching. "Harry, we have plenty of time. As this is technically your
first time, it will hurt a little at the beginning, but after a while it gets
better. I want you to remember the pleasure, not the pain. I intend to prepare
you well before we start. If you don't want to do this tonight, we can wait,
you know."
"No, no, I want to," insisted Harry. "I'm just a little nervous."
"I'd be very surprised if you weren't. I'll go as slow as you need to, Harry. I
promise."
"Severus, what did you mean about preparing me?" Harry didn't understand, he
didn't remember anything like that.
"I'll stretch you, relax you with fingers or tongue first, add some lubrication
before we make love."
"I - I - they never did that."
"What?!! They never even used lubrication?" demanded Severus. "Those fucking
bastards!"
Harry tried to make himself shrink further against the bed; he didn't like
shouting and Severus' face was angrier than he'd ever seen it. He wished he
hadn't spoken. He hadn't wanted to remind Severus of all those other men. "I'm
sorry, Severus. I'm sorry," he was mortified to find himself close to tears and
he turned his face away, feeling tears drip down onto the pillow.
Severus rolled off him and curled up behind him; Harry could feel the man's
erection dig into his lower back and he couldn't stop the sobs. This wasn't
what it was supposed to be like. He was supposed to be happy, not terrified of
the one act that would join them. Severus' wrapped his arms around Harry from
behind and rocked him.
"Ssh, Harry. I'm not angry with you. You're distraught; it's been a long day.
Why don't you get some sleep?"
"I - I wanted to make love with you," Harry whispered brokenly.
"We will, Harry. But just sleep for now. Nothing is going to hurt you here."
Severus caressed his chest and cast a cleaning charm over him. "Sleep, Harry.
Sleep." His eyelids drooping, Harry was surprised to find he did.
***
When he woke, Severus was sitting at the small table and dismissing a house-
elf. Platters of fresh fruit and bowls of bread sat on the table beside him.
"Hungry?" asked Severus. Harry's tummy growled and he nodded, smiling. He felt
much better after his sleep and he started to get out of bed.
"No, stay there," said Severus, grabbing the plates and settling them on the
bedside table. "I want to keep you in bed."
Severus sat down cross-legged on the bed and lifted up a halved strawberry and
fed it to Harry with his fingers. The fruit burst on his tongue and Harry
groaned, he didn't think he'd ever tasted a strawberry as good as that before.
He felt like some ancient prince being fed by a handmaiden, only Severus was no
maiden. Harry smiled around the food and then his eyes fell on the jar sitting
on the bedside cabinet. He tensed.
"Harry, I told you, we don't have to do that yet," said Severus. "Just whatever
you’re comfortable with, I promised."
"I'm sorry, I thought I was ready. I - I just keep remembering how much it hurt
- before."
"I'd like to show you something," said Severus. "Penetration doesn't have to
mean pain. Turn over for me, Imp."
"You won't - you won't do it yet?" asked Harry in alarm.
"No, Harry. My cock won't be going anywhere near your arse until you ask me for
it. Trust me, I won't hurt you."
"Oh. Okay," said Harry turning over onto his stomach and placing his hands
underneath the pillows. He started a little when he felt Severus' kisses along
his neck.
"Ssh, Harry. Relax. You'll enjoy it."
As his husband kissed what seemed to be every bare patch of skin on Harry's
body; his neck, shoulder blades, his arms; his feet, his legs, Harry was doing
just that. He was melting into the mattress beneath him; feeling so weightless
that he might actually fly away without a broom. Severus had magic hands and a
magic mouth.
"Mmm," Harry murmured to the pillow beneath his cheek as Severus continued
stroking and kissing him. He felt the arousal begin gradually, more like a slow
burning flame rather than an inferno like before, but welcome for all that.
Harry's face flamed as he remembered Severus' earlier words about preparation.
With tongue. His cock hardened at the thought and at the fact that Severus was
even now kissing his lower back.
Surely Severus hadn't meant what Harry was almost hoping he had? That - that a
tongue would touch him there? Would pierce that secret part of him that was
even now twitching and throbbing with need, as if he wanted to be touched
there. It surprised Harry; he'd never thought he would feel an ache like that
inside, that he wanted to be filled with something. It seemed so naughty; so
forbidden.
"Please, oh, please," whispered Harry, not even sure what he was asking for.
His prayer, if prayer it was, was answered as he felt Severus' tongue lick a
swathe down his crease from his tailbone right down to his sac.
"OH! OH!" Harry's head shot off the pillow in shock. He hadn't expected it to
feel so good. A flood of precome dripped from his cock onto the mattress
beneath him at the intense, new sensations. Severus teased all around his
entrance, little nibbles, little licks but not quite breaching him just yet.
Harry had never felt like this before, nothing had ever felt like this. He was
panting for breath, clutching the pillow in white-knuckled fists as he felt
himself twitching back there, yearning for something, anything to fill him.
There was a carved snake on the headboard and Harry stared at it as he tried to
keep himself together for just a bit longer.
{Please, Severus! Please} He begged and it was only on hearing Severus' deep
groan that he realised he'd been speaking in Parseltongue. {Inside me! I want
you inside me. Make me yours, Severus!}
Severus pressed his tongue hard against the ring of guardian muscles and after
a few moments, Harry felt his body relax to let the invader inside. Inside him,
Severus was inside him. Harry didn't know whether to press up onto that
talented tongue or press his cock down against the mattress, both sensations
felt so good. Severus twirled his tongue and almost before he knew it, Harry
was coming hard onto the mattress beneath him. He tore the pillowcase in his
hands, his cries muffled by damp cotton.
Severus still kept kissing and licking him until the tremors subsided and after
a while, Harry wriggled, he was getting a bit sensitive now. Harry turned over
and grinned down at his husband. "Oh, wow! My bones have melted!"
"I take it you enjoyed that, then?"
"Yes," grinned Harry, noticing that Severus was still aroused. "I'd - I'd like
to make you come," Harry said shyly.
Severus lay down with his hands behind his head and smiled. "Do your worst."
Harry stared at the cock in front of him, wondering what he ought to do. He
didn't think he would be able to take it in his mouth, at least not yet. Too
often that act had been forced on him and he didn't want reminders of his
rapists, not in their marital bed. They had no place here. This was for Harry
and Severus. Two men who loved each other, didn't that make all the difference?
Harry lay down on his side facing Severus and began stroking, marvelling at the
differences in his own cock. It wasn't just that Severus was bigger, but his
cock had different bumps and ridges and a larger head. Harry enjoyed the
sensation of rubbing along the velvet-covered flesh. He twirled his finger
along the slit using the precome to aid him. Severus was very quiet, but he was
panting harshly so Harry hoped he was doing all right.
"Is this okay?" Harry asked.
"Talk to me," whispered Severus with a flush to his face. Harry glanced at the
carved snake and understood.
{You're so hard, Severus. You're so beautiful like this. Panting, aroused. I
want to feel you. I want to feel you come. I want to feel your come in my hand.
Do it, Severus. Do it!} And almost as if Severus had understood the command, he
tensed, arching his body almost completely off the bed and spurting over
Harry's hand; his cock pulsing with every breath. Harry had leaned over and
kissed Severus soundly as soon as his orgasm had started and they kissed and
kissed for a good while afterwards.
Pulling away, they both lay on their backs, gasping for breath, sated and
smiling.
"Merlin, Harry. Do you know what you sound like when you speak Parseltongue?
I've never heard anything so fucking sexy in my life as you speaking that."
"I don't actually, it sounds like English to me," replied Harry, scooting up
and leaning his head on Severus' shoulder. "But I could tell you liked it."
"I did indeed. I did," Severus kissed Harry's forehead. "Are you okay, Harry?"
"I'm fine, Severus. Maybe – maybe tomorrow we could try for the consummation?"
Harry didn't want Severus to be disappointed in him.
"We'll see, Harry. We'll see."
***** Chapter 45 *****
Part 45
When Severus awoke the next morning, Harry was already awake; leaning on his
elbow and gazing down at him with bright green eyes.
"Morning, sleepyhead." Harry's hair was damp from a morning shower and drops of
moisture still clung to his chest, just begging to be licked off.
Severus yawned and stretched, his bladder gave an uncomfortable twinge. He knew
he should have gone to the bathroom last night, but it had just been so
comfortable tucked up in bed with Harry that he hadn't wanted to leave. Harry
leaned down and kissed him fully awake but any more of those kisses and he
wouldn't be able to pee for a while.
"Hold that thought," said Severus as he pulled away and got out of bed to pad
to the bathroom. Necessities taken care of, he brushed his teeth and had a
quick shower; the scent of Harry's soap was still lingering in the tiled
cubicle and Severus felt himself growing aroused at the scent and the memories
of what they'd done yesterday. It would have been only too easy to let his
hands linger and bring himself to orgasm in the shower, but he had a very sexy
husband waiting for him in the bedroom.
That's right you do, Harry said through the bond. So get out here.
Severus smiled as dried himself. Impatient, are we Imp?
I've been waiting for you to wake up for hours! Severus could almost imagine he
could see Harry's pout.
When Severus came out of the bathroom, Harry was lying flat on his back on the
bed, his hands trailing up and down his naked chest. His cock was standing out
of the nest of dark curls and by the side of Harry's body sat the jar of
lubricant. Severus' eyes widened at the implications. "Are you sure, Harry?"
Merlin knew he wanted it; wanted to be connected to Harry in such an intimate
way, but he didn't want to feel as if he was forcing Harry into things he
wasn't ready for yet.
"I'm sure," Harry said, his voice steady. "Just - just can we take it slow?"
Severus dropped the towel on a chair and prowled towards the bed. Harry was
aroused, there was no doubt about that; his eyes so glazed with lust that only
a small rim of green was showing. Sinking his knees on the mattress either side
of Harry, Severus bent over to kiss his husband, gratified when he heard Harry
moaning into his mouth. He kissed and teased until Harry was writhing with
unfulfilled passion; the bond allowing him to know how much Harry adored being
kissed.
Severus lightly ran his tongue over those soft lips, a silent request for
entry, and the act of Harry fully opening his mouth to him, sent a sharp ache
into Severus' groin. He reached out to caress Harry's cheek, to touch his hair,
feeling as if all this was just some wonderful dream. Was he really here,
kissing Harry on a bed in a thatched hut in the middle of nowhere? As his
tongue touched Harry's, Harry bucked beneath him and Severus was lost. He
pressed his whole body against Harry's, rubbing against him and moaning when
their erections collided. Severus pulled away from the kiss to bestow a
necklace of them around Harry's throat and neck, before licking his way down
Harry's chest and to the prize that waited for him at the bottom of Harry's
belly.
Harry's cock was firm, musky with arousal and Severus just had to taste it. He
could see Harry's thighs trembling as he bent down and sucked just the head
into his mouth. Severus only wanted to excite Harry, not make him come just
yet; he wanted to be inside Harry and the more excited Harry was, the easier it
would be to penetrate him. But there would come a day when he could drain Harry
dry right from the source and Severus moaned in anticipation of doing just
that. His own cock and balls were throbbing like a second heartbeat as he
suckled at Harry.
"Severus! In me! Please! In me!" gasped Harry, arching his hips. Severus
fumbled for the jar of lubricant and unscrewed the lid; watching Harry's eyes
widen as he did so. Harry knew what Severus was going to do next, even if he
had never experienced it before. Severus felt a flash of indignant anger as he
remembered all that Harry had been through and he was amazed at how calm Harry
was being about this.
"Are you sure, Harry?" Be sure. Please be sure
"I am, Severus. I'm ready," said Harry. "I love you. I want you to make love to
me."
Severus nodded and liberally coated his fingers with the oil. It would be
making love; they might be fucking, but it was lovemaking too; it couldn't be
anything else, not with Harry, not with his Imp.
***
Harry took a deep breath when he first felt Severus' finger circling around the
outside of his hole. Severus hadn't tried to penetrate him, so he got a bit
more relaxed the longer Severus caressed the sensitive skin there. With one
hand still rubbing his cock and the finger making Harry shiver with desire, he
didn't feel scared at all. This was a lot different to those other men. A soft
press, a push and then the finger was inside him, the oil making it slide in
easily. It didn't hurt at all, but the strange stretching sensation was
unusual.
Severus played with him for a while, the finger going in and out like a
miniature cock, before he added another finger. That felt a little
uncomfortable, but not too bad and Harry allowed himself to breathe again. He
could feel Severus stretching the tight channel, moving his fingers about
inside him and then Severus crooked them just so and Harry almost shot into
orbit – he was certainly seeing stars.
"OH! Fuck!" shrieked Harry as he arched off the bed. "What was that?"
"That, Imp, was your prostate. It's an interesting sensation, wouldn't you
say?"
Interesting? Harry could only nod, he didn't think he'd be able to form
coherent sentences any time soon and he groaned as he imagined something much
bigger, much thicker than a finger brushing against it. When Severus added a
third finger, it burned and he couldn't help a grunt of pain escaping.
"Breathe, Harry. Push back against my fingers," advised Severus.
Harry obeyed and found it easier to bear. Severus stroked Harry's cock with his
free hand and continued to play with Harry's arse until Harry thought he would
just float away to the ceiling. "In me, Severus. I'm ready," Harry gasped as he
felt another jolt of electricity shoot through him when Severus touched his
prostate again.
"Your hands and knees would probably the most comfortable way," said Severus.
"No, I want to see you. I need to see you."
"That might be more painful for you."
"I don't care. I need it this way, Severus. Please."
"As you wish." Severus tugged a pillow down and placed it underneath Harry's
hips. Harry lifted his knees and enjoyed watching Severus' eyes flash with
passion as he took in the probably wanton picture Harry made; legs falling
apart so that he was exposed to his husband's dark gaze. Harry blushed under
the scrutiny, but he didn't hide himself. Severus slicked up his cock and
groaned; Harry guessed that Severus must have been feeling very aroused too.
"You're so beautiful, Harry," breathed Severus as he leaned over to kiss him
and enter him at the same time. Harry gasped into Severus' mouth at the pain.
It hurt, but not as much as he was expecting and he kissed Severus back
frantically, trying to use the kiss to distract him from the pain. Just as he
thought he couldn't endure much more, Severus stopped with just the head of his
cock inside.
"Harry? Are you okay?" asked Severus, pulling back from the kiss.
Harry nodded. "Do it, just do it."
Slowly, Severus eased inside him; Harry could see sweat beading on his
husband's forehead and he lifted a hand to wipe his brow.
"I love you, Severus. I want this. I want you."
When Severus was fully seated inside him; the pain lessened somewhat, but it
was still there, a slight burning sensation that nagged at the back of his mind
and it wasn't until Severus started fisting his cock again that Harry could
relax fully and try to enjoy it. Severus moved, changed the angle slightly and
hit Harry's prostate.
"Yes!" Harry hissed. "There! Oh God there!" he wrapped his legs around Severus
and drummed his heels on Severus' thighs as they both began to move in an
ancient rhythm. A giving and taking of pleasure that Harry had never
experienced before.
He couldn't believe how connected he felt; how at one with Severus he felt. The
headboard was rattling against the wall behind them as Severus' thrusts
increased in intensity. Severus tugged Harry's hips towards him and pounded
into Harry as if he wasn't close enough to him already. "Touch yourself, Imp.
Make yourself come," urged Severus in a breathless tone.
Harry didn't think twice about obeying. He grabbed hold of his cock and began
stroking in earnest; loving the dual sensation of being filled and being
stroked at the same time and Severus seemed to know just the right angle to hit
that magic spot inside him with every downward stroke. Soon Harry was
unconsciously matching the rhythm of their thrusts with the strokes on his
cock. All too soon he felt the delicious tingling ache in his lower belly and
groin; the fullness of his balls and cock. "Severus! I'm gonna come!" Harry
squealed as the sensations tore through him. He arched up into his hands,
feeling his arse clamp around Severus and then he was there, spilling himself
over his hand and belly in ecstatic pulses.
"Fuck! Fuck!" screamed Severus as Harry's climax pushed him over the edge too
and Harry felt himself filled with wet warmth. They were both shaking at the
force of their orgasms. "Harry, oh, Merlin, Harry," moaned Severus, leaning
down to kiss and nuzzle at Harry's neck. Severus slipped out and turned over,
holding out his arms for Harry to snuggle into.
Severus cast a cleaning charm and then began stroking Harry's back and
shoulder. "Are you sure you're okay, Harry?"
"I'm fine, Severus. I - I didn't know it could feel like that. I - I enjoyed
it," he admitted, wondering at how he could.
"Good," Severus smiled down at him. "There is nothing wrong with enjoying
making love, Harry. Don't feel guilty that you enjoyed making love. It's
different, isn't it?"
Harry nodded, what he and Severus had just experienced was as far from rape as
you could get. Never once did Harry feel that Severus was just using him to get
off; it was a partnership. They had both been active participants and Harry
hadn't felt frightened of Severus at all.
"Maybe we can do that again sometime," Harry grinned against his husband's
chest and fondled his thigh, his fingers inching higher.
"Maybe we can," Severus chuckled and stilled his hand. "But right now we need
some breakfast."
***
For the rest of the week, they explored the island and each other's bodies.
They made love in the shower, on the beach, plenty of times again on the bed
and once on the floor when they couldn't quite manage to wait that long to get
as close to each other as possible. Severus was amazed at how sexual Harry was
turning out to be. As Severus had guessed, Harry was very responsive,
particularly on his neck and once Harry came with no other contact besides
Severus suckling on his neck for almost an hour.
He loved hearing Harry's cries of passion, loved having his cock buried in that
tight heat, loved sucking on Harry's cock and the surprised look on his face
when Severus had brought Harry to climax like that for the first time. Harry
had been standing by the wall and his legs had almost given way when the orgasm
was pulled from him with rope of after rope of sweet come.
They did very little but eat, sleep, shower and make love as if they were
making up for all those months when they couldn't and Severus wasn't looking
forward to Harry having to stay at St. Mungo's for the duration of his
apprenticeship. How could they be apart for so long? Two weekends a month
wasn't enough time to spend together and he sighed on their last morning on the
island.
Harry's apprenticeship didn't start until August, so they had a bit of time to
spend together before then.
Severus? What's wrong?
Just wondering how I'm going to cope with being away from you for so long.
You just want me for my body.
Harry giggled out loud and proceeded to flaunt said body in a very provocative
manner and Severus allowed himself to be provoked. The packing could wait. He
grabbed Harry around the waist and tumbled both of them to the bed.
"And a very nice body it is, Imp," growled Severus as he lowered his head and
bit gently on Harry's neck.
The house-elf who Apparated in with breakfast, took one look at the very busy
masters and decided to come back later. Much later.
***** Chapter 46 *****
b>Part 46
Three days after their return home to York; Severus was jolted awake by loud
crashes coming from the kitchen. The bed beside him was empty, a few dark hairs
on the pillow and wrinkled sheets paid testament to the fact that Harry had
indeed been there the night before. Severus grabbed his dressing gown and made
his way downstairs.
The kitchen looked as if a tornado had just recently passed through it. Plates,
mugs and glasses lay broken on the floor around Harry's feet; a mosaic of white
and blue ceramic. Harry smashed another glass and screamed.
"Harry! Harry!" Severus gingerly walked among the shards and lifted Harry out
of the way; his feet were already bleeding.
He sat Harry down on one of the kitchen chairs and repaired the kitchenware
with a spell.
"Harry? Harry, what is it? Talk to me, Harry. Talk to me." Severus couldn't
help remembering another night when he'd found Harry with bleeding feet and he
hoped Harry wasn't having a flashback.
Severus stood up to get a cloth to wipe Harry's feet; it was just blood, there
was no glass embedded in his skin this time. "Harry?"
"Those bastards! Those bastards!" Harry thrust a rumpled piece of parchment
into Severus' hands.
"When did you get this?"
"The owl arrived this morning. Can you believe it? After falling over
themselves to accept me into their stupid program they're rescinding my offer!
I had the highest marks in that fucking exam but that doesn't matter! Not when
they know the Boy Who Lived was a fucking whore!"
"Harry, stop it! You were never a whore, you know you weren't!"
"Then how come that's the headline all over the Daily Prophet this morning?"
Harry shoved the paper from the table towards him.
"I thought you didn't subscribe to that any more?"
"I didn't, it came with the letter from St. Mungo's, their reasoning for not
allowing me in. They don't want people with lax morals apparently. I might be a
bad influence on all their other saintly apprentices."
"They can't get away with this, Harry. You did nothing wrong."
"That doesn't seem to matter to them. All I wanted was to be a Healer, but I'm
not even allowed to do that. Now I've got rid of Voldemort, the Wizarding world
doesn't care about me, if they ever did. I was just a symbol, a boy with a scar
and now they're getting rid of me like I'm rubbish. They make me feel like
rubbish, Severus. All of them."
Harry burst out crying and Severus was by his side in an instant, wrapping his
arms around his sobbing husband.
"Ssh, Harry. You aren't rubbish, you could never be rubbish. They don't know
how special you are. I do. Don't let them get to you."
"I'm sorry, Severus. It - hic - it hurts so much when - when they write all
that horrible stuff about me. Stuff - that - that I never even wanted."
Severus rocked Harry until his tears subsided. "I promise you, Harry, they will
pay for what they've done. All of them."
***
A Few Years Later
 
The day Harry graduated from the London University College Hospital, Severus
couldn't have been more proud of his husband. Only a handful of people from the
Wizarding world were there; he and Harry had been living as Muggles for the
past few years; Harry refused to go back and Severus didn't blame him. Except
for their few friends, the Wizarding world had effectively turned their back on
Harry Potter and every week there was some new scandal about Harry in the rag
that passed itself off as a newspaper.
The Weasleys, Minerva, Poppy, Hermione Granger, Remus Lupin, Draco Malfoy and
his own new husband, Neville Longbottom were there to see Harry receive his
diplomas. Dr. Armstrong was there too, and had offered Harry a place at her new
children's clinic - Harry had specialised in child psychiatry. He wanted to
work with damaged children, hoping to help them get through the same things he
had.
Severus had to smile at the robes the graduating class wore, they were almost
reminiscent of Wizarding attire and he thought that perhaps the Muggle and
Wizarding worlds weren't that far apart after all. He'd settled in to life
among Muggles himself; instead of Potions he now sold herbal remedies and
perfumes over the internet. It used the same skills as potion making, but he
had to remember not to use magic when distilling because the Muggles couldn't
quite handle that.
Harry made his way over to his friends, talking quickly with them before making
a beeline straight for his husband and kissing him in full few of everyone. A
few people snorted their displeasure nearby, but Severus didn't care. If this
is what Harry wanted to be happy; who was he to deny him? Harry had been
through too much in his life to be denied one second of happiness now.
"Congratulations, Harry," said Severus once Harry had pulled away from the
kiss. "I knew you could do it."
"Thanks, Severus."
"Yes, congratulations Dr. Potter," smiled Hermione as she approached with Ron
Weasley in tow.
"Actually, it's Dr. Snape-Potter," replied Harry, beaming. "We changed our
names by deed-poll last week."
It wasn't a legal marriage in the Muggle world, but they did now share a legal
name. Severus kissed the top of Harry's head; Harry's hair was still as unruly
as ever and despite the party organised to celebrate Harry's graduation; he
could hardly wait until they were alone again and he could run his fingers
through it.
Patience, Severus! We'll have all night after the party
No, not all night. We'll have forever, Harry
"I love you, Severus," said Harry, standing on tiptoes to kiss him again.
***
The party lasted well into the night; Harry just wished the guests would leave.
Yes, he was glad he'd passed his exams to become a doctor and they were here to
celebrate with them, but he was getting rather horny. Severus kept sending him
rather graphic messages through the bond and he wanted them to become reality
rather soon.
Once two o'clock hit, Severus chased everyone out by threatening to hex them if
they stayed another minute. The ex-Hogwarts students were the first ones to
leave – they knew it wasn't an idle threat. But finally, finally both of them
were alone in their house.
"Did we ever christen the kitchen?" asked Harry once the Floo had whisked Madam
Pomfrey away. He'd closed it as soon as they'd all gone; they rarely used it
these days but thought it would be easier for the party-goers.
"The kitchen? I can't be sure."
They'd spent the first few weeks after their honeymoon making love in every
room, or almost every room.
"Well then, we'll just have to do it again to make sure," replied Harry as he
climbed up on top of the table. His cock was throbbing already, just
remembering what he'd seen in Severus' mind - Harry, kneeling on the table,
Severus in a chair below him, sucking greedily on Harry's cock.
"I suppose we shall," said Severus as he immediately pulled down Harry's zip
and yanked his trousers and underwear down around Harry's knees.
"No seduction?" gasped Harry, he was so hard already he didn't think it was
going to take him long to come. It never got old, no matter how many times they
were together.
"I can feel you through the bond, Imp. You don't want seduction, not tonight.
You want to be taken, hard and fast until you're screaming my name when you
come."
"Yes, fuck, yes!" panted Harry, arching his hips towards Severus' mouth.
Severus obliged and wrapped his lips around the head of Harry's prick.
"Sev! Oh God Sev!"
When they were being intimate was the only time Severus allowed the nickname,
Harry thought it might excite the man the way 'Imp' excited Harry. Harry
tangled his fingers in Severus' hair, keeping the man in place; he wanted to
come like this, devoured whole by Severus' mouth. "Please! Deeper, Sev!
Please!"
Soon, Harry could barely form words; his cries were inarticulate grunts as he
allowed himself to fuck Severus' mouth. He could feel the back of Severus'
throat brushing the tip of his cock, the wet suction drawing him in deeper and
deeper with every thrust. Harry stared down at those red lips wrapped around
his cock and it was enough to send him over the edge. His belly coiled, his
hips tensed and arched as he shot straight down Severus' throat. "AHH! Sev!
Sev!" wailed Harry as the orgasm just went on and on.
Severus licked and sucked until it felt as if he was draining Harry's soul
straight out through his cock. Severus kept nuzzling at his cock until Harry
was hardening again; it never took him long when Severus was touching him.
"Now you were saying something about hard and fast?" Harry grinned down at his
husband.
Severus let Harry's cock go and summoned the jar of lubricant to him. "Turn
over."
Harry scrambled to remove his shoes, trousers, underwear and bend over the
table. Severus didn't take long to prepare him now, the bond knew how aroused
each of them was and Harry just wanted Severus to fill him, to impale him. He
loved it; loved that first moment of burning before it coalesced into the most
wondrous pleasure imaginable. Severus knew just how to make him howl.
Once Severus' removed his fingers, Harry was wriggling, knowing how much
Severus loved to watch his arse. He was ready, more than ready.
"Please, oh please!" pleaded Harry.
"You'll be the death of me, Imp," gasped Severus as he gripped Harry's hips and
in one swift move, he was fully sheathed inside Harry.
Harry gasped at the slight pain, but from experience, he knew it would get
better. Lots better. Severus moved and there it was; the burst of sensation
from his prostate.
"A little death, I hope," Harry grinned over his shoulder at his husband.
Severus' whole face was flushed and his eyes were closed as he gave himself
over to the pleasure. He looked beautiful like that and it was a pity that this
position didn't allow Harry to stare at his husband for longer; he was getting
a crick in his neck. Harry turned back and closed his eyes as he gave himself
over to sensation.
It didn't take long for either of them to come; they'd both been so aroused
before they started. Severus' thrusts became more and more erratic. "Harry!
Harry!" he screamed as he bit down on Harry's neck as he came, Harry spent
himself over the table below him, shuddering with the force of it and crying
wordlessly as the climax left him.
"God, Sev! That was brilliant," said Harry just as Severus slipped out.
Once Severus removed his weight from Harry's back, Harry tried to stand up, but
his legs were just too wobbly and wouldn't support him. Severus was there with
strong arms to catch him.
"I'll always be here to catch you, Harry."
"I know, Severus. I know," smiled Harry as he bent up to bestow a soft kiss on
his husband's lips.
They would always be there to catch each other.
***
 
Epilogue
Molly Weasley turned up the volume on the Wizarding Wireless Network when the
news came on. Her hand shot to her mouth. Both St. Mungo's and the offices of
the Daily Prophet had been burned to the ground. No one was hurt at the
hospital; they had managed to evacuate the patients and staff but Rita Skeeter
had been working late and had died in the fire.
"Thank goodness you weren't working at St. Mungo's, Harry dear," she said,
sitting down at the table and getting on with knitting bootees; Ron and
Hermione were expecting their first child soon.
Harry smiled and turned to Severus, his Dark Angel, as they shared a smirk.
"Yes, wasn't it?" smiled Harry.
THE END
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